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mmoose

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mmoose last won the day on November 14 2017

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About mmoose

  • Birthday 02/15/1969

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  1. Well, if you want to be a mom, and cannot, and someone brings it up... maybe guilt is not the word. But it did not help you. Insensitive may be a description. Certainly not helping you feel better about yourself. But if you have not shared that with her, maybe she does not have awareness that it can really hurt when someone says certain things.
  2. sounds like a microcosm here. I was going to say "tell your mother that she is a mother and "grand" to you, so in a way..." But...no. It is one thing to 'want'. It is another to guilt someone else into providing a want. What does she think she is going by moping around on this topic? Does she think that this is help YOU? Or is this an act of selfishness (selfish regret). If she is all about her, I can take some guesses on why her children might not have turned out to be paragons of health. Talk about "deserve". But, life is not about deserving. Not in the ways people think. The petty person in me says "buy her a cat, call it 'grandkid'" and let it sink in...
  3. Adding some thoughts. Thanks Lindsay for the reminder of the ToS. Yes, search engines will crawl here. Yes, it would be nice if they would not. But, it's how they make their $. So... Be careful about your user name and posting identifying information. (General to any website and life in general!) I would suggest to use a new user name that you do not use on any other site or email. Occasionally, we see someone join and give a FirstName_LastName user name. When I see this, I warn that this might be a bad idea. In the past, some users have requested a change of user name so that their posts are less identifying to them in the real world. But I would not depend upon this as the Administrative staff on a free website may be already overworked. I have seen "new" users with a first post of "I created a new user name that is less able to identify me, so I am not a first time poster. PM me if you want to request my old user name..." which is helpful for maintaining personal connections between friends. If you are still concerned about searches, consider the blogs. You can create a blog and keep it "private". You can maintain a list of which users are authorized to read. I would suggest only setting those users who are actively reading/writing blogs (blogging seems to be very under utilized here) Or, consider getting to know some posters in the forum...then ask if they would read your blog and add them after they agree. The best experience I have had here is because we got a group of 8 or so posters all blogging and commenting on each other's blogs. (it took a while to get going) I like the organization of blogs better anyway. My blog is about me. Your blog is about you. Easy to keep the conversation on track depending upon which blog you are in! But to each their own. (I still keep in touch with one of my blog buddies over 10 years later) Opening this up to other posters that have been here for a while, other tips? What works for you? What does not work? What are your thoughts on privacy? And of course, if you start blog and make it private, feel free to add me to your list. I do try to comment and ask questions (really I do, but sometimes... you know, I'm here for a reason too...)
  4. Thinking about this a bit. "Socially rewarding" I might have known what that was once upon a time. Maybe the fact that I do not understand "socially rewarding" is a problem. Or, maybe I just grew out of it. But I see no reward in social interaction. I've just seen too many horrible "people". Which is worse? Not being "social"? or being social with the wrong people? Then there is "social" vs feeling "connected" to something else (people, a person, a hobby, pets etc) which is similar but different of course. hm.
  5. (been busy and not on this site for a bit) Sometimes, maybe we need to get out of what we think is important and our therapists can see that (or play with it) If you trust, trust. And, nothing is perfect of course. And, sometimes we need to learn which things are good to let go...and which things, if let go, get worse... I loved Herman's Head. Shame it was such a short run. And of course, to put a face on the voice of Lisa Simpson!! Personification of emotions, sure. But also the demonstration of the conflicts between them, pulling us in opposite directions etc. Things are complicated. (should be a cast of hundreds, not just those four. And, like it's easy to recognize the various things like it is as easy as recognizing a face.... Take that cast of hundreds and make them all wear the same costume)
  6. Hi PM. Sorry you are back. Things got better for a while, and then.... Yes, this happens. And it's funny. When things get better, we stop doing those things that helped us get better. And then don't know what to do. "I've tried nothing..." I don't think that is true. You first tried therapy and other things that were positive changes. Good. Then you tried to change jobs, which did not work out quite as expected. But, you are trying! That is part of the journey. Try. And if it works out, alright. If it does not work out, we learn something for the next change. The more we learn, the better our "next idea" will be. It is ok to hate a job. It is ok to look for another (it takes time, right). It is ok to 'backslide' a bit and increase therapy or meds etc. It is ok to recover on the weekends. It is better for active recovery and not passive (sleeping all day or "doing nothing" etc) Sure, it might be hard to manage, but take advantage of the situation you wanted and try. It does not have to be a full weekend. Just start with one thing. Then one thing a day etc.
