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mmoose

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mmoose last won the day on November 14 2017

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About mmoose

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  • Birthday 02/15/1969

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  1. Like everything else, a group is only as good as the people there working to make it good. I started with a local group a couple years ago. I had tried one maybe 15 years ago and they were working some program that did not appeal. (Well, in some ways it was very interesting) But the current group was going pretty good. And then the lockdown and it took a couple weeks before we could be online. That break in weekly meetings caused too much confusion. We are currently meeting in the building's parking lot and that is ok...a little loud when bubba drives by with a loud car... The online thing had some positives for some. But it also has negatives for many. If you feel free to talk in a safe space with strangers, great. But can you do that in your own home with others around? But there are things you can do to address that. (One person would go to their garage and sit in a closed car for the meeting, which gives local privacy) I am a big encourager of trying out the local meetings. They need help also. Like life, it's what you make of it. Be the change you want to see...and all that. I'd 'promote' the organization that runs my local meetings, but no promotions on the forum. PM me if you'd like further. But, any reputable organization can host meetings, so it's not like "one is better than another".
  2. If you were down, what would you want someone to say to you? Or, are actions more important than words? Letting someone know that you care is important. But balance that with the implication/judgement of "you're not well". Make offers to help, but in constructive ways, not condescendingly. Personally, I'd rather have someone invite/drag me along to something I used to think was fun. Talk is talk and just things to bounce around in my head more. But getting out of the daily routine and doing something active (that gets me focused on something outside of my head) is important. If someone who knows me were to invite (or drag) me along while WE did something, that can be a great help. I won't get into the "don't tell me to get over it" and all that...I think that has been well covered many times around here. Four hours away. She has young kids. That will add challenge to this. What's two hours away and in between? Look at a map and figure out an activity "meet half way", eat lunch, canoe down a river, spend time with her kids, etc. Saturday, drive 2 hours, meet, eat, enjoy, talk. Then 2 hours back Sat night. That is not too much driving for either party in the same day. If this works out, maybe a hotel room for more time together.
  3. Hello Lsyc1027, Many interesting things there. Several hours of good conversation can be had from all the topics you touched on. Relative vs absolute. Relativism can betray us, so be careful. (I could go on) But to the direct question/topic, confidence. There is a difference between being confident and acting it. But not as many folks can see the difference. (And it takes some time also) So many don't care about the difference. "Act confident" etc... In a way, I find it dishonest. But in a way, there are times we should act what we want to become also. I understand your associations of extro/introvert and confidence... I do not agree with it. Maybe, if I think back a long time ago to school days, it makes more sense. But I still disagree. I've known many good people who were quiet, not "center of attention", but competent and confident in their way. Passive dominant is a thing (worth a read) And I like folks who are like that...or passive confident, passive competent. I do not like myself much. I hate being the center of attention (especially for strangers!) But I know what I can do, what I can accomplish, how I can help. And, I try. (Sometimes trying is more important) Well, I try at certain things. I have found some limitations in life and have adapted. (I am confident that I will never high jump my own height again, run a sub 5 minute mile, dunk a basketball etc. Days past) School is temporary. We have our whole life to figure out who we are. Some marry an idea of themselves when they are very young (and it shows for the rest of their life) Some are always questioning (which is just fine with me, means we are still interested in learning and growing) But after a while, we settle in. ps. I hate the concept of "always do better"/never good enough.... such a burden and greatly effects mental health. Sometimes, good enough is good enough and it's more important to move on. ' Perfect' is an evil concept. Accomplish what you can. To accomplish more tasks, we have to finish a task and not spend years perfecting it. Just some thoughts, and random at that.
  4. mmoose

    One Vigil and Another

    Your words dance as always. And sometimes, dance around the topic. But we all have items we dare not utter lest we give them more power. Funny, my first thought for home hair cut was one of your daughters. And there it was. Good for her. And, good for you. I, myself, miss my hair. I occasionally let the children know this. Occasionally, they will wander over, flop their long hair over my head and take a picture. I miss my hair...or hair that isn't even mine. With Father's day coming up this weekend, the older daughter started looking up wigs for me. And, I'd try one. But, that is one thing that I would have to see and touch and wear and repeat a hundred times before finding the right one. Something must be right (not perfect, just right) and no compromises. It seems that this is only online now, no stores (not local at least) So, next time you need a trim, are you going to play fair? You have two daughters. I think you should at least offer! I so want to read your autobiography. On the other hand, I do not think I could possible edit it Safe travels.
  5. mmoose

