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Everything posted by dazedandconfused1

  1. @MysteryName I completely agree with @OpalP25... I don't think that your actual motives matter all that much. The point is that you're volunteering at all. To me, that says that you're a decent and generous person, and perhaps you are actually doing it for the "right" reasons and don't realize it yet. That being said, I don't think there's ever really a wrong reason to volunteer, so you shoudn't feel guilty. As for what's happening with your CO, I imagine that you're not alone. I'm not trying to be sexist here, but it seems that women are more willing and asked more often to do nude scenes, so I think a lot of men with female CO's have probably been in your shoes to a certain extent. I'm sure it's difficult to handle all of the attention she's getting right now, but I think it's probably pretty normal for any of us in the forum. My CO is on a very popular show and there are so many women (and even some men) from probably age 13 to 80 that find him ridiculously attractive that sometimes it gets frustrating. The things some of them say frequently make me cringe. Since this is a fairly new obsession, I'm sure that'll get worse before it gets better. Fortunately, he's never done a nude scene, so I haven't had to endure the pain that you have, but even his shirt lifting up a little to catch a glimpse of extra skin is apparently quite an event. Sorry for such a long reply, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I've only been on this forum for a few days, but I immediately felt safe. I think it's definitely okay to speak freely here. This is like our own little community and we're all dealing with generally the same thing in different ways. We're here to help both ourselves and others. You seem very self-aware, which is good, but I think you also judge yourself very harshly. There's no need to feel bad about your "rants" or about your reasons for volunteering. Maybe someday your words will help someone else in a similar situation, and volunteering is a noble thing no matter the reasoning.
  2. @posie_riot My CO's wife is actually pregnant with twins right now, so I can relate a little. I'm not really bothered by it so much, I'm just not a huge fan of his wife. It's not a jealousy thing, I just don't agree with a lot of her opinions on things and she always plays really slutty characters (she's an actress as well) and it doesn't make her particularly likable in my eyes. But they have one adorable daughter together, so I'm sure the new babies will be no different. ? I applaud you for cutting yourself off from any news of your CO because I'm not sure I could do that right now. It seems like my obsession is getting more intense every day.
  3. I can vouch for that. It happened to me just a few hours ago. Fortunately, my fiance was distracted and nothing came of it.
  4. Does anyone in a serious real-life relationship ever find themselves insulting their CO at times just to try to keep your partner from getting suspicious about things? Since my fiance and I both watch my CO's show and I occasionally get carried away and talk a little too much about him, I sometimes throw in a little insult about something silly and irrelevant so that maybe my fiance will think that I'm just interested in the show and maybe even a little annoyed by my CO. You know... Because that seems completely rational. Not.
  5. @perfectcircle77 Sometimes men don't see things quite like we do (obviously, lol), so maybe your husband just didn't think anything of the photos, especially if he thinks you have a bit of a crush on someone else. But prepare for a sneak attack later, just in case. ? @Audrey822 It sounds like your husband would probably react basically the same way my fiance would. I don't really keep photos of my CO on my phone or anything unless it's a screenshot of something amusing that he posted and I plan on sharing with my fiance. I don't know if he'd automatically assume that I had a thing for him if he did see photos on my phone, but I certainly think he'd tease me a little whether he suspected anything or not. I can't blame him, though. He knows that I've had lots of CO's, so I think a couple jokes are a small price to pay. He's never cruel about it, so I don't really mind.
  6. @Audrey822 What you said actually made a lot of sense, and I think I'm right there with you as far as having "no filter." If I'm comfortable enough to discuss my CO, I'm pretty much an open book. This is the only place that I have that, so I guess I'm a little extra courageous. @OpalP25 I think having a CO messes with our minds a little. Imagining the worst possible scenarios comes with the territory in my experience. It can definitely be overwhelming. @posie_riot I don't remember most of my dreams either, but apparently when we do remember, we sure have some interesting ones! ? @urivgirl86 It seems like you take religion seriously, and while it may complicate things at times, maybe if you look hard enough, that could be where you find the answers you're looking for. Personally, I'm not religious, but many in my family are and it has helped them through many things. We all struggle in different ways, so we all have to find ways to deal with things that work for us. Hopefully having a place to share these thoughts is at least giving you some comfort.
  7. The TMI isn't your fault... I started the conversation. ? I actually do find that info interesting, though. I knew our hormones got all screwy around that time, I just didn't really think about it all that much until recently. So I appreciate the reply and I apologize if it made you or anyone else uncomfortable.
  8. I think I might have had a bit of a setback as far as my CO situation. I had a very short, very innocent dream involving him. All that happened was we were in my 10th grade math teacher's classroom (don't ask me why, I have no idea) and he was in character, so his brother on the show was there, too. Some kind of demon thing came out of the ground and he grabbed me and pulled me to him as he shot it, so of course my head was kinda on his chest. It was very pleasant, but that's all that happened. Now I've most likely given away my CO's show (and possibly him as well) if anyone here watches it... Lol. Not that I mind, maybe it would be easier to understand if everyone knew who it was. Anyway, I have an awkward question that any men in the forum will probably be disgusted by, but I have to ask. Do any of you ladies with CO's ever notice that you're more obsessed with or more attracted to your CO when you're on your period? It seems like my thoughts tend to wander more to the naughty things during that time. It could just be me because I have had hormonal issues that actually caused me a lot of problems, but I thought it was worth asking.
  9. Work, school, or anything that requires some brain work is usually a fairly good distraction from CO's, so I think it'll give you some relief in that regard. Congrats on tackling your anxiety! I actually started my digital art in hopes that it would be a substitute for my obsessions, but I wasn't quite that lucky.
