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Kellyb79

Junior Member
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  1. Like
    Kellyb79 reacted to Jalen for a status update, Feeling a lot of things right now, but mostly lonely. It's just a perpetual feeling,   
    Feeling a lot of things right now, but mostly lonely. It's just a perpetual feeling, never seems to go away.
    Sometimes I question if anything is real at all.
    -Jalen
  2. Like
    Kellyb79 got a reaction from Asta for a status update, Well... It's been awhile. I've had a lot going on, plus some internet problems. But i   
    Well... It's been awhile. I've had a lot going on, plus some internet problems. But it seems to be working for the moment at least. And I wanted to say hello, see how all of you were, and check in. Plus I just needed it. I hope you guys are doing ok. I'm gonna try my best to least get on here once a day if internet cooperates. All of you are great company, therapy, and support ❤️
  3. Like
    Kellyb79 reacted to quentin360 for a status update, Hello all my good friends, it has been a while. I do hope and pray that everyone is d   
    Hello all my good friends, it has been a while. I do hope and pray that everyone is doing well, or the best you can. As most of you know, I have been dealing with extreme health issues that just, for some reason, keeps getting worse. I had another esophagogastroduodenoscopy, damn that was a mouth full, it is just a scope down my throat to my stomach. The ulcer is somewhat better, but they still may have to do surgery.But what has got me really p***** off is a whole different issue I have encountered. I got these very large lumps under my armpits on both sides. It turns out that they are Sebaseous Cysts filled with Staph, if I spelled that right. As if I was not already high enough maintenance with eating right and stuff, but now I have to keep the cysts clean throughout the day, take more antibiotics, take "bleach" baths, put on antibiotic creme and keep the areas gauzed, ain't that some .
    Well that's me, yall know how I hate to complain about my own problems, though I have done a lot for a couple months, and yes THANKS for the prayers. How is everybody else doing today? I plan to get on here more often, if possible, if just to let yall know I'm still alive...lol...I have to go get some things but i will get back on later and read my messages and stuff...
             ...Be Good to Yourselves...Quentin...

  4. Like
    Kellyb79 got a reaction from Jalen for a status update, Hi everyone. I just wanna say that for anyone that has wondered about me in the past   
    Hi everyone. I just wanna say that for anyone that has wondered about me in the past month or so, I didn't mean to disappear or worry any of you. I've had a lot going on, and a lot on my mind. Which you'd think would click in my head that I need to get on here at those times even more. But for some reason I didn't. I've still been feeling super anxious with panic attacks day and middle of the night, though not every single day/night. So I guess that's a plus. And my head is always still going in what feels like 5000 directions and 5000 mph every day, so it's hard to put actual focus on anything if that makes sense. On the bright side, my boyfriend has helped me with this stuff a lot.I stay with him now, so he's with me day to day in my moments. He may not understand them, but he does his best to try. That in itself helps some. Idk. I just feel really overwhelmed still. No motivation most days, not in a sad mood or anything.. just not feeling like doing anything. And that's not me. I'm still on my lexipro, trying to give that more of a chance, and I joined an anxiety/depression group at my church once a week. So I am still trying to get a grip on this stuff the best I can. Anyway, I'm gonna try to be on here more, as it's helped me since day one to talk to all of you. I just want you to know that if I don't get on for awhile, it don't respond right away, that I'm not ignoring you. I hope all of you are doing OK. Ive thought about everyone on here even when I wasnt on myself. 
  5. Like
    Kellyb79 reacted to Natasha1 for a status update, happy new year to all. may we all find peace in 2017. im trying to forgive myself so   
    happy new year to all. may we all find peace in 2017. im trying to forgive myself so that maybe i can too.
  6. Like
    Kellyb79 reacted to quentin360 for a status update, I am going to go to bed now and hope, with all yalls prayers that I will be better to   
    I am going to go to bed now and hope, with all yalls prayers that I will be better tomorrow. I love and appreciate everyone of you guys, Just let me leave yall with this...your friend Quentin...
     
