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ThatEmptyFeeling

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About ThatEmptyFeeling

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  1. I've never taking any meds myself, so unfortunately, I can't really offer advice in that regard. Even if I took them, and they worked for me, our bodies are different, so they might work differently for you and vice versa. When you said this, it really stuck out to me. I'm not a chef, but I love cooking and I think that's really cool! <3 At least you have some awesome hobbies! :D But... I totally understand that "locked in your room" feeling. :/ It's hell, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone! I hope that the Wellbutrin works for you! Keep us posted, and hang in there!
  2. *hugs* Omg... I thought I was the only one! I always get depressed on my birthday, so I totally understand how you feel. I think, at least for me, I look at my age and tell myself one of two things, "Omg, you're __ (insert age here) and you're still having trouble with that?!" or "Still alive at __ (insert age here)." Because whatever number I put into that blank, I still wish I wasn't around. :/ I feel that this sounds a little hollow now, but I really hope you're able to have a Happy Birthday, anyway! I know that even though I tend to get depressed on mine, there's usually something good that comes out of it that day. Cake, hanging with family, presents.... I hope you can find something good in yours, too. :)
  3. TRIGGER WARNING - THIS POST DISCUSSES EATING DISORDERS > > > @gs22 Thanks for your concern. Seriously... it's nice to know that somebody cares. I would eat more... but. When it started, I was depressed and therefore, lost my appetite. That always happens when I get depressed... I never get hungry when I'm depressed. But anyhow, I started eating "meal replacement' shakes for breakfast because I was not hungry. Also, I get very stressed at work so I felt sick to my stomach all the time. So, then I started eating shakes for lunch, too, because I was too nervous and stressed to eat properly. I notice that I was loosing weight, and it made me happy because my mom always told me that she was [weight omitted] and she's two inches taller than me! I was [weight omitted] when it started... Now, I don't eat breakfast or lunch when I'm working. I don't eat until dinner, and I'm not even hungry anymore. On my days off I sometimes eat "normal", but even that's not right because I have no appetite. ._. But, on the plus side, I'm starting not to hate my body as much. I feel less like "bloated" and ugly... And it's not like anything bad has happened... But... I know it's probably not very good... :S As for the guys, this married guy... well, what he said was.... first, he asked if I had a boyfriend. The guy that harassed me asked me that, too, but this guy didn't raise any red flags because he's always so friendly and out-going to everyone! He's well-liked by the whole workplace, so... I just blushed and said "no" or whatever because I'm super shy and could hardly believe he was talking to me! I'm kind of a nobody at my workplace. In fact, that's a whole other story. Anyhow, he says to me a few days ago "Hey, so can you keep a secret?" and I'm like "...yeah?". Then he's all like "So, I'm married, but..." and then proceeds to comment on how he likes my body. THEN the red flag goes up and I'm thinking in my head "Hold on an minute... I thought we were friends...? You're married... You don't.... like me, right?" Then he says "Shh. Don't tell anyone." Well, I'm super shy and introverted. Like, I barely talk to anyone at my workplace. So, I didn't say anything... but now I'm worried. D: Also, there's no manager on site here. Like, my boss doesn't actually WORK at the place. They work at a whole bunch of places, so they're not there on a regular basis. I'm a little scared because I have to go into areas where there are no other people... what if theses dudes follow me?! Like, I'm really worried about it. X_X But, I said I would keep it a secret...... Oh, and btw, this guy is like 20 years or more older than me. D: Creepy, huh? Actually, both guys are, but I KNOW the one guy is a creep... If that guy said anything, I'd report him and he'd get fired again for sure. @Oscar K I want to like your other post, but apparently I've "run out" of likes for today! Sorry! But thanks again for your support. ^^ It really does mean a lot...
  4. Wow! Really amazed by the positive responses here...! <3 I obviously wasn't having the best day when I made my account yesterday. ._. @durandalblue Thanks! When you said That really made me feel better... I can't believe there were already three lovely people that wanted to help! ^^ I'll have to check out those books. I'm not much of a reader, though... @Oscar K Thanks to you as well! What you said That's SO true!! Like, people who don't have depression probably can't understand this, but... I get it so much! @quentin360 Aww... I'm sorry to hear what happened to you. Thanks for being supportive! No, I'm not on any meds. I refuse to take anything. When I was really little, my mom (who was slightly overweight), was always saying that she was 98 lbs before she got put on anti-depressants. Now, she's like 170 (? If I had to guess?) and she can't lose the weight. As someone suffering with an eating disorder, taking pills that will make me fat is a no-no. Like, it terrifies me! ._. Oh, and I'm a girl if anyone cares. ^^ Also, can I ask you all for advice? Something that's made my depression waaaaay worse this last week is some stuff that happened at my work. This guy that sexually harassed me at my old job, got hired at my current job and won't leave me alone! But he hasn't said or done anything inappropriate at this job, so I don't know what to do?? Also, this other guy that works at my job (who I thought was my friend), said some... really inappropriate comments to me. I could report him for what he said, but... I thought we were friends?? :( Like, he's married, and I try to make friends with all my co-workers. So, I don't understand... I don't know what to do, because if I report him, it will hurt his feelings. But... I want to run away from him when I see him! D: After all this happened (with these two guys), I got home, and some stuff was happening at home, so I got really mad and was hitting myself a lot yesterday... :/ I guess I shouldn't punish myself for these two guys, but... I'm so angry and scared. :( I want to hide in my room and not come out. Any advice...?
  5. TRIGGER WARNING... THIS POST DISCUSSES EATING DISORDERS > > > Yeah, so I don't usually fill these out... Introductions, that is. I really have no idea what to say here.... I just joined this forum because I was hoping I could find someone to talk to about my various depression related issues. Sometimes, it's hard to tell which came first... you know? At the moment, I'm really struggling with quite a few things. For one, I've been struggling with anorexic behaviors. I'm not really that underweight though... Like, I'm 5'2' [weigh omitted]. Which isn't THAT skinny. And if you saw me without clothes, you'd definitely think I was chubby.... :/ That aside, I've also been struggling with self harm- specifically hitting my self. I used to cut, but now I just punch myself... I get so angry. I never used to be angry... like, I used to just "implode" and cry. But now I get mad at every little thing... Nothing appeals any more. I used to have a lot of hobbies, but most of the time, I just want to sleep now. :( But, the biggest thing, was that on Oct. 9 this year... was the day I planned to end my life. The entirety of the week before, I felt numb. I'd had feelings of numbness before, but this was the worst by far. I felt like I was watching my life on a tv screen- that I wasn't even real or something. I attempted before (a half-assed attempt, mind you, that was more of a cry for help than anything), but this time was serious. I had a bottle of pills and a bottle of alcohol. At 12:30, when no one was home, I was going to chug-a-lug the whole of each... But... I have this one online friend. Just goes to show how pathetic my life is, huh? I have no RL friends... But, I felt bad for this one online friend. What if it actually works? If I die...? She'll wonder the first day when I don't log in... then by day two, she'll start to be worried. She'll miss me after day 3... then she'll know something is wrong. I didn't want to do that to my friend. The more I thought about it, the more I couldn't help but think about my friend and how she would react... So, I didn't follow through with my plan. But now... I just can't stand my life. I don't want to do my plan anymore, but... I don't know how to make my life better... I can't die, but I can't live, either. :( I'm just stuck in this hell that I can't get out from! I have no one to talk to IRL. I've been to therapy (it sucked). I have no friends. My family... well, it's complicated (who's isn't?). And I feel like a pathetic piece of for having to turn to the internet for help... but... Nice to meet you, I guess... :S
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