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  1. Like
    Sophy reacted to GSpolar in Isolation and solidarity   
    You're not alone in how you feel.  Depression can be triggered by anything or nothing.  It is a very real phenomenon of Serotonin, Dopamine, Noreprenephrine, and GABA deficiencies in your brain.  Here is what I've learned to keep myself out of depression as much as possible.
    1. Cut your sugar intake by 90%, radically, 100% if you can.  It is poison to our minds.
    2. Eat Omega 3 foods like Salmon
    3. Exercise whether you feel like it or not, alot
    4. Get outdoors!!!
    5. Tell the truth to people you love.  Its just like diabetes, everyone's body has some flaws.
    6. Give yourself a break.  Say 'so what' 10 times a day.
    7. Whatever activities or people make you feel caged, get out of there.  Fight for your freedom, your real self.
  2. Like
    Sophy reacted to gandolfication in Improving the Cell I Know is Real   
    Since at least college, I have had an utterly torturous up and down (but mostly down) brawl with spirituality and faith.  I've written about it numerous times here, so I won't go into detail other than to mention that I grew up being indoctrinated "coded as an avatar" as my friend below puts it, into fundamentalist American evangelical Christianity.  That means literalist, Bible-believing Christians who believe that God and his only son Jesus Christ are the sin qua non measure of all things and without them life really doesn't have meaning.
    Yesterday, I sent this friend, an article I read, Self-Isolated at the End of the World:  Alone in the long Antarctic Night, Adm. Richard E. Byrd endured the ultimate in social distancing....and then went on to write an international bestseller about it, saturated with spiritual interpretation and import.  My friend responded back with several very thoughtful messages.  The article mentioned Albert Woodfox, who spent over 40 years in solitary confinement for a crime he didn't commit. An excerpt from a book he wrote aligns more closely with a "non-theisistic" (perhaps even non-spiritual) impression of life:
    "Solitary confinement is used as a punishment for the specific purpose of breaking a prisoner. Nothing relieved the pressure of being locked in a cell 23 hours a day. In 1982, after 10 years, I still had to fight an unconscious urge to get up, open the door, and walk out.
    The only way you can survive in these cells is by adapting to the painfulness. The pressure of the cell changed most men. I’d see men who’d lived for years with high moral principles and values suddenly become destructive, chaotic.
       You look for the good. This can set you up for disappointment. Once I did some legal work for a prisoner that reduced his sentence to “time served”. He was going to be released from prison because of the work I did for him. The day after he found out he came to the door of my cell and threw human waste at me. He was pissed off because I was watching the news and I wouldn’t let him change the TV channel to a different program. You can’t hold on to those experiences or you become bitter. Every day you start over. You look for the humanity in each individual.
       I made my bed every morning. I cleaned the cell. I had my own cleanup rag I used to wipe down the walls. When they passed out a broom and mop I swept and mopped the floor of my cell. I worked out at least an hour every morning in my cell.
       By the time I was 40 I saw how I had transformed my cell, which was supposed to be a confined space of destruction and punishment, into something positive. I used that space to educate myself, I used that space to build strong moral character, I used that space to develop principles and a code of conduct, I used that space for everything other than what my captors intended it to be.
       In my forties, I saw how I’d developed a moral compass that was unbreakable, a strong sense of what was right or wrong, even when other people didn’t feel it. I saw it. I felt it. I tasted it. If something didn’t feel right, then no threat, no amount of pressure could make me do it. I knew that my life was the result of a conscious choice I made every minute of the day. A choice to make myself better. A choice to make things better for others. I made a choice not to break. I made a choice to change my environment. I knew I had not only survived 15 years of solitary confinement, I’d honored my commitment to the Black Panther party. I helped other prisoners understand they had value as human beings, that they were worth something."
    Below here, with permission, I reproduce some of my friend's comments that I found immensely helpful to me today.
