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Rosegirl

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Everything posted by Rosegirl

  1. So, now the batteries of the PC has been charged a little. I hope it is enough to answer you Barrier Maiden. I'll give it a try. 1) Depression Forums is older then both you and me. That means that a lot can have happened inside the forums in former times that we don't know about. 2) Before the «atheist forum» was made by a person I consider as a good friend of mine, here, we (all of us) could discuss everything without the feeling of that there was a we- and them-group. We all felt included in all the depression forums! 3) If you go into the TOS for this forum, you will find the following sentence: «- Before starting a new topic, browse through to see if it is already addressed in a previous thread». 4) If you had browsed through the thread for «depressed christians» you would have found out that it was made a few days before Christmas 2013, TWOTHOUSANDANDTHIRTEEN, three years ago!!! It was made as a help to Christians, in case they would feel offended by the then newly made «atheist thread». Read the first lines there. You can say it came as a consequence of the «atheist thread». By taking your time to read what the TOS states about reading before you made a new thread, you would have known that your question about why the «christian thread» is allowed would not have been necessary. (I don't think it is wise to try to play on the feel sorry for me buttons). 5) If you had browsed the two «atheist threads» (the one who is used now is a continuation of the the first made in 2013) you would have seen that not all people were following the TOS. 6) You would have seen that the starter of the thread had to remind other members more than once about that the thread was not meant to bash religion. 7) You would also have seen that the owner of all the forums, Lindsay, became furious because people broke the rules in the «atheist thread» (go back and read the first thread). There was a time when the thread nearly became closed. 8) You would have seen that I was not in the «atheist forum» at that point. That would have given you the understanding of that the closing had nothing to do with me and that to put your anger my way is not right. 9) Now when «the atheist thread» is closed, there is no need for the «christian thread». If they want to close that too, that is OK for me. NOW, let us look at this from the view of th social sciences. If you take the time to read a bit about groups, you will soon find out that to have two opposing groups in the same room is not wise. There will most likely be some sort of camaraderie inside the groups and perhaps some some sort of rivalry. I am not going to disclose what my education is (my anonymity is important to me). But I want to rid myself from the ridiculous idea that I am after the atheists (some have suggested that)! That is nonsense and it make me angry to "hear" such an idiotic statement! I am interested in that we do not lay the opportunity open for that people feels not included in DF, as it might happen when we have two opposing group. (Read scientific literature about in- and out-groups). It is up to Lindsay, the owner, to decide what kind of forum «The Depression and Religion Forum» shall be. The way I see it from a scientific view, is that we will do best with a neutral forum where people presents their cases when they need one topic at the time An alternative could have been one separate Buddhist forum, one separate Jewish forum, one separate Muslim forum, one separate Christian forum, one separate forum for Other religions and one separate forum for Atheists. But that would deprive all the members from the we-feeling and instead perhaps create a we and them feeling that people brings with them into other forums. I have nothing more to say! I have very little energy as a depressed person and don't want to waste it at such ridiculous «things» as somebody becoming angry because a forum is closed. Forums close for mime to time. So it is ... Hope we can all meet as friends around in all the forums. Bye (for now in the religious forum).
  2. I have to come back to you later, Barrier Maiden! My PC has to be charged. It becomes black if I try to use it while charged! See you soon!
  3. Hi Fenriss, Hope I can still congratulate with your birthday! Sorry to her about all your troubles, but hope you will feel at home at DF. All the best!
  4. I hope things will become better for you soon, Turnt!
  5. Red Marcy! Glad you are here, but sorry to hear about your troubles! You can google 'mood disorders'. As far as I know 'mood disorder' is a category of disorders where one thinks that the mood is affected. There are a lot of people here with different disorders and you will probably find a lot of people to communicate with. I hope that will be of some help and wish you good luck!
  6. Hi Flueterflam and . Please try to make yourself at home in our forums. There are many good people here. I am sorry to hear that you are suffering so much! You are not the only one who have trouble to let things go. I'm sure a lot of people have it that way. Isn't that what we call to bear grudge? If so perhaps you can google "how to overcome grudge" or "how to let go of past evils from others". Since you tell that you know what to do, but cannot do that for long (if I understood you right), I get the idea that perhaps it is not worked well enough through, may be you need to go back to the evil happenings (in your memory) and tell these people (in your head or speaking loud when nobody can hear you) that what they did to you was terrible. That can perhaps give you room for forgiveness because when thing are said the way you want really want them said, even if they don't hear it, you can lift your head and stretch your back! Do you have a therapist? To work through old happenings should be right in the center of what therapists work with. I send my very best wishes for your situation!
