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About Chubbybunny89

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  1. I just Don't know what to feel

    So are you living with your current partner?(the asexual one?)
  2. I just Don't know what to feel

    I'm a little confused how can a landlord throw your out for dancing a with someone? That doesn't seem legal. Someone can get caught flat out cheating or still doesn't give the landlord any right to throw them out legally unless I'm missing something ? From what you said it sounds like you and your partner are simply not compatible. Having relationship issues doesnt always mean they can be fixed sometimes the two people simply are not compatible. I personally believe that asexual people should only be with other asexual people because it's extremely unfair to the person who needs intimacy. You need to get out of your current relationship. Seeking someone else to fulfill this need of intimacy while staying in the relationship is not only wrong ,but will only make you feel worse about yourself. You already said that your current partner will never be able to give you the intimacy you need, so why are you staying? Why are you still with your current partner? Are you financially dependent?
  3. Since I'm an American I can't advise on any services in the U.K., I can try to give some advice. First off, I want to say I love how you speak of her. Saying she is an amazing person etc.. I think this is something you should verbalized to her everytime she puts herself down-bring her back up again. I know it can be frustrating ,but basically this will take tons of patience. Note that if she's in a particularly foul moment she may even try to negate your compliments,but even more reason for you to remain stalwart. Basically tell her change what she doesn't like and for the things she can't change keep encouraging her. It wont go away overnight. Not even on a few months. Frankly it may take years to break the habit of self deprecation. I do it all the time even more so these days. One thing that helped shut me up was hearing positive things or someone's saying I shouldn't put myself down like that. And it's true. She doesn't like her job- at least she has one and also she can try to change jobs. Tell her how amazing you think she is and what you love about her. She will need to hear it.
  4. Like ambiguity said, its situational. If the relationship was healthy and didn't work out due to on compatibility then I think it's fine if you are friends. As long as no lingering feelings come in the way of your future relationship. If it's was toxic, or one of you still pins for the other then no. My ex got married (arranged marriage) two months after breaking it off with me so friendship wasn't really an option. I tried being friends between the brief period before he got married ,but my anger and his lack of wanting to really be friends prevented that. He wasn't a good boyfriend and was an even worse friend. I was able to get over him rather quickly out of necessity, even to the point of seeing him cry and say "I love you" and feeling literally nothing. I tried reaching out stupidity recently to attempt a friendship,but his formality prevented that. Also, I may have been passive aggressively petty and bragged about my current boyfriend who looks amazing on paper compared to my ex. I did leave with a question asking what it was like being arranged. An innocent uestion he never answered. Throughout our relationship he had the habit of ignoring me to the point where I literally became an insane person. He hasn't really changed I think ,but I'm not sure. Hopefully he treats her better than he treated me. I wouldn't mind being friends ,but honestly it's for the best as the relationship was very toxic and truth be told we had nothing on common. Plus he is married and his wife would probably not like it. I don't like admitting it because I love making new friends,but you do need to have something in common. Many people date their opposite,but you need to have enough commonality that you would also be friends if you weren't attracted to one another. Because frankly if it was sexual attraction holding you together then being friends with your ex may not work out. Mostly I would say you and they bother need to be over one another before any friendship can occur without drama.
  5. The two and a half years since graduated college late at the age of 26/27 have been moments of losing people. Initially I had four girlfriends I considered my best friends. They were the women who would be my bridesmaids for my future wedding. The friends I never thought I would lose. Now I'm only still best friends with one of them. This happened also after I began dating my new boyfriend. I don't think he had anything to do with it,but timing is odd. First one used me, acrewed me over and we had a blowout. I learned she wasn't really that good of a person and only made friends with others so she could use them in the future (literally). She moved away with her husband to another state. There's no hate between her and I but we aren't best friends or even good friends anymore. The second one cut me off out of the blue without warning-over Facebook despite living fifteen minutes near me. That one hurt really bad and I'm still not over it. I get over breakups easier than I do losing friends. The third I am posting about now. There was no official break between us nor any huge incident,but she just kinda changed. She never liked my boyfriend from the start and was having some relationship issues herself for a bit. Things started getting weird around last winter. I would notice her behavior had changed. Small things like not wrapping presents when usually she wraps and does a hand written card, walking on the floor with shoes on even though we culturally take them off because she didn't feel like it (despite being raised to take them off. This is cultural but was hugely disrespectful), acting a bit more snobby and as of money had started to get to her head. I can't pinpoint exactly when it started happening, but I know by the time she had her new luxury car things were like this. I also know I was disturbed that she never liked any photos or posts of mine despite me liking hers. Then on the Fourth of July here was some miscommunication where I changed my schedule, bought a bunch of picnic food showed up and they were leaving the moment we got there despite the event saying it was til 9. And she didn't really talk to me after that. We sort of talked about that weeks later, but she was more defensive than sorry. Last time I hung out with her things were okay and normal. But I don't hear from her, and I just feel this distance again. It could be that she isn't successful now making around 70-80K at a prestigious job she loves where I'm struggling,broke and depressed. To be honest she is better than me in every way except arguably morally. She's petite, beautiful, popular, rich and has a nice career. I say morally because they have a friend who they cover up for when he goes out to cheat on his girlfriend. This is something I would never condone let alone participate in. Anyways, this girl and I have history and we've been through a lot together. So it deeply bothers me. I am moving away to another state in a couple weeks and I never have gotten the vibe she cares at all. I don't know if it's the metaphorical scent of my boyfriend rubbing off on me that has pushed her away or perhaps because I'm 28 and still can't drive, am obese, weird and can't get a real job. Or perhaps she has really changed and isn't the sweet nonjudgmental person I knew in college who went out of her way for people. I do blame myself. But then some actions don't add up. I hate losing friends. I've made some new ones but I always hate losing the ones I have history with.
  6. Depression, anxiety and driving a car

