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mmoose

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mmoose last won the day on November 14 2017

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About mmoose

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  • Birthday 02/26/1969

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  1. Hello TGO, Welcome to DF. Glad you are here. Sorry you have to be here. We cannot change the past. And we cannot change others. We can only control how we react and what we do now. Sounds like you are still traumatized by past events. I have not found that ignoring them just makes them go away. Sometimes, we need to talk thru the events, get other people's reactions. We could be making a mountain out of a mole hill. Or, we can make a mole hill out of a mountain. Neither help us recover. Sometimes, we need a professional to talk it thru. Sometimes, peer discussion like this is enough. Do you have a professional therapist? It can be hard to work thru the process of sharing the pain, reliving the memories. But it seems we humans need feedback from others to process these and start the road to recovery. Otherwise, we let the past continue to dominate our present. And if nothing ever changes, it will drown our future. Just some thoughts on trying to move forward. Hope they give you something to think about.
  2. Hello JessiesMom, If this were me, I would plan a party just in case your parents MAKE it to the 50th anniversary. Maybe even invite them! Because it sounds like they might not make it. Family is complicated. Can't change that. Some families are more complicated than others. Can't do anything about that either! If their marriage is not something that either "feel like celebrating", then ok. But that does not mean that the rest of the family has to ignore it. I think the most important thing is that you and your siblings are on the same page (as much as possible) Maybe just a "get together", with or without the parents (and if they hear everyone BUT them is at a party, they'll want in) to celebrate life, not specifically an anniversary. Sure, just a name change, but sometimes that is all it takes.
  3. Hello Seff, Don't get too caught up in the MB stuff. It is interesting that you associate and relate to the general descriptions, or "typically do this..." things. But, everyone is still unique. And, we grow. Heck, day to day, I might not be as (my personality type) as another. As I was pondering this stuff the other day, I was also thinking blind spots. Maybe it's not "what we naturally" (or preferentially) do, which is as important as what we can adapt to or show a range of responses. And then I saw some videos that were talking about the recessive traits and how we need to (sometimes) focus on that. For INFP, I think Extroverted Thinking is the "opposite" of how you prefer to react/act. So, in situations where we have trouble, try invoking your inner extrovertthinker and use that for a bit. See if it helps. Just some thoughts.
  4. Hello Seff, Welcome. Mediator, huh? Careful with the mbti stuff. It is a good general starting point, but no one is defined by the test results. On a side note, do you think that it describes you well? What fits? What does not fit? (See my thread in The Water Cooler) Do you hold yourself to the highest standard? All the time? Do you want to make the world a better place? (well, everyone kinda does...is this a driving factor for you in most everything you do?) Such things are good, or "noble". But also impossible. We cannot always be "our best". We cannot change the entire world (certainly not at once) So, we arrive at a paradox. It is good to try, but punishing ourselves over such failure is way too much We all have things in our past that we are not proud of. (some more than others, sure. And us around here tend to focus overly much on that) I think that is called "being human". We should learn to forgive ourselves. But, in a way, remembering failures is constructive...if we learn from it and move on. Besides learning what to do better next time, we realize we cannot be perfect...if we can ask for forgiveness from others, we should also be willing to give forgiveness if someone hurts us. Who are you becoming? If you are thinking such thoughts and doing such homework, it seems you are trying to become "better". Better in the future is about all we can hope for. Sure, "better" is a relative goal, not an absolute. It's hard to measure such things. But, on the other hand, relative goals can be great! We don't have to fix the entire world, just be a little better version of ourselves everyday. Triggers are a thing. I hope others here have some ideas on that. (all I have are patience and time, which sound ok but are hard to utilize!)
