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Jessica12345

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  1. Music is indeed a great way to distract yourself, and I haven't tried volunteering but that sounds like a wonderful idea. I am currently taking, Venlafaxine 225mg and Quetiapine 50-75mg, I think they helped for awhile but they don't seem to be doing as much anymore I may need to get my Venlafaxine raised. And thank you both for your kind words.
  2. Hello, I was diagnosed with BPD a couple years ago, and reading your forum takes me back to when I was told I had it. I read about how everyone with BPD was a monster, how they would never be able to have happy relationships. I can tell you that's wrong, we are not our illness, we are not a label. Just because its reported that people with BPD are awful, we don't have to let that be true. I can tell you that im a very nice person, I have many family members who love me,and the only person I've ever hurt was myself. We may go through and experience different things, but I hope you know that you are in charge of yourself. If you don't want to be that kind of person, then don't. Everything you're going through matters, your feelings matter and you matter. This diagnose is not something easy to deal with but you will get through it, I believe in you. Also there's a YouTube video called "back from the edge borderline personality disorder" If you want to check it out, im not sure if its just about the disorder, but I do recall my therapist telling me about it. J
  3. Thank you. I am quite paranoid when it comes to people as well. I think the main reason would have to be anxiety, I find it hard to be out in public, I actually pass out when my anxiety gets extremely bad, as my breathing isn't normal and not a lot of oxygen goes to my brain. I have many ways to calm myself down so this doesn't happen, however leaving my house is just a challenge in its self. I like people, and im good with people, its just my mind controls me and it makes it much more difficult to be a functioning member of society.
  4. As a child I was always quite energetic, outgoing and happy. I did show signs at an early age of anxiety, there were many times in elementary that I would cry and beg my mother not to make me go to school, I remember having a very strong bond with my mother, I couldn't handle being apart from her. Around the age of 7 I was sexually assaulted by a family member, at the time I didn't fully understand what was happening. Months later I told my mother about it, but she said "Kids play house, its what they do", so she brushed off me getting fingered as "normal" so I did as well. Throughout the next 6 years of my life I was always interested in boys, I felt as though I needed them to like me, I needed the attention (Keep in mind, I do not have daddy issues, my father is a wonderful man who has always been in my life). As I hit highschool I started to change quite a bit, I was still outgoing and had many friends, but there was a darkness in me and it was starting to grow. I began throwing up/ starving, cutting myself. It all got pretty bad, but then one night I was at a party and drank way too much (I drank often) and ended up being raped by a friend of mine. Afterwards I lost all of my friends, my boyfriend dumped me, I was hospitalized, I was ready to end my life. However my anxiety makes me scared to die, so its really a battle. Its been two years since the rape, I had plans to go to college but I haven't gone yet, I haven't been able to hold down a job, I gained weight, Im still living with my parents and letting them down. I just don't know what else I can do. I cant live the way I am, people like me don't survive, im not strong, I let everybody down. But I truly do want to live, I want a future, I want to know what it feels like to be happy again, Im just not sure how to get there. J
  5. Hello, I am 20 years old, I have been struggling with depression, anxiety, PTSD and BPD, some of these illness I've been dealing with the past five years, others my whole life. I've never even knew there was such a thing as online "depression forums" but I think its a lovely way for people to be able to talk about what they are going through. Im not exactly sure what im supposed to write here, my story? I hate telling my story, I don't know how many times I've had to tell it to therapist, doctors, ect. I have ever word memorized, every feeling is burnt into my skin. However I guess I did create this account for a reason.
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