  7. Hi G, I've seen your thoughtful posts over the years, but we have not overlapped much. I was hoping others would jump in with more responses. Stressed but coping. Busy, which is good. Keeping up, barely. Still getting worse, but should be getting better after the paperwork is finalized. Glad that only some things are getting worse and not everything getting worse. This is bad, but "tv show" Big Mouth ends up personifying some emotions. Depression Kitty, Shame Wizard and the positive one, the Gratitoad. So now I see 'gratitude' and think about the Gratitoad. Such a horrible show, but it is has something going on there with emotions personified. 'Living the dream' is a popular response. 'Living the dream, hoping it stops being the nightmare...' nah, that's too negative. 'Trying to help where I can' maybe that's good enough. The number thing is flawed also...we need a bit background for reference. "yesterday a 2, but today a 3" might be better reference. But again, we need to be careful about who we use this with. And when we can, show appreciation for them. Sounds like you recognize those people in your life are careful to not overwhelm them. mm
  8. I think that everyone has been conditioned to answer "how are you" with "ok" no matter what. So, how to break out of that trained behavior? I have toyed with always answering with a number. A "1-10" scale. No, not for the 'typicals' that you pass in the hallway at work, but for people who understand already (like us here) Overwhelmed but not too miserable. Nice. Awareness, tolerance, some sense of where the limit is. I like it. Of course, some of us are only happy when we are miserable. I know people that I call "stress puppies", they are only happy if they are under a ton of stress. (Yea, I do it also. First step is recognition!) Some use it to get a lot done. Some like the supposed job security that it brings. Others just love to b!tch about stuff or use it to brag. "How are you?" is such a loaded question. Still looking for the hope, or "light at the end of the tunnel" isn't a bad response. What else do we have? I'm looking for more things like this myself. Sometimes, it's hard to find the words. Having some more responses like this could help us realize where we are. Back on topic...if the kids don't hate you, you're doing about as much as you can. It takes two to start a relationship, but only one to break it. Suffering thru, somedays, waiting for a better (or less conflicted) tomorrow is as good as we can do sometimes.
  9. Sorry, I'm a bit different. I don't like attention. And I'm trying to limit exposure to people. Too many selfish or scammers out there. I'd guess I would start with making a number of aquaintences. Some of them might be interesting enough to try to be friends. And then after a while getting to know them (and not just what they say about themselves) then risk some deeper connection. To me, it is a process and a numbers game. And the "willing to invest in others before they invest in you" has diminishing returns usually. But, I am jaded. I would really do the opposite. Find the hobby or pasttime to invest your time in. Something that you find worthwhile by itself. (you've probably heard this a lot) If it happens to be something that others find interesting, then you have a chance to encounter others along the way (Some of my tastes are too different or Euro for the typical 'merican, but I accept that limitation) If you are have an interest or passion in something, it will show and sometimes that draws others in (sometimes, not in a good way) But even if others are not finding you, you can still enjoy something. Just focusing on suddenly jumping into a deep friendship is something that most might run away from. Too aggressive, too deep right away are red flags for me. Volunteer? (car probably rules that out. Got a bike? yes it can be harder to travel in the world made for cars, but bike are a wonder tool for many purposes. Just throwing some things out there. And again, I'm a cynic toward people and working on the misogyny and should not be listened to) m
  10. I said "besides that"... oh well. So social media and church, people are not just showing the best, but everyone is perfectly happy with family, no fighting, not envy or any other problem? It is good that you are looking on the positive side of that. But I don't think you only see that, I would bet that you know that they are not perfect. Which is worse? having a friend that is manipulative or no friend at all? Or someone who gets to know you in depth and does not like what they see? Maybe it's time to change focus or just meet a lot of people and see if any are trusty enough to think about a deeper connection. Just some thoughts. I don't know your entire situation of course. But I know when I start running out of options, it's more a failure of my imagination on the subject and my perception than reality. If I actually met everyone on this planet and they all sucked, then I could draw that conclusion with confidence...otherwise I am jumping to conclusions.
  11. This would be great over in the religion sub forum. I hardly ever visit this thread (too big) and would have missed it but for some adventuring around bing a wierd start to the day.
