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About Azzurra18

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  1. Azzurra18

    Is Your Doctor Afraid Of You?

    You sound like you have a great psychiatrist. I like when the focus on bettering the symptoms because it is the symptoms that are the worst, not the depression, anxiety, etc. overall.
  2. Azzurra18

    Is Your Doctor Afraid Of You?

    @Debbers Thanks! Definitely. :)
  3. Azzurra18

    Is Your Doctor Afraid Of You?

    That was a great read and very understandable. I once had a doctor who said something beautiful and powerful - a doctor's job is to educate his or her patients. Although you "scare" your doctor (haha), I'm glad you found such a good one. Ones with good bedside manner are hard to come by which is why the day mine ever retires I'm going to feel lost.
  4. Azzurra18

    Lets share jokes?

    Great thread. :)
  5. Azzurra18

    i have cried now every day for 7 days

    @Constant Challenge I'm really sorry you still are crying. Society really is a bummer that while the fight for gay and lesbian rights still must go on, the fight for transexuals is even tougher. I know given what you said that it makes you even more challenged to find a partner, but never say never. Whether it be a gay woman who accepts you or another transexual woman who does, I'm sure there is somebody out there. Just don't give up. If you will be on the move, is there any way you can invest in an RV? Either way, I really loved @Epictetus's positive points, especially about the impossibility of the future only holding unhappy things for you. I also agree with him that you get surprised in the places you least expect.
  6. Azzurra18

    The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    @roadking02 - I'm really sorry about your breakdown. Those are no fun, especially at night. I used to feel the same way regarding being normal, but truthfully there is no normal. There is only a perception of normal by society, which is boring. I'm sorry about your medical issues and all the surgeries you had. You definitely deserve happiness and you can have it again by working on having confidence in who you are and loving yourself. When things don't work out with a girl, that just simply means it's for the best. You don't want to have to deal with somebody who is fake or doesn't know what she wants. Your friend Eric is awesome. Please hold onto him. You CAN do all that he has said. It may not be easy but difficult and impossible are not synonymous.
  7. Azzurra18

    Really needing help

    The good news is even though you feel your depression robbed you of some experiences you wish you had, you are still so very young and the future is yours. There is so much for you to do and see out there and you can always learn from whatever wrong choices you made. You still can have friends and a relationship once you take good care of yourself. I'm happy that you see a therapist and how that he or she helps you. If you ever feel it's going nowhere, find another therapist. As for your job, it may not be the ideal place for you. If so, when you're ready hold onto it while you look for something much better. I know what it's like to not want to be here. I can safely say many people want you to be here including myself and this whole forum. I'm glad you came here. This is a great place where you will find endless support.
  8. Azzurra18

    The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    @roadking02 - I understand. We are never responsible for the reactions of others. We can work hard to make sure we never offend somebody or hurt their feelings, but sometimes we don't really get on with certain people no matter what is said and if it's not meant to be it's better to learn early on in a relationship or friendship.
  9. Azzurra18

    The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    @roadking02 The inspiration will hit you eventually if not tonight. What worries you the most regarding your social life and relationships? Is there perhaps a connection between that and why you become angry with yourself
  10. Welcome, @zxcv90! I highly recommend that you take little steps. Firstly, take care of yourself because when we don't take care of ourselves, it is impossible to take care of others. Once you've got a grip on things, then you can finally seek friendship. This is essential rather than just skipping to a relationship with a girl. From experience, I can tell you it is difficult being with a guy who has no friends. Having friends helps produce great romantic relationships because you learn to relate to others and feel grounded, especially when things with a girl doesn't work out. You will find somebody great when the time is right.
  11. Azzurra18

    Help the love inside grow

    It's important to love yourself so you can fully love others. At this point, you have to think of yourself. As @20YearsandCounting said, you need to focus on things you like and not worry about everybody else so you can recharge. Although your situation seems dire, it won't last that way forever. You will eventually be in a permanent home.
  12. Azzurra18

    Abusive girlfriend

    Welcome, @Hiphoppa! Abuse is such a hard thing to experience and I'm so sorry for how you have been poorly mistreated. You certainly deserve much better than that. Because you're such a caring individual, it is no wonder you stay with her and try to want to help her. However, whenever you are in a relationship (same goes with friendships), you have to also at times think of yourself and be able to determine if a relationship has gone toxic like yours has. Your girlfriend's situation is important, but you have done more than most people have. You need to find the strength to walk away because you are not in a safe situation. She will have to deal with her own problems as an adult.
  13. Welcome, @tickledpuppy! What an adorable username. I'm so sorry for all that you have gone through and my condolences about your daughter. I'm really happy that you have been able to survive two strokes and truly admire your general strength. Disability certainly isn't easy to live off from, but I'm glad you have a great interest of fixing up your RV. Do you still keep in touch with your brother and cousins? I hope that you have been able to make friends in Tennessee. Sometimes finding people with whom you can build a connection makes you feel home no matter where you are.
  14. Azzurra18

    I am fed up with trying to get better

    I truly know how you feel. I have dealt with depression for over twenty years and have gone through many periods where I wondered if there was a point to anything anymore. It's no fun just wanting feel like you want to die, but at the same time wanting to live deep down. Just the fact that you experience the latter shows your will and you deserve to live and have as many experiences as possible. I know you mentioned just above that you gave up on meds, but do you go to therapy? I waited too long to do anything about my depression. Therapy was the one thing I refused for the longest time because I told myself I could just deal with it because I would just try to hold onto any high periods, even if short-lived. Going to therapy changed my entire way of coping so I always will be a huge advocate for it.
  15. Azzurra18

    Some people online aren't terribly friendly!

    I've been to a few other places through the years and agree that not everybody is nice. If you can't get help from a site moderator or block anybody who is a pest, just ignore that person. It's the one great thing you can do online that you can't do when somebody bothers you in person.