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Hds03

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  1. I'm new to these forums so I just wanted to get everything off my chest so someone could see, even though I doubt anyone will read this. I have been struggling for quite some time, even though I am really young. When I was around 8, both of my parents were divorced. The rough part is my dad is an alcoholic and blind and my brother has severe autism and can't talk, leaving me to live with my mom while my dad moved back to his home state and my brother moved into a special home for him for we couldn't take care of him, for how much stress and effort it takes. For a while until we found a home we lived at my grandparents for a while, then moved into my aunt's house for a small time then a small house just a few blocks away from her. Things were kinda rough and I didn't really realize or understand what was going on then, I was still innocent. I attended the elementary school that was only a few minutes walk, so I'd walk there everyday. That place was so miserable for me. I broke down crying so much because I missed all my old friends at my old school, and nobody even bother to talk to me, I only had very few friends. Eventually I went to the high school, for the elementary school only went to 4th grade. At that high school, I always got bullied and harassed by this one kid. I got so fed up and I told my mom and when she told the principal, he wouldn't ever do anything about it. I had to stay at my aunts most of the time because my mom was gone a lot because she sells antiques and stuff at antique shows, which is how she eventually found this one guy and they started dating, which was weird at first because before they started dating, he bought plane tickets for us so we can fly down across the country and meet him and his daughter at the beach. I liked him at first, but my mom started to change. They were always on the road and I didn't see my mom for a while, and then eventually they took me out of the school and 'home-schooled' me. That meant I had to help them all the time at their shows, no one to hang out with, just them. Then after a while, we found a new house (where I live now) and we took all of our stuff from our old one and moved it to our new one, which was across the country. And of course I am attending the elementary school here, which is through 8th grade so this is my last year there then I'll go to the high school. But anyway, when I first moved here, I had no friends, I still don't have that many but atleast one's I can trust. The part that pi**es me off is the jocks. They're the ass-kissing teacher pets. But besides the point, the school is okay. Ever since my mom met that guy, she's changed, and she had a kid with him almost a year ago. He just proposed to her, and I don't know about it. All my parents do is make me work and whenever my step sister comes over, (she lives with her mom) she gets to pick to do everything and I never choose what to do. And I've never had so many problems physically and mentally until my mom met this ****er. Both of them are the reason I want to **** myself. Both of them are the reason I've overdosed. Both of them are the reason I cut myself. Both of them are the reason I'm so rebellious. I always have so much pent up anger, I feel like I'm gonna ****ing explode whenever someone messes with me. And this year I've been suspended twice, once for defending my girlfriend from this little **** that's been harassing her even though she told the principal and he kept doing it and once for snapping at this kid who I was fed up with. I was on Lexapro for a while but I stopped around a month or 2 ago completely because it seemed to make me even more angry and mental. The only thing in my life that's worth living is my girlfriend. It's so surprising that I haven't killed my parents yet because of everything they do to me. I need help but can't get anyway, and everything is just eating me up. I wake up everyday and I'm to depressed to do school work or to even bathe, and I feel like everyday then come home and get Biotched at every single day so I'm surprised I haven't killed myself yet even though the various attempts I've tried. I have so much anxiety and I'm so god damn bipolar. I know this might be really long, so I'll just end it here. I just wanted to get everything out so thanks everyone that reads this.
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