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Sophy

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Sophy last won the day on July 7 2018

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About Sophy

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    Female
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    currently only minor levels of triage : )

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  1. I reckon Tara would approve 😄 She tells some dirty jokes in that podcast, which should go well with the bourbon 🙂 ((hug))
  2. If you have a moment and have the headspace Rob, I thought you might find this talk/ meditation helpful. Can't post links here, so google "Tara Brach on Spiritual Reparenting" on youtube. ((hug))
  3. As you know, I was never raised to believe in God, so can't really understand the experience of having an essential part of my life "go missing" that way. I can related to it from PTSD/ trauma stuff tho... When trauma happens, so much stuff goes missing... basic safety, basic trust that things will be okay, your sense of self, etc. I guess from an atheist perspective, if I was raising a child, I'd be concerned about God playing a huge role. From an atheist perspective, God is basically the same as Santa Claus. A fictional entity that we humans use to represent and symbolise things like love and generosity and caring and trust. Now, life without Santa Claus is eminently livable. And we consciously realise that children's belief in Santa has a finite "use by" date... We know our children will lose their naive belief in Santa and we know they won't be troubled or scarred by the loss of that belief. I wonder whether in your upbringing, your parents *actively placed* a lot of super important stuff in/ on/ within the symbol of "God". I wonder whether you were taught that love is God. And trust is God. And purpose is God. If so, maybe that's just a very weird/ kinda detrimental way for your parents to have raised you and to have explained the world to you. So that when your belief in God waned, you felt like you were losing things like love, trust and purpose to boot. Really, the loss of religious faith, can be a lot like just "outgrowing" Santa. Many people don't experience it as being a traumatic experience. But for you, it's obviously the core trauma of your life, which is totally valid. I can definitely understand that it can be deeply traumatic and a core trauma. As I said, I suspect that your parents placing a big over-emphasis on God is probably what set this up to be "all the more traumatic" and for "the fall to be all the greater" when it happened. And yeah, this is written from an atheist perspective. Not because I think a spiritual perspective is wrong. (I don't even think those two perspectives are mutually exclusive). I'm writing it from an atheist perspective to remind you that there are wholly liveable, acceptable other perspectives than the spiritual one. I think it's totally okay for you to find your way back to spirituality on your terms. On more adult, reflected, subtle terms. And I also think it's okay for your inner kid to have your inner kid's version of God. Totally, totally okay. I know you're struggling with "circumstances" right now (job, moving, finances, relationship, etc) and that those kind of struggles always throw us back to our core traumas and make them resonate intensely. I hope circumstances ease up a bit so this stuff is easier to deal with. I think you're a really wonderful person, regardless of whether a God made you or not. ((((hug))))
  4. How you doing?? 🙂 ❤️❤️
  5. Yeah, where I live there's often waiting lists of 3 to 6 months to even get an appt with a therapist for the first time. It sucks.
  6. Yeah, if you can find a place where they're all integrated in one place that's great - go for it! I just meant if you can't find a place like that, still go and get good care, just in different places.
  7. My 3 peeps are all in totally separate places but they all know and like and respect each other. I don't think they really swap notes/ info about me or anything tho, other than maybe diagnosis?
  8. I agree that this could be the case, but wanted to share that my experience of this has been reeeeally different 🙂 My pdoc is the city's pdoc for: heroin addicts, meth addicts, homeless people, people with HIV and similar situations that other doctors find "too difficult". He is AMAZING. He's literally one of the best people I've ever met in my life - and I mean him as a human being, not as a pdoc. He's incredibly dedicated and a total inspiration. And he's got an incredible sense of humour. He actually LOVES having a few clients like me, that aren't homeless, addicted, in a DV situation, in jail, etc. He really needs a few patients that aren't worst-case-scenario type patients, just to kinda help keep him sane/ optimistic. Same goes for my social worker. She works mainly with people who have acute psychosis and who need major daily "care" to get through life. She too is sooooo grateful to have a few clients that she can talk to about things in a normal, adult way and who are "only" struggling with relatively minor crap. At the moment she's helping me sort out some disability claim stuff and helping me organise the paperwork so I can enrol in uni again. Sometimes I feel like maybe I shouldn't be using up her time/ the resources of this outreach place, but usually I only see her a few times per year, so I'm taking up hardly any time/ resources. For 2019 we've agreed to do monthly appointments, to really get a lot of my paperwork sorted out, once and for all. For her too, having clients who struggle with "less awful stuff" is a godsend and gives her a breather and helps her stay dedicated and motivated with her more difficult clients. So that's *their* perspective. And mine is: I love these 2 people. They work with such intensely challenging clients, and they both have a heart of gold. They're both so dedicated and inspirational. Also, because I know they've both "seen it all" I feel much more comfortable sharing my crap with them and don't feel so stupid for struggling with basic life stuff, that I feel I shouldn't be struggling with. If I struggle with stuff they go "Hey Sophy, you're not homeless and you're not an addict - YOU ARE DOING SO GOOD!!!" It's kinda a good change in perspective, that yeah... I'm not homeless, I'm not an addict... You know what? Things aren't as shit as they sometimes feel/ seem... ((hug))
  9. Well, because I'm a special little snowflake, I have all 3: a pdoc, a talk therapist and a social worker. My pdoc obviously does meds, but also all the "Oy I'm a doctor so listen to what I say" stuff, if I need his help with things like disability claims, or whatever. As a pdoc, he has the clout that makes others shut up and listen, so I want/ need him on my team. Then I have my talk therapist, who's kinda "theoretical". That's good and bad. It sucks for the more "practical/ pragmatic/ down-to-earth" stuff, but I still really need him for thinking things through on an intellectual level, to see where I'm getting stuck in my thinking or to analyse stuff. And then there's my social worker who has a heart of gold and helps me with literally anything that I get my daft brain tied up in knots with. She even accompanies me to scary appointments, if I really need her to. She's got that wonderful down-to-earth "what help do you need?" thing. But, I also don't discuss the philosophical/ theoretical/ analytical stuff with her, the way I do with my T. My insurance covers my pdoc and my T. My social worker is from a community outreach kinda thing, which is funded through other sources and hence "free" for me to use.
  10. Yah. Having friends who care sucks sometimes 😛
  11. Hmm, if Cymbalta is actually working for you, I'd really, really stick to it and pay the $90. Not having a med/ having meds that work poorly could impede your ability to function well at work in a way that is much, much bigger than $90 per month. I've searched high and low over the years to find meds that help, and when I've finally found one, I do not change it, unless there's suuuuper compelling reasons to do so. Just my 2 c... 🙂
  12. Hey 🙂 I will reply in detail later, but just a quick note on the "legal subjects" stuff... So two things I can think of, off the top of my head are: How does the American legal system work (from an outsider's perspective) cos it's obviously not the same as all other legal systems world-wide. So kinda a brief intro to "what is the American legal system" (if that makes sense). Torts. In non-common-law countries, there's no such thing as torts. And it's such a weird concept to get your head around. XXX
  13. That is wonderful news. I know you're still struggling with stuff, but it's so good to see you headed in a good direction. Wonderful news about the apartment! 🙂 So glad. So, so glad you're doing okay-ish and so much better than 6 or 12 months ago. Lots of love xxx
  14. Well f*ck. And now those 2 posts above made me cry. You're a heart-breakingly good person @gandolfication Love you (hug) Gonna see if I can buy the book that foreword is from.
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