    and now I remember why

    I stopped blogging here. I used to have this set so that only members can read. Now, public interwebs can read. I don't like that. Not seeing a way to set back to "members only". I miss that. Any one finding what I'm not finding in the blog settings? Thought I'd check with the smart peoples.
  6. Ok, the newness of the situation has worn off. No more 'getting a home office setup just right' No more 'challenge to work efficiently like in the office' No more 'hey, I can play music out loud and not bother folks in the office'. (But, not before the rest of the house wakes...) Just the daily grind. From home. The same room I sleep in. 18 hours a day in the same room. Yea, things are getting old quick. Apologies to the Bard... 'day after day, life turns grey, like the skin on the dying man' Kinda running out of house chores also. Most interesting thing I did yesterday... sheets of wax paper under my feet and slid around a section of the kitchen floor. Now, I can gallop down the stairs, one step on carpet and slide across the kitchen floor. A thing I will do at least a dozen times a day. We are past the "stay at home because it's good for everyone" and back to the "stay at home because going out takes energy and puropose..you know, undepressed stuff.' Convenient excused are convenient. For a while. I swear, if I find out it was one of you, you will pay. I think someone here found an old oil lamp. Rubbed it. A genie (or is that Genie?) appeared, sang a song about friends... and granted wishes. The first wish was something like "I wish all extroverts and "normals" got a taste of what it's like to be an introvert or have social anxiety" Cause. While I understand that, and would back it...this seems a bit much. On the other hand, I heard someone describe current life as "Schrödinger's Virus". Without testing for everyone, you don't know if you have it or not. When you meet someone, you have to act like you have it and take care to not infect them. And, when you meet someone, you have to act like they have it and take care that they do not infect you. Yea. Stay safe everyone.
  7. mmoose

    Post-Covid World, Week #3

    I guess the week number depends upon where you live. Certainly others have had it far worse than I. Working from home is not as bad as it could be. Work is for the office. Home is for everything else and those two worlds should rarely mix. But, 'rare' is now common. Thngs change. We change with them or sound (even more) like grumpy old men. (don't get me wrong, I look forward to being a grumpy old man, not too far away from it now) So, all this started. Ok, let's get a home office setup. New TV (so I could use one of the older smaller ones as a monitor), office chair for all day sitting. Oh, new gaming console because that will keep the kid busy! (Internship cancelled...and college graduation ceremony will be cancelled also. Good luck job hunting in this, right?) I did my part to keep our shallow minded consumer economy going for a while. Being homebound has not been too bad. I have gotten ahead on the projects. Also, it's amazing to see all sorts of neighbors out walking the sidewalks. Folks you've never seen before (but only living a couple houses away) are suddenly out and about in the neighborhood walking their dogs (they had dogs?) We've gotten to the point of home improvement projects are limited by the disposal now. The local 'drive there Saturday mornings' place is closed. So we will have to fit it all in the weekly trash bin. We might have to pool with others for a roll off dumpster if this goes on longer (of course it will) On the other hand, this has saved me 'the look' I get when I'm asked why i still need something. I'm not a hoarder, most of my stuff is put away. But we do need some room. The bad side, which is not so bad yet, is being in one room all day. I converted a bedroom into the office. But, I had a cold early on. So I used that bedroom as an actual bedroom and slept there. Apparently snoring is now a thing (not just me!) and I'll just continue to sleep in that room. So, I'm in the same room for 18 hours a day or so...converting office to bedroom and back each day. It's not bad. But as this wears on, it could be. The local 'mental health' group stopped their weekly meetings. Then started to consider the online version. I'm used to hosting online business meetings enough, etc, so I pushed us to start that also. We had our first last night. Went better than expected. But, we had a small group. (maybe that is good for the technology, too big a group in online meeing can cause probs) Let's see how it goes next week.
  8. mmoose

    Week One

    I'd have thought that an Fbomb would be worth two bucks at least (US or Aus) Hm, checking PM, I don't see anything new. Last think I had was me asking Arboria a question about a year ago, I lost her personal email. But, since I am here, I should take the hint from those better than I. Blog time
  9. mmoose

