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Sophy last won the day on July 7 2018

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About Sophy

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    currently only minor levels of triage : )

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  1. P.S. I have Julia Cameron's books at home too. And Kundera's Unbearable lightness of being. I read it when I was 16 and adore the title, but the contents, while okay, are overrated. 😄 (Tho that is the opinion of a 16 year old, so eh... what did I know back then?)
  2. Good 🙂 And maybe you can turn that around to: These are my kind of morning pages. (((hug)))
  3. Yah. Perfectionism should be a listed disorder in the DSM, I reckon. People totally understimate how bad it is and how it can totally ruin your life. It can be like a cancer, that eats away at everything. Perfect is the enemy of good and all that.
  4. Finished reading your posts now and they have made my day. Made my week, my month. Love it. Well done. Keep seeking and stay on this path. You're doing good work. Everything worth finding takes a ridiculous amount of searching. Keep looking for the poetry. Life is poetry, not prose. The contradictions are painful but also beautiful, meaningful, exhilarating, amazing, deep, universal, timeless, liberating, soothing, healing, mind blowing. Anyway, excuse my rambling... It's 6 am and I only got 3 hours of sleep last night... I'm pure stream of consciousness crap today... 😄
  5. Oof... I love, love, love Leonard Cohen... Making me smile and sniffle on the bus on the way to work. Life and the universe are worthwhile for those moments... Leonard is divine and blessed. His words and songs are like religion, mass, communion to me. This is the stuff that matters. This is the stuff that makes life worthwhile.
  6. Just started reading your posts and love them. Just want to note 2 things before I forget them... 1) Saying that "all is vain" can be depressing but doesn't have to be. Said and thought and felt in the right manner, it's a gentle truth, a deeply liberating one, one that entails elements of farce and slapstick, in the best possible way... Like the archetype/ tarot card "the fool"... My favourite archetype/ card. Which leads me to 2) You have the soul and heart and mind of an artist. They always think and feel deeper and wider than "normies" do. They transcend normal daily life and in fact, they don't really fit into its constraints... it wears them down. A huge, core part of my healing was identifying as an artist and writer, first and foremost. Yes, I choose to have a day job cos of food and rent and bills. But that has nothing to do with my identity. And... I stopped hanging out with normies... I made sure all my friends are artists and writers and philosophers and musicians... people who don't fit the mold, people who break the mold, as a reminder and validation that for as long as I live on this silly, cute, lumpy, vain, sometimes painful planet... I will never fit the mold, I will always have an artist's gaze, I will always be drawn to the meta level, to the flipside, to the underdog, to the unusual, to the exceptional, to the inspirational. Living that life isn't easy. Plenty of artists succumb to depression and madness. Look at dear old Vincent. But if you have an artist's soul and *don't* live an artist's spiritual life, then life is pure hell and feels like numb, meaningless torture.
  7. Yeah, I love Brene Brown's stuff... And get yourself to a gym!!! And mice should *not* be drinking coffee... : / Love you and a big ((((hug))))
  8. Thanks @LonelyHiker and @iWantRope and @JD4010 and @uncertain1 and @MargotMontage and everyone else for your thougths (((hug))) Thanks for not being like "it's only a breakup, get over it". So, I have PTSD and am grateful to just have depressive episodes, not constant depression, so I know I can get out of this episode again, thankfully. And I've started a big self-care thing now... Just going to force myself to cut back on work, cut back on other tasks, get more sleep, eat some fruit/ veg each day, take vitamins, do guided meditations, take more breaks, do anything that feels good/ soothing, do therapy, just totally invest in myself for a few months... I've been overworking myself and combined with the breakup, that's just ended in feeling burned out. So I'm going to invest in myself like crazy... And I know that'll make this episode pass eventually. I was talking to my T the other week, saying that I'm so grateful to have PTSD-with-some-depression and not major depression. With PTSD you have such a clear nemesis to fight... and that energy is what carries you through to healing and overcoming your condition... It's so much easier to beat than major depression, where often you're just in a fog... How do you fight a fog? And my T agreed... he said my anger about the trauma had been the huge driving force of me getting better and healing... And that the patients he worries about are his major depression patients, who can't find/ channel their anger to fight the stuff that's making them unwell. So my heart goes out to everyone who's in the fog and doesn't know how to fight a fog. I feel almost bad to know that my anger and determination and my core belief that I am worth it and that I deserve a decent life... are tools that will help me overcome this latest depressive episode... I feel sort of bad to have a tool that I dunno how to help others here use. I mainly hang out on a PTSD forum these days, cos there, everyone's like me... driven by the anger about the trauma and fighting like crazy to overcome PTSD and pouring huge amounts of energy into it and making amazing progress. It's so inspirational to see people, some of who have gone through undescribable trauma like torture, or torture as children, things that you'd think would k*ll the human spirit for sure, come out determined to fight for the good in life and the good in humanity. Determined to fight for the well-being of all trauma victims in the world and that includes themselves. Ugh. I dunno whether to even post this. I feel bad about even writing it. I dunno what I'm even trying to say... That I wish you could feel the power of having a genuine nemesis (like trauma) and to feel that fire burning inside you that you deserve to be okay and that you'll do whatever it takes to make sure you have the emotional well-being that makes life okay. Ugh... which is just a long-handed, crappy way of saying that I will be okay... I will make it out of this stupid depressive episode again... I know the tools, I know the self-care I need to do, I know the soul-searching I have to do... And I just wanted to say that I know it's different/ harder with major depression... It's so much harder to do that then... I realise that PTSD with depressive episodes is a different kettle of fish and easier to deal with. Anyway, excuse my ramble and sorry if it offends anyone... I dunno how to word it properly so it's helpful and doesn't sound dumb.
  9. What happens if you put in some of the days/ half-days as "sick days" ? And well done re client's 30 days!
  10. Thanks guys (((hug))) You okay @gandolfication ?
  11. Sigh... I'm going to briefly write something about my own situation here if that's okay, cos it's the only thread I hang out on here on the forum anymore... I've been going through a pretty intense breakup these past 2-3 years. And so far, it's just been the usual heartbreak (tho this is the most painful breakup I've ever been through, so not quite the usual heartbreak, but yeah...) I think it's currently starting to shift from heartbreak to straight out depression tho, and I don't want to deal with it/ face it/ admit it to myself/ talk about it... So I'm just *forcing myself* to put the words out here, in the hope it'll make me deal with the issue somehow. I feel stupid for being this depressed about a breakup... I've always been good at dealing with breakups before... But this one has done my head in. Anyway, sorry for taking up space with this/ thanks for hearing me/ can we just keep talking about other stuff again now? Thanks xxx
  12. Hmm... So what (useful, constructive) options are you considering? Is going on Disability an option? What would that cover financially? Rent, health insurance, etc? Could you be an at-home Dad, saving child care costs and your wife could work full-time and supplement the income from Disability?
  13. Is this boss guy your friend's dad who owns the law firm? I thought he already knew?
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