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meeperfish

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About meeperfish

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  1. After spending the past two years unemployed for various reasons, I'm finding it extremely difficult to get a job. Things at home are on the verge of falling apart and I have no one my age (21) in my life as a friend. I had to go back on medication and its making me so sleepy this time around. Things are just going downhill quickly.
  2. It doesn't matter what I set out to do, I cannot follow through at all. I get defeated almost instantly when I taste failure. Drawing, writing, driving, trying to find a job, everything seems so monumental and daunting and impossible that I just shut down and quit before I can even get anywhere or make progress. I don't really talk to anyone at all and I've been on almost every antidepressant under the ****ing sun, to no avail. Nothing has worked. Is this depression? Is it an attention deficit? I've ruined my life. I have a criminal conviction now, I'm under a mountain of debt, I'm being sued for said debt, unemployed and can't find the wherewithall or motivation to go out and get a job. The world ****ing scares me. I'm afraid I've already missed my prime when it comes to growing into the person I'm supposed to be. It's like I've missed important personal developmental milestones and now those doors are closed to me forever, leaving me to just make due with an incomplete puzzle. I'm so overwhelmed. I can't even do anything for leisure, nothing brings me joy at all. I have absolutely no marketable skills or talents. I just needed to vent.
  3. 60 degrees and breezy, gotta mow the lawn today..
  4. I went on a walk to clear my head and it really helped. Being able to be in nature and get some fresh air after being in the hospital is crucial. :)
  5. Just got out of the hospital again. The second time. Discharge diagnosis was Bipolar 1 and BPD traits. On 3 mood stabilizers... I don't know how to feel anymore, I've had so many diagnoses.
  6. Afraid I'm never going to figure out just what it is that isn't firing right in my head. It's been major depression, it's been bipolar 2, it's been mood dysregulation. I know for sure I have bad social anxiety and I'm depressed but there's something deeper going on here and I don't know what. Therapy doesn't seem to be doing squat, but I guess I have to give the therapist time to get to know me and form an opinion without jumping the gun. I just hate the lengthy process, I want to be better. I used to be so outgoing and wild and fun. And now, I have no ambition, no desire, nothing. My life feels like a hopeless wreck, I'm drowning in debt, unemployed, in the criminal justice system, and I just want to die and make it all go away. That's what's on my mind.
  7. It's so incredibly hard for me to function like a normal adult. I'm diagnosed bipolar 2 with social phobia, I feel like my only option is applying for disability benefits and I have no idea where to start. I'm only 20 years old and my anxiety holds me back from normal daily functioning, my bipolar makes me extremely uinreliable in the workplace, even on medication. I feel as though I'm a lost cause. I need disability as a safety net but since I'm only 20 I feel like I'm just going to get denied and I don't have the money to hire a disability lawyer. I feel like I'm on the cusp of giving up in this world. I've heard bipolar disorder alone is enough to qualify, and I also have co-morbid disorders that further prevent me from functioning. I'm just so scared for my future. I have a criminal record because of an episode of mania and not realizing what I was doing was wrong. Anyone have any experience with disability?
  8. It's just tough bc anxiety always holds me back.
  9. Someone stole my anxiety medication while I was at work because I accidentally left it in the bathroom like an *****. Been suffering and don't even feel comfortable calling the doctor and explaining the situation because then I'd have to deal with insurance asking why I need a controlled substance again so soon. Ack. Not even sure if these medications are working for the bipolar disorder and mood disregulation. Somehow the anxiety masks it all until it's under control and then the only thing that controls it is just a bandaid. Bleh. I feel like crap. >.<
  10. Feeling your pain
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