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Everything posted by sapphirerose

  1. I find that Lexapro is NOT a sedating medication in any way. I find it to be the opposite, actually. Generally, it makes me feel more switched on and ‘awake’ during the day. I was instructed by my doctor to take it in the morning with breakfast. This is what I do, and it never makes me feel tired at all. I’ve never tried taking it at night, but if I did, I think I would have a lot of trouble sleeping.
  2. I have been back on Lexapro 10mg for about three months now. I’ve noticed that I am CONTINUOUSLY hungry and am ALWAYS thinking about food. I never used to be like this and I hate it. I want to come off Lexapro because I know I’m slowly gaining weight and it’s triggering my feelings of depression even more. Before ever beginning Lexapro, I was 156lbs, which I was happy with. Right now I am 163lbs and my height is 5’7”. I don’t actually ‘look’ overweight, but I honestly don’t feel fully comfortable with myself and always feel heavy. I try to eat healthily and I walk/jog several times a week, but it has reached the point where I cannot resist my cravings for fast food and am thinking about food all the time. When I finish a meal, even if it’s a huge meal, I am still hungry! Has anyone else experienced this? I’ve heard many people say it’s ‘weight-neutral’ drug, but for me that doesn’t seem true. Should I begin tapering off it (with the guidance of my doctor)?
  3. Well, it has now been about 12 days since I've completely stopped with Lexapro 10mg. Instead of posting individual daily updates, I thought I'd make this post a brief overview describing how I've been feeling for the past seven days or so. To put it bluntly, it has been pretty SH*T. One of the main 'withdrawal' symptom I've noticed is that my feelings of irritability have greatly increased. I feel super irritable and annoyed a lot of the time for no particular reason, and that frustrates me. I've particularly noticed this occurring at work whilst having to deal with customers (I work in retail). Of course, I remain calm and appear friendly, but on the inside, I feel annoyed. I've really begun to notice how much they interrupt me and prevent me from getting on with my allocated tasks, and it p*sses me off. For example, it's like EVERY single time I start to climb the store ladder to organise the stock on the top shelves, I'll get interrupted by a customer wanting something I have to climb all the way back down. Then it happens again, and again, and again. I know it's totally unreasonable of me to think like this. I've not been letting my irritability impact my professionalism, but that's just how I've been feeling. I hope this 'annoyed state' I'm in will pass very soon. Next, we have INSOMNIA. It has been really difficult to fall asleep - almost impossible. Every morning I've been waking up feeling like crap due to not having had a proper night's sleep the night before. I have also become somewhat fearful of going to bed each night because I feel worried I won't be able to fall asleep. I am going to the pharmacy today to get some Restavit tablets because I am becoming desperate for sleep. Hopefully they will provide me with some temporary relief. As a result of not sleeping properly over the past week or so, I've been feeling very tired during the day and generally fatigued. I am not giving up, and I will stick these symptoms out until they completely pass. Take care, everyone!
  4. Thank you, Tim. I actually didn’t taper down - I quit cold turkey and just stopped taking the 10mg all together. Probably a stupid decision, but I’m willing to suffer through these withdrawal symptoms if it means I can get this drug out of my body ASAP.
  5. Day 4 without Lex: Took me a long time to fall asleep the night before, and I had about four hours sleep all together. Woke up feeling exhausted. Had coffee/breakfast and felt a bit better. Got to work to start my shift at 10AM. Felt pretty good for most of the day and was very productive. My shift was 10-6. I work in retail, so I’m on my feet all day (which made me feel more tired today in particular). By 4PM, I felt very fatigued and extremely irritated for no reason (but I hid it well and forced myself to be nice to customers). I just wanted to go home and sleep. Finally finished work at 6, then drove home feeling like a zombie. Felt tired, disconnected, annoyed and wanted to be alone. Got home, and had 20 minutes to relax before having to drive out to the city to catch up with my friend for dinner and a movie. Wasn’t in the mood at all, but made myself go. Felt irritable whilst driving, and got stuck behind really slow cars (which p***** me off as it made me late seeing my friend). Ended up 15 minutes late and I felt really bad about it, but we had a good catch up and saw a funny movie. During the movie, I started developing a headache and felt my usual headache symptoms coming on. Drove home with a bad headache, and had a ‘brain zap’ (which, funnily enough, seemed to make my headache feel better). Just took two Nurofen tablets to help with my headache before I try to fall asleep. Hoping to be able to get a better sleep tonight.
