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BlueStarr

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About BlueStarr

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  1. @Varga, I think it's really wonderful that you have turned to some of the older celebrities. I love the classic, older movies and music as well, so I know who all those people are that you're talking about. Could it be the era you're into, as well as just the specific personalities? There's really nothing wrong with that, and I personally feel that the talent from those days is by far better than most of the so-called "talent" we see today. When you found out those things about Marlene Dietrich, I think what you experienced was disillusionment because you admire her. Isn't it awful when someone you like has clay feet? it's happened to me a lot, so I understand how that feels.
  2. I agree with the posters who say that the real life person is not the same person you fantasize about. The fantasy in your mind is an idealized, parallel world version of him who is a good man. He's the person you're in love with. You're not bad for loving this "highest" version of him. It's important to separate them and distinguish the man you love from the real life person in this world. The only way to overcome this is to realize that the person you love doesn't exist, at least not in this world. You said you had other COs that didn't last as long. This proves that you can be attracted to other people. Why not focus on cultivating other attractions? Also, have you considered real life dating? (Just don't date a rapper, lol! 😄 )
  3. @Varga, It's nice of you to want to help somebody, especially if you don't like him personally. I guess whether to help him depends on what the consequences for YOU would be. Would helping him make him a better person? Would he latch onto you out of gratitude and you'd have trouble shaking him off? Could he start stalking you, lol? Just because he is obsessed with a CO now, that doesn't mean he couldn't change obsessions and start obsessing on you because you may be the only person who wants to help him, (if he's so awful, lol!) It might be better to just inform his ex, (since you and she already seem to know each other), about the CO issue, and how common it is, etc. On the other hand, maybe she was just being insulting because she is jealous of her ex's obsession with his CO. Maybe that's one reason they broke up, so naturally she would have a bad attitude about COs. That has nothing to do with you personally, but an issue in their (former) relationship. If she was wasted, she was probably just revealing her negativity about his CO problem, and forgetting that she was indirectly insulting you too. But it really has nothing to do with you at all. My advice is to stay away from creepy people, unless you have the skills to really be able to help them. If you are a therapist, or a social worker type, then maybe helping him (and maybe her too) would be a good idea. On the other hand, if you are just somebody (without the skills) who means well, it might be better not to involve yourself with a creepy guy because he might start latching onto you (stalking you). Unfortunately, when you are dealing with a "terrible" person, you don't know how he might be capable of ruining your life in the future, so maybe it's better to steer clear of him, but keep him in your prayers, (if you pray, and if you don't you can always just send good energy and thoughts his way). If you can find a way to help him that won't hurt YOU in the long run, then go for it. Maybe direct him (and her too) to this forum, but just keep in mind that if they become regulars here, they might cause trouble for all of us, lol! 😄
  4. Thank you for this excellent advice. Maybe you actually saved my life by saying this because I may think of this in the future when I am feeling like ending it all. Maybe if I can remember to find one thing to be thankful for, especially to find one thing every day, it might be just enough to keep me going. With your screen name, I thought you were addicted to coffee. 🙂
  5. In my case, my CO isn't that huge a celebrity and he might actually look at comments. But I think you're right that in most cases, the most one would have to worry about is militant fans, lol! Even then, I am sure they have worse things to be up in arms about. Starbucksjunkee's comments don't sound that bad to me. Still, if it would make Starbucks feel better, it might be a good idea to delete the comments.
  6. Are you worried that your CO saw your comments? Even if he did, it's probably not a big deal to him. He sees comments from hundreds of people every day, and even if he found some of your comments offensive, in his mind you're just one of many, many commentators he reads. I doubt that he would remember your name unless you're posting all over the internet about him and you have a real prominent web presence. Not only that, but if you delete your comments, he will forget all about it. If he ever met you in person, I don't think he would know that YOU are the same person who posted on YouTube, (if you don't tell him, lol!) That said, I made a few comments on YouTube and wondered if my CO ever saw them. It was embarrassing because I made comments about how cute he was, and stuff like that. Since he seems to be really sensitive about women having feelings toward him, I decided it would be better not to leave those particular comments there. I realized he might actually look at his videos (and read the comments) on YouTube, especially after he posted one of his YouTube videos on his own Facebook page. Yikes! I logged into my YouTube account and deleted all of my comments that I wouldn't want him to see. I don't worry about it now. Even if he saw them, I am sure it's not a big deal in his mind. (He's probably annoyed enough with me anyway, so I probably can't make it that much worse with my silly YouTube comments.)
  7. Thanks for at least considering what I said and for wanting to use it for future reference. Also, in addition, perhaps you could take some time to read through the older posts. There have been a few weird people who have posted here from time to time, but weirdos are not the norm. Most of us here aren't crazy stalkers, or envious, fame-obsessed people. (Also, when the weirdos posted, you can see how the others reacted.)