    I think the distinctions are about how we frame our expectations, like whether we perceive our experiences as part of a grander struggle and assign meaning as a reactionary coping mechanism or accept the meaningless of our unsatisfactory existence. I think people like Byrd are unable or unwilling to accept that there is no God and their perceived spiritual struggle is a refusal to accept that life doesn't contain elements they naively ascribe to it out of sentimentality rather than than acknowledging the fundamental nature of reality. It would be like Byrd wearing virtual reality glasses standing next to Albert Woodfox in his cell, telling him how glorious this spiritual journey is, while Woodfox, disillusioned with the soul-coddling Byrd engages in, accepts his grim reality and over time makes it more comfortable, uses it as a base for helping others, and grows into a better person within it. Byrd is like a junkie who thinks they're getting in touch with the universe on a deeper level but they have no interest in cleaning up their actual reality and they wither away in a dirty hole in pursuit of something actuality can never give them, so they opt for a pleasant hallucination. I don't think casual drug users are like this, it's just a clumsy metaphor. 
    Basically, I think you're too clever to accept Byrd's virtual reality without having a constant nagging sense that there's something contradictory lurking just out of view. Imagine you climb the highest mountain and your soul triumphs in Byrd's virtual reality. Would you be truly satisfied? I doubt it, because it would register, consciously or subconsciously, as not a real triumph. You're investing in the wrong game, in my opinion, in a way. I don't think it's your fault or even your choice, given your past experiences. You were raised as an avatar in Byrd's virtual reality. It's coded into you. You've come so far in deprogramming yourself. Of course the virtual world is so tempting. But now that you've glimpsed the locked room, Byrd's eye view isn't as vivid. You yearn to recover the meaning you felt in virtual reality. In this metaphor you have two options. You can put on the virtual reality glasses again, and be despondent at how the colors have lost their vividness and you can see the locked room behind the illusion, and you can never quite repress the impulse to tear off the glasses and peak at the reality beyond. Or, you can reject the glasses. You'll put them on from time to time, feeling nostalgic, or just to have the sense of escaping your cell for a moment. But the thing is that any progress you make in virtual reality doesn't translate to your real cell. You can climb the highest mountain in VR, but you have a creeping sense that it means nothing, and when you take off the glasses the sense of having worked so hard and having nothing to show for it is crushing. 
    This is getting super speculative so don't take anything I say seriously. But imagine you abandon the glasses that keep you in a perpetual cycle of extreme aspirations and devastating disappointments. You may look at a mountain and think, "yeah, I can climb that," but a virtual mountain cannot support your actual weight. Climb actual mountains. They don't look as glorious, but they're real and they are substance for actually improving your life in your actual cell. Get more in touch with your humble cell. Work on making your cell a more comfortable place to live, to raise your kids, to become a better person. You're despondent because you've spent an inconceivable amount of time, energy, and stress trying to climb a mountain and wondering why it never took you anywhere. Being despondent and not knowing why or what to do differently. Grandiosity is a blessing and a curse for you. Don't spend your life trying to turn your cell into Byrd's VR. Reevaluate your goals and what you are going to do to achieve a better life. Feel free to disregard this next stuff in particular. It's completely unsolicited advice that may be way off base. You aspire to a higher purpose like being an attorney. You think if only I can make it work this time, it will work. Maybe; I don't know. You think life will only be worth living if you can make your job work as a higher calling. You've come so far in preparation for that role, you have so much practice climbing that glorious mountain, and you remember how good it felt. But I wonder if that mountain was in Byrd's reality and those experiences don't translate to the life you have now. Sometimes I think you're limiting yourself to playing an appealing game that won't actually get you anywhere. You say you can't imagine surviving if you get an unfulfilling job. I think see your life as a struggle to get back to VR, and you envision "recovery" as making VR real, because that would solve all your problems. It would, but you're betting on the odds that it's possible to make the world be something it isn't to give you the chance to transcend it. I've been doing better because I've accepted my cell and worked on it. Sure, I've also grieved that this isn't the cell I wanted and wanted to leave it after realizing it would never be able to offer me so many things I desperately wanted my life to be. But that's productive. Coming to terms with life not being able to give you all you wanted and hoped for and worked toward is thoroughly dispiriting, but then you can start making your cell a better place to live. 