  6. Even if nobody replies to these posts, I’m going to be writing about some updates on how I’m feeling whilst quitting Lexapro. I want to keep track of my emotions/feelings during this journey, and this forum seems like a nice place to do it. QUITTING LEXAPRO 10mg (COLD TURKEY) AFTER TAKING IT FOR 8 MONTHS: Day 1 & 2 without Lex: - Absolutely fine. No unusual symptoms or side effects - felt totally normal, like my usual self. Day 3 without Lex: - Felt fine, but slightly anxious. Heart felt like it was racing all day. Quite emotional and teary for no reason during the morning. Tired by noon, and began to feel detached and disconnected. Took a Deralin 10mg before work to lower my heart rate. Got to work at 5pm and felt pretty good. Began to feel detached and foggy-headed again by about 6pm, but still able to communicate with staff/customers well. Kept being clumsy and dropping things at work despite trying to be careful - felt like it was out of my control. Irritable/restless sensation in legs by 11pm. I’m hoping the withdrawal symptoms won’t be o bad tomorrow. I’m determined to power through this.
  7. Today is Day 2 without Lexapro 10mg and I feel completely fine. I have had enough of this drug (for now, anyway). I’ve been taking Lexapro 10mg for eight months, and it helped me a lot at first. It had a very positive effect on improving my depression. For a long period of time, I felt normal again - even somewhat happy on a daily basis, like I was back to my old self! However, after a while I noticed some negative side effects start to creep back in. These days, I’m generally feeling unmotivated and tired pretty much all day. I often feel slightly detached and unemotional. The only times when I’ll feel extremely emotional is during my period. I’ve recently also began to put on weight quickly, despite not changing my diet/exercise routine. I walk every day, and jog sometimes too. I eat pretty healthily and I don’t really eat that much. Still, I’ve put on 7-8 kilos. I just find myself craving junk food/takeaway ALL the time, every day - this never used to happen to me! Further, this drug has decreased my sex drive, which upsets me, as this effects my ability to enjoy intimacy with my partner. I do think Lexapro is an effective antidepressant, and I won’t deny that it helped me a lot. However, it’s no longer doing me any good and I want OUT. I am going to quit cold turkey - I know there might be bad withdrawal symptoms, but I’m willing to suffer through them if it means I can get this drug out of my body ASAP. I’m not telling my doctor right now. If things get too tough, then of course I’ll tell her, but for now I want to fight this on my own. In the past I have had periods where I’ve been off antidepressants, for quite a while, and I managed just fine. Anyway, I’ll see how I go. Wish me luck.
  8. I'm currently a university student studying graphic/media design. I work part-time at a retail pharmacy - as you can tell, my part-time job has nothing to do with what I want to pursue in the future. However, it's a steady job at the moment and fits in with my timetable. I've been with this company for four years now, but recently I've really been struggling with feeling miserable before starting my shifts. In particular, one of my shifts requires me to start at 4PM - for that entire day before going in, I feel absolutely depressed. I try to keep myself busy during that one day each week, but nothing helps because I end up just thinking about having to go to work later. I hate anticipating my shift. I don't know why I care so much - it's not like this is my future career. Sometimes I end up feeling so depressed thinking about work that I can't move from my bed and I contemplate calling in sick. I always end up going in, but it's a damn struggle. I've been looking for part-time design related jobs that I could apply for, but most of the design firms/offices in my area want full-time employees who have already graduated. I just don't know how to deal with these feelings, or why I let it get me down so much. Other people around me seem to have no issue with going into work at 5. They enjoy their day, then just go in. For me, it's like my entire day will revolve around having to go to work at 5. I can't plan any activity because I will not enjoy it knowing I have to work that evening. If anyone has any advice on how to deal with these depressive feelings and lack of motivation, I would greatly appreciate it. Cheers.
