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  1. I also support the name change - thank you @Audrey822 for making that happen! For me, the really hard thing about my obsession was not so much the obsession itself which I had learned more or less to harness and control (not always of course!) - and which had helped me through tough times. The hard part was thinking "this is weird, I'm a freak, this is a secret part of my life and I can't tell anyone ever". Just as @Honey1992 says above (there's a lot in your post that strikes a chord with me!), finding other people in a similar position is so positive, as you don't feel alone or weird anymore. So for me, taking away "unhealthy" is a way of taking away the stigma of wider society. I accept that for some people it's unhealthy for you personally, and some people want to eliminate it from their lives and I support that. But I feel that the new title is more inclusive!
  2. I have written to my CO, and in my case it really worked out well. I wrote her a poem when she was going through a difficult time, and she wrote back and thanked me. From then I started writing to her for every birthday and Christmas with cards, poems, presents - and she almost always wrote back! And when I met her, she knew who I was already because of having had that contact! But I have to say that in all the things I wrote, I deliberately didn't talk about my real feelings, thinking it would put her off from writing back. I talked about her, and limited it to saying that I admired her and was inspired by her, and specific appreciation of what she's done. So now I'm lucky to have a kind of contact with her, but it's on a star-fan level, and I really value that, but anything more is, in my case, limited to fantasy. I'm not going to tell you that you don't have a chance to have something meaningful with your CO, but if write first of all in a less intimate way, you won't scare him off, you could establish contact, and then the future is still open. You mentioned maybe sending a piece of your art - that could be an amazing way to establish a human connection. He probably gets a lot of fan mail, but art is something meaningful and special, and could be a way of reaching out. It's your call to decide, but I wouldn't totally rule out writing, only I'd say keep a lid on the full expression of your feelings, at least to start with! And to mentally prepare yourself for if nothing much happens from it, because you don't want to build yourself up and be disappointed. And if that would be too much to handle, then I think it's best not to write.
  3. Well, let me try to explain how it for me. I got to the stage after several years of mostly being in a position where my fantasies don't take over my life, but thinking about this person is a kind of background to my life - in an idle moment I'll think about her, or thinking about her calms me down if I'm stressed, or helps me to get to sleep. Fantasies of her have become a kind of reassuring, comforting thing for me, something beautiful that's always there for me. But that makes it all sound easy! And at times, I will fall into bad habits and excessively Google her or search for pics, and waste hours, or I will feel sad or frustrated that I'm destined to feel so much for someone who will remain a kind of distant dream. But in general I feel like it's more positive than negative - for ME, at least, as it helps me deal with life. For me, a key thing is too control my "CO time". it's like if you finish your work for the day, and relax with a alcohol - no problem. But if you've got a drink in your hand all day - could be a problem. And when I have periods of getting majorly obsessed (kind of goes in cycles for me), I try to write stories or poems about her - that way you let your feelings out in a creative way, and even if only you ever see them, it's a way to make sense of things, and the obsession doesn't feel it's wasting your time but inspiring you somehow. In fact, I'm working on a poem inspired by the shoes I have! This is where I'm at with this thing, but I know everyone is different and this may not work for you, but I hope I've been able to answer your question in some useful way. I hope you can find your own way through this, I'm sending you positive vibes!
  4. Happy New Year to everyone!! I first discovered this thread a year ago, and I feel lucky to have found so many kind, empathetic and non-judgemental people, and a place to be understood! @Helpme26, I'm sorry too that you've had a bad time, but you say that now things can only get better! They can! The first step is to believe it, then you can work towards it! All the best for your friend's recovery too! And to everybody, however good or bad 2017 has been, I hope you will have happiness, good times and success in whatever you're aiming to do in 2018!!
  5. Happy Holidays to everyone!! Hope you had peace, good times and live! Well, I also gave myself a CO-related present, which very excitingly arrived yesterday... my CO's shoes!! Let me explain... what happened was she donated a whole load of her old clothes and shoes to a charity she supports, and they put everything up for auction on their eBay page. So there they are - black and white striped D&G heels! And the great thing is, they look worn, lived in... the front part is a bit worn away, and the inside is a bit discoloured - you can tell her feet have been in them, like there's a little bit of her essence there! Maybe this is a bit weird or creepy, sorry if it is, but it just feels so special to have them, and I can't stop looking at them! Does anyone else have any personal item of their CO? Maybe not shoes, but a signed pic, souvenir, whatever?
