Sophy

Thank you for this 🌺 I had my appointment with the bank lady today... the one that works with the bank's real-estate agent. She was fine... she was polite, neutral, supportive and seeking a win-win outcome. So that reduces my weird/ paranoid feeling a bit about the appointment yesterday with the bank's real-estate agent. I will be making sure not to hire him as our real-estate agent tho! Anyway, I'm feeling a bit calmer and more settled about the whole process atm. I'm sure there will be hiccups and stressors along the way and I may have some more sleepless nights ahead of me yet. But today, I'm feeling calm and glad that I got the 4 real-estate agent's appointments and the bank consultant's appointment done. Thank you for the support so far. These things can seem so much scarier and overwhelming than usual, when viewed through the lens of depression. I have a fun work outing with colleagues tomorrow - I'm acutally looking forward to it, because the colleagues I have at this new job are a really nice bunch. This job is actually the main reason I'm looking for a new place to live around here locally. If it weren't for this job, I'd relocate elsewhere. But honestly, this is the most fun job, with the kindest colleagues I've ever had and I'd hate to lose the job, because of moving away... So I'm going to try and focus on having some light-hearted fun tomorrow and relaxing after a really strenuous week.

Hmm... I'm still really unsettled from this morning's meeting with the bank real-estate agent. It was so strange. I disliked and mistrusted him, right from the first phone call. I feel like he is trying to trick me. I can't even explain it right, but it felt fraudulent, somehow. Fishy. Like he was trying to trap me. He was polite. It wasn't that he was obviously rude. But he was playing power games and trying to intimidate me. Which, omg, I need like a hole in the head right now. This whole process of selling and moving is triggering the shit out of me already, anyway. I wonder whether tomorrow's bank appointment will be Part Two of being played. Ugh. I've got another appointment with another real-estate agent coming up in half an hour. No idea how to get myself re-regulated enough to be professional for that appt... Sigh... I may have to change banks... I really, really, really dislike this guy.

Well, the third real-estate agent was here this morning. He did behave like an asshat. He was "polite" but he behaved like crap, in a polite way. He was our bank's real-estate agent... not sure if that's why he behaved like that. I have a bank appt tomorrow, to discuss taking out an interim loan on the property, until it's sold. It'll be interesting to see how that goes. Sigh... Anyway, I'm taking a break now, then taking the dog for a walk and will then meet with the 4th real-estate agent.

Heh yeah... Well, they'll get a share of whoever buys the farm's money, but you're right, it's in their best interest to be nice. Having said that tho... It's in most people's best interest to be nice (at least in a lot of business situations) but that doesn't mean that they necessarily are. Some ppl are just pushy asshats because that's what they're like. So I'm still relieved... And doubly so, because the 2nd real-estate agent was very nice too. The farm is old (the main building is almost 100 years old) which means it's got lots of historical value and charm, but it also desperately needs and overhaul. It's not everyone's cup of tea, but I like it. And I'm feeling so stressed and thin-skinned about the whole selling and moving process, that I'm not very good at dealing with people who are pushy or rude atm. So, definitely grateful that both appointments went smoothly and were pleasant. I realise that a real-estate agent's visit is not really a "big deal" in the grand scheme of things. But depression always makes everything seem so much harder and more painful and more exhausting and more stressful, you know?

Well, the first real-estate agent has been and gone again. It wasn't as bad (as invasive) as I thought it would be. I thought he would be really nosy and insist on seeing "all" parts of the house/ farm, but he was happy to have me show him around and just point out the most important things. He did say that when potential buyers come to look at the place, later on, they will want to see everything. Which is fine - I'll have things tidied up enough by then. The next real-estate agent is coming in 10 minutes. Hope he's as polite and easy-going as his colleague...

Heh, thanks @sober4life that made me laugh. No, you can't get a whole farm perfectly clean. I guess I meant more that I don't want it to look so neglected that it's obvious to any onlooker than the owners are struggling with depression... But yeah, whoever buys it is going to buy it cos they like the farm as such and not cos of how tidy our living room is...

