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MixedNut

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About MixedNut

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  1. I feel like I'm hanging from the edge of a cliff by my fingernails. For the last 8 years, I have been waking up between 5 and 6 AM in a level 7-9 abdominal pain. I have " Intestinal Malrotation Presenting in Adult Life" You can Google it or if you really have the stomach to watch a surgery, look up Ladd's Procedure on YouTube. I had one at the Cleveland Clinic, open surgery. I still have the pain that started this nightmare. I have had 2 adhesion removal surgeries, and gall bladder removal surgery since. I'm lonely, but too screwed up to date at the moment. I'm good about blaming myself and ask myself, what did I do to deserve this? My life revolves around my pain. I'm 47, I can't handle another 30 years of this day in, day out until I die. This illness has lead me to a life I hate. I want to give up, but that is not an option at this point in time. I'm hangin' bring out the air bags or nets, on second thought, don't. I'mean tired of this crap, it has ruined my life! Can anyone relate to having Chronic pain and OCD? Ted
  2. This is how my Purely Obsessional OCD does me, Google OCD Pure "O", and see if you can relate to it. It took 7 years for me to get a proper diagnosis.
  3. Money won't buy you happiness period! I make decent money, I have everything my manic episodes told me to buy. Lol I still have money in the bank and I'm miserable. I also have Pure O OCD, Tourettes, GAD, and MDD. I have chronic pain, but have something going on most of the time. Accomplishing anything each day, small or big helps my depression. If money could buy hapiness, I would not be depressed, I would take out a $100,000 loan to buy it, if it were guaranteed for life! Lol A relationship is now off the table at age 47. Too much drama for me. You cannot love someone, until you love yourself. Global re-location can be a double edged sword. It can also be a great way to get support, if you have a good people to talk to who "get it", or understand your struggles. Hapiness must come from within yourself, and if you are like me you have to work at it. Maybe some day I will find it, but it can't be bought! Take it from me, someone with everything my heart desires, except hapiness! Ted
  4. It doesn't, it turns them away I haven't posted in weeks now. I just read and get what I can out of it, and ignore the rest of the BS by not participating. Christians get flamed at DF!
  5. I say the same thing to myself a hundred times a day @Standup. I also have OCD and this falls under the intrusive thoughts of Pure "O" OCD for me. Ted
  6. I have all of the above mentioned, I also have Tourettes. I'm tired of going 1 step forward and 2 steps back! My intrusive thoughts are brutal to myself. My brain always has to remind me what a low life I have become. I have no motivation, I obsess and ruminate contantly. I'm trying therapy, not sure if I like the Psych. OR not. I fired his co-worker managing my meds, because I needed my diazepam back after going off, he wasn't going to give them back to me, so I found a new dr. My OCD intrusive thoughts are 90% better. What makes those a holes think they are god?
  7. I think all of us have regrets in life. I wish I could go back and change alot of things. If that is the worst thing you have ever done, I'm in deep trouble. I have Tourette's Syndrome, Pure "O" OCD and MDD. I also havery chronic abdominal pain due to a rare birth defect. Sometimes I feel like it's my fault and God is punishing for things I have done in the past. Although I was born that way. I have regrets, bUT I can't fix them now. All I can do is my best to please God in the future. Ted
  8. I wrote a thread called God hates me, in the depression central forum and got attacked by a whole bunch of Atheists. The thread was removed, because people were outright hateful to me.
  9. I quit drinking 3 days ago for the hundredth time. Quitting is the easy part for me and I do good until after 1 year. I can feel it coming a few days ahead of time, but it gets me eventually. I hate drinking, I had quit for 8 or more years at one time. I never give up quitting, I'm a quitter when it comes to alcohol. It keeps kicking my ass, an we start over again. This has been a pattern for the last 8 years. I't's my fix all that don't fix anything! In fact it makes me 10x more depressed. I'lol have a bender for a couple of monthe and then quit for a year. Today is always the worst day, dy 3! Tomorrow, I may quit worrying so much. Usually by day 4 I'm out of the woods. I have co-existing underlying disorders also. Just wonder if anyone can relate? Ted
  10. Wow, no wonder the world is so screwed up! It truly is a Godless society! Jesus shall return to judge the living and the dead! Subject terminated from my participation! Ted
  11. Welcome to hell, earth is hell that encompasses our life. This is our trials and tribulations time. We are being tested and given decisions to make. Do you believe in evil? Or are they just bad people. In your world I can off anyone that pi**es me off, as long as I don't get caught. Right? Because there are no comsequences. That doesn't sound right does it? I try to make my decisions based on what God would want. I'm in shock there no so many atheists in this world! No wonder the world the is way it is! Immorality is causing the chaos in our society! But, it sounds like you are going to find out the hard way! Ted
  12. Interesting how this conversation is turning out... Lots of different opinions! Let's hear more, I'm not shy!
  13. Haru, Wow, you really have no hope at all, or a higher power? I feel sorry for you!!! Sad
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