  5. Questioning. Questioning everything can be .... dangerous. Double edged sword. I like challenging my beliefs, who I am, life, religion etc. Without questioning and challenging, we live in a bubble and can be blind to so many things. We can grow when we question things. But, always questioning everything is a problem. It will only unsettle us. So, we (our types) should be careful when we are questioning certain things. Do those we love love us? Who am I (really)? Why do others accept me? Do they really accept me? Do you trust your family? What do they say? What do they do? Are their actions contradictory to what they say? If so, maybe some concern. Otherwise, we should trust them. Sure, it may be hard for us to trust. Or, we may not accept other's opinion of us if we have such a different opinion of ourselves (one of us has to be wrong, probably them. But what if it's my perspective that is biased?) If you trust friends and family on all other matters, listen and trust them here also. Of course, we here can be "higher maintenance" than "the normals of the world" (if such exists!) So, we should give some appreciation for those that do care enough to stay in our lives. Thank those that are there when we need them (especially after any crisis) Validation is an interesting subject. We should have some internal and also some external. Since a certain show triggered your insecurities, what does that say? Sure, there is always the "maybe you should not watch that show", but I'd like to hear more on specifically what in that show.
  6. Breathe. Breath in the air. Don't be afraid to care. Or, so says the Bard. If others resist improvement, it will become obvious everyone else (in time) Others do not change overnight. History can be important. And, it can be a weight dragging us into the past. But, we should not expect that to change. We can only change ourselves. Are you changing your attitude? If so, that is all you can do. Let's say that you adapt to the situation and look positively forward...and that is still not enough, the decision by The Boss has already been made. That is ok, you did what you could and should be proud of that. When it's time to move on, you can hold your head high. Do not underestimate that! If you never "work" again, you can still be proud how you ended. Or, if you interview for other jobs, your attitude and experience will reflect more positively and result in more opportunities. Leave on your terms. Just a matter of when. Working forever is not the goal. Feeling good about yourself, no matter what happens, is. (and someone repeat this back to me when I go thru it, which is only a matter of time of course)
  7. I like your "looking on the positive side" response. And, you have identified some of the things at work that are holding you back. The good news, if you are the one holding you back, you can change that. (Not easy! but within your control) Have you asked your boss their opinion on the parts of the job you do not like to do? Seeking advice can start a conversation and can build a relationship. Try what they say, give feedback. It's a process. (You probably already know this) On the other hand, you can also just blame others when passing along bad news. I would not suggest this for "long term" situations. But if you are just trying to get by now, it works for now. And, if you did retire there, draw pension...and get another job. Job hunts are not fun for our types. But, if the job is supplemental to the pension, you might not have to job search professionally. Maybe you'll find something with much less stress (and less pay of course) Either way, change is in the air. Take a deep breath and see what it smells like. Repeat after me "things are changing, I will will change also" (seriously, I want to see you type this in....or some similar mantra that you can repeat to yourself everyday) and then take a step forward into the brave future.
  8. I will go the contrarian route here. If you are in a no win situation, then you have freedom. If this year is going to be the hardest ever, then they will need you the most. (training someone else takes time) If you're not doing anything at home, you have more time to accomplish (not just be busy). Maybe vent about the 10 worse things and get everyone thinking about other changes need to be made and maybe someone makes those changes. Lead where you want to go. Jump into the deep end of the pool here. Make it yours. Yes, it is a lot "scarier" then doing the same ol same ol. But you are in a place of risk anyway, right? This adds reward to the risk. What is the worse thing they do? fire you or force early retirement? Sure, none of this may be what you want. Could it be what you need? Is it better to burn out or fade away? You have choice and power here. Finding a way to use it is the trick, right? When we are depressed, we just never see a constructive way forward, but we should not stop looking.
  9. Hello Zagor, Our sympathies for all the pain in your life right now. Yes, life can be full of challenging situations. Some of those situations will not have a 'happy outcome' no matter what you do. Somethings in life are inevitable and sad. Those here struggle with some of the same things. And I know other people IRL struggling with parental health, concerns about their children and other life issues. I'm one of them also. You are not alone, even if you have a ton of sh!t going on. What do you do for you? It's great to be caregiving to others. But without a purpose in life for ourselves, we have severe limits on what we can do for others. A wise man once said, you cannot pour from an empty cup. And, as hard as the question may be to answer, it is still worthy of thought and contemplation until an answer is found. Just because we do not have an answer today does not mean we should stop. It may take many years to find the answer to the question. But we should keep actively searching for 'purpose'.
  10. mmoose