Well, I've tidied a bit of the yard, a bit of the sun room, a bit of the hallway and a bit of the attic (cos the real-estate agent will want to look at that too). Going to have a break and then tidy the bathroom. I'm feeling stressed by it, but also relieved that I got some tidying done. Also feel a bit of calmness due to being tired from the physical exercise of so much tidying. I don't much look forward to the real-estate agents coming here, but I also don't feel as stressed as I usually would. I'm being a bit fatalistic atm and will just be glad to have these tasks done and be able to move on to other stuff. One thing I'm mildly looking forward to is that this move gives me the opportunity to purge a lot of stuff. Just throw stuff out, sell stuff, donate stuff to charity... just get rid of a whole lot of stuff, really.

Hi... it's been a long time since I posted here last... I'm currently moving house (in part because of my depression). I've been living on a farm and the living situation here has made my depression worse and with my depression being bad, I've not been able to put in the necessary work to keep the farm running as it should. As yet, I haven't got a new place to move to yet, which feels scary, but hopefully I may be able to rent a place nearby... maybe... Today, I'm trying to tidy up here because I've got 2 real-estate agents coming to look at the farm tomorrow and 2 more on Thursday. With depression being really awful, housework's not exactly been a priority. So there's more to tidy up than I can acutally get done. So I'm trying to just focus on the most important things. A part of me wants to just leave everything laying around as it is and honestly say "I'm sorry, I have really bad depression, that's part of the reason we're selling the farm and I just can't cope atm, so I'm sorry but I've not tidied anything up at all." I wonder what would happen if I just did exactly that?

Thank you @Epictetus and @20YearsandCounting 🙂 I've spent the evening reading up on trauma therapy for survivors of torture and feel like I've got a better handle on it, for where we are currently at. I already had some basic knowledge about it, but I guess I'm going to have to deepen that, step by step on this journey. And I guess there will always be moments where events progress faster than my knowledge and where I will feel momentarily out of my depth, until I can close my knowledge gap. I need to make sure I keep a good balance between his healing and recovery journey and mine. So far, it's worked really well. I don't feel like it's a one way street... it doesn't feel like I'm "helping" him and he's needing my help. It really feels like we support each other. I just need to make sure we keep that kind of balance, on the days where I feel overwhelmed. And that entails finding resources for myself as a supporter. So yeah, accountability thing... to make sure I stay on top of this.

So I dunno if this is the right place for this, but I need a space to gather my thoughts about this. I have PTSD. My depression is PTSD-related. A couple of years ago, I met someone in a PTSD support group. We became good friends and then became more than friends. We've been together for 6 months now. I already knew that his trauma was particularly bad. All trauma is bad, but there is trauma that is undescribably bad. He's a survivor of torture. As we've been together, he's told me more about the details that I didn't know before. I was aware that surviving torture is more intense, more awful than surviving normal trauma. (It feels nuts to call it "normal trauma" - as if there is such a thing.) (But having learned more about torture these past months, I don't know how else to word it.) (Torture goes way beyond many other types of trauma.) So yeah... I'm a supporter to someone who survived torture now. And I'm still learning to adjust to this new role. I need to research therapy for torture survivors. I need to work out where I can get support and advice, as a supporter. I need to work out how I can be strong, patient, calm, loving in the face of the effects of the torture. I need to be strong for him. I also need to do self-care. I need to try and find local or online support places, and need to reach out to them. I'm kind of posting this as an accountability thing. To remind myself to take this seriously.... the self-care aspect... the needing support as a supporter. I don't want to eventually burn out because I'm overwhelmed. And I don't want things to catch me unaware, so that I don't react in the wrong way.

Okay, but this solves none of your problems. An approach that could solve problems: Apply for unemployment. IF he does constest it, THEN threaten to sue with a copy of what he wrote, so he backs down and stops contesting your unemployment claim. THAT is the order/ method to pick. And it gives you unemployment benefits, easing your financial situation. Really, THIS is the option that he handed you on a platter.

Yikes, that sucks. I guess at least the $10,000 loan is gone... I guess that's a weight off your mind at least. Does your wife know about these two things? The loan and that it's been swapped for unemployment benefits?

What's going on? 😞

Me too. How you doing today? (((hug)))

Well done on "keeping going". And thanks for checking in (((hug)))