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Kisa

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  1. Today was stormy with heavy rain, so my exercise war getting out of bed, switching the heater on, later shutting the heater off, going to bed :( I already feel the result of not moving, my mood is down, the pain is much stronger than most of the time.
  2. I actually feel pretty good, realizing that I am coming out of the 'Wellbutrin-hole'.
  3. What's the author's name? I'd love to read it myself. I actually try to read anything that helps me to understand depression (and the effect on physical pain).
  4. Yesterday I read a post about self hate and not being able to 'fix'it and wrote a reply. When I started writing I actually had no clue where I was going to go and created the idea of dissociate you from yourself and see yourself as a patient and help this patient. When I was finished, I actually thought that it is a good idea and might work for her. This morning I realized, that this is actually the magic of this forum, you try to help others, who have the same or very similar problems like you, and unconsciously you find a way to help yourself, although most of the time you've thought you can't do anything to get yourself out of the misery. Now you have at least the idea of what might help you - following through is another topic. Why are you here?
  5. Woke up with the terrible thought that I may have offended someone in this world with my post yesterday night, which was absolutely not my idea. And now I can't find it to explain what I meant, but probably didn't write. It's like saying something and later realizing that it came out not the way it was supposed to, and it's too late to 'fix' it.
  6. Kisa

    Trying

    You did the first step with thinking about giving it a try, just continue with one step after the other, when you need a break, take it, when you fall get up and continue. It might be worth the effort, but you don't know unless you try it.
  7. I am an atheist as well, but I can accept the concept of God as a metaphor, not as the white man with a long beard looking down on us. I think the basic of this pompous video is - what I've accepted as fact - that our upbringing, education, surrounding, and contacts limit us in perceiving the world more openly. We clutch to the moral we were told, we strive to be successful, accordingly to the values we were taught, behave appropriate, and think in a very limited realm. When I was in school there were just three dimensions, considering time as the fourth was a new concept. I was brought up with the idea that mathematics is a fact, is true - not that it is a working theory. How can you grow with these limitation? But humans feel save to adhere to things, values, and thoughts that were approved by society, they accepted them as their own. But now disassociate yourself from all that, be aware of the structure and how you are controlled by it - realize that you don't do anything out of your free will. When you stop at this point, you most likely will end up in depression or anxieties, you will be lost because you dissociated yourself from something that gave you security, a core desire of the human race. The next step is to find yourself and open up to new thoughts, new associations, different perceptions, discoveries, and imaginations, only possible because you do not limit yourself by following the old values and structures of thinking you adhered to. Not being lost and afraid, but finding the values in yourself gives you a new security and safety. If you need God to find the 'new you' is just a matter of opinion. What I wrote is more my opinion than an interpretation of the video, but I think across the board, that the message is similar.
  8. Dissociate yourself, imagine you step out of your body and see yourself, see yourself as a patient you have to help, analyse the reasons for the mistakes your patient makes. It's most likely a malfunction of the brain. Do you hate your patient for that? Of course not. How can you help her? Let her see the things that are good, even when they are minuscule, support her in accepting her illness. You are ill, you have a disease. Would you hate yourself if you had a physical disease? You may hate the circumstances, you may hate the disease, but you most likely woudn't hate yourself.
  9. Mountains, rivers, clouds, sun, rain, rainbows - enjoying a beautiful view, smell, and sound are actually the BIG things in my life. Nature is my escape, it keeps me sane, it keeps me alive - I imagine being the eagle floating above me, it's so overwhelmingly beautiful and powerful that it can get me out of my depression into a short, almost painful burst of happiness. And then there are the small things: signing up for ikea family card, I had to make a cross for my income, in the past I was somewhere in the middle, this time I was below the lowest, I have actually just a third of their lowest. This one cross got me. One f..... cross and my entire misery hit me. I know this was not the intention of this topic, but I used to see both sides of a coin. To get out of my 'misery' I started reading posts - it helps a lot knowing that I am not alone.
  10. Omg I can't believe that. I would have gone directly to HR and complaint about this person, even in my last second at work. But that just helps other people, no yourself directly, the damage is done, you can't 'unhear' this assault. Second thought: to be correct, I would have been so hurt, that I had done nothing but pondered if other people felt the same, my self esteem (whatever is left) would have been shattered. I WAS the person, who would have taken action. It's really sad to see how much I have changed. --- Writing this and thinking of the change gets me to the edge. Have to stop now.
  11. Saw a neurosurgeon today (for my non-mental problems), he diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia, and acknowledge that it can be very painful, so far so good, then he said 'it could be worse, you could have cancer'. What the hell was that? Fibromyalgia, chronic pain from an accident, bi-polar and clinic depressed is enough, I really don't need to be told that it could be worse - especially not by a doctor.
  12. Hi KellyB79, Im so sorry to hear about your anxiety, but I congratulate you for asking for help. Unfortunately I have to leave for my physician, so I can't be there for you. Breathing exercises help me with anxiety, depression, and pain. Lay down on a blanket or mat, close your eyes, feel your body, feel were it touches the ground, breath deep, very conscious, feel the air go into your lungs, hold it for a short time, breath out. Slow down your breath-in/out cycles, then start to do variations, breath shallow, breath deep, breath into your breast, breath into your belly. While slowing down reduces the anxiety and prevents you from going into panic mood, the other exercises may help you to keep the anxiety down. Or even get rid of it. It might take some time, but when you do it often enough, just laying down on the mat is a positive trigger for your brain that you're going to relax. At least it works for me. Have to go, hope it helps you
  13. You deal with an irrational emotional reaction - Unfortunately I have no idea how I can help with your emotions since my answer is a more intellectual one. I always say it is better to be criticized than ignored, because when you get a constructive criticism, someone cares enough about you (to at least try) to help you. The biggest mistake is to be afraid to make one, you need failure and criticism to grow. When you are afraid to be criticized, you are stressed, and when you are stressed you make unnecessary and avoidable mistakes, and get criticized for those - it's a vicious circle. Don't apologize or say you could be wrong before your statement. Opening with 'in my opinion' or ' I think' tells your listeners that you are open for a discussion, which includes a constructive criticism. (It's enough when you say it once) Or you end your statement with: what do you think? That puts you in an active position, you ask for opinions, criticism, or help. You are leading the discussion, you are not the 'victim' of criticism and you can always ending strong acknowledging what the other person said, thanking for the new point of view, saying you are thinking about it - you don't have to agree, you don't have to fight. Practice it with a friend. Change your attitude, don't be afraid to be wrong, see it as a chance to learn from others - or get a confirmation that you had a good idea or thought. That would be my advice to a person that is shy and lacks self esteem. Since we are mentally/emotionally challenged there might be trigger points in your case that go far beyond shyness and lack of self esteem. I hope that my post is at least a little bit helpful
  14. NHZ Thanks for your post, I totally agree with what you wrote, I've many years of experience - on both sides. But getting experience takes time, many mistakes, misunderstandings, helplessness, anger, and so much more. My best friend is my husband, we are far beyond the point that we are afraid of hurting the other. Critic is as necessary as putting yourself in the other's shoes. (German expression). I don't know what's more challenging, being ill or being the partner of someone with clinic depression. Communication, understanding, and given each other space and/or the above mentioned hug is crucial.
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