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morecoffee

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About morecoffee

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  1. I have a 22 month old who wakes up anywhere from 1-4 times a night. We have tried everything to get him to stay asleep. Nothing works. I go days on very little sleep. I look terrible and I feel numb inside. I just want my child to sleep and let us all live a normal life. We wanted to have a sibling for him but it's impossible. We are too tired from barely sleeping day after day, for almost 2 years. I feel like this is very abnormal and he should be sleeping by now. The lack of sleep is ruining my life and has really affected my marriage.
  2. morecoffee

    Coping with Depression from Being Single

    I'm really sorry to hear about your father. As a parent, I can tell you that you don't mature as much as you think you would once you have a child. Some people aren't "kid people", and they can walk away from their offspring fairly easily, or get distracted by their vices, or circumstances or baggage. Whatever your father's reasons for being absent (not that any reason could justify it), try not to take it personally. I know that's like basically impossible, but that is the reality. It's not about you, it's about him and the fact that someone who probably shouldn't have been a father became one. Just like there are people who shouldn't be doctors or engineers or elected officials, but they somehow meander into that field and then they f**k up horribly. I'm sorry my metaphors aren't better. It's really hard to accept that you are love-able, I struggle with this too on a daily basis. My husband has been very patient with me and my insecurities. Some days I just come to terms with the fact that some people apparently love me. For example, it was semi-recently my birthday and I came into work and the whole office had thrown me a surprise party. My first thought was literally "what is wrong with you people, what the hell is this?" because WHY would anyone care to do that for me? It was so uncomfortable. But anyway, I guess just try to take it at face value and not really question it. You are loved, you are very love-able. It is what it is. You should probably ask a therapist about this and get sound advice. You are stronger than you think. And if you are young (say, under 35) then you just haven't met the right person yet, simply because statistically you haven't met/dated enough people to find your match. It's really kind of a numbers game. Most people eventually find somebody who they love and who loves them too, even if it's at age 35, 45 or 60+. Just keep living your life and I practically guarantee it will happen.
  3. morecoffee

    Coping with Depression from Being Single

    This assertion from the mental health community that you *must* "love yourself" for someone else to love you is total hogwash imo. Do you think everyone in the world who is loved also accepts and appreciates themselves completely? No! There are millions of people in happy successful relationships who have very poor self worth/self esteem. Of course that isn't an ideal situation, but it happens all the time. Take many of us on this forum, for example. How can you ever forgive yourself or forget traumatic events that caused you pain? Who says you have to forgive yourself or forget these things? You don't, and frankly, you won't. These memories will stick with you the rest of your life and you will cringe whenever you think of them. All you have to do, or sometimes all you can do, is move on from them and put them behind you. Just keep going, one foot after the other, and in time those memories will lose their power over you. This might actually be the reason you're single. Not because you don't totally accept yourself, not because you have baggage, but because being a downer/attention-seeker/game-player is unattractive. Also, being depressed in general is exhausting and all consuming and depressed people tend to have less hobbies, or work toward achievement. Work on becoming someone you would like to date - a healthy, well-balanced person with personal interests and goals, who also has a desire to be in a loving and mutually-fulfilling relationship. Have you read any self-help books about how to be a good relationship partner or how to have/maintain a healthy relationship?
  4. It always makes me really sad to read posts like this, because I felt this way too in my past. I was very behind my peers, I would say by 8 years or so. Only recently have I caught up enough that I don't feel embarrassed and ashamed. What you need to do is get job experience, and take some classes to develop your skillsets. I recommend you start off with classes that can help you learn the basics like MS Office, basic financial and other administrative stuff. Most cities have what's called a Workforce Investment Board or the like, and they offer free or low cost classes/programs to help unemployed peole acquire useful skillsets. Ideally, you will also go to school and obtain a degree at some point. Many community colleges offer online GE classes, so you can acquire all the units you need to transfer online. You can also get an Associates Degree online. Alternatively, you can acquire a professional certificate in something and skip the degree route. Whatever you choose, you need to act now. If you start now, then by 35, you can be living independently, have an education and be a skilled worker. It's going to take hard work and determination but you will have a hell of a lot more respect for yourself during and afterwards.
  5. morecoffee