  9. I was prescribed Lexapro 10mg for depression and have been taking it for about three or four weeks now. Before I began taking it, my depressive feelings were manageable but I just felt that I needed some extra help, and I wanted to give another medication a try. I think it has helped me a little bit, but at the same time, I really don't know if it has. I feel a bit better, and a bit more motivated, but I also feel quite lazy and slack. What I am noticing is that I'm getting hungry a lot more frequently, especially at night. At night I really crave carbs and sweets. I am a healthy/slim weight right now, but I feel like I'm eating too much lately and I do not want to put on weight. I haven't been eating very well since going on this drug. I'm also noticing that my sex drive seems to be much lower than it used to be, and I'm finding it harder than ever to orgasm when I am with my girlfriend. I am very disappointed about these side effects. I want to try weaning off this drug - I think I might be okay without it (hopefully). I want to try going down to 5mg for maybe a week or two, and then come off it completely. I should probably talk to my doctor first, however.
  10. Hi Evan, Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I'm glad to hear that your moods have been somewhat level recently, and that you have been somewhat able to experience sexual pleasure more easily. I can understand what you're going through, and it's good to know that you understand how I feel too. I have been on Lexapro/Citalopram 10mg for about three or four weeks now, and unfortunately I have also noticed that my sex drive is lower than it used to be. I decided to try Citalopram just to see whether it would help my persistent feelings of depression and lack of motivation, and to be honest, I don't really know whether it has. I feel a bit better some days, like I can make myself get up and do things a bit more easily. However, I do know that my sex drive and libido are lower - not by a huge extent, but enough for me to notice. I'm in a fairly new relationship with an amazing, gorgeous woman and I've been finding it so difficult to reach orgasm lately (even though she turns me on like crazy and she's the sexiest woman I've ever met). I just don't know what's wrong with me. I hate not being able to orgasm because it makes my girl think that she's not doing enough, or is doing something wrong - I really feel like it could be because of this drug. I have seriously been considering weaning off it to see if my sex drive returns to its normal level. Sigh. Why must life be so frustrating sometimes?
  11. Today, I've just started on Lexapro 15mg for depression, which I do hope will help me. I am 23 and live independently out of home, though I'm still very close with my family. They know I've struggled with anxiety in the past, but they don't know about how much I've also struggled with depressive feelings. After talking with my psychologist, it was my own choice to begin taking this medication and I'm just wondering what you guys think about telling family members and friends etc. I don't know whether or not it's something I should keep quiet about. Unfortunately, my 19 year old brother is also dealing with severe anxiety/depression right now (it runs in my family). He has pulled out of university because of it. Because he still lives at home, my parents have been very much involved with trying to help him. I've also tried to help him and be there for him whilst dealing with my own issues. I guess I don't want to worry my parents because they're already so worried about my brother. What do you think?
  12. I was so tempted to yesterday, but I didn't. Yesterday my shift was 1PM-10PM, and the entire morning beforehand I felt so damn depressed that I could barely move. I had to drag myself out of bed. I could not eat breakfast. My heart felt so heavy and so low, and I was honestly having thoughts about ending things. I was so close to calling in sick. Somehow I managed to force myself to have a shower and go to work. I had never felt so terrible. I've only been employed there for one month, so I figured it wouldn't look good if I didn't show up. I truly didn't know if I'd get through the day. The worst part was that my mood did not lift much when I was there. I felt low and anxious the entire day. I had to force myself to smile and talk to people. One of my coworkers even jokingly said I looked tense, and asked me what was wrong. This made me feel worse. I said I was "all good" but he said he wasn't convinced (he's quite an outgoing/jokester type of person). I'm so glad I have today off. I'm going to the doctor's later to chat about antidepressant options and maybe get a prescription. I can't keep going on like this. Have you ever had to ring in sick due to feeling extremely depressed?
  13. I am very happy you are feeling better! Congratulations. Have you noticed any weight gain at all? I am thinking about giving this drug a try but I'm scared of gaining weight.
