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About Sideofbacon

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  1. I am and it's terrible , I hope you have a break through soon and things turn around . I can only take each day as it is and keep breathing . I've given my self the ok to give up ,if I can't remember something I don't have the energy or interest to care much, I feel like it doesn't matter much anyway . Just getting through each day is all I need to do . I'm just staying in this cocoon until I'm ready if ever come out , I know I'll be different . . .how I don't know ,maybe more self preservation and not feel like I need to save everyone , more self care . . .IDK .
  2. Not a great few weeks , I have PSTD , depression , anxiety due to having an alcoholic , rageaholic , paraniod father growing up he was also prone to violence , we moved 21 times by age 13 I was bullied at school no where was safe . I started working young because we had no money cause my father was an ***** . I was attacked physically on the street on my way to work at age 21 by a mentally ill stranger . Walked home though a riot after work no bus service because the drivers were getting pulled of the buses and beaten ( I worked in a crime ridden neighborhood at the height of the crack epidemic in NYC) .Later some angry client set the office I worked at on fire with us in it ,fast moving blaze. I was robbed at gunpoint ,gun held to my head . I always could dissociate so I could think and it saved my life many times but you know after many years it becomes a poison to the mind , eventually I had a breakdown , I had children and my husband quit his job with each birth I had the breakdown after the second I went into CBT therapy it helped . One of my kids has a LD and the other tourettes and anxiety . I have given both the upbringing I didn't get , great education and a stable home . Now I've hit menopause and major mood swings galore , rages , depression , fatigue , bad muscle aches and bone pains and my GYN perscribed me BC pills and prozac . For the past 20 yrs I've been hyperthyroid which can contribute to anxiety of which I have , so recently I had a physical and a thyroid biopsy done usually the tests come back good but this time no , looks like I may have cancer I go for another biopsy in a few weeks to genetically test it , I and also have developed a serious vitamin D deficiency ( explains the pain I've been in) , a B12 deficiency and an iron deficiency . . . That explains alot of my physical symptoms , I was in great shape , I exercised hard to try to keep my brain in shape , it helped with anxiety , depression and the PSTD , suddenly about a year ago I couldn't do it much any more , I force myself to exercise now and it's not as often I'm too tired , I lost interest in hobbies I loved , photography , kayaking , hiking , running , gardening and even if I got the energy to do it I mentally can't go there because of the depression . I only keep the house clean go to work come home and self medicate . I give up , I've always tried my best to make things better for myself and the people around me but I'm done trying . Right now I'm just frozen until I get mentally online again , if I can that is . I've finally lost the fight , I'm exhausted . I hope when I'm physically well again I can pick myself back up . I feel like I'm dead . That's all , I don't want any advice I just needed to vent , thanks
  3. I have posted this somewhere else .
  4. Feeling , blaaa . . . Hung over , a little dehydrated and a little down but It will pass I've felt worse , going to take a free belly dancing class online to try to distract me and cheer me up. . . One positive no work tonight it's Sunday. Not doing anything for Easter , not feeling festive or social .
  5. I understand , I just want to avoid people as much as possible . I'm at a point in time it's like sensory overload . I cannot deal with anyone's problems and they all seem to think it's OK to dump it all on me . I can't help anyone ,I am currently out of order and working to try to get better . It's OK .
  6. I agree and go to unemployment maybe they can point you in the direction of job opening and also see if you qualify for food stamps or other financial aid to help you get through your current hardship until you get on your feet .
  7. I used to do that too. . . housework , it helped with anxiety to distract me it felt good to get things right , clean and orderly that couldn't get in my life right I guess . I work as a cleaner too , but when I became deeply depressed I could only try to maintain I couldn't do much of anything but get through each day . The last week I had a few better days and cleaned out and organized my laundry room which is a big step in recovery .
  8. I ran 5 miles outside a big step considering I used to run outside 6 days a week for 6 yrs , ran marathons ,ultras ECT it helped anxiety ,my weight and cholesterol until I became deeply depressed and could barely run on my treadmill , I stopped running and forced my self to spin on my stationary bike . Today was the second time this week I ran outside it's a big step , I went at dawn before people were out I woke up at 4 am to depressing thoughts. I can't deal with people these days so dawn was a perfect time to go out , no people. I'm on Prozac which makes me lazy but I had stopped doing all the hobbies and fitness activities I enjoyed before the meds I couldn't find enjoyment in anything any more . Today was a good sign I enjoyed running today, but I'm not getting my hopes up I can only take one day at a time . Depression is horrible.
  9. I'm trying too, take it each day as it is . I'm on antidepressants too and started having a few good days here and there . I'm happy for you , it's hard to get where you are keep working on yourself but no pressure . Hugs
  10. Hi I'm new here nice support group it's been helpful. I started Flu 20 mg Jan it's been about 8 wks . Question , anyone here experience intense itching on Flu ? Does it stop ,cause I'm tired of scratching? Thanks in advance .
  11. I can totally relate , sadly I can't help anyone anymore . For the first time I'm doing me no guilt ,one day at a time . That's all I can do I can't do more than that ,I can only try to get well again . At least we know the users we can't count on to be there unless they are benefitting somehow , i will never again be so free with my time attention and support . All the best , hugs I can totally relate .
  12. Watch plastic bottle hacks, diy cleaning hacks ,hacks in general on youtube it distracts me from .... Well you know . I also listen to rain , thunderstorms, Forrest , ocean , fireside sound tracks on YouTube .
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