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mmoose

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mmoose last won the day on November 14 2017

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About mmoose

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  • Birthday 02/26/1969

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  1. There is always something to worry about. Not a long walk if you're looking for something. If money and the future is that concerning, then you have a choice to do something about it. Choosing to do nothing (nothing more than what you are currently doing) is a choice also. If you were not worrying about money, or the future, what would you worry about? Many people, it's the act of worrying and not the subject of that worry. "The Future!" is such a nebulous thing, hard to rationally think about it. I'm just trying to get by a day or week or a year at a time. Money is not everything. It is helpful in getting you some stuff, sure. But not other stuff. Good academic excersize....If you were to win a big lottery right now, what would you do? Would you marry your GF? difference in wealth would not be an issue Would you have kids? Would you escape to another country (with very low cost of living?) Would you drink all day? Would you persue meaningless physical relationships?
  2. A partner may be "perfect", but if they are not right for you, they are not right for you. Do you trust her? I have learned who I can can trust (over years...) Sometimes, I need to trust those who I trust and who are "saner" over my own judgement. I'm the one with problems after all. (yea, that can get tricky, but it can be done, knowing when to trust yourself and when not to) If she is so accepting of you, she likely knows you and trust you and willing to sacrifice for you. I'd hope to trust a person like that and find a way together. If you don't want kids, you are not a monster. No judgements here. If you have had bad family experience, you have had bad family experience. Do you know others that have had positive family experience? But maybe our perceptions are warped and we can trust others (again) and grow. If you want to break up, break up. If you knowingly use an issue to wedge and get someone to break up with you, are you ok with that? Or, will you feel bad about yourself and that feeds into a spiral down into further depression? Or, how would you want someone to communicate the same to you? It sounds like you have already reached your conclusion. But, you have not taken the leap. Why not? Or, is this just an escape dream? If your reaction to 'bad' things is depression, and you know this, and don't like this, then you can chose to act otherwise. Whatever you chose, own it. We can still regret things in life, but owning it can help to move on. Either way, there is a lot that you wrote. It's good to get it out. Great to put it out there honestly like that. Just some thoughts I had (trying not to be too judgemental or harsh)
  3. I think things "average out". Maybe my average is not has "happy" as other's. I'm ok with that. Or, maybe it's just my brain looking for patterns and maths where none exist. Yes, I have had something "good" happen and only think "what bad is going to counter act this?" And maybe nothing bad happens. But I have already ruined the moment... Anyway, it reminds me to celebrate anytime I have an excuse to celebrate (and make up some in addition to that even) Otherwise, I am just looking for only the negative. And, selective memory or observational bias says that we remember the things we expected to find (good day/bad day) more than the surprises. Survive the bad. Persevere. Then celebrate when you can. (I've used up my optimism for the day here...) mm
  4. mmoose

    Escape

    emotionally sub-optimal. probably not entirely inaccurate. +1
  5. Is the world more polarized and decisive? It's always been to some degree. Does the internet make that more obvious? yes. People have always been like this. Anonymity just lets people say what they think without fear, especially when the words are outside of the social norm. For some of us (like us here who are outside certain norms) a tool like this forum is constructive. But, there are many more examples to the obvious. "Everyone is reaching for that moral high ground, calling everyone who isn't with them a ..." Generalizations are general. And, treating others on a generalization, well, isn't that racism or the basis for other discrimination? I have not called 'the opposition' such names. I may find patterns between their behavior and the stereotypical actions of those groups... But I want to treat every individual as an individual and hear what they want to say. ESPECIALLY if they have a different background/experience/perception than those I hold. I want to learn. So yes, I enjoy "debate" on sensitive issues. Debate, true debate, starts with a random assignment of picking the side. What is the old saying? "If you can't debate both sides of an issue, maybe you should not talk about it" Shame more people are focused on "feeling right" about something than empathizing with the other side of the issue, learning more, trying to find a middle ground. "Because right now, I'm the five things that half the country hates right now, White, Christian, straight, male, and from the South." I think 'hate' is overly strong. (I am a white straight male, 'christian' would be the best description there yea, and also from a border state, sure, different border) I do not feel "hated". I would hope that I am judged on my actions, words and decisions. I know that there will always be some that do not look at the individual. But in my area, I do not see the same hate for any of those categorizations. Maybe that is just my bubble. You sound like you take the issues seriously and research different sources. That's great. But should we expect others to act rationally? Never in our past has 100% of society acted rationally. Why start now? Taking a break from charged decisive issues is a good idea when it becomes too much. We all need breaks occasionally. But don't let your generalizations get you down too much. It is a big world out there. And these things tend to operate in cycles. Nothing is ever perfect and for needed change to occur in this world the pendulum swings back and forth, many times before finding the new middle ground.
  6. mmoose