  12. Hi Thanos, I won't sugar coat it. That is a lot of suck right there. But 37 is still young. And just because you have not found your thing in life, does not mean you can't. (But yes, it can be hard to still be searching after a long time...and the longer, the harder it is to keep trying) And I would not put much into how people at church act. Kinda like social media...everyone shows their best face there no matter how bad. It's fairly rare for truths to be seen there. (And for anyone wishing to discuss that further, let's head over to that topic) One thing that try to give focus, not letting others have control over what I do. If I'm going to do something, it's because I'm going to do it. I don't want to do something because someone else is manipulating or trying to control me. (Different from me soliciting other's opinions of course...which I'm trying to do more often as I get older) And while I can be quite vengeful, certain acts of vengeance are pointless. The target of the vengeance will probably be too clueless, or rationalize it away etc. Sometimes, the best revenge is finding a way to thrive in spite of our critics. Is there something in the trip that you can look forward to? (something besides the end?) mm
  13. Depends upon the people. There are all sorts. It is easy to generalize "all people bad" or "people only talk when they want something". Those things do happen. But not everyone is bad or manipulative. So...minimize negative interactions with people who are manipulative or negative etc. Maximize interactions with positive people. But, we need to look at the flip side of it also...who likes hanging out with depressives? Depressed people are, what's the word? Depressing! So I cannot blame my friends that need a break from me. That means when I am 'up', I should invest in some friendships just in case I get down and need some support from them. If we are not willing to give, why should we expect others to? And if we are not going out of our way to make new friends, do we expect others to magically find us? But, that is part of a catch-22. Otherwise, given the last 2 years, I am fine with seeing fewer and fewer people. Over the last 7 years or so, strangers have gotten meaner in general. Intolerance and selfishness have greatly increased. I know I have run out of empathy for certain types of people (eff them anyway) But I am just a grumpy old man, don't listen to me.
  14. +1 for any PB quote. "Loser" is quite judgemental. Quite "bottom line" assessment. Life if this long process of evolving and adapting. There is no one judgement or bottom line or even single opinion that would cover everything. Unless you are on your deathbed, you have time to reassess and change. Well, I'm not saying that one should change who they are solely because they are looking for validation from others. But we can set goals, work to achieve them, give to friends, ask from friends, make new friends etc. I appreciate the first post being concise (and not a wall of text) But it is quite reductive (is that the right word? I already used judgement... hm) I do not believe life is goaled towards the things you list as positives. 'Looking good' and 'outgoing personality' are very superficial to me (but not to many...) We are all born with different traits...we cannot do much about that. It's "what you do with it" that is important to me (and some others) If you are your authentic self and helpful and friendly, great. If you think you are the center of the universe but not competent or kind to strangers, I'm not very interested in that as a person. Some of the ugliest people are very pretty on the outside. But, don't go by me, just some thoughts. A person is so much more complex than a couple lines posted on a random forum. Live. Improve. Get better at things. Be better as a person. Don't dwell on the past, but do learn from it...(And other glib things that are actually accurate, but hard to implement)
  15. Yard work can be fun. Or, at least, a change of pace from other types of work. (desk jobs especially) I suppose one could honor a parent just by not creating conflict. If your tolerance is limited to email or phone, then not showing up in person is honoring in a way. (To me. But then, I might be twisting things there) "Honor" is a different word than "blindly obey". (Old testy commandments don't leave much room for interpretation. New testy parables are so much better with such less judgement) If I were to imagine myself in your situation (with the limited information)...I'd get a hotel room so as not to be beholding to another person, create my own space and not intrude on someone else's domain. I would also avoid "just hang out". Set an itinerary or something. Make sure that each day has something "together" and something "apart". When I'm in that neck of the (literal) woods, I usually grab a "local waterfalls" map and set out in search of remote isolated falls to hike and photograph. Or, fish or something. If things are going well and I felt like tempting fate, I *might* work up to inviting someone else along. (but still have the ability to retreat to my own space for a part of the day) And maybe you could work in some yardwork somewhere. And I would be prepared for certain questions or situations. "take your meds in front of me!", answer "no, I take them at set times and need to keep to my schedule. I am taking all my meds are prescribed by my doctor". Of course there are likely more situations (don't dwell on this too much!) but having a quick and hard response ready and then moving on ...might get you thru. But, that is me.
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