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  1. @posie_riot I hope the kitty is for me!! My cats really enjoyed the boxes and the wrapping paper
  2. Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah to everyone in this forum and to your COs!!!!
  3. @HopelessRomantic2011 I'm happy to hear that. Hope you had fun at the store. Christmas shopping or food shopping or CO gift shopping??
  4. @Audrey822Do you know if your CO has a hobby? Maybe you could get something related to that hobby. As to the question of signing your name or not, how badly do you want her to know this gift is from you? Or would you be happy just knowing you gave her something? I think that's what it comes down to. -------------------------- Yes, I finally thought of something that I could get her. While thinking about your comment about signing my name, I realized that I did want her to know it is from me. Then I started fantasizing that she wrote me a thank you letter. Then I wrote her back and we become "pen pals" until she finally said, "you're 3 blocks away. Come over for a drink" I'll leave the rest to your imagination ? What are the chances?
  5. @HopelessRomantic2011 I know I'm a little late, but I wanted to say that I'm happy your surgery went well? Are you feeling better?
  6. @posie_riot I am so happy to hear that you didn't need surgery!! I hope that you never do. Do you think that if you met your CO, you would be content forever? Or do you think that at some point, the reality part would kick in and he would be just like anyone else? You mIght like him or you might not? Have you had multiple COs in your life or just one? I've had CO after CO after CO. I don't have those intense feelings anymore for the past ones. I do feel that if my real life and my fantasy life would start to merge, at some point I would be focusing on a new CO. I didn't feel this way when I was younger, but now that I am older and understand why I need a CO in my life, I feel that what I really need is something that doesn't exist
  7. Hi All-- I haven't been on in a while. My work hours are crazy (literally) and I don't always have time to check in. I would like to tell @posie_riot that I am happy your surgery went well. I haven't had many surgeries but they can be anxiety provoking. In the 90's, I had a surgery and kept telling the anesthesiologist (had to look that word up) that I wasn't getting tired.... I wasn't getting tired.... I wasn't getting tired....and then I saw my surgeon leaning over me telling me that it was over I was worried that I would feel the surgery as I have heard that that has happened to some people where it appears to the doctors that they are medicated correctly, but the person feels it and can't do anything about it. Luckily, I wasn't one of those rare cases. That's my anxiety side at work. I'm feeling a very strong longing today for my CO. Sometimes, I am fine and can make up fantasies without having that stabbed-in-the-heart feeling of hopelessness. I was near her apartment over the weekend. So close but so far.... I had 2 days of fantasies --- a really good one while shopping at Lord & Taylor! While shopping, I was thinking about what I would wear with her. I was in the dressing room thinking about whether or not she would like the clothes. Then when I woke up today, I just felt sad. Everything is in my head and will never come to be. Intellectually, I know that even if my fantasy came true, over time, that "need for her" would probably become a need for someone else. But eventually I'll be dead anyway so I just don't care if my need for her is not healthy. I just want to experience it. It sounds like many of you have had the same CO over time. My need for a CO started when I was 5 years old and I have switched to new people (mostly celebrities) over the years. I'm into about 5 years with my current one. Oh... I watched a movie with her last night. Don't know if that had anything to do with waking up sad and hopeless. I want to send her something, but I want it to be something special to her. I can't think of anything that a stranger could send me that would be special to me. I really just want to feel connected to her and knowing that she would see a gift from me makes me happy. Should I send her something? What? Should I sign my name? Thanks everyone.... this is a very special group and I appreciate you all....
  8. @OpalP25 Part of me wants to actually have a real relationship or at least something resembling a love life. I've been single for over two years now, and I feel like I'm wasting away the years of my life where I should be dating and having fun - trouble is, the thought of doing that fills me with dread. Being by myself and dreaming about being with someone who doesn't know I exist still seems like the better option to me. ____ This line is me !
  9. @posie_riot yes, I flip flop also I keep thinking that I may be bipolar even though my "highs" are just feeling normal. I have only been diagnosed with depression. There is a medicine called lamictal that works as a mood stabilizer that I am going to ask my doctor about. I've been on SSRIs and Wellbutrin for a long time but never tried a mood stabilizer. Most of them have bad side effects except for lamictal which has one very bad but rare side effect ....you develop a rash and your skin falls off and it gets pretty bad after that. I might risk it.
  10. I'm feeling very depressed tonight. I don't have anyone to tell so I'm posting it here. It's that hopeless feeling I have when I want to be held by my CO.
  11. My CO is older now and so there is nothing online about what she is doing. She has kids so probably with them. I find myself envious of her daughters.... Oy.....
  12. @BattleScars As a side note, my CO's wife posted many pictures of them together at an event last night. It's like she does it on purpose to show me what I can't have. He looks so happy with her. Sigh. ___________ Thank for you for the welcome! I was thinking about what you wrote about the pictures of your CO happy with someone else. Usually when I watch interviews or read articles about my CO on the Internet, it makes me sad and I get a feeling that is hard to explain. It's sort of feels like having a knife in my heart. Today is Thanksgiving and while it's nice to be with my family, there's a sadness at the holidays that I always get. I loved Thanksgiving & Christmas when I was a kid but over time as an adult, have given up on getting excited. And it comes and goes much more quickly the older you get so I know that before long, it will be January and I'll be thinking about spring. The holidays will never be like those moments I have in my head. How are you doing today? I hope you're having a great CO-free day :)
  13. Has anyone wondered what their CO is doing today on Thanksgiving! It's floating around my house and enters my consciousness every so often.
  14. @Audrey822 While not sleeping last night, I realized that I wasn't clear on the screenplay note that I wrote yesterday. It may have sounded like a made a couple of movies. Nope.... just wrote a couple of screenplays but never found interest in them.... Enjoy your day!
  15. @Audrey822 Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship Christine Ann Lawson - September 1, 2000 Jason Aronson, Incorporated Thank you for sharing your story. I found this book about borderline mothers very helpful and probably should read it again. Not sure if it will resonate with you but I remember I couldn't put it down. I am not a writer but have studied screenwriting and written a couple of screenplays. The story that I really want to write is about "living life in my head". I do secretly think about my CO getting a hold of it and wanting to meet me because she was so touched by the story.
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