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About morecoffee

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  1. morecoffee

    having problems finding a girl

    OkCupid, Tinder, Plenty of Fish are sort of the standard free ones. Or at least they were when I was single.
  2. morecoffee

    having problems finding a girl

    Sounds like you're a perfect candidate for online dating - OkCupid, Match, Coffee Meets Bagel, etc.
  3. morecoffee

    Drinking followed by severe depression

    Yeah this has happened to me when binge drinking on a variety of SSRis, including sertaline. It would take up to two weeks to feel normal again. A couple times it took like 3-4 weeks. It will go away, but because of this I am afraid to get wasted now and I haven't been drunk in over two years.
  4. I can definitely relate to this. Unrequited love is really painful and can sting for years (possibly forever?). But what I've learned is that is isn't about the actual person you think you loved. It's about them not reciprocating, and it's about their perceived rejection. Essentially it is your ego looking for resolution, trying to heal this offence. But the reality is that this person isn't even who you thought they were. You put them on a pedestal because they rejected you. You idolized them because you thought maybe they were better than you. But in reality, they are just another human being with tons of flaws, and you would've seen that had you gotten a chance with them. Every boyfriend or lover/maybe lover rejected me at some point, my entire life. My husband was the first guy to not reject me. The funny thing he is by far the best guy I ever dated, like way better than all the others who rejected me. But I still get sad about all the rejection, especially those who cut really deep. It is an ego thing, it's not about the person. Try to see that...
  5. morecoffee

    Depressed Boyfriend

    I hate to be so blunt, but I have been through this. I won't get into long winded details, but I've been through almost exactly this. You need to move out and cut off contact with this dude. He's a complete a$$clown and he's not going to get better. Do not let someone walk all over you, lie to you, string you along and feed you crumbs of hope. Aren't you better than that? Do you seriously want to be that person? If I were you. I'd tell him you're done, you're moving out, and best wishes on him getting his sh*t together.
  6. morecoffee

    Depressed Boyfriend

    For the love of god, leave this guy! At a minimum, he was sexting with his coworker? So what if he's depressed! Girl, have some respect for yourself and throw him out. Good riddance.
  7. morecoffee

    Honesty in a Relationship

    You seem to have addictions you're struggling with. If I were you, I would see specifically an addiction therapist. They will be able to help you get on track to managing these issues and then you won't have to lie to your wife. Just say you've adopted a new approach to addressing the drinking or something. Let sleeping dogs lie. AA isn't for everyone. It wasn't for me. I couldn't do the whole god thing or convince myself I had zero control over my drinking or my life. I felt in my gut I did have control, and that I was accountable. There are other non-AA support groups for alcoholics that have a different approach. Again, an addiction therapist would be the best person to advise you on which program might work best for you.
  8. morecoffee

    Alone for life

    I'm sure this is an inappropriate comment to make, but I feel like a lot of people (including myself in the past) think they deserve a relationship with a total catch, when they themselves are not a catch. This is problematic and well, delusional. If you want to land a quality person, you should strive to be a quality person. It's not about looks and money, but just being someone who is trying their best. I mean truly trying. If you're unemployed and watching tv all day, ballooning to hundreds of pounds, smoking and drinking, playing video games...you aren't trying very hard. I was once a terrible catch so I asked myself, what do I have control over? I couldn't control being average in looks and intelligence, so I learned to cook, and I started making sure my house was always clean and a nice home, I worked out and kept good hygiene and what not, invested in hobbies and cultivating talents...eventually I became a better catch and finding a partner became easier.
  9. We all have to live with our choices. It does suck we all make so many bad choices.
  10. Just another perspective I'd like to throw in here. My sister cut off all contact with our entire family (she's bpd) for about 2 years now including prohibing my parents from having any contact with her children. It's been the most horrendous experience I've ever seen my parents go through. Both of them were devastated beyond belief for months, and my mom almost died from grief. Only recently have they accepted the situation, though they are still completely broken. My mom can't even mention my sister without crying. When you disconnect from people you don't see the damage you cause. Out of sight out of mind right. Well it's there, and it's bad. Don't forget the effect this extreme action has on those who love you.
  11. morecoffee

    Has anybody else wasted their life?

    When I was your age, I had mostly wasted my life. All I had was a bachelor's degree to be proud of. No real professional work experience, no spouse, no kids, almost no money. I decided to pursue a master's degree and simultaneously do internships to get some real work experience. It was a grueling 3 years but after I was done, about 32 years old, I had a graduate degree and experience and I quickly got a decent job. Then I met my husband, and had a kid and got another decent job. I'm still far from successful, but considering I started with nothing 5 years ago, I'm grateful for the progress. However, like another poster stated I still feel like I wasted my life. I mourn the time I wasted (basically up to 30 years old), all the time. Start NOW getting your s**t together, because better late than never, trust me. My husband went back to school and got his bachelor's degree at 34 years old. He also then did internships, though his were paid. Now at 38 he's pretty darn successful.
  12. morecoffee

    ex abusive relationship help

    Abusive relationships are even harder to get over because you feel like you never really "won" that person's heart, so you repeat over and over in your head why you weren't good enough or why they "changed" for their new partner or whatever. It can take a long time to get over an abusive relationship, and you may never fully recover from it. It will be a weak spot in your mind for many years. I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years and it took honestly about 3 years to really feel "moved on" from it. Even now though if I think of him and wonder how he's doing, I can feel myself getting upset. So I just don't let my mind wander there.
  13. I don't understand why your wife would expect you to entertain or provide companionship during your work hours. It doesn't matter that she finished her work. If you're still working then it's your responsibility as an employee and adult to finish your work. There have been times in the past when my husband worked from home and it never, ever occurred to me that he should stop working, fail to meet deadlines/expectations and hang out with me instead. I think your wife needs to read up on dependency issues and see how she can address her neediness with friends/hobbies/educational interests.
  14. morecoffee

    I dont like myself and I feel guilty about it

    I don't address it in therapy. I don't have therapy, although I wish I did. I work full time and have a 15 month old baby to take care of the minute I get out of work. No family nearby to help. If I ever did really, really need therapy I would make it happen though.
  15. morecoffee

    I dont like myself and I feel guilty about it

    Yes, I hate my appearance as well. For a long time I thought no guy would really commit to me because of it. I ended up getting married somehow (to a pretty good looking guy nonetheless) and I still don't understand how my husband looks past all my glaring physical imperfections. I always feel like I have to overcompensate for my perceived physical flaws by contributing in other ways, like taking on most of the household chores, constantly trying to look nice, be warm and funny, become successful in career, etc. I worry that if I stop doing these things I'll become totally useless.