    Leaving VR means leaving beyond a lot of beliefs about what a worthwhile life looks like with your limitations. I think you are strangling your job by saying that if you can't have a rewarding career, life is unlivable. An underwhelming but healthy job may be better than a would-be awesome job that in practice just doesn't function. I'm not saying abandon your practice, but if it doesn't work out, I don't think you should **** yourself. I think you should apply for SSI and consider a less fulfilling but more stable job and see where it gets you. You may find a humble little cell more comfortable than a flimsy castle made out of wallpaper. Just try to throw out your preconceptions about what a comfortable cell looks like and work with what you've got. Which in your case is a law degree, so I have no idea honestly. There was no central point to all of this, I'm just rambling, hoping I'll find a conclusion if I write long enough but it's yet to happen so I'll just stop.
    I'm going to try to cc a couple people here who I think if they get time, eventually, would enjoy reading this.  @Sophy @Epictetus @JD4010
  3. Like
    Sophy got a reaction from camilo in Today 3   
    Check out the youtube videos "Introduction to Carl Jung - The Psyche, Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious" and "Introduction to Carl Jung - Individuation, the Persona, the Shadow, and the Self" by Academy of Ideas for a good summary/ reminder of Jungian first principles... The process of individuation/ self-realisation is what your question refers to... It's a deeply valuable, rewarding but also complex, challenging and confronting process. (Most people are stuck in their (societal) persona... It's a huge impediment to being/ becoming/ regaining your true self)
  4. Like
    Sophy reacted to gandolfication in Today 3   
    Today was so tough.
    I'm exhausted, and worried I'll burn out.
    I did and am doing good things, but it feels like defying gravity right now...like it can't last.
    Still hanging by such a thin thread financially, relationally, and emotionally.
    Computer crashed, and I spent 2 hrs with MS hopefully finally fixing it, then struggled to get my wife to help.  Taking or screening a lot of cases in different areas is tough.
    I have 4 evictions hearings starting this week....I hate evictions.  Short term.  I am helping a lot of people solve problems, so that's good, and I mostly like the work.
    Don't let your kids become lawyers.
  5. Like
    Sophy got a reaction from Epictetus in Supporter to a partner with PTSD   
    Thank you @Epictetus and @20YearsandCounting  🙂
    I've spent the evening reading up on trauma therapy for survivors of torture and feel like I've got a better handle on it, for where we are currently at.
    I already had some basic knowledge about it, but I guess I'm going to have to deepen that, step by step on this journey.
    And I guess there will always be moments where events progress faster than my knowledge and where I will feel momentarily out of my depth, until I can close my knowledge gap.
    I need to make sure I keep a good balance between his healing and recovery journey and mine.
    So far, it's worked really well.
    I don't feel like it's a one way street... it doesn't feel like I'm "helping" him and he's needing my help.
    It really feels like we support each other.
    I just need to make sure we keep that kind of balance, on the days where I feel overwhelmed.
    And that entails finding resources for myself as a supporter.
    So yeah, accountability thing... to make sure I stay on top of this.
  6. Like
    Sophy reacted to 20YearsandCounting in Supporter to a partner with PTSD   
    It's great that he has someone to support him who is so intimately aware of what it is like to live with PTSD.  It gives you an insight that others may not have.  Trust yourself and have faith in your ability to help him!  Don't forget to support yourself, too. 
  7. Like
    Sophy reacted to Epictetus in Supporter to a partner with PTSD   
    Hi Sophy,
         I am always helped by reading your posts and feel so thankful to you. 
         I think it is so beautiful that you are helping someone who has been the victim of torture, especially since you bear the scars of trauma in your own life. 