    I failed my driving test three times because of anxiety. I still don't have a license and am trying to force myself to get over it. Driving is hell for me. You're not alone. Yea it is very embarrassing, especially in the States where I live. Hey at least you got your license and can drive-that's more than most of us driving phobics can say! And many people in the world rely on public transportation. Frankly, it is cheaper.
  7. Seasonal Affective Disorder

    Yea, if I could afford that I would..but I'm unemployed, in debt (thanks for nothing college) and broke. Hawaii is my ideal place, but I can't afford to live there. Plus everyone I know tells me there are no jobs. Moving to Texas because my partner's field is there and I am financially dependent on the bloke, but they still get seasons, unfortunately. Milder winters than where I grew up and a huge improvement from where I currently live. Where I currently am it is cloudy and 58 Fahrenheit. Where I'm to move it is currently 82 degrees. I can handle cloudy and rainy in warm weather-actually I love summer rains and thunderstorms. The people in this area socially match the area. And everyone is successful or really really broke. I see Audis, BMW, Tesla, and Mustangs literally every single day. I'm not even at the level of normal so it is embarrassing to be around so much success. I'm hoping moving where people are more down to earth and not so judgy on someone being dependent on a man will help. (People here look down on that.I never wanted to be dependent on a man, but it's the situation I am in.) I have an aunt who lives in Hawaii, and if I were single I probably would just risk it all and take off to there. @Teddy545 Yep it really is the beginning of winter. And where I live the weather pretty much jumps into winter. I hate it. I have a friend who loves the cold and darkness. She's not even bothered by the sun going down so early. I sort of envy that. But I struggle to understand it.
  8. Seasonal Affective Disorder

    Also, the idea of Christmas is literally bringing me to tears. This year, I will literally be alone. My boyfriend who I am moving with always goes to visit his family during this time even though they don't celebrate christmas. My parents will be far away (4 days drive away), and my other family is an 8 hour drive away. I do not fly during winter or fall. I am hesitant to fly even during spring. I have had far too many panic attacks involving flying, inside airports and inside a plane to do it ever again. But the idea of being completely alone during a holiday, when it's dark, cold etc.. Holidays are another depressing thing about winter. If I was in Hawaii I don't think I would care as much..I really wish I could afford to live there.
  9. Seasonal Affective Disorder

    Forgive me if this is the wrong place to post this, but I was unable to find an appropriate place despite looking. Fall is now here, and everyone is so happy-except me. I literally don't get it. Okay, I could understand a little bit- the weather cooling down without it being too cold, the leaves changing color are pretty, and I do enjoy Halloween. However, fall to me is nothing but increasing darkness and decreasing temperatures. And of course the start of cold and flu season and as an extreme mysophobe, it's just too much. Summer is warm, full of life, people are happy, days are long, nature is plenty. Winter and fall it's cold, dark, sickness abounds, and holidays that force consumerism and remind you of loneliness. I become a hermit during winter. I try to avoid crowds that I can tolerate in summer. I get panic attacks all the time. I used to skip class in college due to this too. Those little blue lamps don't do anything for me at all. Everyone I know loves loves loves autumn and cold weather. I seem to be the only one who desires heat and would be happy to never see another autumn leaf fall. I currently live in the second worst city for S.A.D sufferers and so I am moving away. However, I am stuck here til the end of October. I can already tell that my brain has shifted into winter mode. My mind thinks it is winter. This is after an entire week fo no sun, and 3 of those days being drizzle. Today is warmer and sunny, but it's like I'm trapped in this mode. I noticed I was anxious at the crowded grocery store. I noticed every sneeze. I keep wanting to get a second flu shot because I am convinced that the first one I got a week ago didn't take since I binged on sugary drinks afterward and haven't exercised. Now, granted this is most likely just me being neurotic. But..what I have been planning to escape has already come. I'm worried moving won't help. I've got so many other issues, but S.A.D makes them all ten times worse. I want to escape this mental state. Anyone else p***** about fall?
  10. Lonely but sick of people