    Engineered Empathy

    Sometimes, just a switch is not enough. If that light looks at you wrong, you have to teach it a lesson. Unscrew. Problem solved. That also saves sleep interruptions from others using said switch during the time of pass out and pass...in? (I'm sure there is a word for that, "waking up is too pedestrian) Furture problems solved! Grown up is overrated. But, maturity in the right places, can be a wonder. I hope you feel good for taking the high road (and letting Venus address any left over concerns) Stay lovely! m
  11. JM, I really like your train of thought there. And, "how do we change over time?" does add an interesting twist to all of this. Her projection, your rebellion. Then you adopted the practice when it was needed. But when not needed, let it go and ok with that. Where am I in all this? who is the true me? those types of questions about identity are what I am currently using the personality type tests to generate discussion etc. I'm not looking for answers as much as general discussion about things I may not have thought about a bunch of times before.
  12. mmoose

    Engineered Empathy

    Hmm. Did this entry get hidden from me for a while? Thought I had checked blogs more often. Oh well. By now, the party will be over. Are we getting a review of the festivities? If it was too fun, pm always works. Empathy. I've been thinking a lot about that lately. Actually said "I would trade 90% of my empathy for 10% more entitlement. Then I would be 10% entitled" no one took me up on the offer though. So, Engineered Empathy. I'm guessing that you have been fairly guarded with your (by now "ex") co-workers. And throwing a good bye party will give them a first glimpse into more of your personal life. I would ask for some mercy on behalf of those who have lived a more sheltered life...but part of point of this party, probably, is to make a point to some pointed people I bet. If you have found them pointed, then I say "show no mercy"
  13. Atra, " I didn't score high on any measurements. " and " It seems like oversimplifying to make judgments" I don't think of the scores as high or low, just how far to one side vs another. Part of what interests me is the score (like 66% intuitive 33% sensory) Of course, one thing that the MBPI leave out entirely is how much range we have. My preference might be 99% introvert. But, I can easily act like an extrovert in many situations. Having the ability to operate outside our 'preferences' or personality style is huge. Yet, I don't see much on that. Oversimplification? Very much so. To be judgemental? I lean more towards the "place to start discussion" with some assumptions. Sure, there are a lot of you tube videos for "7 signs that you are an ...." I find it interesting to watch some of these and see what does describe me accurately. And, more importantly, what does not describe me at all. Maybe I have blind spots there I need to think and consider... What I wanted to do here is not use the MBPI stuff as gospel, but as several starting points for discussion to get us thinking about ourselves (not getting us stuck in our own minds like often happens to me, but getting slightly out of my mind a different way)
  14. JM " subjective and can be manipulated " and " a personality test result can be used as a crutch " and " mental illness symptoms can affect the way you answer questions " Very much so. And that is partly why I am not saying "let's test and share". Instead, use the questions that we overanalyse to look at ourselves in a different way. I've also seen mental illness diagnoses used as a crutch. Just because we have a disability doesn't mean we shouldn't try...just that it's harder for some of us. I'd be more interested in someone who thinks they know me, answering the questionaire and seeing where I agree and disagree. One of the tests that got me thinking was "answering on what you prefer". What we want is sometimes different than what we need. Doing the easy thing is easy. Doing the right thing can be hard. But, maybe that is part of our blind spots. So, digging around in there might lead me to challenge myself somewhere I never would have imagined.
  15. Not entirely off topic, but off enough to start around the Water Cooler. So, lately I have been thinking about "personality types". I don't subscribe to one test vs another... but because of several reasons, I found myself thinking about one specific (Myers-Briggs) and going thru the online questions. Of course, trying to break down all of humanity into 16 different 'personalities' is way too simplistic. But, it serves as a start. Gives us a framework for discussion. And a lot of possible discussion and questions have been running around myhead about this since....not necessarily about "Am I this type vs that type", but other things...like What questions confused me the most and why? Is that 'normal' for a 'personality type'? Or is it counter intuitive? Do I agree with the 'test result'? What parts of me match up? What parts don't? Does my paradoxes (paradoxies? paradoxii? had to look it up...paradoxes, but it still seems wrong) show me a blind spot that I should work on to make me a better person (or more peaceful with myself?) Anyone interested in some discussion? If so, there are various tests out there and we could start multiple threads for different conversation. For this thread, I want to muse and ruminate about the questions. Which questions took a while to answer or took me off track. (not all 'questionairs' will have the exact same questions) So, I found another site, went thru the questionair, 60 total questions and I noted 9 that were not simple answers. Got me thinking about stuff. Sometimes, just commentary like "You are dedicated and focused on goals, rarely sidetracked" Agree/disagree And my immediate response "What are these GOAL things you speak of?" It's been a long time since I had a goal. (but that does tell me something important about myself also!) My thinker question of the day..."People can rarely upset you" Sooo many different ways to consider that. What else can upset? Myself? Sure, but I stopped listening to that moreon a long time ago. Events? not so much... process of elimination kinda leaves "people". But, "upset" ? I expect certain negative reactions from others, so that would not upset me much. In the end, it really depends upon the people, doesn't it? My current take away from that "maybe I don't hang out with the right people enough". So, anyone interested in sharing their "challenging questions" and ramble on about whys?
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