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k_sss

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Everything posted by k_sss

  1. Maybe it was the easy way out, but it doesn't mean it was an entirely wrong thing to do...I'm realizing that boundaries are important. For me, it's hard to let go of people and I'm usually the one who sticks around hoping to help someone "wake up" and fix their harmful behavoirs. Buts it's gotten me into so much trouble and stressful situations---and ultimately I end up influenced in some way by these bad behaviors. I just want people to take care of themselves, but if I can't help them I distance or remove myself, even though it makes me sad and miss them a lot.
  2. I've had rage issues since I was really young---like 3---and over time it's gotten better in the sense that I now understand why it is that I grew up so miserable, isolated, and angry, and worse in the sense that the feelings can result in more estructive behaviors since at this age, people are not under constant supervision. I've broken plates against my wall, ripped through the canvasses of paintings I've made, said horribly hurtful and regrettable things to people, and gone tearing off into the night in hysterics and anger, without any plan of where I'm going. Walking actually helps get the aggressive energy out, but as a woman it's also unwise to walk alone late at night. On the other hand, the risk factor of it probably also appeases my anger. For me I've noticed that anger like that happens when I have emotional overload---I'm very sad about something (or nothing) and then I get frustrated with being sad, which turns into a kind of blind rage. It sucks.
  3. I get this too. I started taking 150mg in July, and about a week ago upped the dose to 300mg. When I first started taking it I already wasn't eating that much...my diet consisted of quesadillas, banana/spinach smoothies, and PB&Js, and I 'd eat two of those things a day most of the time. I was crying a LOT, so it made me not want to eat. When I started taking it I became way more active and significantly more energetic, but didn't eat much more, just more of a variety. Now that I'm on 300mg I'm not usually very hungry, and I'll eat a few pieces of toast and a protein bar and then usually more toast/crackers for dinner. Only time I eat a decent meal is if I'm eating with my boyfriend. I also quit drinking/going to parties, so getting drunk and snacking isn't a thing for me anymore either.
  4. I hope I'm doing this post right...um, where should I start? I've struggled with mental illness pretty much forever. It was only in high school that I started really going to therapy and really ever since then things have gotten worse. Currently in my second year of college and I already feel completely passionless...this sucks so much more because I'm studying art. I feel alienated from my friends and disillusioned with them after a lot of group drama went on. Two people very close to me made an attempt on their lives this year. In September I guess I snapped and tried to follow suit, but obviously I survived. Ever since then I've been trying to get to a stable place. I feel constantly inadequate, overly sensitive and I'm not as bright as I used to be because I'm in a rut and too depressed to care. My boyfriend isn't any better off than I am emotionally, and we're both trying really hard not to let our issues ruin this. I guess I feel that I need another way to talk about all of this. I don't know. I just turned 20 last month and I feel so old sometimes.
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