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SeSa

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About SeSa

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  1. Sure, I'm with you on that, I sometimes have the same problem! At times I'm in control, at times it's controlling me. It's a coping mechanism that can become it's own problem! One thing that sometimes helps me is to use that obsession to inspire something creative, like write something or make some art inspired by your CO, like a story or collage or whatever, but of course in stressful times it's hard to find the energy for that! Also I have some scrapbooks of pics of my CO from magazines etc, and I feel like staring at paper can be calmer than staring at a screen - something about screens and computers can be kind of anxiety-inducing and leading to that kind of repetitive behaviour! I hope you can find something that works for you!
  2. Hey, thanks for your comments, @OpalP25 and @HeatherG, I appreciate your kind words! It's true that that message I got made me really happy, but at the same time I don't want to exaggerate the level of our contact or connection. She replies at most twice a year - after her birthday and with a card at Christmas. I mostly stopped writing at other times, because maybe I was coming across like a needy fan trying too hard. But it means a lot just to think she knows who I am, even if it's just as "the poem guy"! I know she values and appreciates her fans, but we are still "only fans" - it's by definition an unequal relationship (which can be tough for us), but one that can still be full of human warmth and positivity! @HeatherG and @imalittleteapot - your words strike a major chord with me too! I had a Pinterest with 1000+ pics of my CO, and had to delete the app from my phone, I couldn't leave it alone. She has Twitter and Instagram, but isn't that active, so it's not so much of a problem for me, but searching for news and pics can take over if I let it. On the other hand, when I'm having a stressful time, thinking of my CO is the best escape, because you don't think of anything else. So I feel like if I control it, it can have a positive impact!
  3. Hi @HopelessRomantic2011, thanks for your comment! I think you're right to be sceptical about this situation and whether this actually represents your CO's opinion. Much better to give them the benefit of the doubt. It's easy to misinterpret or twist someone's words - like he might think SOME specific individuals have been acting annoying or creepy, but not all the fans! And I think often around someone famous, there are so many people competing to get attention or influence from them, and possibly feeling threatened or jealous of others. And it's possible, like you say, that this person feels jealous or threatened by the attentions of the fans. No point listening to these kinds of rumours!
  4. Hi everybody! It's a while since I've posted here, but I've been back to read now and then. I have phases of forcing myself to avoid CO-related online activity (including this site), as it can just lead onto obsessive searching for anything on my CO. But it's great to come back now and then, catch up on the conversation, and know I can be understood! Right now I feel I have to post, as the last few days have brought me great joy and then maybe some little pain, none of which I can possibly talk about with anyone in my life, only here! Let me explain... Last Sunday was my CO's birthday. Around this time of year I allow myself a bit more licence to obsess, to dream, to think of her... I always send a present, a card, and I write her a poem - not a love poem (don't want to scare her off!), but more a fan poem about the great things she's done, her talents and values, and how she inspires me, and so on. And I've been so lucky that many times she's replied to me (a card, an email, maybe both) and told me how she appreciates my support. So this year, as usual, I sent the poem by post (written in the card) and by email on the day itself. The next day, when I checked my mails... omg, butterflies, her name... I open... it's a beautiful message - it's very her, it's fun, it's full of emojis. She says "your message meant the 🌎 to me" (wow!) and "so much love" (wow!) and I love it! I keep looking at her message again and again. I keep reading my poem, trying to see it through her eyes, imagining how she felt (I made her smile, I made her feel good, I did something for her that she loved and appreciated) and it's a massive high! I've had the same feeling other times (and when I met her - off the scale!) but each time it's still special. Of course the high can only last so long before it dissipates into a kind of sadness and loneliness at the distance between us. I'm sure other people understand what I mean. But I'm used to that, and it's not long till Xmas, when I send her something and she usually sends me a card with a sweet message. I know I'm very, very lucky to have this level of contact with my CO and it makes me happy every time I think of it. Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this. I can't talk about this to anyone except here, and some things you just want to share!
