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About michaelalan

  • Birthday 08/20/1964

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    when not in a depressive mode: My Christianity, ministry work for the less fortunate, tinkering in my work shop, just about anything really, normally love life and people, but when in the depression, absolutely nothing, struggle so bad just to get out of bed, usually fail and cant.... God please help us

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  1. It didnt work, didnt help the depression at all. But the majority of people I have talked to who have had it said it worked. But the trip of the medicine(hallucinations) wasnt too bad, didnt really like it and was nervous...
  2. Hi Camilo, unfortunately the ketamine didnt work for me...but i have finally found a med combo that is working somewhat. wellbutrin and viibryd...I would say I am about 50% better so I will take it...
  3. your certainly not alone Tinygal.... really struggling myself right now.... God please have mercy on us all...
  4. I suffer from severe treatment resistant depression. Being a christian I often find myself asking why God, why wont you heal me. Well, this video has helped me somewhat and just thought I would share it with you all. Im not trying to preach to anyone or shove God down any of your throughts, just thought I would pass it on. *youtube link removed. Please contact member via pm for info if interested*
  5. thanks Jonobell, so sorry your not getting much from the ect as of yet... but its only 7 treatments so far, so there is still hope. Ive been praying for you the past couple days thst this is an answer.....with regard to the anxiety you mentioned, I never got that from my experience with ect, dont know about others...... keep us updated as the treatments continue and i will do the same with my ketamine..... blessings...Michael
  6. Hey Jonobell, sorry so long in responding, wasnt following the thread. Anyway, how is the ect going? I hope well. Like I said it was great for me the first 2 times, then the third group of sessions didnt work anymore. But I hope its going well for you. I just had first appointment with dr for ketamine, I will be starting treatments next week...hoping and praying it works for me.....
  7. yeah that works too, but great if you can get yourself to the gym, in my case the depression and social anxiety is so bad, cant leave the house, really struggle just to get out of bed ....so maybe yours isnt as bad as mine? I dont know, but according to all the stuff ive read and therapists ive spoken to, forcing yourself out of bed, diet and exercise is the answer to helping us cope with this horrible depression we deal with....
  8. lalso cardio vascular is good along with that diet...they say if you can exercise and get the heart rate up for at least 20 minutes 3 times a week, it really helps get the endorphin's going which in turn have an effect on the nuero transmitters in our brain..; hard though when were really depressed, hard to just get out of bed in the morning let alone exercise, but we must keep trying....
  9. Interesting topic so thought I would chime in as well..... I am a christian, always have been, went to catholic schools for 10 years, bu wasnt practicing it as I was involved with drugs and just living in the world. After my prison sentence for drugs, I went back to my faith(30+ years ago) and have been practicing ever since. It hasnt been easy for me especially with mental illness. I have cried out more tines than not for God to heal me from my illness as it proclaims very clearly in the bible in many many verses. I have been very frustrated over the years for not being healed when I wanted to, but then again it seems that I have been healed as my episodes of depression have come and gone over the years. I have tried most treatments, ect, tms, many different meds and nothing has worked except the ect a couple times but it failed me this past year. So has it been God who did eventually bring me out of my episodes or has it just been the neurotransmitters in my brain that all of a sudden started working again? Jesus says in the new testament that we will face may trials and tribulations in this life, but to hold on in our faith and that we will be free from all pain and suffering in heaven if we just believe in Him. It is strange that the scriptures seem to contradict themselves by saying aks and you shall recieve, knock and the door will be open, comer to me all you who are burdened and I will give you rest, but then on the other hand He talks about picking up your cross and following Him, and that we will face many trials in this life, etc..... I have many christian teachings, as well as talked with many spiritual directors and all have said pretty much the same thing, God gives free will to us, that He doesnt wish bad upon us and doesnt dish it out to us, but that it is His permissive will through free will that He just allows the world to go as it will. Very hard concept to grasp. But in my situation, I choose to believe and talk to Him daily through prayer and scripture reading. If for no reason other than the fact that if I dont, I wont be able to experience heaven and no more pain and suffering for eternity and instead, if I dont believe, then I will go to hell and suffer a million times more than I am suffering right now, for eternity. I often think, why wouldnt everyone else see it that way for what have they to lose if Christianity is real, then wow, those that dont believe will have one heck of a time in hell for eternity. And if Christianity was wrong, and there is no God, then what did you have to lose except for time sent believing. Anyway, I am not trying to put any of you who dont believe down, I respect your beliefs, just sharing my thoughts and love a good debate, and I do pray for all of you that we may get through this living hell of mental illness. And any of you who do believe, please pray for me as well.... Thanks for reading my long rant...
  10. Hi Jonobell, I have tried ect three different tines over the past 8 years...The first two times it worked great...I was healed from my depression just after about 7 or 8 treatments....yes there was some memory loss and confusion but worth it...this past year though i went in again and felt better again after about 10 treatments, started to wean off of them and still felt good for about a month, that was last October...then all of a sudden i slipped back into the depression full blown.....we started up ect treatments again, 3 a week and for some reason it didnt work this time. Over the course of about 7 months I had in total of about 33 treatments and still wasnt getting better. The memory loss and confusion was really bad and so i decided to stop the ect. That was in February....I then tried TMS and unfortunately no luck with that either. Ive been on many different types of antidepressants and nothing. I am so discouraged at this point as it has been over a year now with this episode of depression. im looking into trying ketamine injections but am a little weary of it because of the phsychodellic trip of it plus its about 3-400 dollars an injection. Anyway, I hope your treatments work for you....God Bless us all
  11. Cookies, can you possibly make the wrong a right? Depending on what it is, sometimes we have to accept the consequences of our actions. By admitting it to someone will help you feel better....
  12. Feeling lousy, so tired of this depression, its been over 10 months now with this current episode, so defeated that the ECT didnt work this time around, nor any meds, currently in the middle of TMS treatments but nothing yet. I also feel guilty that I beg God for healing from this depression when there are SO many others around the world with so much worse situations than mine. Al the people with terrible physical diseases like Lou Gehrigs, multiple sclerosis and of course mental illness, some with a combination of them all. Some homeless, dying of starvation, etc... And here I am, poor old me, have many many blessings, nice house, plenty of money, no physical ailments, lots of people who love me and pray for me just a terrible illness of severe depression. Dear God please help us all....
  13. Hi cariv, Im sorry for your pain. You are not alone if that is any consolation to you, Im hurting badly too. Leta pray for each other....I agree with you 100% about " how some people say that if you have depression than you aren't right with God, that is so far from the truth." There is so much suffering in the world, we know He could heal us and stop it all but according to christian teaching, its not His will for us to suffer, its his permissive will. He gave free will in the world, for us to choose right from wrong, its not His fault if someone chooses bad and decides to **** or rape a child, and the suffering of the loved one that follows such tragedy. But because of the free will, He is not up there like a puppet pulling strings and controlling every little thing. They say that good will come from bad in one way or another at some point. Look at the worst thing that ever happenned in the world, God gave us his son and we killed him by hanging him on a cross to die. But look at the best thing that ever happenned in the world, by Jesus' suffering and death on the cross, we are saved for eternity if we believe and follow Him. All we can do is keep praying and asking for His grace and mercy and healing. And if it is our cross to carry, this depression and suffering, that to grant us the strength to carry it and remember that eventually when we meet Him in heaven, we will share eternity with no more pain and suffering at all. Hang in there cariv, as I said your not alone, I will pray for you, please pray for me...blessings
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