    Week One

    Bigger swear jar? F^ck yea!
  10. Hello TGO, Welcome to DF. Glad you are here. Sorry you have to be here. We cannot change the past. And we cannot change others. We can only control how we react and what we do now. Sounds like you are still traumatized by past events. I have not found that ignoring them just makes them go away. Sometimes, we need to talk thru the events, get other people's reactions. We could be making a mountain out of a mole hill. Or, we can make a mole hill out of a mountain. Neither help us recover. Sometimes, we need a professional to talk it thru. Sometimes, peer discussion like this is enough. Do you have a professional therapist? It can be hard to work thru the process of sharing the pain, reliving the memories. But it seems we humans need feedback from others to process these and start the road to recovery. Otherwise, we let the past continue to dominate our present. And if nothing ever changes, it will drown our future. Just some thoughts on trying to move forward. Hope they give you something to think about.
  11. Hello JessiesMom, If this were me, I would plan a party just in case your parents MAKE it to the 50th anniversary. Maybe even invite them! Because it sounds like they might not make it. Family is complicated. Can't change that. Some families are more complicated than others. Can't do anything about that either! If their marriage is not something that either "feel like celebrating", then ok. But that does not mean that the rest of the family has to ignore it. I think the most important thing is that you and your siblings are on the same page (as much as possible) Maybe just a "get together", with or without the parents (and if they hear everyone BUT them is at a party, they'll want in) to celebrate life, not specifically an anniversary. Sure, just a name change, but sometimes that is all it takes.
  12. Hello Seff, Don't get too caught up in the MB stuff. It is interesting that you associate and relate to the general descriptions, or "typically do this..." things. But, everyone is still unique. And, we grow. Heck, day to day, I might not be as (my personality type) as another. As I was pondering this stuff the other day, I was also thinking blind spots. Maybe it's not "what we naturally" (or preferentially) do, which is as important as what we can adapt to or show a range of responses. And then I saw some videos that were talking about the recessive traits and how we need to (sometimes) focus on that. For INFP, I think Extroverted Thinking is the "opposite" of how you prefer to react/act. So, in situations where we have trouble, try invoking your inner extrovertthinker and use that for a bit. See if it helps. Just some thoughts.
  13. Hello Seff, Welcome. Mediator, huh? Careful with the mbti stuff. It is a good general starting point, but no one is defined by the test results. On a side note, do you think that it describes you well? What fits? What does not fit? (See my thread in The Water Cooler) Do you hold yourself to the highest standard? All the time? Do you want to make the world a better place? (well, everyone kinda does...is this a driving factor for you in most everything you do?) Such things are good, or "noble". But also impossible. We cannot always be "our best". We cannot change the entire world (certainly not at once) So, we arrive at a paradox. It is good to try, but punishing ourselves over such failure is way too much We all have things in our past that we are not proud of. (some more than others, sure. And us around here tend to focus overly much on that) I think that is called "being human". We should learn to forgive ourselves. But, in a way, remembering failures is constructive...if we learn from it and move on. Besides learning what to do better next time, we realize we cannot be perfect...if we can ask for forgiveness from others, we should also be willing to give forgiveness if someone hurts us. Who are you becoming? If you are thinking such thoughts and doing such homework, it seems you are trying to become "better". Better in the future is about all we can hope for. Sure, "better" is a relative goal, not an absolute. It's hard to measure such things. But, on the other hand, relative goals can be great! We don't have to fix the entire world, just be a little better version of ourselves everyday. Triggers are a thing. I hope others here have some ideas on that. (all I have are patience and time, which sound ok but are hard to utilize!)
  14. Questioning. Questioning everything can be .... dangerous. Double edged sword. I like challenging my beliefs, who I am, life, religion etc. Without questioning and challenging, we live in a bubble and can be blind to so many things. We can grow when we question things. But, always questioning everything is a problem. It will only unsettle us. So, we (our types) should be careful when we are questioning certain things. Do those we love love us? Who am I (really)? Why do others accept me? Do they really accept me? Do you trust your family? What do they say? What do they do? Are their actions contradictory to what they say? If so, maybe some concern. Otherwise, we should trust them. Sure, it may be hard for us to trust. Or, we may not accept other's opinion of us if we have such a different opinion of ourselves (one of us has to be wrong, probably them. But what if it's my perspective that is biased?) If you trust friends and family on all other matters, listen and trust them here also. Of course, we here can be "higher maintenance" than "the normals of the world" (if such exists!) So, we should give some appreciation for those that do care enough to stay in our lives. Thank those that are there when we need them (especially after any crisis) Validation is an interesting subject. We should have some internal and also some external. Since a certain show triggered your insecurities, what does that say? Sure, there is always the "maybe you should not watch that show", but I'd like to hear more on specifically what in that show.
  15. Breathe. Breath in the air. Don't be afraid to care. Or, so says the Bard. If others resist improvement, it will become obvious everyone else (in time) Others do not change overnight. History can be important. And, it can be a weight dragging us into the past. But, we should not expect that to change. We can only change ourselves. Are you changing your attitude? If so, that is all you can do. Let's say that you adapt to the situation and look positively forward...and that is still not enough, the decision by The Boss has already been made. That is ok, you did what you could and should be proud of that. When it's time to move on, you can hold your head high. Do not underestimate that! If you never "work" again, you can still be proud how you ended. Or, if you interview for other jobs, your attitude and experience will reflect more positively and result in more opportunities. Leave on your terms. Just a matter of when. Working forever is not the goal. Feeling good about yourself, no matter what happens, is. (and someone repeat this back to me when I go thru it, which is only a matter of time of course)
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