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  1. Wanderer42


    I just am curious about spiritual stuff. Also a bunch of coincidences happened and I got a messiah complex.
  2. Wanderer42


    Lately I've been reading the Bible and books on Buddhism and stuff. Yet life is pretty boring. My chronic stomach disease has got a bit better thanks to medication, but still not what I'd like it to be.
  3. Wanderer42

    Bad Life

    My life really sucks. I have done things in the past that are horrible and I can't change so I feel really guilty about it. Also I have basically nothing to do. I just surf online and read books, but that's really boring. I have been thinking of doing suicide, but I don't actually have the guts to do it.
  4. I'm a straight up douche. I don't have much empathy skills. How to get empathy? It's like in real life I'm a good person, but when I'm typing on the computer I don't have much empathy. I would like empathy. I gotta get empathy. I will start learning now.
  5. I feel like I can't talk freely. I'm suffering from my schizophrenia. But I'm glad my family is supportive. I read about Gandhi and nonviolence. I wanna be a positive inspiration for people. Peaceful inspiration.
  6. I am not a nazi. I am not a pedophile. I am not a killer. I am not a rapist. People who **** people go to Hell. They let me out of the mental hospital cos I saved the world. I pray that everyone will be okay. Killers go to Hell. Hell exists. Killers go there. If you're sad, watch cat videos online. I started a cultural revolution. I still don't quite know why I did that. I guess it was to make things I like more popular. In my mind I saved the the world so that's why I have a bit of my Jesus complex left. They wouldn't have let me out of mental hospital had I not saved the world. And atheists, think about this. If there's 99.9% chance there's no hell and .1% chance there is, why take the chance? They're giving me cortisone so that's gonna puff up my cheeks and make me look like a squerl. Subconsciously I want someone to **** me. I've done great sin. Mark Chapman, come and **** me. It's better that way. I'm better off dead.
  7. I'm posting cos I've committed great sin and I need the world to see. I need to be naked in front of the world.
  8. But I'm afraid I'm like Jesus and John Lennon. I am depressed and schizophrenic and bi-polar. I need to read the book on Gandhi fast, to have him as my role model. I have had a tough life. I have debilitating Crohn's disease. Please feel sorry for me. I'm not evil. What happened to me made me a little evil. I'm 90% good, 10% evil. I wanna become 100% good, so that's why I gotta study Gandhi. They're prolly gonna make me famous soon. I plan to go down on history as the reincarnation of Gandhi.
  9. Wanderer42


    I wanna do marihuana. That would help with my stomach. But it makes me anxious and all kinds of other mental problems. Life is so hard. The place I would go to is Amsterdam prolly.
  10. My life is going badly. I'm having severe health problems. If I conquer those problems, I'm not sure if I'm able to succeed socially. Those are two huge problems that are very difficult. It's not looking good right now. I really don't like this forum. It's cos I always come here when I'm feeling poorly. It serves an important purpose cos I get to release my negative emotions. But still even the site leaves a bad feeling to me cos I'm always depressed when I post here.
  11. Vacation has been kinda nice. Certainly have experienced more social things than in my home country. My health problems are horrific by anyone else's standards. But by my standards, they're semi okay. I can't go out often. I just hope I can make the flight back home without problems. Gonna be very rough to fly in this condition. In my home country I can get a medicine that makes me slightly better, and then I will actually travel to a third country and get a medicine that hopefully will work very well and give me my health back. That is optimistic, but there's a chance.
  12. Yeah. It's like I clearly am taken advantage of. But there are real experiences too in the mix. It's so confusing. My current theory is that they know I have money and take advantage of me. But I mean I'm not even mad about it in the sense that I'm experiencing human contact. Like 90% of the time not even in a sexual way, but just people talk to me and stuff. If I was home and had zero net spent, I would be like a zombie and not experience new things, be online and that's all tbh. I mean potentially I could lose so much money and still be kinda happy about it. But partially that feeling of happiness I experience in third world country is from a doctor telling me I have to have surgery, and from her telling me that if I go to the third world country, I might have to have emergency surgery and also her telling me that I might literally die on my vacation. So in that sense it's just living my life during the limited time I have. I don't know if it's 2 weeks, I don't know if it's 2 years, I don't know if it's 80 years. All I know is I wanna live my life. I guess I might regret it later if I lose all my money, but right now I wanna burn out and not fade away.
  13. I have this problem. I keep going to the same place for vacation. I had a traumatic thing happen to me the first time, involving losing the chance on two girls. That's why I keep going there, partially. I was talking to this random girl at the bar. She theorized the thing I just wrote. That I'm basically a loser in life so I gotta succeed at getting a girl at that same place. Also it's partially cos I've had failures in my social life in my home country so I've given up on trying there. Currently I'm in the vacation in the particular country, my third time here. So like in a way I'm not accepting reality. That no-one wants me. I'd like thoughts on this. Right now I don't know what to think.
  14. Wanderer42

    Low Point

    I got super drunk. Did things I'm not proud of. The reader of this blog might imagine things more severe or mild than what I did. Anyway, I'm back in my hotel room and quite depressed. I'm a pathetic individual. I might as well die. Why do I stay on this earth. Anyway, my trip to third world country is tomorrow. I can leave one note to myself though. DO NOT GET TOO DRUNK! The sad thing is I might not be able to take my own advice. Also I worry my trip is gonna get charged a lot cos of the extra things, but whatever. At least I'm alive. At least I lived. ... Kind of another subject. My liver feels enlargened. Maybe it's a too dramatic way of putting it. But actually now that I think of it, number one I feel like it might be normal, number two I feel like it might be cos of the large amount of alcohol I consumed, in which case it's just temporary.
  15. Also I tested and it seems I can charge my phone through my laptop, so I won't need to buy an adapter. Good thing.
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