  10. @posie_riot All of these replies to my posts have actually made me feel a little better. When it's me rationalizing it, it's hard to tell if it's okay or not because of course I'll take my own side. But when people in similar situations point out why I probably shouldn't spend so much time worrying, it carries a lot more weight. As I said before, I think just having somewhere to turn when something happens or I'm feeling bad about it and need to talk it through will make it a lot easier on me. And obviously if I can help anyone else with anything they're dealing with, I'm happy to do that, too. Having somewhere to talk openly is something that I've never had concerning a CO. And @OpalP25, I think we have a lot of similar behaviors regarding obsession. I've been through it with books, bands, movies, TV shows, etc. as well, all with varying degrees of obsession. It's just something you can never get used to because it's different every time.
  11. @Sandy2016 I appreciate your input. I wish I could just take everyone's advice and just have fun with it, but I feel so guilty. I'm not at the point of depression or anything like some are, but I feel bad because I'm keeping a secret. My rationalization is that most men (my fiancé included) look at porn, so why shouldn't I be able to look at my CO? Probably not a very healthy outlook, huh? Anyway, congrats,on your continued success kicking such an addictive habit. If you can stop smoking, I have no doubt that you can achieve anything you want to! ?
  12. @perfectcircle77 I agree... We do have a bit in common. And my fiancé enjoys the show my CO is on as well, so some talking about it is no big deal. I just feel like he's eventually going to notice that I talk about my CO more than anyone or anything else from the show. It's terrifying to me that I might hurt the man I love because of the weird way that my mind works. I do think that having an outlet (such as this forum) could be a tremendous help to me, so that I don't have to bother my fiancé with it. Seeing so many people that are in similar situations... Some better, some worse... And reading so many posts that I can relate to has already made me think that there's hope that I can manage this, but it's also causing me to start rationalizing it a little bit and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. Also, congrats on unfollowing some of your CO's fans. It's a big step, whether it lasts or not. I was in the same boat with a former CO a few years ago. I struggled with Twitter in particular. Eventually I did get over that obsession, but unfortunately, it was mostly due to the fact that he cheated on his pregnant wife with multiple women and I decided that he was a terrible person. Lol.
  13. I appreciate your kindness, @Audrey822. I realize that my situation isn't as severe as some other members on the forum are experiencing, I just wanted to put my story out there and try to make some sense of things. I'm afraid that my fiancé is eventually going to catch on. I talk about the show quite a lot because I can't help myself, and I talk about my CO quite a bit more than any other actor/character. And I assure you, there's nothing to be jealous of. My mind is in a strange place a lot of the time. ?
  14. I'm new to the forum, but I've read through multiple pages of others' experiences and it seems like I may have finally found the right place. Just to give you a little insight into my "normal" life, I'm a digital artist and have 2 dogs with my fiance. We've been together for almost 8 years, and considering my habit of obsessing over celebrities, we have a generally healthy relationship. We enjoy normal activities (going to the movies, concerts, going out to dinner, etc.), and we're still intimate on a regular basis, so my obsessive behavior hasn't completely taken over. I've even told him about my obsessions in the past in an effort to stay completely open and honest, but I always ended up feeling like telling him about something so silly was a mistake. That's why I haven't told him about my most recent CO, and I'm not sure I will. I'm confident that this obsession (nor any other) has nothing to do with my fiance since I've been this way for about as long as I can remember, but I don't want him to feel like he's not enough to make me happy or that he's done something wrong. He treats me very well, better than I deserve, and I truly love him. My obsessions never really bothered me until I was first with him and realized that it could have a negative effect on our relationship. Annoyed my friends yes, but I'd never considered it a problem until then. The thing is... I've had so many obsessions that I'm concerned about my mental health. I want to be with my fiance, and while I've been attracted to some (but not all) of my CO's, I've never actually wanted to be with them. I feel as though I still have a firm grip on reality and the disruption to my real life is minimal, so I have some hope. I've just had such a wide range of obsessions that I don't know what to think. From athletes to musicians to actors (one of which I was so obsessed with that I dreamt about multiple times and foolishly told my fiance about) and now my current, secret CO... I started watching his show because of the music and guest stars (and my best friend talked me into it.) I watched the entire series with my fiance in a matter of months and I was actually proud of myself for not being attracted to any of the characters because so many other women my age certainly are. So I developed a bit of an obsession with the show, but that wasn't particularly alarming because I rarely find TV shows that I don't lose interest in almost immediately, so it seemed like a good thing. Unfortunately, in the past couple months, I've caught my mind wandering and started noticing more and more how attractive he is. And let me tell you, it's been a long couple of months because I've done plenty of YouTubing, researching, and watching anything I can get my hands on. I have no delusions about being with him because I'm in a mostly normal, happy relationship. And my CO is married, which doesn't really affect me. I don't feel jealousy or anything like that. I don't feel the need to run away and meet him. But I do feel like I spend an unhealthy amount of time watching his movies, TV shows, etc. It's usually when my fiance is at work or something, so I feel that it's definitely a distraction of sorts, and the frequency that I feel the need to watch or Google him increases when I'm stressed, angry, or upset. And now that I've bored you all to death with my lengthy post, I guess what I'm looking for in this forum is help. Help to understand my obsessive behavior. Help knowing if this is something that I need to stop. And most importantly, how to handle things with my fiance. Do I tell him and try to explain? Or do I keep it to myself because although I'm attracted to my CO, I don't feel like it's damaging my real life relationship because it's fairly innocent and attraction is the only feeling I have for my obsession?
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