  7. Cas22 Hope you feel better now! Please look around in our forums and make yourself at home! There are many good people here. Hope you will like it here at DF!
  8. "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty".

    Sir Winston Churchill

  9. To have been beaten for being depressed must have been a trauma in itself. I am sorry that you feel this way (" emptiness, loneliness, anxiety (being stuck mostly in my room because of that), bitterness, anger and frustration growing"). I hope you will find yourself at home at DF. Do you have a therapist? With such a background and with the feeling of being stuck today I highly recommend that!
  10. Hello YoungRogerian, I think depression works almost the same way on all of us either we are a trainee to become a plumber, a trainee to become a therapist, a hardworking lawyer, a salesperson, a cook, a doctor or have another type of work/study. Everybody can catch a depression. If I remember right one in five becomes depressed. THAT is not a small number. Seen in this way you are no exception. Neither are your problems: Guilt and shame are main problems in the depression diagnoses. I hope you don't feel belittled when I answer you in such a way. I'm not trying to minimize your suffering. I only wanted to show you that shame and suffering are normal if you for the time being belongs to the depression population. You would have felt that you were not a good lawyer if that was your job, - felt ashamed of perhaps not being a good enough trainee to become a plummer if that were your future work and scared to death to make a mistake if you were a doctor. You are only human. And 20% of humans will catch a depression. But, don't forget, you are unique as well. If you have a therapist, that therapist will sew together a treatment plan for you to help you to recover and to use your talents the best way possible. My very best wishes for your progress!
  11. Of course deeds do matter, but nobody can save themselves by their own deeds, the way I see it. We please God by our good deeds. The way I understand Romans 2:6 is that we will be rewarded in some way (in the afterlife). My intention was not to start a debate about branches in Christendom. I was trying to give hope to Derpytia if she is still reading and is still struggling with the same problems related to God. Whatever she is doing that is not in line with the ten commandments, God will forgive when she asks for it. But as most of us, she is not perfect, so she will fall into sin again. God will still love her and forgive her again and again. Depressed people do not always have enough energy to do so many good deeds. If a depressed person thinks that she suffers because she is not doing enough good deeds, she will probably become self-blaming, more depressed and less able to do good deeds. I suppose that God knows that depressed people are in lack of energy and therefore first and foremost have to use the little energy there is to recover. Lazarus did not do anything other then to beg. He was the one who was rewarded. Please remember that DF is for support. In this thread Derpytia and her wellbeing is the main focus! What branch of Christendom you and I belong to doesn't matter as a topic. The response that you have quoted, however, was a response to these words from Truenorth: " Above all else, you will pi$$ off God to no end, for he gave you the gift of life, and you slapped God in the face. To disrespect a gift like that makes you undeserving of eternal life in Heaven". I was afraid that this talk about "slapping God in the face" and that Derpytia by "disrespect" was "undeserving of eternal life in Heaven", should make her more depressed, and since she thought that she was not good enough, "help" her to turn her back on God whom she presumably needs in her healing process. That's why I mentioned that we all are undeserving. We all sin (1John 1:10). As Christians we do have to be serious about the teachings about sin and we will have to ask for forgiveness if we want to still be in a relationship with God, but God will not leave us alone if we don't want to ... What one cannot do alone, God will help on the way to Heaven. To stay in a relationship with God, however, is not a guarantee for a good life here on earth. We will still meet challenges in life, some easy and other more difficult to face. But we have to ask for the help of God and to be reasonable enough to seek treatment our depressions if depression is the problem. For the one who wants to stay in the company of God, there is always hope ...
