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About Shadows22

  • Birthday 02/02/1987

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    United States
  • Interests
    Martial Arts, Retro Video Games, Reading, Playing Music, Comics / Super Heroes

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  1. Thanks. Yes, getting out of this environment will make a significant difference. It's a dead end here. Ive tried for years to get my mother to see a therapist. She denies that things are as bad as they are, which at this point is scary. I had dragged her with me to my therapist a few times because I told her I simply can't live this way. She was given the name of a therapist and hasn't called her.... it's frustrating to say the least. But, just more justification for leaving (not that I needed anymore). I really appreciate your support!
  2. I got a hold of my pdoc today. He's increasing my mood stabilizer as he feels it will help with my anxiety and subsequently the depression. I'm so glad I caught him before he went out of town! Thanks for all the support
  3. With depression there isn't an option to "just get over it." So, you're certainly not weak nor is there anything wrong with you. If someone is experiencing genuine depression there's no such thing as just snapping out of it. Anyone who says there is doesn't know what they're talking about. As you said it is an illness and unfortunately we don't have control over it. BUT, I can tell you from experience that you can learn to manage it and things can get better. I don't think you're being whiney. It gets frustrating and tiring. I think being able to talk about it is key. Keep talking here and consider seeing a therapist if you aren't already.
  4. I would agree that it should be approximately the same time everyday. I can say that in regards to my morning meds I set an alarm on the weekends so that I take them within at least 2 hours of when I normally would during the week. So, yest definitely about the same time every day.
  5. I called my pdoc and left a message on his receptionist's voicemail and also his nurse's voicemail.... No response today, so I'll have to call again tomorrow :( . I live with my mother who creates an extremely stressful and negative environment. My grandmother was in the hospital a few months ago and since then my mother's "crazy" has gotten worse. That's definitely the key issue as to what's dragging me down. I've tried varying things to deal with the stress (all things that were discussed between my therapist and I).....even increasing my ativan a bit due to the increased anxiety....But, I know with all that's happening there needs to be a major change. I'm in a pretty bad place and it's not going to get better without intervention (in fact I've been getting steadily worse for months hoping that the things I was doing would pull me back up). I plan on moving in with my brother in August (he's in another state), but with the way I am now there's no way I'll be able to handle all that will go into the move. So, I undoubtedly need to get more stable.
  6. I do see both a psychiatrist and psychologist and have for years. For a while now I'd been on the same med combo and it was working pretty well so I didn't want to mess with the mix. However, at this point I know something needs to be done and I'll just have to risk dealing with the side effects should they arise. Thanks for your response
  7. I have to call my pdoc tomorrow. He's going out of town for a couple weeks, so hopefully he hasn't left yet. I need to get another med on board. My anxiety has been through the roof for weeks now and my depression has been getting steadily worse for months. We'd tried increasingly my buspar, but it made me too tired and I was still anxious. I'm thinking an antidepressant that also helps with anxiety, there's been success with things of that nature in the past. Of course there's always the worry of dealing with side effects....But, I can't live like this...missing work...struggling to function....constantly anxious and feeling defeated....there's no way I can move forward in this current state
  8. I don’t even feel like I can find the right words right now. I’m worried that whatever I say is just going to come out wrong. I feel like a lot of people, my care team included, see that there have been many times that I can weather through the tough times and because of that they just assume that I can pull it together and be okay. But, the truth is I’ve been struggling for months now and I just keep sinking deeper. I’ve missed a lot of work lately and God only knows how I’m going to make it in on Monday. If you’ve read my earlier posts the plan is to move to Nevada in August to live with my brother. Realistically all I have to do is put up money for a car (that is a spare they already have)….about $1,000 I’m assuming (which I do have), pay the $50 a month for insurance on the car, transfer my Medicaid and then find a care team out there. Right now with the way I’ve been struggling to function I’m just worried. Once I drop that $1K that’ll leave me with $2K. God willing I start to work again and build up some additional funds before leaving….but, I’m just struggling so hard right now. I worry that I’m not stable enough to properly function, so how can I just go out there and find a care team? My friend’s wedding is coming up, he’s included everyone in the wedding except for me. I don’t know how the hell I’m going to make it through that. I keep thinking that I’m going to start to gain momentum and get better, but it’s not happening.
  9. I think that growing up in a dysfunctional family and having depression and/or other issues does make it hard to learn how to socialize naturally. You're constantly worried that you're doing the wrong thing and that if anyone ever saw the real you....they would run. I think it's good that you are feeling connected to these people. Connections can be scary because it makes us vulnerable. It opens us to getting hurt if we lose that person/people. But, I think like many things in life we have to risk hurt in order to feel happiness. Stay with the group and try and fight the urge to run. I think that as people we need connections. I hope this was helpful.
  10. Depression definitely takes a part of you. When I'm deep into it I certainly don't feel like myself. I think that in terms of the Citalopram the boost you felt was more psychological rather than physical. By that I mean that because you took action to better your situation you subconsciously felt more hopeful and thus felt a lift in your mood. As mentioned above pysh meds can take anywhere from 2 - 6 weeks to take effect, so don't lose hope. You're also on a relatively low dose so the doc may increase that if things persist. The important thing is that you're seeking help and addressing the problem which is commendable! I hope you're feeling a bit better.
  11. Your feelings are extremely common. We often feel guilty, weak, and ultimately ashamed. But, depression is an illness not a character defect. No one would choose to feel depressed and I'm sure you didn't either. The nature of the beast is that sometimes it prevents us from functioning at the capacity we would like and it's outside of our control. I have to echo what's been said and recommend speaking to a therapist. The only way to move forward and maintain the ground that is gained is through treatment and learning how to manage the condition when it arises.
  12. I'm planning on moving to Nevada in a few months. I'm in the process of making sure that their medicaid will cover mental health services. From what I've gathered so far it seems that it does (I'm just trying to get that iron clad proof). I was wondering if anyone has moved to a different state before and what you needed to do to get your health coverage transferred over?
  13. I'm sorry that you're having a difficult time right now. I think fear of the future is a common thing for anyone, not just those of us that deal with mental illness. What I find helps me is to try and stay in the moment. I figure that yes there's a possibility that things can go wrong in the future, but all I can do is do the best I can right now. Focus on what's going on now because the fear of the future can ruin the present. So, I think it's best to take things as they come. Of course you're going to be scared about getting into grad school, getting married, what you'll do once you graduate, etc. These are major life events and if they didn't scare you then you wouldn't be normal. With major events like that I just try and "do" or "proceed" with them (however you're supposed to say it) even though I'm scared. Sometimes in life that's all we can do, feel the fear but try anyway. Believe me, I mean that in a supportive way. I'm not trying to say "just suck it up and deal." That's not how any of this works. I guess I just mean sometimes life is scary and we just have to try our best. I hope this helps some. All The Best, Shadows
  14. There's Yahoo "Meet Ups." From what I understand you essentially just meet up with people who share a common interest and then participate in that activity.
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