          Wish I knew what to say to help, but my mind is empty of good ideas.
         I hope that we here on the Forums can be there for you during this difficult time as you struggle to help someone while enduring your own struggles.  I think you are a great person!
    - epictetus
  8. Like
    Sophy got a reaction from Epictetus in Supporter to a partner with PTSD   
    So I dunno if this is the right place for this, but I need a space to gather my thoughts about this.
    I have PTSD. My depression is PTSD-related.
    A couple of years ago, I met someone in a PTSD support group.
    We became good friends and then became more than friends.
    We've been together for 6 months now.
    I already knew that his trauma was particularly bad.
    All trauma is bad, but there is trauma that is undescribably bad.
    He's a survivor of torture.
    As we've been together, he's told me more about the details that I didn't know before.
    I was aware that surviving torture is more intense, more awful than surviving normal trauma.
    (It feels nuts to call it "normal trauma" - as if there is such a thing.)
    (But having learned more about torture these past months, I don't know how else to word it.)
    (Torture goes way beyond many other types of trauma.)
    So yeah... I'm a supporter to someone who survived torture now.
    And I'm still learning to adjust to this new role.
    I need to research therapy for torture survivors.
    I need to work out where I can get support and advice, as a supporter.
    I need to work out how I can be strong, patient, calm, loving in the face of the effects of the torture.
    I need to be strong for him.
    I also need to do self-care.
    I need to try and find local or online support places, and need to reach out to them.
    I'm kind of posting this as an accountability thing.
    To remind myself to take this seriously.... the self-care aspect... the needing support as a supporter.
    I don't want to eventually burn out because I'm overwhelmed.
    And I don't want things to catch me unaware, so that I don't react in the wrong way.
  9. Like
    Sophy reacted to gandolfication in Today 3   
    I do too.
    And today has just been brutal.  i'm going home to sleep in a few.  I'm somehow optimistic, but I'm not sure why.
  10. Like
    Sophy reacted to gandolfication in Today 3   
    how you been?  Sorry, I just haven't been able to be here.
    Yah, mostly good kind of tired, although tonight, I'm flagging...trying to get some normal legal bs done.
  11. Like
    Sophy reacted to sober4life in Today 3   
    I always worry when people vanish from this place and my mind always goes to dark places.  It's good to hear a positive success story is your reason for being away.
  12. Like
    Sophy reacted to JD4010 in Today 3   
    It's marvelous to see you again, bro! Sounds like things are looking up and hopefully you are experiencing a good form of tired.
  13. Like
    Sophy reacted to gandolfication in Today 3   
    I see it's been about 2 1/2 months since I've been on here.
    I've been consumed by launching and starting to build a new law practice.  It's tough but growing.
    Probably in the same amount of time, I've only taken a couple days off from working, and other than that have been working 10 - 15 hour days, every day, including weekends.  And that's about the norm for lawyers.
    So, I shouldn't be surprised, that I'm tired.  Lost some energy the past few days, tough happily still got some important things done.  I can feel now, though, when I'm in the process of hitting a wall, emotionally, etc.
    Maybe it's part dreary winter weather, and the other part just being worn down from overfunctioning.
    Anyway, I'm very grateful, but also, and to repeat a theme, at the moment, tired.
  14. Like
    Sophy reacted to gandolfication in Today 3   
    "Life is like a landscape.  You live in the midst of it, but can only describe it from the vantage point of distance."
    -- Charles Lindbergh
  15. Like
    Sophy reacted to gandolfication in Today 3   
    The longing
    It never goes away. 
    I'm musically illiterate.  I never became obsessed with music, the influences growing up from family and mostly christina-world bubble were limited.  So, the song title, Can't Get No Satisfaction is what I'll use here, even though I'm certain I've never listened the whole song, and only vaguely know anything about it.  But taken literally, it describes the restless, overactive, insatiable mind/body/heart/spirit, that plagues us.  At least people suffering with depression and anxiety.  I think of it as shark-syndrome, because the only way it ever shuts off, is if we die.  Even when we sleep, our brains--and hopefully usually different and more benevolent and healing parts of our brains--keep running.  It may be in "sleep mode," but unlike a computer, it can't really be turned off temporarily.