  5. My congrats too, Audrey, great news!!
  6. @scc, remember that the manager doesn't know who you are or what your motivation is. If I were you I would just email again, and send a link to this blog, saying "I'm sure this isn't true but I think you should be aware that it's out there". Make it clear that you have nothing to do with the blog, and that you don't want anything for yourself, you are only trying to help, and that's it. You can then rest assured that your CO's people will be on this, and that if there is a real danger, they will do whatever they can to fix the problem or minimise the damage. There will be PR professionals in the team who will know exactly how to deal with it. This will be ok, honestly! ☺
  7. I've just been going back to read some earlier posts and I was so interested by the comments from @CulturedGuy, @HopelessRomantic2011 and @canibesomething (and if I forgot anyone I apologize) about this obsession being a kind of "religious" experience. This struck a real chord with me. This is difficult to talk about because it can seem offensive to people with faith, and I don't mean to offend anyone. But in some way this does make sense of my feelings. Obviously I know there's a disconnect between my CO as a human being with all the flaws and weaknesses that entails (see post above!) and how she exists to me in my mind. When I think of her, it's it's like a spiritual feeling that completely encompasses me. I feel small (and not in a bad way) and lifted by a special kind of energy of love towards her. She has a big personality and a unique energy that just fills me up. At bad times in my life, I know that just by thinking of her, I'll feel better. I'm not religious, but I can recognise these same kinds of feelings when people talk about religion. In fact, some of my CO's books are a mix of autobiography and self-help, including a lot of spiritual elements that she's into like Buddhism, Hindu philosophy, meditation and transcending the ego. So she kind of gives me a path to follow in life, which is another "religious" type element. When I met her, it was like the human and the transcendent sides came together. The physicality of her as a human being, there in front of me, talking to me, the feel of her hair and cheek against my face as she gave me a hug (wow!!!), and at the same time I felt that energy of love so strongly and the feeling of being face to face with the object of my "worship". So much so that I was in tears and could barely talk! Of course I know however special she is to me, she's only human, and my mind is layering these thoughts and perceptions onto her, but that love and that devotion are real, and I try to follow in her footsteps spiritually, so it is definitely a kind of "religious" experience!
  8. @scc, please believe me that he can and will get through this! Let me tell you about my CO. Years ago, before I was even interested in her, she was caught cheating on her husband, and a tabloid had topless pics of her with the other guy. At the same time, she was massively in debt - as in, millions of pounds! She got divorced. It was a horrible time for her but she got through it. She wrote an autobiography about her experiences, she went on chat shows, she basically said "I'm human and I've made mistakes, but I'm moving on with my life". This was actually the start of the next phase of her career, and if anything she got more popular - more books, TV shows, product endorsements, etc. And in fact, if you ask her fans, they would all say that going through tough times and owning her mistakes, and COMING BACK STRONGER is part of why we love her and are inspired by her! There was also another more recent "scandal", which was tough for her, but in the end she was able to turn things to her advantage with a book and TV show that came out of it, and her fans stood by her. Famous people have the disadvantage that anything like this happens in public, which must be hard to deal with. But at the same time, they have the possibility to use even bad things as a kind of springboard for future career developments. And one more thing - I hope you can try to go out, just to the park, the mall, wherever. Get some air, some exercise, some space to think. And talking to a professional about your mental health is a good thing and a normal thing. Hang on in there, your CO will get through this, and just as importantly, so will you!
  9. All you can do really is write to them and give your support. I wouldn't say anything specific about the story, just that some horrible stuff appeared online and that must be hard to deal with and basically "I'm thinking of you". A few years ago my CO was set up by a tabloid paper, and it was blown up and exaggerated into a huge scandal. I was really devastated, thinking how horrible this must be for her. I wrote to her and sent her a poem about all the really great positive things she'd done, just basically saying "I know you're not like that, and I totally support you". I got a really nice reply saying the poem was beautiful and I'd helped her through a tough time. And in the long run, things got back to normal for her. But it felt really good to know I'd helped her, and writing that also made me feel better! There are so many lies and exaggerations out there about anyone famous, and I always believe that unless you know for sure, assume the best! That's my view!
  10. Hi SCC! Although in general, my obsession has brought me more positives than negatives, I do recognise this kind of feeling you're describing, and I think I've been through similar moments. I think constant access to internet makes this kind of anxiety worse as you keep looking, looking, looking continuously. What worked for me was to allow myself some "CO time" but only offline. If you can do something creative related to them, like write a story or poem or make some art - only for you, so don't worry if it's "good", it's just to express your feelings in a different context. I also find it very difficult when my CO takes unfair criticism, which happens a lot in the media, and really hurts me. You could write a letter (on paper, avoid online) giving support to this person, but I would tone down your feelings and keep it about them if you're actually going to send it. I actually had replies, but even if you don't it doesn't matter and may actually help your celebrity in a tough time for them. Or alternatively, you could write them a totally honest letter but don't send it. If cold turkey isn't an option, these can be ways to channel your obsession in a way that makes you feel more in control. I hope this helps you!