     
  7. Like
    Kellyb79 reacted to quentin360 for a status update, Merry Christmas...I will return here shortly my friends...   
    Merry Christmas...I will return here shortly my friends...
  8. Like
    Kellyb79 reacted to carter_burn1 for a status update, I love Christmas! NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM!!!!!   
    I love Christmas! NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM!!!!!
  9. Like
    Kellyb79 got a reaction from carter_burn1 for a status update, I always always try to be grateful for everything and everyone in my life, even when   
    I always always try to be grateful for everything and everyone in my life, even when they're are rough patches I'm dealing with at the time, as there are so many people that have it way worse. But I gotta say, this anxiety/depression/self harm combo stuff that I'm trying to work through is frustrating and exhausting as hell. The anxiety I can handle for the most part, as I've dealt with it for years. But having depression, and this new self harm thing(only a handful of times, but a handful too many) on top of it is a whole other thing that I'm just not used to dealing with. I know I can get through it, it's just so frustrating, and makes you feel broken inside. And I've been swamped lately, so I haven't been on much, but I'll be on more in the next couple days, because my schedule won't be so hectic for a little bit at least. And I've noticed the heightened anxiety since not being on here every day. All of you just really help me a lot, and I just wanna say thank you. I hope all of you are doing ok♡
  10. Like
    Kellyb79 got a reaction from Natasha1 for a status update, I always always try to be grateful for everything and everyone in my life, even when   
    I always always try to be grateful for everything and everyone in my life, even when they're are rough patches I'm dealing with at the time, as there are so many people that have it way worse. But I gotta say, this anxiety/depression/self harm combo stuff that I'm trying to work through is frustrating and exhausting as hell. The anxiety I can handle for the most part, as I've dealt with it for years. But having depression, and this new self harm thing(only a handful of times, but a handful too many) on top of it is a whole other thing that I'm just not used to dealing with. I know I can get through it, it's just so frustrating, and makes you feel broken inside. And I've been swamped lately, so I haven't been on much, but I'll be on more in the next couple days, because my schedule won't be so hectic for a little bit at least. And I've noticed the heightened anxiety since not being on here every day. All of you just really help me a lot, and I just wanna say thank you. I hope all of you are doing ok♡
  11. Like
    Kellyb79 got a reaction from Jalen for a status update, I always always try to be grateful for everything and everyone in my life, even when   
    I always always try to be grateful for everything and everyone in my life, even when they're are rough patches I'm dealing with at the time, as there are so many people that have it way worse. But I gotta say, this anxiety/depression/self harm combo stuff that I'm trying to work through is frustrating and exhausting as hell. The anxiety I can handle for the most part, as I've dealt with it for years. But having depression, and this new self harm thing(only a handful of times, but a handful too many) on top of it is a whole other thing that I'm just not used to dealing with. I know I can get through it, it's just so frustrating, and makes you feel broken inside. And I've been swamped lately, so I haven't been on much, but I'll be on more in the next couple days, because my schedule won't be so hectic for a little bit at least. And I've noticed the heightened anxiety since not being on here every day. All of you just really help me a lot, and I just wanna say thank you. I hope all of you are doing ok♡
  12. Like
    Kellyb79 reacted to carter_burn1 for a status update, Panic! - Sarah Smiles I was fine, just a guy living on my own, Waiting for the sky to   
    Panic! - Sarah Smiles
    I was fine, just a guy living on my own,
    Waiting for the sky to fall.
    Then you called and changed it all, doll.
    Velvet lips and the eyes to pull me in.
    We both know you'd already win
     
  13. Like
    Kellyb79 reacted to Jalen for a status update, Hey everybody, just talked to @quentin360 . He asked me to tell you guys that he's do   
    Hey everybody, just talked to @quentin360. 
    He asked me to tell you guys that he's doing better and will be back on DF forum soon.
    @gs22 @Kellyb79 @Natasha1 @samadhiSheol @CoolCat7
  14. Like
    Kellyb79 reacted to quentin360 for a status update, Hello everyone, I hope again that everyone is doing well. I just can't seem to make i   
    Hello everyone, I hope again that everyone is doing well. I just can't seem to make it very far after 9pm and I am ready for sleep. I am feeling a bit better now and hopefully tomorrow will be good. Just know that I am ok for now and will be on here more oftyen soon...Be Good to Yourselves... 