    My best friend from law school, Dave, got us a couple ticket to the law school alumni monte carlo night.  We went and had a good time - did a lot of good networking, catching up and probably have some good leads for writing projects.  This'll be terrifically difficult for me to monetize, logistically, performance-wise, and emotionally.  But...when I write (even when its not good), I feel alive.  Just for moments, I'm completely engrossed in a way nothing else does.  It's pure creation.  I'm sure it drives judges and partners and opponents to distraction.  Wonderful.
    Among many other people I met, was the Dean's wife, who's a psychotherapist.  I have this recurring tension between thinking that while (a) I feel like I've obsessed so much about depression stuff and how to try to get better that there can't be much or anything 'new' or still useful out there that could help...because time after time, thing after thing, comes up hollow; with (b) realizing I have kept thinking most of the same thoughts over again, and this surely must limit the growth and broad-mindedness, the learning mindset I once had with hope.  And so, this morning I thought, well, a new therapist at some point would still be great because after all, in terms of human knowledge, insight, and just stuff in the cosmos to discover, there's still much more in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in my small philosophy.  Or as one of my favorite writers famously understated it, quoting world champion baseball manager Tony LaRussa, "there's a lot goes on out there."
    I scavenged a couple extra free drink tickets and had we'll just say, several glasses some good Merlot.  On the way home picking up the kids, I made what always feels like a mistake and called my brother, and shared some of the recent experience at the UU church, and the definition I formed/adopted that god is "exactly what I hope and need it to be."  And he prattled (that's not quite fair, he's a brainiac and interacts in good faith and with a warm heart) on that I'd given the definition of a "belief" in general, not of god.  I said, Pete, by definition, everyone already believes that all of their believes in god are the truest.  He said sure, but that's not a commentary on the reality of god as revealed in either general or special revelation.  He's probably right (about the logic and argument, not necessarily that it actually hangs together and reveals god), but he doesn't know everything either.  (Great argument I know).  At one point something he said felt insulting, and it got heated, and then the phone kept cutting out - bad timing (he didn't mean it personally, it's just inevitable if we're both debating sincerely as we do).  But, per usual, it made me start questioning/second guessing the validity and even healthfulness of my thought process and journey about this.  How silly I know, and yet, it just provides yet another endless vista to ruminate on.  Nay, today, instead I'll just accept the good.
    I keep searching.  Wondering, worrying, thinking, investigating, pushing.  Even if I wanted to stop, I'm not able to.  I'm listening to the score from Interstellar as I write this, and do think, as humans, exploration seems to be in our blood.  Cooper, the main character played by Matthew McConaughey says, "our greatest accomplishments cannot be behind us, because our destiny lies above us."  I think it's in this film, that he also says, we will go.  We have to go...because, it's there.  I always liked that.
    Yah.  There must be a lot goes on out there.  So today, I'll open my eyes and ears and soul.  And let it take me where it will.
  16. Like
    Sophy reacted to gandolfication in Today 3   
    Yes, I think you're right about the reflection on us.  I guess that was a large part of what I'm trying to say.  Although, I do also think that the way we view God--especially if we are so thoroughly taught/indoctrinated into this animating belief--can cause and enormously influence how we see ourselves.  Perhaps it's iterative, recursive, such that they can impact each other in an endless loop...that's been true in my case.  To ask how I feel or felt about the one without the other, just really doesn't even make a lot of sense, so thoroughly saturating was its importance in permeating every aspect of mylife.  (It's entirely possible, I'm still missing it.  Blind spots, corners, etc.).