  12. With all respect; none of us is deserving Heaven. We have all sinned and are all called to repent our sins and to be forgiven so that we by the grace of God can enter Heaven when we die. To repent does not mean that we will never do the same sins again, but that God is always willing to have mercy on us when we ask for that, like the criminal at the side of Jesus at Calvary. None is worthy of God (even if we try to do good all day), but as depressed people we don't have to despair about our unworthiness, only ask for God's help on the road ... Please remember that DF is about support (not about frightening people)! It is OK to mention that to be a Christian is not always "a dance on roses", but not to say words that can scare people from searching God, because they think they are not worthy. None of us is, but still we can hope ...
  13. Derpytia , please relax. Nobody is born a saint. Dismas, one of the criminals at Jesus' side at Calvary lived his whole life without converting. His conversion happened there at the cross may be only some minutes before he died. His wages was the word of Jesus: " Truly I say to you, today you shall be with Me in Paradise" (Lk 23:43). Dismas talked to God (second person in the triune God). There is hope for everyone who is persistent in prayer. Prayer is communication with God. If you lift your heart to God in prayer, he will help you step by step. Tell him about your friends that you for now think is of the wrong kind and all "the wrongs" you think there is with you. You will be guided one step at the time ... We all backslide in our relationship with God. Only He is perfect! Trust in God's capacity to help you in a tact that is suitable to you. Remember HE knows you better than you do yourself. He has the patience you don't seem to have at the moment ...
  14. You are right. To be a Christian is not the easy way out! But when we feel that it costs more that it "tastes", we have to consider the pain Jesus had on the cross atoning for all the sins of people who had lived before him, those living at his own time and the sins of the people to come. Our pain is small compared to his. But his words are clear: " But the one who endures to the end, will be saved" (Mt. 24:13). We are free to say "yes" or "no". It is a choice to be Christian or not.
  15. Derpytia In Exodus 3:14 God said to Moses: «I AM WHO I AM», when Moses wanted to know who he was. When we were children some of us thought of God as a man with beard sitting some place in sky watching over us. That was how we looked at the Father in Heaven who loved us. In grown up years I have found it more valuable to think of God as the power (the force) that holds everything up (the very being, the «I AM»). If God disappeared, so would everything else, even ourselves. If we can imagine all the mountains, the soil and everything else (including ourselves) falling together like balloons where the air is left out without the power of God, it is more easy to understand that we do not do ourselves a favor by blaming God for our misfortunes. We would perhaps start to thank God for keeping the earth and everything upon it togehter instead. Even secular psychologists have started to see the value of saying «Thank you» to the Universe. I do not find it problematic to understand the «blame God thinking». To some degree I have done that myself many years ago. Later on I have found the «thank you perspective» more beneficial. Such an attitude makes me ask what God perhaps want of me instead. I don't have to waste time and energy on blaming God, but can look for solutions instead. For me the solutions have been therapy, education and more ... Therapy is not an easy way. During the therapeutic proses we will become sad, angry, lose hope, find hope, backslide and going forward. Somebody did give us traumatic wounds, and it can seem unfair that if we want to recover we have to do the job ourselves. But so it is. If somebody pushes us in front of a car, and the result is that we will have to learn to walk again, we have to do the job ourselves. God will not do it for us, but he will support us on the way if we ask His grace. «Trust in the Lord with all your heart ... (Proverbs 3:5). As Christians we will know that God is with us. We are not alone. God is with us. So it is with depression as well, God will be there with us if we ask him to go along our sides while we fight for a better life. Oh yes, he can do miracles, but as CoolCat7 pointed out above: If God should make miracles in everyones lives, we would no longer have a free will, because God would prevent the violent father from doing harm to his children, - he would prevent drinking mothers from drinking and more ... That would make a perfect world without any struggle. That would be Heaven. Heaven will come one day, but we have to die first (and not by our own hand). Since we have no other opportunities than to fight for our own healing from old traumas, that's the only thing we can do. That fight will be more easy to go on with when we know that we are not alone. Our Father in Heaven "sits" there caring for us and wants our success! A little tip to those who have experienced trauma upon trauma upon trauma, google «get selfhelp.uk, dialectical behavior therapy». It is a secular website. You will find so many good advices there (included learning Distress Tolerance) to practice and so you can pray to God along the road.
