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mmoose

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mmoose last won the day on November 14 2017

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About mmoose

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  • Birthday 02/26/1969

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  1. mmoose

    Should I be alive?

    Existance can be mindboggling. Philosophy is an interesting subject, but an excersize of frustration most of the time. We don't know what going to happen tomorrow. There are so many things outside our control. But maybe, tomorrow, I might figure out some small thing that helps, that helps someone else. Or something I can change about me that helps me cope with this big world, or gives me a sense of purpose. (and I must say, your post does not sound like you are stupid. Well written and better than most of the internet posts...I'd challenge those preconceptions. Not everyone who does well in school is "smart" and conversely, not everyone who struggles is "stupid". We all learn differently. )
  2. mmoose

    Coming out.

    Hi nminc, Welcome to DF. Who and how is just as important as the actual words. Those you trust the most should be caring enough to listen to you and try to help. But, different people react differently. Try not to blame them if they are weak. Not everyone can handle these things. I think it is ok to say "No, I'm not ok". I think everyone in life needs help sometime. Being able to ask for that help can be hard though. But saying "yea, I'm ok" is such reflex (and an empty self defeating one at that) If someone you trust asks again, can you reply with "I'm thinking that I could use some help. Professional help" And maybe they can help you find that. Or, ask about insurance. Some insurance may be in play and covers (or does not cover) the cost of professional visit. Just asking about that will get the ball rolling. I might be able to give more ideas if we knew a little bit more about you and your situation. But just coming here is a good step. (good practice for having a face to face conversation with someone)
  3. mmoose

    clean since late monday night.

    Hello SiGR, Congratulations on sobriety. Good luck as you move forward. Maybe, post in the 'relgion' subforum, might get some different members viewing there. Researching a church...sound like you want more "internet user reviews of specific churches". That should be interesting. I can't imagine many folks actually writing negative reviews and putting their name on it. I just don't think many will verbally admit that there are any problems with church or religion...just smile and say all the usual "good stuff". I'd suggest to start with your personal beliefs (if you have some strong ones) I web searched "match me with a church" and there are some things out there (of course there are, it's the internet after all) But, I would really just show up to a service, look and listen. If the atmosphere and theology is right, then start talking to some people. I've gone hunting for local churches over time and can't say I have found one really "inspiring". It's more a "which do I least object to"....but religion is a very personal thing. m
  4. mmoose

    People at volunteering making me feel bad

    Sometimes, other people have their own problems and don't remember that they can trigger you on certain conversations...We can only try to treat them as we wish to be treated when the roles reverse. "Immune" is a great goal. It takes time to build the skills to deal with other people. It takes time and effort "learing to deal with people" and it's always learning...or you can become callous and be immune, but that also means not really listening to what they say (sometimes) "Friend"' had a birthday. You gave a card. Very nice. But it did not give the reaction you hoped. Disappointment. How would you have like to handle it? Immediate reactions can be great and diffuse a situation. But I tend repress so as to not say something that makes matters worse. But afterwards, I usually find something good. "money in a birthday card? sorry, I thoght you were turning 36, not 6 years old...." is from the more vengeful side of me (and then pull out the wallet and hand them the smallest bill, turn around and leave without saying anything...like I said, vengeful) . The "sorry, money is tight right now" always works and is less about them. If the place is toxic to you, you cannot control that. Then it is weighing the positives vs the negatives. And I think it is ok to talk to some folks there and "I am considering other things because this place is not very friendly..." Maybe someone will listen, maybe they won't.
  5. mmoose

    Kublai Khan

    Well, if you have not taken a break yet, and need to talk, pm if you'd like.
  6. mmoose

    Kublai Khan

    It's been a couple days. How ya holding up G? (it's ok to miss him. It's even better to be envious as long as we admit it!)
  7. mmoose

    :(

    Yea, we all need friends. Especially those that can empathize and not judge. Good friends around here. (although, we do have some limitations, like dealing with our own sh!t time to time...)
  8. mmoose

    Kick-to-Kick

    Oh my. Shaking head in judgement of +4km/h. Tsk tsk. Ah, the paradox, the conflict of thought, the rational and irrational of the situations. The things said being so much greater than the things left unsaid. I missed you. Just listening to a friend in need is great. Maybe leaving her speechless is even better. Or, the power of a well placed single word expletive as a 'lack of response'...but I bet you have experience there. (I do have to ask...have you rewarded yourself with a deserved new pair of shoes?)
  9. mmoose