    I know typically god is thought of as something or someone that can't change, but in my evolving Transcendental view, there are few--almost no--preconditions or constraints on the nature of this god-force.  Deliberately so, but also because my own corollary that the transcendent must exist, is that I also don't (probably can't) know almost anything else about it.  (I could believe, on faith...but I guess I don't see a hard need to insist on unchangeability...I do not see changing as any kind of weakness, defect or imperfection).  I think I've talked elsewhere about the tension between certainty (or "knowing") versus the mystery of faith ("If you understood him, it would not be God" - Augustine).   
    Small point. 
    Most of this for me is largely about letting go of very deeply-rooted beliefs about shame, guilt, condemnation, etc.  I know the initial reasons I came to see God to a great deal as implacable.  No matter how much I was told/read/studied, etc. that God was love, somehow it always got translated internally as something like God is love and loves you IF you do x, y, z, do them always, do them perfectly, etc.  It's just what happened.  I tried to change it forever by both religion and psychology.  Nothing worked.  It'll be a lifelong struggle.
    Anyhow, thanks @JessiesMom, I always find your comments insightful.  
  17. Like
    Sophy reacted to gandolfication in Today 3   
    After about 2 weeks of basically sleeping as much as possible, doing very little, and just hanging on, the past few days, I've gotten back up and resumed working on several things I need to, especially finishing a sprawling research and writing project for a client who's already paid me.
    I got our public assistance benefits active again, which was huge.  We have no $ so otherwise couldn't have bought food.  I've even gotten us back on Medicaid.
    I've been listening to and reading various things about growth.
    Laurel and I have been going to the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship near our house, and quite like it.  It stems mostly, and most gladly for me, from the American Transcendentalists.  This offers a most important starting point for me, that a) there is something transcendent - a spiritual dimension, and b) comports with both my rational belief, and more importantly need for some kind of god-force.   For me, it is akin to purpose and hope.  I've spent too much of my life developing an emotional center and worldview this way, for it to be otherwise.
    A few mornings ago, it occurred to me, I think while in the shower (a fragmented part of the day when anxiety starts to erode adaptive thought patterns), that the only definition of god I ever need, is: "exactly what I hope for it, or need it to be."  It's kind of like in the Matrix, how the Oracle tells people exactly what they need to hear.  I've kept referring back to this, and in between the mountains of mindless madness, it's provided slivers of oasis.  
    This is pretty literally I think wish-fulfillment (usually implied to be a negative).  But why?  It's a synonym for hope or optimistic belief.  Faith even, which is other than which can be certainly known.  Everyone's conception of god is necessarily that which they are able to and choose to believe, anyway.  
    Last Sunday, the reverend asked how people would define the 'sacred.'  I thought, this is going to be interesting, how a congregation could define sacred apart from God*.  But then they did....mysterious, special, connected, precious, rare, worth protecting, etc.
    As I press on, it is greatly reassuring and motivating to think that this crack of light is helping to break down the walls of old blind spots.  For so long I have known--or strongly suspected and assumed--that hard as I tried, I could not see around the corner to imagine any benevolent force in the indifferent (and thus awful) universe.  Which meant, in nihilistic myopia, there could not be any point or goodness in any present moment. And as if to affirm my operating theory, there weren't many moments to dispel this. 
    I knew there was a fallacy somewhere, but searched in vain to find it.  All the attempts to read and practice self love and self acceptance crashed and burned.  What could stand up against the "desert of the 'real'"?  I am sure this was part of the driving force for my interest (obsession) with quantum theory, psychedelic ego-death, speculative psychology, AI, and other frontiers - which all have the common disadvantage that they really can't be 'answered' in way that impacts me or the now.  They are escapaist attempts at, where I already knew I had removed the predicate for, hope.
    But hope can be "exactly what I hope for or need it to be."  Its circullarity is not an impediment.  All reason is ultimately circular.  I've been editing my friend Ergon's book, The Madman Laughs at Everything, which acknowledges and embraces this paradox from the outset in a beautiful and generous way.
