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Blue Bell

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  1. I've been dealing with feelings of depression on and off for the past two years. For roughly the past six months, it's gotten worse and I've been dealing with new issues on top of that- I've stopped trying and applying myself in school and my grades have dropped, seeing as though I have no motivation to give a crap. I also have wished I was a girl for the past year to the point where it's become something of an obsession. I hate the way I am and what I want most of all is to be pretty and not like dirt. This leaves us with my last problem- a very recent one. I've started having thoughts of violence, like wanting to commit pure violence. It started with me fantasizing about hurting someone I strongly dislike but it evolved to just thoughts of hurting. When the depression gets randomly intense I get an adreneline rush and these thoughts become very apparent. To help deal with this all I've reverted back to cutting my stomach and stabbing a pillow with scissors. I'm certain that I don't want to actually do these things to people but I just needed a place to talk about it, you know?
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