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Everything posted by Mistral001

  1. I agree with Benswah about possible feelings of guilt about your leisure activities or perhaps the lack of them in you eyes. I own a dog and I know that dogs not just something you feed a couple of times a day like a goldfish. They need attention and caring for. Watching TV is often the main leisure activity of working people when they come home from work, so no need to have any negative feelings there. With regard to remembering the distant past, perhaps you just have not thought much or talked much about your childhood since childhood. I have a family in which we often talk about childhood memories and have done so for many years with the result that memories are pretty much engrained in my head. I suppose it is a bit like learning things at school. I learned French for five years at school. I have never used what I learned since I left school and can only remember a few words yet at one time I probably knew a few 1000 words.
  2. I have always assumed dreams are healthy and mean nothing other than our past experiences and fantasies for the future all mixed up together. However, for the past three or four years I tend to only have the same two or three dreams over and over again. In one dream I am back working for an old employer. I am really surprised to get a salaried job back with one of the three firms I worked to before I became self-employed. I am pleased with getting a regular salary again and having a chance to get some money in the bank again, but the employers do not give me any work to do and I just sit at a desk pretending to work. I am so ashamed about the situation that I just leave without even getting my first pay cheque. My self-employment has not been going well for about five or six years now and I sometimes struggle financially despite having a fairly fugal lifestyle. So I guess this dream is all about this situation. One other recurring dream is about renting a room or an apartment and then moving to another one without telling the landlord and then a few months later realising that I have two apartments and I have forgotten to keep up with the payments on the first place. I assume that this is related to dispute I had many year ago with a landlord. I left the apartment with all rent paid so the money aspect of the dreams is a bit confusing. The dreams are not pleasant dreams. I rarely get pleasant dreams.
  3. Some good suggestions there. Preventing depression from coming back usually take hard work. The fact that the OP's depression seems to come and go makes me think that the depression that he/she is experiencing may need some extra help. Have you seen a professional about you depression?
  4. Stay away from the situation are my thoughts. You are getting caught up other people's problems that only they can solve (with the help of the courts and various professionals). Your friend will put her kids first and perhaps her marriage -if she decides to not get divorced - and her friendship with you a very distant second. As far as I can see you have done nothing to worry about. If you get an injunction, then seek legal help I suggest. It is unlikely to come to that. People with depression often have a problem with second-guessing outcomes. They go over and over in their heads what could happen. Try to stay in the present and let the future take care of itself.
  5. I find this a very interesting post. I have often felt uncomfortable with terms like "defeating depression" or "battling depression". I have read a book by Dorothy Rowe called "Depression - The Way Out of Your Prison". So I certainly get the Cave analogy. Getting into the prison was not done overnight and I suppose getting out will not be done overnight either, so the analogy of the cave is better than prison as it is something that we retreat into going further and further away from the fresh air and light.
  6. If you can do something that means that you can get out of the house, but do not have to interact with people much it might help. At the minute you seem to be either isolated in your house or out of the house full interacting with people. Is there something you can do which requires you to take a short walk? Maybe mailing a letter, or getting a dog so that you can walk it.
  7. I have a dog and taking him for his walk gets me out of the house and helps me meet others - mostly other dog owners. My dog is from a dogs' home and is quite independent as he was four when I got him, so I do not get a sense that he needs me. My last dog was less independent in character and I had more feelings of having a purpose with him as he got very attached to me. However, it is possible that if I had not given my present dog a home, he would still be in the dogs' home in his little cell, so that gives me some sense of purpose.
  8. Much of Buddhist teaching is rooted in life is suffering. I have read a lot about Buddhism but not a practicing Buddhist. It is an interesting perspective on life and many people who suffer from depression follow its teaching.
  9. I have suffered from depression for 15 years now and I have had physical symptoms similar to those that you have described. These symptoms tend to come and go. I am pretty sure that they are stress-related and relate to stress that I am getting from things that are happening now in my life. My depression seems to be more deeply routed and when it is at its strongest I get almost incapacitated thus I do not move much and I do not get the muscle aches and pains.
  10. Even if you are not finding many answers, perhaps evaluating the progress that you have made might be helpful.
  11. I could not find anything to vote for on the list. I find that doing something very mundane helps my depression. I tend to get a feeling of being stuck when I get a bout of depression. Doing mundane things like washing the dishes often helps and gets me unstuck. I do not like doing housework and the thought of doing it is not a very pleasant, however I know that if I can just get started doing a little housework, after a few minutes my depressed mood will rise.
  12. Yes that is just about it. You have to be in a good place yourself to provide the help. Depressed people can sap a lot of energy from those around them without giving much back. I suffer from depression myself and know how much I depended on people when I was first diagnosed with it several years ago. Then my depression was severe major/clinical depression and the people who helped me then were friends and relatives and also professionals.
  13. I would trust my own thinking more and try be a little kinder to yourself. If you want to help this friend then you cannot do it if you are not in good shape yourself. It is not being selfish. In fact being in bad shape and trying to help someone who needs help could result in you being of little help.
  14. It is sometimes difficult to find enjoyable and fulfilling things to do outside of work and when we have depression, sometimes it is just too easy to get into "yes, but" mode which prevents us from even trying things that might be enjoyable in a good and fulfilling way. For instance, I have always wanted to own and learn to play the bass guitar. I had more or less come to the decision that despite not really having much spare money to buy a cheap second hand bass guitar, that I should buy one. I have an acoustic guitar which I can play slightly better than at beginner level, but have doubts about my fingering as a have slightly crooked fingers. This has been holding me back from buying a bass guitar and when I recently looked at a few YouTube bass guitar videos on fingering exercises, I came to the firm conclusion that the bass guitar was not for me. However, my thoughts now are that I should just go ahead and buy the bass anyway. It could be fun buying it and it could be fun learning a few numbers even if I find that I cannot get beyond the basics. I can sell it in a few months time which means that I will not have to spend much on it.
