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  1. I don't have the courage I'm afraid this is true To risk rejection again To cry out for help To ask a friend Maybe you think 10% well of me right now I will prove the 10% false a little bit at a time And you will see that 10% was stolen virtue that I tried to make mine But having had the real me rejected every day since i turned ugly You know that if I ever do a damn thing well it is from my heart. because there will be no reward. I don't care much for those who are affirmed Because I used to be, and it was easy to be a decent person Now as burns cover me We cut to the truth so much quicker How I admire those who are never once affirmed And chose to be a human being with a good heart just once. I just hope I have the courage not to make people cry by dissolving But being outcast every day is hard.
  2. He has asked for space, which means freedom. If he's worth keeping, thoughtfully and openly ask him, do not interrupt or argue, for several ways that you or your future plans together make him feel confined, restricted, or not himself. Don't tell him how he shouldn't feel that way or tell him its the drugs talking, just do better at those things, if you want to keep him. He's taking the drugs to escape some things about his life. Find out which escapes he needs from you, and decide if he's worth it.
  3. If I'm depressed, I can't get there If I'm feeling well (up) I won't show up because the minutes are too valuable to waste If I show up, I can't represent an average me because there is no average me. If they happen to see me up, I can't force myself to be that way next time, so I confuse them. If they happen to see me down, they never want to talk to me again. So, in every state, I feel like I am just not being honest But I am. Its all part of me. But I can't take the criticism when I'm doing my best (really, I am). So I hide.
  4. Qua

    lonely and empty

    You make me feel less lonely by saying what I'm thinking. The loneliest souls never write back, but they feel. Thank you.
  5. " I only feel happy when I sleep cause then, I feel no pain and sadness. " Me too. Me too. Deepest love, Maxine
  6. Qua


    So I love people right away After hiding enough to build up the courage Then I feel no matter how hard I try to be light in their life I am both light and hurt. I bring light and hurt, both, no matter what. So I can't forgive myself for the hurt I cause them, because i will always be me So I hide and hide and hide, and the light I could have done ... I just hide
  7. It chafes, it bruises, it leaves cuts I can't feel. It feels like always being on the outside My weakest moments (alot) I feel exactly like that My strongest moments (seldom, but they do feel more real than the weak ones) I feel like I'm independent of thought for a reason, not joined to a massive group think, not swept away by waves of must conform. The hard part is, independents need healthy friendships, too. Even if only momentary on our isolated paths, may you feel respect and friendship from me. I will certainly be in an isolated hole soon enough, but for this moment ...
  8. Thanks for your honesty. It helps me What do you think it is about therapy that makes you feel better? Do you think its the advice or like someone listening well ... or other things? I'm thinking about therapy but I'm scared!
  9. I try not to draw a straight upward line, because I get discouraged when I go 'backwards progress', and then I get more depressed thinking I'm doing something wrong!! So I draw a jagged line, some days up, some days down, and cut myself a break. I know I'm doing the damn best I can, and I'm not going to let my own thoughts yell at me like so many others have done. I sleep best when I say "I don't care if I sleep" Maybe cut yourself a big break, take the pressure off ... :)
  10. It will surprise you, but it won't surprise me, when good people come your way.
  11. Thanks :) My goal is just to be honest here because everybody seems to be honest. But I don't know really what that is, honestly
  12. And I stop mid-sentance In front of my fake friends Who are climbing some ladder than doesn't exist And I wonder Can I break the unseen glass? Can I see someone who sees me back? I am not what surrounds me But I am seen and ranked Up unfairly, down unfairly, up unfairly, down unfairly It is all ............... I'M A PERSON INSIDE HERE But less so, every time I play along I am Berlin in 1945 And I strive to be a sandcastle, but I cannot follow through, you don't know how hard i try, I try new every day, just to pull up a little sand, I think this is the time, and my hands won't move, because I've already been told I'm expendable, and you will soon.
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