  6. Definitely! I want to know everything I possibly can about my CO - her beliefs and opinions, her family, her childhood, favourite food, films, music... everything!! I'm lucky in that she's written an autobiography and some self-help type books that talk a lot about her personal life, and there are biographies too, so you can go quite deep into all this stuff! I've read her books so much I remember bits and pieces of them by heart. I even took a trip to the village where she grew up to see her old house! And whenever there's a new interview with her, I'm always excited to find some new detail that I hadn't known about! As for researching her love interests, I kind of prefer to know as little as possible - that's the one exception to my quest for knowledge! When re-reading her books, I tend to skip over anything about her ex-husband or other men in her life! In makes it easier to basically pretend they don't exist!
  7. Audrey, thanks for the "welcome back" and the kind words! @nikki114, I totally understand and identify with your situation and I think Audrey's advice is very good. Plus, if you download the pics, you can crop them!! On the point about imagination - in my case this has absolutely been the key. I can only talk about my own experience, but I can say that having control over my fantasy life (and knowing and feeling that control) has made it easier to deal with all the stuff in real life that I really don't have control over. It's good to have a place of refuge sometimes! And at least in theory I know the CO of my imagination isn't the real her, and that's fine, I love both versions, just the fantasy one more intensely! At least that's how my rational mind evaluates the situation - most of the time they just blur together and everything flows. But in the fantasy I'm in control!
  8. To sv14, my heart goes out to you too. I think we all, to a greater or lesser extent, have had the same feelings, and understand how it is. I hope you're getting through this somehow. In my case, when I became interested in my CO, she was already divorced, but she's always had this very close relationship with her ex, partly because of their two daughters, and I try to convince myself that I respect that, but... I really don't like him, he just seems so arrogant and takes himself so seriously, he's not down to earth like her. But on the other hand... I can see that they care about each other, and that it's great parenting for their kids - they get on so much better that my parents ever did when they got divorced! And then now and then whenever she's pictured with some boyfriend, I hate it. I hate her looking at any man with those tender eyes! And then there are some fans who want her to remarry her ex, which isn't so crazy, it really could actually happen. Of course I hate the idea, but another part of me says don't be so selfish, if you really care about her you should want her to be happy and not alone forever, and he's always supported her and maybe they're actually soulmates and... aaahhh!! My head explodes! The problem is a kind of disconnect between who we want our CO to be and the reality of their life. All I can recommend is to try not to think too much about your CO's real relationship and focus more on whatever inspirational talents or qualities first made you love them. Disconnect from any social media connection that throws this relationship in your face. Use your imagination, maybe write something, and remember that in the privacy of your own fantasy, you are in control and they are always yours, and use this to give you strength to get through the tough times! I know this is easier said than done, I understand, but stay strong and don't give up!
  9. Sure, I'm with you on that, I sometimes have the same problem! At times I'm in control, at times it's controlling me. It's a coping mechanism that can become it's own problem! One thing that sometimes helps me is to use that obsession to inspire something creative, like write something or make some art inspired by your CO, like a story or collage or whatever, but of course in stressful times it's hard to find the energy for that! Also I have some scrapbooks of pics of my CO from magazines etc, and I feel like staring at paper can be calmer than staring at a screen - something about screens and computers can be kind of anxiety-inducing and leading to that kind of repetitive behaviour! I hope you can find something that works for you!
  10. Hey, thanks for your comments, @OpalP25 and @HeatherG, I appreciate your kind words! It's true that that message I got made me really happy, but at the same time I don't want to exaggerate the level of our contact or connection. She replies at most twice a year - after her birthday and with a card at Christmas. I mostly stopped writing at other times, because maybe I was coming across like a needy fan trying too hard. But it means a lot just to think she knows who I am, even if it's just as "the poem guy"! I know she values and appreciates her fans, but we are still "only fans" - it's by definition an unequal relationship (which can be tough for us), but one that can still be full of human warmth and positivity! @HeatherG and @imalittleteapot - your words strike a major chord with me too! I had a Pinterest with 1000+ pics of my CO, and had to delete the app from my phone, I couldn't leave it alone. She has Twitter and Instagram, but isn't that active, so it's not so much of a problem for me, but searching for news and pics can take over if I let it. On the other hand, when I'm having a stressful time, thinking of my CO is the best escape, because you don't think of anything else. So I feel like if I control it, it can have a positive impact!