    Solstice

    Ok, fine. I had seen the advert for Sense8 and skipped over it. Trying to watch it now.
  7. mmoose

    Solstice

    Welcome back. Taking a break can be healthy. Changed? no, not much changed. A wise man once said "be the change you want to see in the world" That sounds like a lot of pressure.
  8. Hi DG007, Assumptions are interesting things. From your original post, I would have assumed what you confirmed in your followup (to mine) But, I don't like assumptions. I like verification when I can get it. And it is interesting to see what assumptions other people have. And, if they have challenged their assumptions of life. And, don't take me too seriously of course. I'm just a stranger on the internet. And, only consider anything I say if you are currently strong. If you are just hanging on and this is your last thread...don't listen to anything I say here. And, you have no need to apologize for anythign you said. It's all good. And, never tell me I'm right. My friends will tell you how dangerous that can be 😉 You list some things that you were taught. I was taught many things also. I am currently in a journey to challenge these things I was taught. These are assumptions of life. Some seem to be true. Some seem to be false. Some seem to be helpful. Some end up being lies we tell ourselves for various reasons. And hey, if we have to lie to ourselves to survive another day...there are worst things in this world. " one thing I do know is God is with me and watching me " Knowing seems to be a funny thing also. When I read this statement, I read it as "believe" instead of "know". But that is my failing. Of course, everyone is entitled to their beliefs. Have you ever watched the movie Dogma? One of the themes I enjoy there is the statement about "belief". It is not bad to 'believe' something. But, what happens is our limited human brains believe one thing, but then we learn better the next day? How do we rectify our new learning with our beliefs? If we change our beliefs, that could be considered a betrayal. So instead, have ideas. Ideas are easier to change without "losing faith". (which has it's own interesting conversations) Of the things you were taught, which do you still believe to be true? How many of them have you challenged? (really challenged. Again, only consider if you are in a strong place now) If we have to assign a gender to god, why is it not female? But I'm going off topic. Why are you on this forum? Good question. Sometimes the key is in asking the right question, not finding the answer. But, I am glad you are here. Your writing is interesting. Hope you stick around.
  9. " The difference maybe is our awareness. Or that we actually know the reason why we are here alive on this earth " I have seen atheist/agnostics that have great senses of purpose. And I have seen "religious" people of different faiths have none. So I'm not sure what you are implying with your statement (which side you may be on) " every suffering we receive from God is good " I marvel at the mental gymnastics one goes thru to justify EVERY thing in the world being "good". 'Everything happens for a reason", "silver lining" ? Maybe. But then, maybe not. Everything everything? I would debate this (friendly) in person. But I don't want to reduce anyone else's 'faith' with my different perspectives. If faith in god is the only thing someone has, who am I to take that last thing away from someone else? For me, it's not about "what happens in life", more my perspective about it. Good things happen. Bad things happen. Some of us dwell on the negative. Others celebrate every stupid little thing. I am different, for whatever reason. It is up to me to deal with it, manage life, and see what happens.
  10. Emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, physical interaction (and validation) For such a small three letter word, it sure does cover a lot of territory and mean very different things to different people. Sounds like the original question is on the more physical side. Also, big difference between the male and female perspectives. Can we learn to live without? Sure. People can adapt with to a lot. Does that mean it is healthy? Does that mean we are happy about it? Just become happy? Kinda asking the wrong audience here... But I do not think of "happy" as a state of being like you described. Even in a long term relationship, frequency of sex is a mediocre indicator of the relationship status. (sure, easy to measure but it means so many different things to different people) But yes, many meds have side effects that impact "libido". But then depression itself ain't that sexy to start with.
