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About Eva79

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  1. Well, I'm surprised you didn't pack you staff then. But who am I to say? It is easy to say, "you should have done this, you should have done that."...but tell you one thing, your spouse should always be on your side, except of course if she had beleaved all that stuff. But again, if she had beloved then she should have left you. And now what? You stayed, got depressed, she knew what ever her daughter was saying wasn't true. She didn't do anything about it and 25 years later "ops I was just kidding"....seriously?
  2. I have to agree with other members, let them go and take care of yourself. I lost most of my friend after my divorce. I knew it would happen because my ex was a social butterfly and I was the one who left him, I was the one with issues. So just let yourself heal. I understand how desperately you want to be loved and understood, but sometimes you just need to let it go. Best of luck.
  3. Thank you all for reading and great ideas and thoughts.
  4. There is a lot of truth to your statement. It does seem I like men with pesonality disorders. But then I think to myself it can be me, he is the way he is with me because it is my fault.
  5. I'm new to this site. I guess I supposed to say little bit about myself. Well I have a lot of issues. I call them my little devils in my head. :). Most of my issues come from my childhood, my mom was and is very controlling and manipulative and my father was emotionally unavailable or emotionally chalanged. By the time I became a teen I never called him "father"and we never talked. He could pass me on a street and never notice me . I was invisible. I did not exist. At age 15 I started looking for love all in wrong places and as soon as I turned 16 I was raped by my so called "date". I was raped again twice at age 17. First time I was raped I told my mom, but she didn't believed me she though I asked for it, and she told my father , and from that moment my father stoped talking to me until his death. For some reason the older I get the more I think about it and the more it bothers me. I know I need professional help, or I may never recover. I've never got any professional help after being raped 3 rimes in my teens. I never told anyone after my mother did believe me. So many, many failed relationships and failed marriage later I'm here on this site because I'm again in a toxic relationship and I'm a mess. Thank you for listening
  6. I'm sorry, that's terrible. I understand why you have been depressed all these years. It seems very completed. Children always want their parents to go back together. But your wife should have done something.
  7. Do you know why you got depressed and lost interest in having physical relationship with your wife? Just thinking from a female point of view. I think your success in starting over with your wife depends on why you haven't been intimate all these years. Talking to her about it could be helpful in understanding if there is a chance. Good luck!
  8. A Very good question, why you push away the one you love. Probably because a depressed person lives in misery. If you are miserable how can you make someone happy? So you are miserable you make someone you love miserable and they make you miserable back. Its a chain reaction. I think. I have an anxiety issues, my boyfriend is depressed because he has fallen ill. So we are making each other miserable. Here you go, just an example.
  9. I just need to talk to someone. I don't know who. My cat? He is the only one who listens. My friends(and I don't have many)? You can't keep calling them to tell your problems. They just may loose your number. My mother, omg, no way!. She will try to tell me how to live my life, still!!!! My mother is very manipulative and controlling. I'm no longer a kid! I have a teenage daughter myself. Well just venting. Anxiety. Always had an anxiety since I was a kid. My mother was very controlling and manipulative(now I understand, before I thought my mom was the best)and my father was emotionally unavailable. Bless his soul! I wanted my dad so bad...I just wanted him to notice me, to love me... he never did... Why do I still dwell on it? I have no idea. He is dead, has need dead for a long time, but I keep thinking about it. May be because my life is so screwed up. Failed relationship after relationship, failed marriage...keep looking for that love my father never gave me? Probably. I have trouble to express my feelings to open up, so I find emotionally unavailable men, just like my father. I wonder if it will ever stop, why can't I just accept my father like he was? Can I let it go? I was on and off antidepressants for over 10years. Stopped 6 months ago. Not so sure they helped. What is helping me is Ativan, I only take it when I have an anxiety attack. I don't drink, no drugs, not even cigarettes. Exercise(most of the time). Have a good job. Right. So what is wrong with me, why do I keep finding toxic men? Thanks dad! I can't sleep. I couldn't sleep since I was a teenager. I sleep through the night ok if and when I fall asleep. And stomach aches, every day. Since I was a kid, since I can remember myself I have always had stomach aches. Doctors couldn't understand why I have had stomach aches. I think it is IBS. Anxiety. Just venting, don't have anyone to talk to. I feel so alone. People don't want to deal with people who have emotional issues. So you hide your problems you pretend everything is okedokee. You smile, you say things they want to hear. Yep. Life goes on. As I said just venting.
  10. Hello Lovely Foreigner, I love your name, I also feel like a lonely foreigner. I'm having a major anxiety attack, refuse to take anything except lorazepam as needed. I wanted to go and exercise tonight but I'm not sure I have energy for that. You are right I need to leave him, but how....
  11. Hi everyone. I'm new here. My story is a very long one and probably belongs in PTSD section or even in "emotionally unavailable father" section, howeve this is a separate page out of my life. After my hellish divorce in 2006 I've been on Wellbutrin and Ativan, to help in dealing with my norcististic ex husband. My daughter is 19 now, so I stopped taking the meds. Still taking Ativan and here is why. I met my boyfriend 6 years ago and we have been living together for 5 year. One year ago he had to go emergency room because he got parolyzed after the flu. He has GPS syndrome. Total paralyzes which is 90-100% reversable, but it may take up to 3 years or longer. He is very mean, cranky, verbally abusive. Calls me names. He is always negative. If I say something trying to be helpful his responce will be, "I'm not going to do this, I know you want me to do it, but you can't control me and can't tell me what to do". OK. But I'm his caretaker. I do it full time. I have a helper coming twice a week otherwise I'm the one who is taking care of him. And I have a full time job. He tells me he wishes he were dead. I have a hard time falling asleep so if I make a noise at night and wake him up he would get really up set starts calling me names and telling me that he would rather be in a nursing home then with me. The only way I can prevent myself from going crazy if I take Ativan. I can't leave him because he is ill. I tell myself as soon as he is able to take care of himself I'll leave him. I may not live that long... I may get me sick from all this stress. What do I do?
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