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Everything posted by thisismylife77

  1. It seems like you want to do it in person and ultimately, the choice is yours. If that’s how you feel the most comfortable, go for it. I agree with the others though. You’re a patient and your therapist knows that. You don’t have to give any explanation or come back. I’m sure your therapist will wish you would keep going to sessions, but they are professionals and patients break up with them all the time. It’s part of the job.
  2. These are seriously my thoughts exactly. It contributed to me developing insomnia. Fun stuff.
  3. “It does not do to dwell on dreams, and forget to live” - Albus Dumbledore
  4. Stayed in bed until about noon. Cleaned the house a bit. Went out and ate a burger for dinner with a friend. I’m now on my 3rd movie for the day. Maybe 4th..
  5. @Steveab63 Me too. It's not a fun way to exist. @Extremebeginner Yeah you are right. I really do care. A lot. I need to figure out how to balance it out. I need to figure out how not to care about trivial things and how to not make the big things some worse than they really are.
  6. @Epictetus Thanks for your post. I really liked what you said about self worth being something that you cannot lose. I wish I thought of it that way.
  7. I am definitely a people pleaser. Learning to say "no" more often would be great. And I'm realizing it does not make me selfish to say "no". I am allowed to say no. @sober4life It seriously is a prison. I don't know how I became this person that cares so much about what everyone thinks about me. I need to give zero effs. Let's both not give an eff. @Atra This though. I'm a people pleaser and I care too much about what other people think. Some day I feel like I won't have enough care left for myself. It is good to care, but like you said, not more than caring for yourself.
  8. It seems like you're doing really well! I'm glad you were able to overcome the difficulties of the year before and find what really works for you. Good luck with your job searching! I hope you have the job you want by February
  9. I think my goal for the new year will be to not give an eff. If I really think about it, a lot of my issues have to do with caring too much. I care too much of what my family, friends, coworkers, the customer service person, the waiter, thinks about me. I change how I act and what I say depending on what I think they will think of me. Who really cares? I need to just be myself and not give an eff. The more I think about others thinking about me, the more anxious I feel. I obsess about it and it gets so bad I feel sick to my stomach. If I keep the mantra "don't give an eff don't give an eff don't give an eff" going through my head I feel better. If someone thinks I'm stupid or awkward or ugly or terrible at kickboxing, oh well. I just need to be the real me and not give an eff. Maybe everyone would be happier if they didn't give an eff. I wonder how long I can go trying to not giving an eff..
  10. Welcome to DF! I hope you can find what you need here. I'm sorry you suffer from depression, anxiety, and epilepsy. That certainly can't be easy. People on this forum really do try to help so I hope it helps you out. I look forward to seeing more posts from you...
  11. I just finished binge watching the first season of Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan on Amazon prime. Good stuff!
  12. I just read one of your other posts..what do you think about changing doctors?
  13. It's actually very common for people with depression to have messy houses and rooms. Our surroundings end up looking like how we feel inside. It's ok. It's going to make you feel worse, but having a messy house is not something you can really control at the moment and it's something you have to learn to accept at your current state. I'm sure your withdrawals aren't helping anything and make you feel pretty awful. Maybe have a true discussion with your doctor about it? I know the withdrawals can't be fun, but maybe it's necessary? Or perhaps you need to take something else instead? Defintely do inpatient somewhere you trust. You have to do what's good for you.
  14. Fake it* (not sure why I can't edit right now, but it's bothering me)
  15. Hi @Extremebeginner, I'm sorry your post has not been replied to yet. I'm sorry the holidays are a tough time for you. I tend to feel lower and more anxious this time of year as well. I don't know enough about the effects of vitamin D on depression to really make an informed comment about your treatment. Have you spoken to a doctor about about the holistic vitamin D approach just to see what someone from the science world thinks? I truly hope it works for you and that it is safe. That is my only concern. I don't know how exposure to that much vitamin D at once effects you, but you know much more about this than I do. The only vitamin supplement I've come across that has been proven to help some in cases with mild depression is vitamin B. My knowledge in this area is lacking though. I hope someone else may be able to offer some more insight.
  16. I'm in the same boat as @ladysmurf. Treatment resistant with anxiety. It's so difficult to do anything and if you do start something, it's so easy to quit. I have to force myself to do anything and I will take it as long as I can. It's tough but maybe you should try forcing yourself into trying out new hobbies or leisure activities. It's tough but in the end, you need it to help yourself get better. Sorry I don't have much advice. I hope you can find a way back to loving your job.
  17. You know, checking yourself in as inpatient could be very beneficial. I know people who have stayed in a mental health facility and it helped them a lot. I've almost done it a few times myself. Maybe it's what you need at this point since you are unable to take care of yourself. Maybe you need a bit of extra help and that is perfectly ok. In the meantime, as @Epictetus said, I think crisis hotlines could be a good idea, too. It could be s good way to vent out all of your feelings, aside from DF. I know things look very bleak right now, but there is hope. Hang in there as best as you can. I'm sorry if I wasn't very helpful. I'm here to listen any time you want.
  18. Welcome to DF, @Emoreo. I'm sorry your girlfriend is struggling so much and that you are going through all of this. It seems like you are really trying to be there for her and support her. I can't thank you enough for doing that. As @Atra similarly mentioned, when you have depression or are going through a drepresisve episode, you look at life through your illness. Nothing is logical, nothing makes sense. Everything is dark and ugly. Sticking with your girlfriend through all of the ugliness is no easy feat. If I were you, I would continue to guide her into eating more/better and also to seek counseling. There are options for people who don't have much or don't have insurance. I think therapy, along with other interventions or maybe medication, could possibly help. Of course everyone is different so I can't say anything for sure. I think food is a big deal. When it got really bad for me, I had to move home and my mom would literally sit on the couch with me and feed me with her own hands. I just would never feel hungry or I would be in a constant state of tiredness which would increase by literally just the thought of having to expend energy to eat. Little by little I started eating and the energy food gave me made a huge difference. Now I'm not saying that you need to hand feed her, but maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to be a little pushy about it, even if she fights against it. Food can give her so much energy and then maybe she will find the strength to really get some help. One piece of advice I want to give you is please do not make yourself feel that you are the only person who can keep her going. It's such a huge responsibility to bear. You can only do the best you can and hope that everything will work out. You are doing so much as it is. Good luck and I hope everything works out with your girlfriend.
  19. Hi @ninibenn, sorry your post hasn't been responded to yet. Do you know what feelings you have towards him exactly? Are you thinking about past relationships and how you could get hurt? I don't know what your diagnosis is, but it could be related to mental illness. I personally, tend to push people away. I will be fine one minute, but a little later I'll start thinking in my head about how I'm a burden and I don't want to put that on someone else. I automatically start trying to think of ways to distance myself from the other person. Is this what it's like for you?
  20. Need: new mattress Want: plane tickets for somewhere far, far away..
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