  16. to DF, hatemyname. I have read through your post and my impression is that you need help to find out what you really want out of life and that you need help to see how to set goals according to your real choice. No personality is craved in stone. May be you should try to open up more to traits that are not so common to you (without loosing your core-personality). New habits are not easy to learn, but not impossible (learn to be more outgoing and let others have their to say in discussions as well), if that is one of your problems with the INTJ category. My general advice: Try to find a psychologist, therapist to help you to explore your goals and wantings. When word and "audio" is put to thoughts, they become much more clear, especially if there is somebody who challenges one's thought (some psychologists do that) not to be mean, but to give their client /patient (chose the word you like best) an opportunity to think things through. I wish you well!
  17. Oh my ..., people haven't posted here since 10 months. Its time to say something again: How does it help me to believe in the Christian God? First and foremost I see God as the very being. God is the one who is and will be unrelated to if I believe in him or not. He has created me. «Thanks be to God»! If I am depressed or not he still is. I can pray to him and I do. He have the ability to cure me, but he does not have to. Jesus didn't heal all he met, only some to demonstrate that he had the power to do so. He has not promised me miracles, but crosses. He said: « "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me» (Mt. 16:24). He also said: «For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it» (Mt 16:24). How can these verses be comforting to me? It is because I believe that I belong to Christ through my baptism. When I was baptized as a baby, the priest draw a cross over me. I was baptized into a cross. Does that make me frightened? No, to be given the Holy Spirit as a child (which where my circumstances) and the cross, means to me that I will be given strength on my way as I meet my crosses. What ever happens to me, God will provide, if I continue to live by the will of God in charity and by keeping the ten commandments. My crosses, however will never come near to be as strong, heavy and painful as Jesus' cross was. I will never be given crosses (burdens) which are too heavy for me to carry. If I still seem to not be able to carry, he will come and look for me: « If any man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go and search for the one that is straying?» (Mt 18:12). The «whoever loses his life for my sake will find it» mentioned above, tells me that whatever comes my way it can never destroy my relationship with God if I still want that relationship, and so I want. These simple «thesis» is for me the HOPE. Whatever happens nothing can destroy me. There will always come a new day after this one, even after my last day inside time on earth.
  18. jcjc2001 I hope it helped you to systematize all you have been going through! You got the information about your father's Dementia diagnose just one year after you had been very sick. This must have been a very dramatic experience for you. Likewise to see him deteriorate over the next years until you had to put him in a nursing home. It must have been a constant stressor to your health. You seem to be in a situation were you are hung up in your fathers situation. It is terrible to lose a loved one through such a process. If he was dead you could have visited his grave and gone through a natural grieving process. That he is alive and looks like his old self, but are not, probably prolongs the grieving process for you. The best for you will probably be to get into therapy with a skilled therapist. He (she) will be able to guide you into accepting what has happened, to let go and to come into the here and now, so that you instead of grieving the past can have more energy for your son. It's only four years until he becomes a teenager and is starting (slowly) his separation-process from you (that means from being your little son to slowly become an independent man, though still your son, but not in the same way). I hope this don't scare you. I only wanted to remind you about what every parents have in common. Their children grow out of the nest ... Why don't you make a "memory place" in your home for your father. If you put up a picture of him on a shelf from the time he was on his best, you can make it nice around his picture with flower or whatever you like. May be this sounds strange to you, but if you do that, it will give you an opportunity to talk to the old man the way you remember him without the "disturbance" of seeing him in such a helpless condition. May be that will help you to start a natural grieving process. You will never have him back the way he was and you are sure allowed to feel grief over that! To go through a grief process to the end does not mean that we will forget our loved ones. It only means that we will be able to go on in our lives with all the good memories. A well done grief process will help you to do the same things you used to do toghether with him and to think of your father sometimes with a tear or two, but also in happiness and gratefulness. There is no use in beating yourself up for not being able to understand that you needed professional help for your health in 2015. Many people tries to avoid therapy for emotional disorders. It's not your fault. You are just like a lot of other people. That Zoloft helped you in 2009/2010 gives hope. That probably mean that an antidepressant will help you again. There is no shame in having a mental disorder. One out of three will have that during their lifetime. All the best!
  19. Who can be angry at such a nice guy. I still think that the best you can do, is to google whatever relates to your situation. (Try to think about what was then and how can it possible to be now) You see to give advice at DF (with it's TOS) has always to be in general.