  14. Thank you for your reply, Womanofthelight. I have also heard that Wellbutrin is pretty good in terms of not gaining weight, although because I am in the UK I am not sure whether it's readily available to us here as a prescribed antidepressant. It's true that everyone responds differently to every medication (which is kind of annoying, as it would be good if there was a clear cut answer as to the side effects of different meds). Thank you, and take care.
  15. Hi Epictetus, Thank you for your reply - I saw my psychologist last night and she gave me quite a good talk through on the different types of antidepressants; she didn't mention any specific ones, as I suppose that's the role of the doctor or psychiatrist, but she did say there are certainly some that are less likely to cause weight gain. I will talk to my GP soon if things don't improve within myself, and ask her if she can explain some options to me. I'm glad to hear you haven't noticed weight gain on Citalopram. Cheers, and all the best.
  16. I have struggled with depressive feelings and very low moods for such a long time now. I am seriously considering going on medication again. Some days are better than others, and sometimes I feel like I don't need medication, but then other times I feel like I could really do with its assistance. I was on meds a few years ago (Mirtazapine), for just one year, but it increased my appetite a lot and made me gain about 10-15kgs that I could not lose. This made me feel awful about myself. Since then, however, I have lost all the weight and have also learnt that Mirtazapine is, apparently, one of the worst drugs for weight gain. At that time back then, I was desperate and agreed on anything my doctor prescribed me. I guess that I'm now scared about the weight gain occurring again if I were to try a new medication. I just hope there's a medication for depression out there that doesn't make you gain any weight. I will do some research on it today before I see my psychologist tonight. If anyone has had a similar experience or has any advice, I'd love to hear from you.
  17. This is something that has plagued me for a long time - for some reason, I always feel really down the day before going into work, or the morning that I have to go to work. I am a student, so my job is just part-time in retail. I've had two days off and will have to go to work tomorrow, but today I feel so terribly low just thinking about it. It's always fine once I get there and start working, as the job is fine and all my co-workers and managers are nice. Yet, during the day before I honestly feel so darn hopeless and miserable. I can only hope that when I finish my studies and get a full-time job I will not feel like this. Does anyone else here understand me? If so, how do you deal with it?
  18. Today has been the most miserable day. I woke up feeling okay, though I'm on my period, so I've felt more emotional than usual lately, as well as heavy and bloated. I've also had bad cramps. I felt depressed all day today - I had a day off, so I spent the morning in bed catching up on a TV show. It took me SO LONG to get myself up and dressed. I had no motivation. Then, my dishwasher broke down and I had to spend ages washing/drying the dishes by hand, which annoyed me. I later went for a walk through the park in an attempt to make myself feel better, but I came home feeling just as awful. I then went to visit my parents for dinner, but they had an argument which caused tension and put everyone into a mood, including me. I felt like sh*t, so I soon got out of there. Yesterday, I actually started a new part-time job (which went very well). However, it felt so strange being the new person. I felt somewhat alone, even though everyone was really nice to me. It was weird to not know anyone, and not have any friends like I did at my old workplace. I suppose it will take time for me to get to know them. It just really made me miss my old workplace and I came home feeling so down. I cried last night and today about it - pathetic, I know. Even though I'd wanted to leave my old work for ages (due to the long commute and other reasons), I can't help feeling sad. I really dislike being 'new'. I found that meeting so many new people all at once yesterday was really overwhelming. I enjoyed the day, but felt anxious, too. So, I have to go back tomorrow for my second day, and all I've been thinking about today has been that. I feel so damn miserable - nothing can cheer me up now. I don't know if these depressive feelings are being intensified due to my period, or whether I'm just super depressed. I see my psychologist again in three weeks. We've discussed the option of starting medication if my mood doesn't improve soon, which I'm open to. I hate feeling this way. I just want the pain to go away.