    Coping with Depression from Being Single

    I felt like this for a REALLY long time. I dated tons of non-committal guys who all ripped my heart out, and I continuously felt rejected and unwanted, unattractive, not this or that "enough" blah blah. It was a terrible existence and many times I wanted to die and frankly I'm surprised I didn't take my life during those lonely and excruciating years. I turned to alcohol a lot and had numerous one night stands, anything to just feel okay for a day or two. After a while I totally gave up finding someone, and stopped wearing make-up, dressing nice....I was in grad school full time, working full time and in my very little free time I just binge watched netflix. Then one day out of the blue I met someone and we went on a few dates. Then I got super drunk as I use to do on dates, and me and the dude got it on, etc. I figured that was that, now that he's seen what an ugly loser I am he'll be on his merry way. Well, me and that guy are married now, happily. So...yeah. I guess eventually we all find someone, seriously. Just hang in there. Work on becoming who you want to be.
  6. morecoffee

    Controlling my Toxic Personality

    Try saying only positive or neutral things for a while, even if it's not what you actually are thinking. After a while you'll actually start thinking more positive things, plus people won't think you're a total jerk, and that will help your self-image.
  7. morecoffee

    having problems finding a girl

    OkCupid, Tinder, Plenty of Fish are sort of the standard free ones. Or at least they were when I was single.
  8. morecoffee

    having problems finding a girl

    Sounds like you're a perfect candidate for online dating - OkCupid, Match, Coffee Meets Bagel, etc.
  9. morecoffee

    Drinking followed by severe depression

    Yeah this has happened to me when binge drinking on a variety of SSRis, including sertaline. It would take up to two weeks to feel normal again. A couple times it took like 3-4 weeks. It will go away, but because of this I am afraid to get wasted now and I haven't been drunk in over two years.
  10. I can definitely relate to this. Unrequited love is really painful and can sting for years (possibly forever?). But what I've learned is that is isn't about the actual person you think you loved. It's about them not reciprocating, and it's about their perceived rejection. Essentially it is your ego looking for resolution, trying to heal this offence. But the reality is that this person isn't even who you thought they were. You put them on a pedestal because they rejected you. You idolized them because you thought maybe they were better than you. But in reality, they are just another human being with tons of flaws, and you would've seen that had you gotten a chance with them. Every boyfriend or lover/maybe lover rejected me at some point, my entire life. My husband was the first guy to not reject me. The funny thing he is by far the best guy I ever dated, like way better than all the others who rejected me. But I still get sad about all the rejection, especially those who cut really deep. It is an ego thing, it's not about the person. Try to see that...
  11. morecoffee

    Depressed Boyfriend

    I hate to be so blunt, but I have been through this. I won't get into long winded details, but I've been through almost exactly this. You need to move out and cut off contact with this dude. He's a complete a$$clown and he's not going to get better. Do not let someone walk all over you, lie to you, string you along and feed you crumbs of hope. Aren't you better than that? Do you seriously want to be that person? If I were you. I'd tell him you're done, you're moving out, and best wishes on him getting his sh*t together.
  12. morecoffee

    Depressed Boyfriend

    For the love of god, leave this guy! At a minimum, he was sexting with his coworker? So what if he's depressed! Girl, have some respect for yourself and throw him out. Good riddance.
  13. morecoffee

    Honesty in a Relationship

    You seem to have addictions you're struggling with. If I were you, I would see specifically an addiction therapist. They will be able to help you get on track to managing these issues and then you won't have to lie to your wife. Just say you've adopted a new approach to addressing the drinking or something. Let sleeping dogs lie. AA isn't for everyone. It wasn't for me. I couldn't do the whole god thing or convince myself I had zero control over my drinking or my life. I felt in my gut I did have control, and that I was accountable. There are other non-AA support groups for alcoholics that have a different approach. Again, an addiction therapist would be the best person to advise you on which program might work best for you.
  14. morecoffee

    Alone for life

    I'm sure this is an inappropriate comment to make, but I feel like a lot of people (including myself in the past) think they deserve a relationship with a total catch, when they themselves are not a catch. This is problematic and well, delusional. If you want to land a quality person, you should strive to be a quality person. It's not about looks and money, but just being someone who is trying their best. I mean truly trying. If you're unemployed and watching tv all day, ballooning to hundreds of pounds, smoking and drinking, playing video games...you aren't trying very hard. I was once a terrible catch so I asked myself, what do I have control over? I couldn't control being average in looks and intelligence, so I learned to cook, and I started making sure my house was always clean and a nice home, I worked out and kept good hygiene and what not, invested in hobbies and cultivating talents...eventually I became a better catch and finding a partner became easier.
  15. We all have to live with our choices. It does suck we all make so many bad choices.
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