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Everything posted by myth

  1. What did you dream last night?

    I have this reoccurring dream where I am driving a semi down a steep hill and the brakes are blown. No way of stopping. I'm grinding against the side rails and doing whatever I can to stop, with no success. I have this dream a few times a year. What do you think it means? I've always wondered. Horrible anxiety.
  2. for sure man

    man, I was a bad kid back in the day. I'm surprised at how much I got away with.
  3. I can relate to the disconnection. I feel I'm on the outside looking in. everything lacks emotional depth. all I see is greyscale, black and white. people seem so far away, but I cherish those small moments when you have a literal connection with someone. it's so nice. I've disconnected enough to where I was dead certain that I was already dead and that I was in hell, surely convinced, and the only means of escape to sanctity was to discover how I 'died'. it was an emotional rollercoaster. this was a psychotic break, and what a ride it was. I still haven't recovered from the first one. this kind of stuff lingers for months. -myth
  4. nice to meet you man. I like your name. René Descartes philosophy if I remember correctly. hope you find support here.
  5. yeah man

    I'm depressed as ****. really, man. it's getting tiring. this universe is hostile and indifferent, and I travel this desert of awareness alone, trying to run ship I drink to pass the time. sometimes I read. mostly philosophy, and a few novels on post-apocalyptic worlds. it always seems like a metaphor for what already exists. everyone is actually alone in this world, trying to stay above water. tears soak each card that the dealer has dealt. anyway, yeah man. I used to ride. run and gun. had a friend I used to ride with. we crashed a couple harleys together. it was good music then and it still is.
  6. What Are You Reading?

    Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig.
  7. deep thinker

    is anyone else here a deep thinker? I contemplate a lot of things and get lost in thought. I daydream a lot. I like to think about better things. it's just, like, I'm creating a perfectly utopian society in my mind, and what are you talking to me about? you know? sometimes people get on my nerves. I let it wash over me though. man, those times when I find another deep thinker and converse about bigger things really hits the spot for me. anyway hey, my monoker is myth. I don't post too much on here.
  8. disconnected

    ever feel completely disconnected, even though you're surrounded by people? I was with a bunch of people today. I just sat there, watching everyone become animated and move with the conversation, and I thought, "I don't connect to this at all" I'm definitely on the outside looking in. what's the worse of the two evils? to be "locked in" or "locked out"? I can't stop thinking.
  9. funny story

    no kidding, I got dumped one time, the girl said I was too attractive. she said she liked dating guys who were more on the ugly side. I didn't really understand that. hell, I still don't. must be some kind of complex. 2 years later I end up being her friend on facebook and notice that she was in a new relationship. yup, that guy is definitely ugly. made me laugh. she found what she was looking for I suppose. after she dumped me and told me the reason, I was at the bar that night drinking my sorrows away. I actually liked her and was feeling down because of it. told the guy who was drinking next to me that I got dumped and why. we had a good laugh over it. hah. that's my life.
  10. trapped

    So I have anxiety bad enough to take medication for it. I have social anxiety, and when I'm in certain situations I just feel like dying, it's so bad. talking to people makes me feel anxious, I feel like I'm being judged all the time. I feel like screaming but it just ends up being an internal conflict, because you can't just scream in public or around people, that's rude.I've always wanted to visit the grand canyon and yell as loud as I can into the mouth of it, something empowering, like "**** aaaanxietyyyyyyy!!!!!!" or "**** everyone!"it would be a release like no other. I hate boundaries and feeling trapped, and I feel trapped. like no one really hears what I have to say because I can't put it into words. I wonder if anyone relates.
  11. existential pt. 2

    I'm at a loss today for who to be, what to think sometimes I'm not sure who I am. existential woes I suppose life is confusing a lot of times especially for me am I the only one who contemplates sh** like this?
  12. myth

  13. life is so blah blah blah blah

    so to turn things up today, I'm knocking an entry off on my bucket list. "#35. for an entire day, say exactly what is on your mind, to everybody, with no filter." I'll post later the results, and with that, maybe a few things I've said. so far, it's freeing as f***. why haven't I done this earlier? metal as f***.
  14. What Tattoos Do You Have?

    you can kind of see mine in this picture. it says 'Harsh Times' and has a skull above it.
  15. lonely and existential

    how am I... well, I am organic decaying matter that lives in a hostile and indifferent universe. true friendships are hard to come by but I still travel this desert we call awareness for people who relate to the endeavor of harsh existence. I'm here, are you? sincerely signed, --Dusty Traveler of the Multiverse
  16. just thought I'd put that out there in contrast with all the negative posts. it's a pretty okay med. I was on it back in 2015. it got me to where I wanted to go. it helped with my major depression and ptsd. if you have the same DX I would recommend this.
  17. sick of life.

    so here I am, drinking by myself again. my life is a mess. all I do is work, and when I'm not at work, I am completely alone. no friends, just drink. I isolate a lot. I swear, jack daniels is my only friend. I'd like to make friends on here. maybe we'd hit it off. I hang out in the chat on here often. other than that, I have an email.
  18. Effexor is horrible. enough said. get off it as soon as you can, if you can handle the withdrawals. I know medication effects everyone diffierently, but wow, this stuff is horrible. never again. -Myth
  19. I can relate about being the black sheep of the family. I think some people are just cared about more and that's the way of the world.
  20. She broke my heart for the 3rd time

    man, you really need an intervention.
  21. What Exercise Did You Get Today?

    I went for a hike today up in the hills. it was nice, had a good view of the city.
  22. I went out today. had to drag myself out. this alone is an accomplishment.
  23. My Birthday is November 3rd! What Should I Do?

    hey, happy birthday.
  24. being homeless

    I don't have a place I could call home. I'm not surrounded by people I feel comfortable with. it's all anxiety, all the time. as long as I have my truck, I'm alright. I've been sleeping in it the past few nights. feels freeing, in a certain way. but regarding family, friends, and having a life you can connect with: where does the misery end?
  25. I can relate. I was diagnosed with PTSD and I also hole in and hide out from responsibilities when I'm doing bad. sometimes it's hard to get out and do things. it always helps though to do something fun and mix it in with all the serious or mundane tasks. getting coffee somewhere always helps me.