  19. Over the past few days, I've been feeling so overwhelmed by life. I feel so low right now that I can barely type this. Last week was my last day at the company I've been employed with for three years. This week, I start at a new job (same company; different position). I'm nervous, but also glad as the commute to this location is MUCH shorter. It will be a fresh start, which is what I need. I still feel slightly emotional about having left my old position, as everyone there was so nice and we shared many memories. I cried driving home on my last day. I do feel quite anxious about starting at the new place and having to meet an entire new team. I hope I've made the right choice. My younger sister AND my younger cousin are going through bad periods of depression and anxiety. They aren't improving, and we think my sister may need to go stay at a clinic somewhere to get daily help. Even though I no longer live at home, I hear all about my sister from my parents and I'm so sad/worried. I've seen her during low points and she's in a very bad way. My parents view me as the 'strong one' and I am a listening ear for them who gives advice. They have no idea that I, too, battle my own demons. I'm also worried about my cousin, but she has become extremely distant and doesn't even come out of her room to say hello if I visit. My skin has been so bad lately. Even though I'm in my mid-20s, I keep breaking out with blemishes and spots like I'm 15. I generally eat healthily, though if I feel really down then I eat more junk food or sometimes don't eat enough. Every moisturiser or cleanser I try just seems to make my skin worse and more dry - it just feels awful. Supplements I take include B12 and calcium with vitamin D. Recently, my sleep has been very poor. It takes me ages to fall asleep even if I'm tired. I can't stop thinking about everything. I also keep waking up early without an alarm (4:30AM, 5AM etc). I feel drained, like I don't have as much energy as I used to. I do try to exercise at least twice a week. I am craving physical affection - I would just love to hold someone in the night and snuggle up to them in bed. I feel that this alone would improve my sleep. I long to feel the arms of a special someone around me. I'm single right now, but I'm dating a bit here and there so I'm not sure yet whether anything will eventually progress further - maybe. I don't expect any replies to this, as it's quite long. It just feels good to let all of this out. I simply feel so worried/stressed as of late. I see a psychologist myself for generalised anxiety, so I hope to bring this up with her soon. Sigh. I hope I feel more relaxed and less worried sometime soon.
  20. Thank you! Yeah, you're right. I guess the only worry I have (and have always had) is that I might get a rude cutstomer, and that I might freeze up and not know how to deal with them or be assertive enough. It's a silly worry, because whenever I get to work that usually never happens. And, if it does, I get my manager anyway and ask her to handle it if I can't. It's just a retail job so it's definitely not the path I wish to go down in my future. I'm studying in a different field entirely. That's great to hear - I'm glad you feel better than you did at your last job.
  21. I'm in my twenties and I work part-time at a retail store. As university has just finished for the semester, I no longer have classes/projects to keep me busy throughout the day. Today is my first 'real' day off from uni since finishing, and the only thing scheduled for me is work tonight at 5-10PM. I don't mind this, but at the same time it means I'm kind of 'waiting' the whole day just to go into work. I try to keep myself busy with little things/errands during the day, but work will still be in the back of my mind, which makes me feel so down and anxious. My workplace is a friendly and relaxed environment, and we always have a few laughs, so I don't even know why I always feel anxious before going in. I've felt like this, most days, for the two years I've worked there. This will actually be my last week ever working at this store before starting at the new job I applied for a while ago, so I'll just have to put up with these feelings for one more week. I'm looking forward to starting at the new place, as I know I won't have as many evening shifts there. In the meantime, do you guys have any ideas on why I always get anxious before work? Or, do you know how I could reduce feelings of anxiety before work?
  22. When I saw the title of your post I could immediately relate to you. You're not alone - I've felt the way you have before. You are doing a great job at the moment, man. I think you should give yourself some more credit, considering everything you're dealing with right now. It may sound silly, but the first thing I'd suggest you do is write down EVERYTHING you feel stressed about at the moment. Get a piece of paper and pen, and just write it all down in a big list. I do this when I'm feeling really stressed and it seems to help somewhat, as I can see everything in front of me more clearly. When I do this, I call this list the "stress assess". It's like you're checking in with yourself and assessing your stress levels. Look at your list and put a star/asterisk next to the things you can change or even remove from your life. Then, you can slowly start to work on changing, fixing or REMOVING those things in order to feel less stressed. Stress usually occurs because there's simply too much going on in our lives and it begins to feel extremely overwhelming. You can only do so much - you're only human! Be gentle with yourself. The more things you can change or remove on that list, the better. The major thing I think would help you is to find a new job for yourself. What you're dealing with at work doesn't sound fair at all. You deserve to be happy and we only get one life. Why waste that being stuck in a job that is causing you so much stress? I know it's hard to change jobs after being with a company for so long, but you really owe it to yourself to get out of there, in my opinion. I hope this helps in some way. Stay strong and don't forget to look back on how far you've come.