  15. Are there certain subjects you discuss which usually end in you feeling angry and expressing that anger? If there are, perhaps you need to avoid those subjects, at least for a while anyway.
  16. My work is sometimes like that. With me, I think I am flattered that I am asked to do difficult things and take a lead, when really I should concentrate on just doing the ordinary stuff that pays just as well and is much less stressful. I think I am addicted to a need of being wanted and that attracts a certain type of client - usually the rich ones who are used to taking advantage of people who display a certain neediness. It has sometimes lead to my working life being in chaos where I sometimes work form say 9:00am to 4:00am the next morning just to get my work done.
  17. I am no particular fan of counselling, as I think it does not always help people, but I think it could be beneficial to you to help you get some focus.
  18. When I was a student many years ago I used to do a number of jobs in the holidays where practically nothing could go wrong. I once worked on a farm picking fruit. I also worked in the production line in a car factory where my job was putting two pieces of metal into a machine and pressing a button about 500 times a day - pretty boring but well paid and not too strenuous. Sometimes I think those were some of the happiest days of my life.
  19. Like lonelyforeigner, I found the above interesting. I have often thought of my depression as a prison that I have built for myself. Dorothy Rowe wrote quite a famous book on this subject. I read it years ago and recently reread much of it. I certainly think my depression has an aspect of a defence mechanism to ward of fear. This is the general theme of the book as far as I can recall. I live alone so perhaps in a practical sense I have built up a prison. I even once made an off the cuff remark to a friend about my prison. It raised eyebrows as the friend did not know the extent of my depression - as far as I know.
  20. This might seem startling or unfair by many, but it is simply the employer finding who they think of as a suitable person for the job. Employers look at how someone will fit in to their organisation. Also, they get nervous about whether an over-qualified person will stay with them for long. I would caution against actually hiding your qualifications though if you are in certain professions. In some cases people with certain qualifications are not permitted to take a job which require a lesser qualification than they have. I think this happens in the medical and teaching professions in many countries, where say a qualified doctor cannot be employed as a nurse or a qualified teacher cannot be employed as a teaching assistant.
  21. My own view is that while we have to keep up to date in our chosen professions, we should not lose faith in our basic core knowledge that we learned from our education and training. I do many calculations in my work as a chartered engineer. I was trained to do my calculations by hand on squared-lined headed paper. A few years ago, I noticed that many of the calculations done by other firms were done on computer and the printouts looked very neat. I have been using computers for years and have always done some of the more time-consuming calculations using computers, but the basic everyday calcs were always done my hand. BTW with most of these calculations copies are sent to my clients and the local authorities for checking or their records When work slackened about three years ago, I decided that I would use the extra time I had on my hands to set up a system to do all my calculations by computer. When work picked up and I stopped doing hand calculations, I found that the process of doing the calculations on computer and printing them out took more time than doing them by hand and I was more prone to make errors. I am now back doing my calcualtions by hand. I am saving time and doing things in a more intuitive way as well as being more creative since I can quickly do sketches in the calculation sheets which take an age to do by computer. I have mentioned this to a few other engineers and they have told me that they still do all their calcs by hand. I look upon my dalliance with an all-computer calculation writing as just a lack of confidence in my own abilities and my gullibility at being too easily impressed by appearances.
  22. For every one of those "motivational" speakers who tell their gutter-to-millionaire story there are probably 100's of people who just plain stay where they are or are there about . They are often people who have been given a platform to brag about themselves. They might think that they are doing something which is in some way altruistic, but I am sceptical about whether they actually help others to any great degree. They might offer a sense of hope and make us dream about things getting better and in some cases they might give us ideas as to how we can do things better, but are they of any real practical help? They could perhaps encourage what could be called distorted thinking such as "all or nothing" thinking, so perhaps should be treated by people with depression which caution. PS. I must confess that I used to watch a lot of these videos and have bought several motivational books. I do not do it any more, but sometimes get tempted.
  23. I do not think you can always categorise jobs into high and low stress jobs. Many people leave what they regard as high stress jobs to do something they think will be less stressful only to find that the stress of the new job is not less but different. You get examples of senior professionals who retire early and take jobs such as van drivers only to find that they like driving a van but they do not like being treated like a van driver during the course of their work. They have found themselves being shouted and cursed at by other drivers, told where and when they can park and basically treated badly by the general public. There is one exception perhaps. If you you leave a stressful job to do a job which involves a special talent you have, then that job can be less stressful than many jobs. I know this guy who became a street busker when his IT company went out of business. He is a very talented musician and at one time was a semi-professional musician. He has been busking for quite a while now and he told me that he is very happy doing it and makes a fair living out of it.
  24. I think that perhaps the most stressful jobs are ones in which we have a sense of being isolated. Being an astronaut, I would imagine is challenging and stressful, but as far as I am aware astronauts rarely suffer breakdowns or depression - at least not when they are astronauts. This could be because they have a whole backup team around them.
  25. It seems that you have concluded that working in sales has made you depressed and if you are quizzed by a prospective employer at interview, you will have to be honest with them and tell them that. Not telling them about your depression is not being dishonest at all in my view. There are bound to be many other reasons why you wanted to leave sales. Pick out the most relevant one. With regard to your former boss who you think lacks trustworthiness, I think you know the answer to that one. You need to deal with people you can trust.
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