    Rejected

    Hello Nhaar, I'm here because of my conditions. But I am also a parent of two (adult) children with their own conditions. I don't know you well. I certainly don't know your parents. Maybe they don't know how to help. Maybe they have tried all they know and are just as frustrated. I hope that your family would always listen, even when they don't have the answers. But it can be very hard for our family and friends to help us or even listen to us sometimes. I try to not judge my friends and family harshly, they have their limits too. They have their own issues to deal with. I have to remember that and give to them also. And, thank them for listening to me when I need someone to just listen. Sometimes, our needs exceed what family can give. Professionals have a role to play. Maybe keeping the roles separate can help?
  10. mmoose

    The Couch

    Was "last night" harder because a pet name 'normalized' the situation? This has become the new normal? It's been accepted and not just part of a temporary thing?
  11. mmoose

    Random

    We are (mostly) human here. Not quite the same as one-on-one communications, but there can be more of us. Try us out. If I'm not human enough, let me know (I'm working on that) m
  12. mmoose

    I need help

    Hello RARA, Welcome to the DF! Sorry you find yourself here. That is a big bucket of pain right there. I am glad you were able to put this down in words and start to organize your thoughts and feelings. I can certainly feel the "overwhelmed" in your words. I could try to respond to each point and some of the more interesting things you said. But then I may have written too many words and that can be overwhelming also... So, what is the most pressing thing right now? I think you have a good start writing this down. Keep adding if more things should be added. (Lists change!) Once we have the list, we can categorize and prioritize. If the list is so big that it overwhelms, then just list the highest priority. If I may, it seems that your Mother has made some choices for her. That is not bad. You feel the need to help. Who wouldn't? But you have limitations and this may be beyond your control for now. Maybe in a couple years. Maybe, focus on getting the house packed. Wanting to get off of a prescription pain med is great. But meds exist for a reason. Doctors prescribe for a reason. Maybe now is not the best time. Or, maybe now is a time to continue cutting back. What does the Doc say? (always should consider that!) I'm a bit twisted about pain. I don't mind some. I don't start with "life should be painless". Pain, like life, needs to be managed. Sometimes we will take all the help we can get. Sometimes, we can manage without an assistant. And I have not had leg surgery, so I don't know what kind of pain your are trying to manage, so don't listen to me much. This work to move the house is a short term thing and you need to get thru it. How do you feel about moving the family across country? I re-read your words. I don't see much about how you feel about that. I can imagine some conflicting feelings there. But I'd like to year your words. Worse case, vent here and get it out. We will listen!
  13. mmoose

    Silencing My Inner Critic

    Hello Psycholuigiman, I think that there is a big difference between our "inner voice" and "other voices or sprits in our heads" as some eluded to. It does not sound like you are hearing multiple voices, just that your inner voice or narrative is negative, and you are concerned that you are accepting this automatically. As Epictetus started, sometimes our inner voice is not fair. I know that mine is not always rational. It can be a very skewed perception of reality. I have to work and manange this. In your first example, "I cannot play this game", but you have been playing it for a long time. You can play the game. But it sounds like you are stuck on something...winning. Playing the game and winning are two different things. Enjoying the game and winning are two different things also. So, maybe a change of focus? Knowing when to question the inner voice and when to listen has taken me time. I still do not get it right all the time. " I've always been taught to take criticism seriously..." If you can take criticism, can you take advice? Can you ask your brother for a tip? Knowing when to ask for help is one of the most mature things we can do. (and that seems counter-intuitive...as we mature, we are supposed to need less help from parents, right? I need to think on that more) One habit I picked up a long time ago has helped me. When I was stuck working on a problem, I would ask advice of those with more experience and skill. I do not generally enjoy asking for help. It was hard. But as I worked with various folks, I could enjoy working with them. (most were very interesting people) The next time I needed to go work with them on something, I would pause, think about how they solved problems or whatever. I would look at the problem from their point of view and make sure I had done my homework, or anticipate their next step. Sometimes, I would see the next two or three steps and solve the problem myself. But if not, I was more prepared. If I could absorb the flavor of those around me, who are more successful, I could learn and help myself, changing thought processes or my inner voice. I needed these models. I did not have them earlier in life.
  14. I did not mean to end this conversation. Oh, and I should add that this is not only 'Christian'. Other religions can show the same things. And of course, not even religion oriented. Some cultures hold a lot more stigma than others...
  15. Hi Harli, Welcome to DF! Relationships are complicated, no? Previous relationships, children, ex-partners with a chip on their shoulder...all those make it even more complicated. It does not take much for an 'ex' to say some words, true or not, and then there are years of legal actions. These will have a monetary cost along with the emotional. It is great that one can be a supportive partner to another during this process. But, it ain't easy. How do you feel about all this? I had to re-read to find where you talk about you, your emotions, reactions and hopes. When you were first dating him, do you feel that was truly him? Or, him overcompensating for the bad marriage. (or just rebounding? not sure if different) Of course, that honeymoon phase is always good, right? Does it last? It sounds like you are on the edge between 'hope' and 'grieving for the relationship'. Maybe.
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