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  1. If you think leaving your girlfriend would make you more happy, then you should do it. It won’t be easy, you said it yourself, but if she’s really not right for you, then today is as good as any other day to start figuring out how you’re going to take care of yourself in the future. If you’re stuck in bed, you may be down, but you’re not out. Don’t give up. Tell me, what would make your heart sing again? It’s worth pursuing. If you can’t take a shot at it today, then whenever you get the chance. Be selfish if you have to be. You’re worth more than someone else’s whims. If you’re girlfriend isn’t as bad as I’m interpreting, then I’m sorry to have said a thing. At the end of the day, I’m just a stranger to you, so what do I know?
  2. You don't need her. You've carried on with your life without her thus far. You don't need a relationship like that to bring you down. You shouldn't be with anyone you feel significantly less than. Focus on yourself man. Ditch her friendship if you need to. People who bring you down intentionally or not aren't needed in your life. Depression tells us that we're worthless. It tries to lower our self esteem to the point where we accept the most unfair circumstances as okay. But they're not. They're not okay. Personally, I've rejected the advances of plenty of troublesome women who only wanted me to satisfy their lust. I refused to waste one night on them. For me, it's love or its nothing at all. Don't waste your time on someone who clearly isn't for you. If you're going to look for a woman, make sure that she's someone who's on the same page as you. Make sure to take care of yourself first. Relationships don't work unless both partners have priorities in their lives that go above and beyond each other. When you're ready for a relationship, it'll be easier for you to connect. I wish you all the best man. Do what's best for you, okay? You don't need a SO to lead a better life.
  3. The idea of god is much more terrifying when one studies it rather than believing in it. What would be the motives of an all powerful being? Would such a being be recognizable by humanity, or would the works of H.P. Love craft provide a more accurate description? Regardless of your thoughts on the subject of god, humans show their atrocities daily. Hopefully we change more as a species. Hopefully we don't destroy the earth's ecosystems. Many people talk about the end of the world as if it's a mystical thing, but really it happens everyday. Lives are destroyed everyday. People choose to stay hateful. Tribalism reigns. Collectivism appears as an even more toxic alternative to collectivism. But in spite of it all, there are people who are willing to move against their natures, choosing to value the future over today. I've been through some of the worst situations imaginable and met some of the worst of humanity, but I still hope for tomorrow. Maybe it's because I'm a fool for love. Maybe it's because I'm in denial, looking forward to what may never be. Regardless of the truth behind my convictions, I want you to keep living on. Please push forward to your future, no matter what it may be.
  4. The way out of depression and anhedonia is a long, winding road full of mistakes, setbacks, failures, broken plans, broken relationships, and broken hearts. At least for me. In the past year, however, I've made strides towards recovery. It's important that you know the underlying issues behind your illness. If you can do that, recovery may become inevitable. It may seem inconcievable to you now, but you've got to hope. You've got to keep fighting. You've got to see depression in a different light: it's the ultimate opportunity to change as a person. Experience, the most painful teacher of life lessons, is arguably the most effective. Depression's taught me that. Hopefully your road to recovery is smoother than mine. I wish you all the best.
  5. If you're not up for that, allow me to offer you a few words of advice. Here's the thing: People will be shallow, ignorant, and downright cruel. It shows you that maybe, you're looking to the wrong people for adoration. Do you go out? Are you more of a bowling or bar kind of guy? As far as the health issues go, they're here to stay for the most part. It's deeply infuriating. What's just as infuriating is when the disorder in question specifically impairs your appearance. Such is the case with me. Women still talk to me regardless, although I always manage to ruin my chances at a date, Why? I refuse to make the first move. At least you're trying. Keep going with your self improvement. You'll be glad.
  6. I'm willing to listen. Could you elaborate on your situation in more detail? Preferably in the chat.
  7. Personally, I'd rather remain by my lonesome rather than screw up anyone else's existence more than I have already. It's more than enough that I'm an embarrassment to her. I think I'll stick to pretending to be friend A, becuase honestly, how can a relationship between the sick and the healthy ever work? Would it not be harrowing for both parties involved?
  8. If you've got depression, you've got it bad, no matter what else you have.
  9. Camellia, you're compassionate. I doubt I could mirror your actions. I doubt that I could be compassionate towards people who dismiss me. I never am. As someone who's been both cruel and kind, please understand that the problem rests on your family, not you. Hugs, OnceandFuture
  10. I'm at a similar point of despair. I have nothing left. Ever since I've quit my substance abuse, my depression has returned in full force. I have the choice between two kinds of hell: do I buck up and quit for good, destroying my soul in the process, or do I accept the pain of being on and off various addictions? As for your girlfriend, if her mother is really homicidal, you need to make sure your girlfriend is properly armed to protect herself. ( Bear pepperspray is a suggestion) Please note: none of the addictions I have are illegal. Anything in absurd excess can destroy your life.
  11. No need to ask for forgiveness. I, and the rest of the community, welcome you to share any of your problems. It's better to be here than any other forum I've tried. You'll like it here. -OnceandFuture
  12. I have no intentions of having children either science guy. Plenty of people don't. It's not a problem. We have enough people in the world to deal with as it is. We have numerous people starving. It's fine to not add more souls to the sad world we live in.
  13. What I find most comforting in my loneliest moments is to search for music that pulses with the same beat as my heart. I look for the pain in its most grandiose form. Afterward, I sit outside and gaze at the empty, starless city sky, musing about the nature of existence. If those efforts fail, I try to invoke a polar opposite feeling. Hope. The stories of others are easy to draw strength from. The goal is to feel, not to distract.
  14. The medical industry is loaded with lies. Medical mistakes are the third highest cause of death in the United States. From my personal experience, I've seen examples where some of this was on purpose. I have a family member that was... overdosed to the point of having a heart attack. She lived, but her mind is so horrifically shattered that she can hardly perform everyday tasks. For your problem, I would advise that you create a plan to get off your meds. Even if you've failed before, it's not to late to try again. -Cordially, OnceandFuture
  15. I know I'm late on this, but happy late birthday Corbin.
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