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Hope1219

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  1. Past 5 month was hell. I still got severe/moderate depression and anxiety, but at least I don't have any SI. Where do I go from here? My work is going smoothly, although I still have tons of anxiety about future. I still do nothing but watching Netflix when I am at home. I still feel worthless and feel like a looser. Tons of guilt toward my wife and son. I still don't excercise, take vitamin B, D and Omega 3. I still smoke a pack a day. I don't go to therapy. I still isolate, no phone calls and no meetings. I am just taking Wellbutrin, Seroquel and Prozac. I feel much better than March, but still a long way to go. I have learned a lot with this depression. I didn't know how good I had. I didn't know how valuable my wife was in my life. I have completely lost self-confidence, but I am learning humility. When it became life and death situation, everything became clear. I just wish I can go back to before it all happened.
  2. I had a similar agitation issue with Ability. It was my first antipsychotic med. I was on 5 mg for 2 month and fell into a horrible agitatin, which led me into the worst depression episode ever. I am still in it. I believe Abilify was the cause. It helped at first, but the restlessness was unbearable. I could not even sit on the same spot for over 15 minutes, could not read, could not concentrate and could not sleep. The agitation lasted 2 weeks after I quit. It is very powerful drug. After Abilify, I was switched to Trozodone, and then Viibryd. Now I am on Quetiapine 100 mg, another antipsychotic med. All this happened in 4 month span. Quetiapine gives me a serous constipation. It is also very strong med, and it knocks me out every night. I shouldn't have started with the antipsychotic med. I hope you will not go through what I am going through. Best wishes.
  3. At some point, families and loved ones expect me to get better. I am with my wife for 27 years, and my depression has started to become a serious I issue for a year. I wasn't a good husband even before then. I have so much regrets and guilt. I see my wife renewing her hope time to time. I see her trying her darnest to focus on the bright side. I know I am running out of the bright side. It tears me apart to see her in pain. For everything that I put her through, this is the worst by far. I also know I could not make it through last month if she wasn't with me. We have a 11 year old son. I pray every minute he would not go through what I am going through. I pray and hope I would make through this thing called depression and make up all my wrongs to her. I really wish I could. I wish she doesn't have to stay strong because I am strong enough for my wife and our son. I wasn't supposed to be like this. Best wishes for you. I hope you don't have to be strong.
  4. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please stay strong.
  5. Ba3inga and Epictetus - Thank you for kind words. I needed to tell someone. I wish there is a simple solution, but I know it is never simple. I am hopeful though. I hope low T is the missing piece, and I will be able to fight for a practical and realistic solution for my future. I thought I had more time. I must find a way to accept my situation and stay positive. I felt like I am running on fume, and can not find the needed power to fight. I can not run. I can not check out and leave all the burden to my wife and my son. That will be the worst thing I will do to them. Depression took away all my hopes and will to fight. I am trying my best to stay on now. Future is too scary right now. I can not believe I found myself in this predicament. I should accept and move forward. I wish I could.
  6. I have been on a various AD for over a decade. I am 51 years old male and have been sober over 9 years. Since last February, I am frozen in this severe depression; barely going to work, isolating, bed ridden, full of fear, sensitivity to cold, fatigue and etc. I have never had it this bad. Suicide became an option for the first time. I have a loving wife and 11 year old son. I can not afford be in this state. I am in a very dark and dangerous place. I was diagnosed with Treatment Resistant last month. I was switched to Wellbutrin 300mg and Seroquel 100mg, but I am not getting any better. I still take them and hope they will work soon. This episode started with fear of future. I was afraid I might loose my job. I do not have much saved for retirement or college for my son. I feel worthless. Financial insecurity is debilitating. I used to feel blue for couple of weeks, but always able to snap out of the funk. There were times I do not know why I was taking AD. I know I have to exercise, take vitamin D, fish oil and Omega 3, look for the support group and all that. But I am just frozen solid, full of fear. I had a blood work done and found out I have low Testosterone. I have an appointment with doctor tomorrow. I am hoping low T is what's causing this depression. I know I should fight this depression with everything I got, or I will die. Part of me is hoping this will go away on its own. I don't know why I am so passive this time. Is there anyone who have the similar experience? Can you tell me how you got out of this?
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