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About morecoffee

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  1. what wrong with me

    Okay so I have a baby...and ever since he was born (he's 10 months now) I haven't had time to do ANYTHING that takes longer than 20 minutes. If I'm not working, I'm carrying, watching, feeding or playing with him. I go to bed at 8pm because he wakes up all night and it's the only way to get enough sleep. If any of my friends were to say "hey ever since you had a baby you've been distant", I'd be like dude are you fu**in kidding me. If you want to hang out so bad then come over, take this baby off my hands and let me watch TV for like 1 hour, for the love of god. Having a baby is no joke and it isn't like your friend is having a ball with some other friends. He's exhausted. Why don't you go over and help him? Then you guys can hang out.
  2. Yeah I agree with JD. Also, you can totally still change your personality. It sucks to have to do that, but you can do it over time. I used to be extremely shy and timid. At some point I began "faking" being funny and outgoing and now many people think of me as an extrovert, even though on the inside I'm pretty much the same timid child I was.
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  4. I think that most times yes, people end up with someone more or less on their "level", although there are absolutely exceptions. My sister is an attorney dating a recovering illegal drug addict who has no college degree and possibly no job. It didn't work with the doctor because he would not really commit to me. He wouldn't tell his parents about me, and it just didn't seem like he saw long term potential. He said it was because he was jewish and I wasn't, but I didn't believe him. I was so incredibly attracted to the loser band guy, I don't know why. He was short, balding, really scrawny, and tbh wasn't that great in the sack. But I was obsessed. I don't know why. He wouldn't commit to me either.
  5. I agree it's great that you're motivated! I also want to say though that this logic is flawed. A woman who works with doctors does not expect to end up with a doctor or someone who makes a similar income! I have worked with people who make a lot of money and that never set the standard for my ideal guy. I actually dated a doctor and then the guy I dated after him was some loser band guy who didn't even have a job. Made no difference to me.
  6. Faking it

    Can you provide some more details and context?
  7. Obsessed with Colleague

    Thank you Min, for your insight and suggestions. You're completely right, and I have been practicing staying away from the colleague and getting more 1-1 time with the hubby. In fact, the colleague is at a conference right now and hasn't been around this week and I've felt SUCH relief with him being gone. Clearly, like you said, he must remind me of some person or situation that is triggering insecurity, or vulnerability in me, and the "attraction" is just a manifestation of that. The horrible part is I know all this, I'm not 22 anymore when I thought these sort of obsessions meant we are destined to be together (thank GOD I'm not that delusional anymore!), but the obsession is still there and even logically dissecting it doesn't make it go away! My husband just reduced his work hours though (we were barely seeing each other for months due to his line of work and a big project they had going on), and I think being with him more will curb the obsession and hopefully totally squash it. We don't have any family near by, so getting them to watch the baby once a week isn't really doable, BUT the hubbs and I still get us time and frankly our sex life is probably even better now than pre-baby. I have faith we will be okay, and I just need to get my s**t together.
  8. And yes, being a reliable, strong, stable person is super important to other mature adults looking to settle down with someone. You have never dated a lying, compulsive, rude, childish, entitled jack ass, so you don't know how inconvenient these people are. Many of us have dated one, or more, and then we say to ourselves "I really just want a normal person who treats others well, takes care of himself, is fiscally responsible, isn't a criminal and just generally has his s**t together". So thats what a lot of people your age are looking for.
  9. What I looked for in a guy was a desire for him to reach his potential, and not quit on his dreams, or what he knew he could become. Not settle for some crappy life because he didn't want to put in the effort for a decent one. When I first met my husband he actually didn't make that much money, but he had worked really hard to get to where he was, and I liked the strength and tenacity in his character. He wasn't just that way about his work, he's that way about everything. I knew he would be a good partner and a good parent, and would bounce back from defeat, and keep going and hold it together. It wasn't about money, it was about character, and that's what you need to work on.
  10. They MUST have huge bills, loans, child support, something that is eating almost their entire income.
  11. I live in literally one of highest cost of living cities in THE WORLD and I can't imagine this above scenario unless the couple has massive bills or loans to pay off, etc. By living very frugally and managing my money very well, I was able to live completely on my own while technically in poverty. It's totally possible to rent a room on 20-25k a year.
  12. Obsessed with Colleague

    Update: this morning I took 1/2 my effexor dose (new dose sent to me by pdoc) and I already feel MUCH less obsessed. It could be a placebo effect, but I am so relieved. Really hoping that was the cause...I remembered when I was reading Effexor reviews before I went on the med that a lady said she cheated on her husband while taking it, and then when she got off it she had no idea why she did it. I remembered that review and it's what caused me to think maybe the med was influencing these feelings. I really think it is/was.
  13. what do you eat in a day?

    Eggs, yogurt, trail mix, pb&j, cheese and crackers...when I get really depressed I lose my appetite completely and end up eating mostly those things in small quantities.
  14. Obsessed with Colleague

    Thank you 20Years, and CoolCat7. I'm relieved to know these obsessions happen to other happily married people. I think this is the first time I've been obsessed with someone who is actually less appealing than my actual spouse. It's proof that it's connected to my mental issues somehow, because it's completely irrational. I definitely think it's connected to the stress of parenthood and the lack of one-on-one time with my husband. I dreaded coming into work today because I didn't want to feel that desperation to run into him like I did last week, but so far I feel okay.
  15. Obsessed with Colleague

    Thanks everyone for not passing judgement. I did talk to my pdoc about adjusting (lowering) my dosage, and I'm going to try it. I hope that helps. On Friday night I literally could not sleep I was so wound up. I don't even know this person and frankly, he looks like a shorter, meaner, scrawnier version of my husband. It's just bizarre, like truly, that I would find myself so attracted to him. He does have a bit of a cocky way about him so maybe that's the attraction. I really don't know. All I know is I would never find someone as good as my husband again and so this obsession needs to go! If I have to i will even look for a new job. Ugh.