  11. Hi @HopelessRomantic2011, thanks for your comment! I think you're right to be sceptical about this situation and whether this actually represents your CO's opinion. Much better to give them the benefit of the doubt. It's easy to misinterpret or twist someone's words - like he might think SOME specific individuals have been acting annoying or creepy, but not all the fans! And I think often around someone famous, there are so many people competing to get attention or influence from them, and possibly feeling threatened or jealous of others. And it's possible, like you say, that this person feels jealous or threatened by the attentions of the fans. No point listening to these kinds of rumours!
  12. Hi everybody! It's a while since I've posted here, but I've been back to read now and then. I have phases of forcing myself to avoid CO-related online activity (including this site), as it can just lead onto obsessive searching for anything on my CO. But it's great to come back now and then, catch up on the conversation, and know I can be understood! Right now I feel I have to post, as the last few days have brought me great joy and then maybe some little pain, none of which I can possibly talk about with anyone in my life, only here! Let me explain... Last Sunday was my CO's birthday. Around this time of year I allow myself a bit more licence to obsess, to dream, to think of her... I always send a present, a card, and I write her a poem - not a love poem (don't want to scare her off!), but more a fan poem about the great things she's done, her talents and values, and how she inspires me, and so on. And I've been so lucky that many times she's replied to me (a card, an email, maybe both) and told me how she appreciates my support. So this year, as usual, I sent the poem by post (written in the card) and by email on the day itself. The next day, when I checked my mails... omg, butterflies, her name... I open... it's a beautiful message - it's very her, it's fun, it's full of emojis. She says "your message meant the to me" (wow!) and "so much love" (wow!) and I love it! I keep looking at her message again and again. I keep reading my poem, trying to see it through her eyes, imagining how she felt (I made her smile, I made her feel good, I did something for her that she loved and appreciated) and it's a massive high! I've had the same feeling other times (and when I met her - off the scale!) but each time it's still special. Of course the high can only last so long before it dissipates into a kind of sadness and loneliness at the distance between us. I'm sure other people understand what I mean. But I'm used to that, and it's not long till Xmas, when I send her something and she usually sends me a card with a sweet message. I know I'm very, very lucky to have this level of contact with my CO and it makes me happy every time I think of it. Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this. I can't talk about this to anyone except here, and some things you just want to share!
  13. @scc, remember that the manager doesn't know who you are or what your motivation is. If I were you I would just email again, and send a link to this blog, saying "I'm sure this isn't true but I think you should be aware that it's out there". Make it clear that you have nothing to do with the blog, and that you don't want anything for yourself, you are only trying to help, and that's it. You can then rest assured that your CO's people will be on this, and that if there is a real danger, they will do whatever they can to fix the problem or minimise the damage. There will be PR professionals in the team who will know exactly how to deal with it. This will be ok, honestly! ☺
  14. I've just been going back to read some earlier posts and I was so interested by the comments from @CulturedGuy, @HopelessRomantic2011 and @canibesomething (and if I forgot anyone I apologize) about this obsession being a kind of "religious" experience. This struck a real chord with me. This is difficult to talk about because it can seem offensive to people with faith, and I don't mean to offend anyone. But in some way this does make sense of my feelings. Obviously I know there's a disconnect between my CO as a human being with all the flaws and weaknesses that entails (see post above!) and how she exists to me in my mind. When I think of her, it's it's like a spiritual feeling that completely encompasses me. I feel small (and not in a bad way) and lifted by a special kind of energy of love towards her. She has a big personality and a unique energy that just fills me up. At bad times in my life, I know that just by thinking of her, I'll feel better. I'm not religious, but I can recognise these same kinds of feelings when people talk about religion. In fact, some of my CO's books are a mix of autobiography and self-help, including a lot of spiritual elements that she's into like Buddhism, Hindu philosophy, meditation and transcending the ego. So she kind of gives me a path to follow in life, which is another "religious" type element. When I met her, it was like the human and the transcendent sides came together. The physicality of her as a human being, there in front of me, talking to me, the feel of her hair and cheek against my face as she gave me a hug (wow!!!), and at the same time I felt that energy of love so strongly and the feeling of being face to face with the object of my "worship". So much so that I was in tears and could barely talk! Of course I know however special she is to me, she's only human, and my mind is layering these thoughts and perceptions onto her, but that love and that devotion are real, and I try to follow in her footsteps spiritually, so it is definitely a kind of "religious" experience!
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