    I sort of had this problem during my last years in college. Not them flaking per say, I actually was the flaky one (due to my severe anxiety and depression, some days I just..couldn't deal. And hide my shame from people), but I took too long to graduate and so was older than many of my peers. Not wanting to be a weirdo lone old person hanging with people in their early twenties and late teens, I sought out people in grad school who were closer to my age, and young professionals in the college town. You can try that crowd. People who make it to grad school usually tend to be the kinds who see arrangements through and don't flake. Undergrads are a more diverse group and flakiness comes with the spontaneity of the college hangouts and the age. Though if you are looking for a younger crowd it might be difficult. Another thing to do is to make internet friends. Sounds silly, but it still gives you that human interaction and you can do the same things with regular friends minus the in person hangout part. I don't know your job situation, but if you don't work you can try taking up a part-time job and meet people that way. Granted you may still run into college kids, but you might run into some full time employees who aren't
  11. How do I stop this self-destructive cycle?

    Oh I definitely have baby fever as well. I've started having it when I turned 25. Would have dreams of being pregnant right before my period, would intentionally walk down the baby aisle of Wal-Mart, fantasize about going shopping with my imaginary four year old who asks endless questions, say "oh how cute!" when seeing a baby or small child when before I wasn't just like "meh". I need and want a therapist. I'll look into community things when I move,but considering the current politics of healthcare and the fact that I'm moving to to a red state I doubt I'll be able to get free counseling. Plus I won't have insurance. Therapists have bills too!! So I might just be screwed. If I was staying in the his state I might have access,but again everyone on my insurance isn't going to lose I think soon. Maybe if I can lands an actual job that provides insurance though I doubt they would cover therapy.. i am hoping to see improvement from moving though I need to get independent at the same time.... The worst thing about depression is how you start losing people and slowly become alone.
  12. What about getting female friends and hanging out with women in general? Regardless of what they look like if you hang around more women you'll grow to understand women better ,which will help you in dating. Plus female friends can give you feedback on what things you say or do that would turn a woman off.
  13. Feeling really depressed

    The relationship doesn't sound healthy at all and I don't think you should blame yourself for that. Withholding affection is a form of abuse. i think you would be much better off leaving this man and getting independent to where you can find someone who will treat you the way you deserve. It's far from easy,but if he is ignoring you, putting you down and making you feel worthless you are better off single.
  14. How do I stop this self-destructive cycle?

    I definitely should go outside more, but when I'm by myself I tend not to. When have friends or if I can get my boyfriend to go out with me I do go out. I get more hermitish in the winter too due to germphobia. I hate going to places like internet cafes becasue it's crowded, noisy, smelly, lots of distractions and you can't really socialize with anyone because no one goes there to make friends. It's also why I hate crowds. If it were a social environment where talking to someone randomly or someone approaches you then I am okay. This is why I enjoy bars, but despise other crowded places. Plus if I am going to do a solitary activity such as work or study then I don't want to be around people because when I am around people I don't want to do my activityi-I want to talk to the people. When the weather is s***ty I go out even less. This is why I am moving. This area just sucks for me. Aside from not being able to get a job, the weather is literally rainy and cloudy September to June with a short lovely summer only in July and August. Fall-more like winter, has already started here. It's raining and cold for the fourth day in a row. I hate it. And the people in these parts are more introverted and less friendly. I'm the kind fo person who enjoys striking up a conversation with a stranger, and tend to do it too often much to the chagrin of the more introverted people in my life. If it were not for my Seasonal Affective Disorder and my germphobia, I would be far less inhibited and probably not stay inside. I am hoping by moving to somewhere sunnier I will be more invlined to go out. I've got three weeks before I move, and this weather is already getting to me. I had to turn the heater on today. Where I'm moving to it is currently 94 degrees.
  15. Goals

    Probably the first nonranting and positive post I'm making today. I decided to try to be positive and attempt to achieve some small goals I made. Perhaps I should start a blog on here? Either way, I have some long-term goals : 1.Publish short kids book on Kindle 2.Get working on novel-publish novel on Kindle 3.Learn Mandarin 4.Learn Spanish 5.Lose Weight, develop healthy habits and become skinny and active for life 6. Find a way to make money outside of a regular job. (money while you sleep concept) 7. Start webcomic Once I have done these, regardless of my career situation, I will feel ready to get married. That sounds so weird I know... Anyways, um... I guess I will post updates here or in a blog on here? What are your goals?