  15. Like
    Kellyb79 reacted to carter_burn1 for a status update, I don't know why, but I woke up this morning thinking about just how many abused and   
    I don't know why, but I woke up this morning thinking about just how many abused and neglected women there are out there, and how many of them put up with it or even think it's their fault. It makes me angry, sad, and confused...I don't get the whole institution of abusing someone you love. I can't even fathom raising my hand or even my voice to any woman, let alone the one I've promised to love and protect. Anyway, it reminded me that there's a song...wouldn't be a carter status update without lyrics...
    The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Face Down
    I'll never understand why you hang around
    I see what's going down.
    Cover up with make up in the mirror
    Tell yourself it's never gonna happen again
    You cry alone and then he swears he loves you.
    Do you feel like a man
    When you push her around?
    Do you feel better now, as she falls to the ground?
    Face down in the dirt
    She said "This doesn't hurt!"
    She said "I finally had enough!"
    One day she will tell you that she has had enough
    It's coming round again
  16. Like
    Kellyb79 reacted to Jalen for a status update, Sorry I haven't been quite as active recently, once I'm in a better state I'll grt ba   
    Sorry I haven't been quite as active recently, once I'm in a better state I'll grt back to normal. Thank all of you for being such great friends to me.
  17. Like
    Kellyb79 reacted to quentin360 for a status update, Oh crap!! I did it again...All I wanted was a photo editing program, so I downloaded   
    Oh crap!! I did it again...All I wanted was a photo editing program, so I downloaded it but the computer refused to open it so I could not install it. I spent all freaking day on thinking it was my PC and after hours of that I finally found out it was the site I was downloading from. And for gs22, Jalen, Natasha1, Mikayla and everyone else that was concerned about my recent illness, I have an update. The doctor called today and said that I have a few gallstones and a fatty liver as well, and I still have to get the scope done on the 22nd...I want to get all this out of the way so I can, this time, go back with my sister to Florida. As for Christmas, how many of you yet have had someone to say "Hey get into the Holiday Spirit"??..Well I for one can not seem to even put up one decoration. 
    Last year I had my nephew, his wife and their two little girls and now there is no one here at my house.My sister said we may have Christmas Eve over here and that would be the only reason I would put them up. But I just can't find the streanth or motivation to do so. I hope and pray that everyone else is having a good holiday season...Be Good to Yourselves...

  18. Like
    Kellyb79 reacted to carter_burn1 for a status update, So come on, come on I won't leave without you If we die then we die And I'll sing thi   
    So come on, come on
    I won't leave without you
    If we die then we die
    And I'll sing this buried with you
    I need somebody 
    Somebody crazy enough to tell me
    I will love you till we
    Till we are buried
    Our bodies
    Our bodies buried close together
    Cemetery weather
    In the cemetery weather
    I never knew what I would do
    If anybody tried to take you away

    Isles and Glaciers - Cemetery Weather
     
  19. Like
    Kellyb79 reacted to quentin360 for a status update, Hello my friends, I sure hope all are well today. It is tuesday the 13th at 8:58pm he   
    Hello my friends, I sure hope all are well today. It is tuesday the 13th at 8:58pm here in GA and my status is complicated to say the least. Day after day has been so hard on me that I just don't know why I even try anymore. I know, it is because I hope every night that the next day will be better. I hate the night time because I feel so extra lonely and sort of hopeless. The mornings are not as bad but here lately I have woke up to feeling like death and can and don't move out of my chair for hours. I then spend the rest of the day working on my PC and that's driving me insane. I did go to NA last night but was half asleep the whole time. All in all I am doing the best that I think I can do...Be Good to Yourselves...
  20. Like
    Kellyb79 reacted to carter_burn1 for a status update, I spread a little positivity and cheer today, and it wasn't even on DF! Just texted m   
    I spread a little positivity and cheer today, and it wasn't even on DF! Just texted me instructor for my cert. course last month, let her know I passed it hard, and thank her for being a great teacher. She replied with a thank you and six hundred smiley faces, lol. Made me happy 
  21. Like
    Kellyb79 reacted to carter_burn1 for a status update, I will come back to life... But only for you.   
    I will come back to life...
    But only for you.
  22. Like
    Kellyb79 got a reaction from Jalen for a status update, In having an extremely high anxiety day and panic attacks for the past couple days st   
    In having an extremely high anxiety day and panic attacks for the past couple days straight. Just wanna say thank you all for being here for me in these moments. You're all amazing
  23. Like
    Kellyb79 reacted to quentin360 for a status update, My Status Update 12.12.2016 @ 2:28pm Hello all my good friends, I hope everyone is do   
    My Status Update 12.12.2016 @ 2:28pm
     