  11. Hi everybody! It's been a while since I've been on here. Was trying just avoid any CO related internet activity (including here) as it was then leading onto obsessive searching about her. Think I got that under control, hopefully I can separate this, because I do really like the feeling of connection with people in a similar situation. So with that in mind, I totally get people's comments about not googling or constantly looking for news. In my case, I don't want to give her up totally, just avoid 2 hours of wasting time looking for pics, news, whatever... It's weird, my obsessiveness kind of goes in cycles, stronger then weaker, but even the weaker cycle, I'm still thinking of her multiple times a day, but more as a mental reflex, a comforting thought. It's like comfort food for the brain - you don't want to binge too often! As for the age thing, I'm another one who definitely isn't in the "teen crush" demographic, and my CO's quite a bit older than me! Audrey822, thrilled to hear you met him after so long and that it was a great experience!
  12. That is FANTASTIC to hear, so happy for you!! Reading your post has sent me into a very enjoyable reminiscence of my own magical moment with my CO and it's cool to think you experienced something similar! I think my meeting was a lot shorter, only 5 mins, but felt longer because of the emotional intensity of the encounter for me. At first I was almost in tears when I started talking to her, with my heart beating like crazy, but she was so great and said all these nice things like I was so kind and supportive and special. So eventually I managed to have something more like a normal conversation, asking her about her books, travel, how her daughters were doing etc. When you say each hug felt like a lifetime, that's exactly how I felt! I could smell her perfume, feel her cheek and hair against my face, thinking "OMG this can't be real!!" but it was and the memory is always there for you! I hope you won't overanalyze it or feel sad for whatever reason. You experienced something special, just hold that memory to your heart and feel joy that this happened to you!!
  13. @audrey822, thank you for sharing the song. I never heard it before and it's beautiful! And you can trust me not to go bandying names about, I totally get that!
  14. @posie_riot after checking out your blog, I'm delighted to see a fellow Morrissey fan! And based on what we both said in our previous posts, I would say that for me no writer has ever expressed that feeling of unrequited and unattainable love with the same empathy and beauty as Moz. So many examples: Life is a pigsty ("every second of my life, I only live for you... I can't reach you"), Love you to, What difference does it make ("still I'd leap in front of a flying bullet for you"), and the beautiful, achingly sad 'I know it's over' of course ("...But in my heart it was so real"). I wonder too whether in a way, his carefully sculptured image was a way of giving fans a kind of "safe space" to overlay their fantasies onto this unknowable (except through his lyrics) icon. I never felt this way about him but I'm aware of the many who have. He understands the need these fantasies serve. And his songs have been a constant source of comfort through my life. In a way, coming here makes me feel as I did on discovering Moz as a teen - being understood and feeling acceptance. A question for everyone - are there songs or artists that have helped you with this CO thing or somehow thrown a light on how you feel? I'd love to hear people's thoughts!
  15. CO family members? For me, yes! My CO is divorced with 2 daughters who are in their 20s, and I'm fascinated by them, and love seeing pics of CO with her girls. She has such a strong relationship with them that I couldn't imagine our fantasy life together without them, and I often imagine us all 4 together hanging out, and them accepting me like part of the family. On the real life side, they seem like great girls and I want them to be happy in life, so it made me sad when 1 daughter split recently with her long time BF as I'd imagined them getting married! On another topic, I loved what @posie_riot said: "If you're blessed with a steadfast and manageable fantasy life that doesn't cause you too much pain, you're golden". Since discovering this forum, I've begun to realise 2 fundamental things: 1. That the fantasy life in inself is not bad, if the overall impact on your life is positive and you're in control. (Of course that's the key, and I imagine for most of us - certainly for me - it's that "being in control" that can be the hardest thing!) 2. That although the fantasy isn't real, it's based on something that IS very real - a sincere, genuine and intense love towards another human being, regardless of whether that person could ever reciprocate or even understand it! That is something too pure and beautiful to be wrong!