  8. You don't know me, and I suspect you don't really know some of the other people that well either. You can't know what goes on inside someone else's head or heart, unless they tell you. Are you a therapist? If so, maybe it would be good if therapists would try to learn more about this subject with an open mind before making judgements about everybody who has a CO. I couldn't give a F*** about celebrity "lifestyles" and the lifestyles of the rich and famous. Sure, it would be nice to be recognized for my work, and to have people appreciate me, etc. It might be nice to be famous because maybe I'd get a bit more respect from the world, but I am not obsessed with it. Also, fame has never been my reason for liking a particular celebrity. As for giving up on life, some people never have an opportunity to live "full lives" or to have a chance to know what returned "love" really is. In my case for example, I can't live a "full" life because with my disabilities, no one would give me a chance anyway. Maybe it's hard for some normal people to understand what life is like for people who are perceived as weird and different. People like me are unable to easily form relationships with "normal" people and for people like me, love is really not that attainable with anyone, let alone a celebrity. Maybe it's time for therapists to understand that some people really don't have a chance at a so-called "full" life because they simply aren't able to function in the world like "normal" people. As for other people here on this forum, there are people here who actually are married, have kids, and are otherwise living a so-called "full life" but they have COs anyway. So it's not just the lonely and disenfranchised that have COs. A lot of regular people with good jobs, kids, and families also have COs. Many people feel guilty about it because it's so stigmatizing to have a CO and everyone judges them, so they don't even talk about it. Maybe you even know people who have COs, but they never told you for fear of being judged. Just because the ones who happened to talk about it with you happened to be obsessed with the rich and famous, that doesn't mean there aren't people who have other reasons for feeling the way they do about a celebrity. I'm not a 17 year old. Please don't assume everyone here is the same as a teenager. (Maybe even some teens may have other reasons for loving a celebrity, so we shouldn't be so quick judge them either just because they are young.) Many of us here are mature adults. Not everyone has a "chance at life" at all. Some people are just never so lucky and it's not even an option for them. Other people have really lived a "full" life (spouse and kids, etc.) and a CO happens anyway. Please read the older section of this forum to see what kinds of people have COs. Maybe you'll learn something.
  9. Speak for yourself. For your information, my CO doesn't have a luxurious "lifestyle" or flaunt his wealth around, nor am I "in-love" with the lifestyles of the rich and famous. I could care less about celebrities in general. Maybe you didn't mean to sound offensive and patronizing, like the articles from so-called "psychologists" about why people love celebrities. I'm not saying they are always wrong, and some people really are obsessed with those things, (wealth, fame, etc.) but to lump everyone in that same category is just wrong, imo. For your info, in case you're interested, I would love my CO even if he was a poor car mechanic. You know nothing about me or why I might love someone. Have you ever been in love with someone (not a celebrity) who didn't return it? Or someone you just couldn't be with? That's more what it feels like to love a celebrity. To me, my situation is more like unrequited love, which could happen with anyone, not just a celebrity. It has nothing to do with being obsessed with "glamorous" lifestyles. Besides, some "celebrities" aren't even **that** famous in the grand scheme of things. Maybe you're just trying to be helpful, but what really helps me is to talk to people who understand me and don't assume things.
  10. @Varga, If it helps, I get pretty mad at my CO too, lol! While I can't say I am mad at him specifically because he's unhappy, I can say that he can be a grump when he's unhappy, so that kind of grumpy behavior really makes me mad at him. I have to keep reminding myself that he wouldn't be a grump if he was truly happy, so he is probably miserable. Instead of being mad I should be sorry for him. That's hard to do sometimes because when he's grumpy he is really unpleasant. Right now I am mad at him for reminding me of the Grinch, lol! 😄 I'm glad if anything I said really helped you. Feel free to write more too if you need to talk. We don't judge here, so you can be as weird as you want to be, lol! 😄 As long as you don't sound dangerous, (which you don't, but there have been a few who came on here and scared everybody, lol), you can say pretty much anything and it's okay. 🙂
  11. @Varga, Could another option be forgiveness? Would it help if you tried to allow yourself to love him and forgive him in spite of his flaws? Of course, it depends on how bad his behavior was. Is it something forgivable? Is it a mistake any silly guy could make?
  12. Hi Varga, Welcome to the forum! It sounds like you're in the process of "getting over the ex" even though in this case, your "ex" is your CO. It sounds like you never really got over him, but you repressed it consciously, since you were ashamed of being in love with a jerk, right? My advice is to just acknowledge that you wouldn't have "hated" him so much if you didn't still have feelings for him. It doesn't make you stupid just because of having this very human reaction. (People often feel that way about their exes too, lol!) Also, if you don't want to become re-obsessed with him, it might be a good idea not to watch him a lot, just the same as seeing an ex again too soon will bring up old feelings. Your feelings might become more manageable if you just accept them for what they are and not try to fight them or beat yourself up over it. Focus on new people and new things, and these feelings will probably fade over time. But a year isn't that long to get over an "ex" who has been a part of your life for seven years. Give yourself some more time. I hope this helps. Feel free to post here if you need to talk. We're all more or less in the same boat with COs.
  13. I'm the same way. Even if I don't look at him much at all, I always think about my CO too. I guess I should say that I feel what one could call a "soul" connection or "spiritual" connection with my CO. It feels personal, although I realize that it's just a feeling. (I have met him, but I can't say I *know* him. Also, I don't know if he feels a connection with me, although I suspect he might, judging by the strange way he acts with me sometimes.) In fact, I don't really know much about his personal life at all. In a way, I prefer not to know too much. I wouldn't want to be hearing about his love life all the time, for example. I think that would drive me crazy.
  14. @kyandi, I don't know you, so of course I can't judge your sanity, but you don't sound so crazy to me. For one thing, crazy people never question their sanity, so the fact that you wonder if you're crazy means you have enough self introspection to check yourself. I feel really strongly about my CO too. I do like what he does, so I am a fan, but at the same time, I feel like I have a strong personal connection with him. I don't know if it's true. I don't think it's so unusual to feel like one has a personal connection with a CO, (whether it's really true or not). (Also, a CO can still be a CO whether you are a fan of what they do or not. If you love the person a lot, they can still be a CO.)
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