    Hello all my good friends, I hope everyone is doing good or at least the best that you can. I know I have not been on the forum in a few days but I think and worry a lot about that. It's just that my mind gets so scattered a lot lately. I can have a small computer issue and end up spending all day on trying to figure it out, with not much avail. I would love to get on here and say how good things are for me right now but I just can't. I have been so very depressed, very anxious and just feeling like...well death, for lack of a better word.
    A CMT FB friend of mine got a DUI and I have been writing a letter to the Judge on his behalf, but my computer kept screwing up and I would work on it for hours and that gets me so anxious and screws with my head. There is a bright side though, my stomach has not hurt in about a week now. When I am not on the forum I do get worried that you guys are worrying about me or that you think I might not care as much anymore, which is of course not the case. The way that things have been for me lately I will tell you all that there will be days of me not being here (just feeling sorry for myself) and days that I will be here and support those that need it. So guys that's my status for now...Be Good to Yourselves...
     

  24. Like
    Kellyb79 reacted to carter_burn1 for a status update, MCR - Hang em High Wait until it fades to black, ride into the sunset...would I lie t   
    MCR - Hang em High
    Wait until it fades to black, ride into the sunset...would I lie to you? Well I've got somethin' to say...
    Draw your six gun from your back, throttle the ignition, would I die for you? Well here's your answer in spades...
    Shotgun sinners, wild eyed jokers, got you in my sights...gun it while I'm holding on, and
    Don't stop if I fall and don't look back...oh baby don't stop, bury me, and fade to black

    Look alive, sunshine...109 in the sky but the pigs won't quit! You're here with me, Dr. Death Defying...I'll be your surgeon, your doctor, your helicopter! Pumpin' out the slaughtamatic sounds to keep you live! System failure for the masses...antimatter for the master plan! Louder than God's revolver and twice as shiny! This one's for all you rock and rollers, all you crash queens and motor babies...listen up! The future is bulletproof, the aftermath is secondary! It's time to do it now and do it loud...Killjoys! Make some noise!
    *I know I'm in a lyricky mood today. And I know that lyricky is not a word...but this is my profile, suckas, so deal with it!
  25. Like
    Kellyb79 reacted to carter_burn1 for a status update, This song was written by one of the band members...I found out why, after dissecting   
    This song was written by one of the band members...I found out why, after dissecting the lyrics. One of the member's fathers was a hardcore, out-of-control alcoholic. Thought I'd share the lyrics in case anyone on DF is going through something similar...it's nice to hear someone else articulate on your situation, don't you think?
    The I.V. and your hospital bed
    This was no accident
    This was a therapeutic chain of events
    This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor
    This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital
    And it's not so pleasant and it's not so conventional
    And it sure as hell ain't normal but we deal, we deal
    The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering where
    The apathy and urgency is that I thought I phoned in
    No it's not so pleasant and it's not so conventional
    And it sure as hell ain't normal but we deal, we deal
    Just sit back, just sit back, sit back, relax
    Just sit back, just sit back, sit back, relapse again, again
    Can't take the kid from the fight
    Take the fight from the kid,
    Sit back, relax, sit back, relapse again
    Can't take the kid from the fight but
    Take the fight from the kid,
    Just sit back, just sit back
    You're a regular decorated emergency
    The bruises and contusions will remind you what you did when you wake
    You've earned a place atop the ICU's hall of fame
    The camera caught you causing a commotion on the gurney again
     
    Panic at the Disco - Camisado
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