    That a mystical, spiritual realm--and perchance even perfect god-force and state--hopefully exists, need not demand perfection of me now, here.  There is grace.  It can be exactly what I hope for or need it to be.  Faith is fine.
    Well, I know this is existentially removed from the practicality of life and the price of tea in China, as usual.  Back to work on the research memo.  With a reason to keep moving through the adversity.
    *there are all sorts of beliefs about god, and no god, present, accepted and welcome here.  My point was just that I thought the definition of sacred was necessarily limited to, of or relating to God.
  18. Like
    Sophy reacted to legacy6364 in Antidepressants has taken away my sex drive.   
    I'm 28 years old and am suffering from Major Depressive Disorder. I've been taking Prozac for about a month and a half now and it's helped a little. It hasn't taken my depression away, but it does prevent me from hitting rock bottom. But there's a catch. I barely have any libido. Even if I can "rise to the occasion", I can't finish. How the hell can I be in a sexual relationship if I don't have will and drive to have sex?   I feel I am forever damned to walk the line of two worlds. One of lustrous luminous aspirations, and the other of disheartening obscurity. A spawn trapped in the fabrics of reality. Reaching for a world without sight. Screaming without a voice upon deaf ears. A loser.   Any advice would be much appreciated.
  19. Like
    Sophy got a reaction from Rattler6 in Today 3   
    Okay, but this solves none of your problems.
    An approach that could solve problems:
    Apply for unemployment.
    IF he does constest it, THEN threaten to sue with a copy of what he wrote, so he backs down and stops contesting your unemployment claim.
    THAT is the order/ method to pick.
    And it gives you unemployment benefits, easing your financial situation.
    Really, THIS is the option that he handed you on a platter.
  20. Like
    Sophy reacted to gandolfication in Today 3   
    We for them clipped, but not declawed.
    Kids love the cat's.  Best thing of enable to do for them in years.
  21. Like
    Sophy reacted to Tilted in Today 3   
    Sounds like you are making some strides. As a father who has experienced dramatic salary loss and continually faces the prospect of an empty bank account, I can relate to your position. Your determination is admirable.
  22. Like
    Sophy reacted to Rattler6 in Today 3   
    A lot of things do seem like too little too late.  
    I would make effort to stay safe legally as it sounds like your old jerk boss has the sword of Damocles over your head.
    Never give up hope.  Never surrender because in the end it will all be worth it.
  23. Like
    Sophy reacted to gandolfication in Today 3   
    Finished up application documents and applied to 6 jobs, including 1 or 2 I'd really want.
    Made phone calls, secured one new contract drafting project for modest amount, but will take at least a week to get paid.
    Another larger potential project on hold, though I pushed the follow up.
    Still considering the uneploymemt thing....I'd be buying a sh*tload of trouble, and just thinking about it stressing me out, but we'll see.
    We basically tan out of $ today.
    I haven't really talked to either of my parents in 3 weeks.
    I know it is completely stupid in irrational, but I just did not feel like reaching out.
    It really seems all like two little too late. 
  24. Like
    Sophy reacted to gandolfication in Today 3   
    Thank you JD.
    you and Sophie in a few others here have kept me going a lot of times including now.
    I thought about refiling the unemployment.  Ran It passed my wife too.  Haven't made a decision yet but it is on my to-do list.
    Today I made four very important phone calls did several emails and application items I needed to, and I'm now taking my kids to the pool or I will mostly work on my laptop.
    so even though I slept in, which always makes me feel really crappy and guilty and shame, I got done all the most important things I might to do list and of course feel marginally better about that.  Well no, massively better, considering there is still lingering anxiety and depression.
  25. Like
    Sophy reacted to JD4010 in Today 3   
    @gandolfication Eek! That trigonometry exercise. Good practice I suppose but the rationale for conducting it is obviously scary (though I completely understand it).
    I like @Sophy's suggestions a lot. I think she's brilliant. Well, I think both of you are.
    Thanks for posting, my friend.
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