  11. Impressive thread dredge. Well, double dredge. (checking to see if any of the original 2009 members are still around besides me)
  12. Existance can be mindboggling. Philosophy is an interesting subject, but an excersize of frustration most of the time. We don't know what going to happen tomorrow. There are so many things outside our control. But maybe, tomorrow, I might figure out some small thing that helps, that helps someone else. Or something I can change about me that helps me cope with this big world, or gives me a sense of purpose. (and I must say, your post does not sound like you are stupid. Well written and better than most of the internet posts...I'd challenge those preconceptions. Not everyone who does well in school is "smart" and conversely, not everyone who struggles is "stupid". We all learn differently. )
  13. Hi nminc, Welcome to DF. Who and how is just as important as the actual words. Those you trust the most should be caring enough to listen to you and try to help. But, different people react differently. Try not to blame them if they are weak. Not everyone can handle these things. I think it is ok to say "No, I'm not ok". I think everyone in life needs help sometime. Being able to ask for that help can be hard though. But saying "yea, I'm ok" is such reflex (and an empty self defeating one at that) If someone you trust asks again, can you reply with "I'm thinking that I could use some help. Professional help" And maybe they can help you find that. Or, ask about insurance. Some insurance may be in play and covers (or does not cover) the cost of professional visit. Just asking about that will get the ball rolling. I might be able to give more ideas if we knew a little bit more about you and your situation. But just coming here is a good step. (good practice for having a face to face conversation with someone)
  14. Hello SiGR, Congratulations on sobriety. Good luck as you move forward. Maybe, post in the 'relgion' subforum, might get some different members viewing there. Researching a church...sound like you want more "internet user reviews of specific churches". That should be interesting. I can't imagine many folks actually writing negative reviews and putting their name on it. I just don't think many will verbally admit that there are any problems with church or religion...just smile and say all the usual "good stuff". I'd suggest to start with your personal beliefs (if you have some strong ones) I web searched "match me with a church" and there are some things out there (of course there are, it's the internet after all) But, I would really just show up to a service, look and listen. If the atmosphere and theology is right, then start talking to some people. I've gone hunting for local churches over time and can't say I have found one really "inspiring". It's more a "which do I least object to"....but religion is a very personal thing. m
  15. Sometimes, other people have their own problems and don't remember that they can trigger you on certain conversations...We can only try to treat them as we wish to be treated when the roles reverse. "Immune" is a great goal. It takes time to build the skills to deal with other people. It takes time and effort "learing to deal with people" and it's always learning...or you can become callous and be immune, but that also means not really listening to what they say (sometimes) "Friend"' had a birthday. You gave a card. Very nice. But it did not give the reaction you hoped. Disappointment. How would you have like to handle it? Immediate reactions can be great and diffuse a situation. But I tend repress so as to not say something that makes matters worse. But afterwards, I usually find something good. "money in a birthday card? sorry, I thoght you were turning 36, not 6 years old...." is from the more vengeful side of me (and then pull out the wallet and hand them the smallest bill, turn around and leave without saying anything...like I said, vengeful) . The "sorry, money is tight right now" always works and is less about them. If the place is toxic to you, you cannot control that. Then it is weighing the positives vs the negatives. And I think it is ok to talk to some folks there and "I am considering other things because this place is not very friendly..." Maybe someone will listen, maybe they won't.
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