  20. I will not spend one minute more on a person who shows so little thankfulness toward people who use their time on him. I read your post. I did know that you were not a newbie to withdrawal. What I have written has been written on the ground of knowing that what was a withdrawal you once made, could be worse now. You are older. People can die of an overdose even if they take the same dose they are used to in a different place then usual or if their immune system is lowered. (For all you know we could be working in the medical field trying to express ourselves in a common language easy to understand. You never know the background of people in these forums). Done.
  21. I am back to tell you that before you can expect to have any beneficial of quitting benzos, perhaps the best you can do is to google "benzodiazepiner withdrawal". That will give you some idea about what you have to go through before you can expect to become better. (Since we all are different, the intensity of withdrawal symptoms and the kind of symptoms will probably vary). Here I will only mention that one of the withdrawal symptoms is cognitive (effects among other memory). I see that my answer to you have been deleted. I didn't go through all your questions. I felt that saying something about what usually helps on cognitions hopefully could be of help to you after the withdrawal. The best you can do is to google "improve cognitions" or something similar to get an idea about how to possible help decline in cognitive functioning. It is right that new scientific studies show that long time use of benzodiazepiner can give brain damage, but since you have started aging, you might google "Study shows brain training for elderly improves every day life and memory skill" as well. Please go slow with the reduction process. Abrupt discontinuation can make you sick (some become seriously sick). May be you cannot pay for medical guiding all the way, but to at least have an appointment that you can call (and pay for that) with your doctor if you don't know what to do if the withdrawal symptoms if they become very intense. I know people who have made a good progress with few withdrawal symptoms when doing a slow reduction over weeks/months, but who have experienced it really hard to get of the last and small dosages. All the best!
  22. Hi Petrus, I understand that you suffer very much. I second CoolCat's pointing at the reality that it is difficult to not have regular work to go to and that to have an appointment with a therapist only once a month is little. I hope I don't offend you while saying that I don't think everything will become OK if you don't do anything about it. If you do anything about it, however, the chances are high that everything will be OK. So you can tell me that is what you have tried to do, not succeeded and therefore feel so desperate now. I meant to do something different that what you have done already! I think that you need to tell the therapist what you don't want to disclose about yourself. You can sit down at home and talk to yourself time after time after time, until you feel that you are able to able to tell this to your therapist. Before the repetitions and the day you are to speak to your therapist you can use relaxation exercises at first (there are lots of them at you-tube). If it is better for you, you can write it all down and read it for your therapist. If he/she is willing, you can even print out what you have written here and let him read it. Call him first so you don't waste your time at his eventually NO. Therapists can sometimes seem a bit difficult, but very often that is because they want people to learn inside the borders of what therapy is. If one is open to cooperate inside the frames of therapy, one will hopefully be able to use that skill outside of therapy as well, see were the borders goes and ask appropriate questions according to the situation. (By all this I meant that if you have his yes to reading before you come to your next appointment with him, you can trust that he will do the reading. If the answer is no, you will have to prepare yourself much better before you go to be able to tell. Without this preparation you will probably have to wait a whole month for a new opportunity). You have to tell him that you need appointments every week as well. If he cannot give you that, please try to get weekly appointments with another one. Your situation is really difficult and therefor you need the best help there is. Somebody has to follow you up. This is too difficult to be able to do on your own! I also support CoolCat's advice about getting enough exercise, take a run in a park. If I were you I would have continued to seek jobs, but been much kinder (!) to myself when I didn't get one: "Oh, there are many around the bone. I hope I will catch it next time (some time)". What are the possibilities around you for doing work for free, help in a soup kitchen or something else that might interest you? When it comes to your daily routines in general, may be you have made them too strict. Try to start with something small, to get up, shower, dress and eat breakfast. If you already do that, put on a few "things" that you can manage. When it comes to your addiction to porn, perhaps it is best to not beat yourself up whenever you fall into it, but try to remind yourself that you are doing the best you can and are waiting for a treatment program with your therapist. If you believe in any kind of god, may be it is best for you to ask for forgiveness ... I hope this and the comments from others (only CoolCat so far) may help yo to understand that these problems can be helped with professional help. You don't need to have it the way it is now forever! My very best wishes!
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