  23. For some reason, I always start feeling extremely low and depressed whenever I visit my parents' house. I'm in my twenties and have been living out of home for nearly a year. My parents (and siblings) live about 20 minutes away from me and I try to visit them often. I don't know why, but I instantly begin to feel emotionally drained when I go there and when they start talking to me. It's bad, I know, as I should be happy to see them and engaged in the conversation. I had a very, happy normal childhood. My parents are the kindest, most supportive and understanding people I know. The only negative memories I have of living in their house are from when I began developing anxiety/depressive feelings (when I was about 18-20). I hid it from them for a long time, but after a year or so I told them about it and they helped me get the help I required. Other than that, I don't recall any other horrible events/memories going on. I just don't know why I feel like this. I'm here now, at their place in their lounge room, and I feel as though all the life and energy has been completely drawn out of me.
  24. Firstly, I'm going to be quite honest in this post. I apologise if this offends anyone. There is someone I just long to talk to and simply be around. I live a few hours away from him/his family. This person is my uncle. As everyone is busy with their own lives, I only see him a few times a year. I feel a strong emotional connection with this uncle, and I have for many years of my life. We don't even talk much, but it's Iike he understands me without needing to say anything at all. He's my blood-relative, by the way. I feel a strong pull towards him - yes, it sounds wrong, but I just crave to hug him and be near him, and feel his arms holding me tightly. This feeling is, of course, intensified during moments when I feel extremely down. Obviously, I cannot be close to him, being his 22 year old niece. I feel extremely guilty and shameful for even thinking about this. I'm not trying to imply anything immoral - I'm just being honest. Before you suggest that I "go meet boys my own age", I'll let you know that I am a lesbian (which is why I find this even more confusing). To be totally honest, he's the only man I've ever felt a deep attraction towards. Ugh. In my heart I truly feel unconditional love towards him. I care deeply about him and I often miss him so much it hurts. I just don't know why. I don't even feel like this towards other family members (e.g. my parents/siblings), which I feel guilty about. The craving for his closeness makes me feel depressed because: he's my uncle and I shouldn't feel like this, and also because I miss him a lot. I don't want to call him, as it would probably be weird and I don't want to bother him. I guess it's best I keep my distance. I just have to wait until the next time I see him, I guess. This has haunted me for years and I hate myself for feeling this way. Sorry for rambling - I just needed to talk about it. I'm too scared and ashamed to mention this to my therapist.
  25. I've been feeling down lately about the world I currently live in and the way things are today. I'm in my early twenties, but part of me truly hates all the technology that surrounds us and how everything is accessible to us at the click of a button. Though I do use social media, I despise it and the way it has changed everything and everyone. I guess I wish I could experience life at my age in the late 70s, 80s or early 90s. For example, yesterday at work I was on tea break with two of my coworkers. We got to the break room, they both pulled out their phones and sat there looking at their screens for almost the entire time, scrolling and not speaking. Sure, they can do whatever they want on their break, but the whole thing just saddens me in general. I find it rude when you're sitting with people and they'd rather look down at their screens as opposed to having a simple chat. I didn't speak to them either, as there was no point. Any attempt from me to make conversation would've been acknowledged for a mere second, then not reciprocated any further. I sat there thinking, 'wow... what has this world come to?' I absolutely love older rock music (mostly from the 80s) and I always listen to it and imagine what it would've been like to live during that time. I also love going to watch small local bands at the bar with friends, as it feels like we've stepped back in time. No phones - just everyone enjoying the music and having a drink. A brilliant atmosphere that makes me feel like I can be myself. I know technology and social media hold many benefits (e.g. keeping in touch with friends/family), and I'm aware of them all. However, I just wish we weren't all so absorbed in it. Ugh.
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