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dazedandconfused1

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Posts posted by dazedandconfused1

  1. 7 hours ago, NightSkyLover said:

    Hi all, newbie here ūüôā

    I am so relieved to see a thread like this, I thought I was alone with my obsessions but turns out a lot of people can probably relate and understand.

    I am a hypersensitive, hopeless romantic with a vivid imagination, so I have had my fair share of crushes on celebrities, fiction characters and other unattainable people over the years, but none of them felt like what I am experiencing now. When I was young and single, I always thought that my day would come and that I would experience these kind of feelings with someone real; basically, the crushes were entertaining distractions while waiting for the real thing. Now, I have the real thing, an actual SO with whom I've even been talking of marriage, and the CO had stopped when we got together but they have been back in full force over the past few weeks.

    I am going through a hard time with the isolation and loneliness due to covid; the fact that my SO and I are doing long-distance definitely doesn't help. To distract myself from all the darkness, I have been watching a lot of my favourite sport (figure skating), which was enjoyable at first but caused me to develop an overwhelming obsession with one of the top male skaters. I basically can't find any flaw, his talent is out of this world, his story is inspirational, his personality is adorable and he's insanely attractive. He displays so much sensitivity and emotion in his choreographies, and I can't help but wish I could be at the receiving end of this kind of passion; thinking that some other woman will be experiencing this with him one day, hurts me to the core and turns me into a jealous mess that I am deeply ashamed of. If this wasn't unhealthy enough, knowing that he made such an impact on me but will never know who I am is also triggering feelings of worthlessness; my achievements are nothing next to his, I'm ugly, tall and disgracious while he prefers small and delicate girls, I know I would never be good enough to be his partner and I hate myself for it.

    I am no psychologist, but I suppose that I became obsessed with this athlete because he embodies all the excitement, motivation, love and passion that are missing from my life right now. As a young scientist, I am now starting to realize how cold, emotionless and stuck-up the world of academia can be, with no place for human warmth. Additionally, despite being in a relationship, I don't feel emotionally fulfilled, mainly because of the temporary long distance but also because my SO is very pragmatic and practical instead of being sensitive like I am (and like my CO is). He makes it clear that being with me "makes sense" to him because of our aligning goals, common interests, convenient timing and situation etc, but he rarely expresses intense feelings; even though his reasoning is correct, I wish I could be more than a "logical choice" to him. I wish he could be overwhelmed with emotion sometimes instead of always staying down to earth and pragmatic. I wish he could love me with the same kind of intensity that I feel for him and that my CO expresses so well on the ice...

    I know this is not fair to my SO, I love him and shouldn't be comparing him to anyone else, but I don't know how to fight these thoughts. I don't know how to deal with the jealousy whenever I imagine the lucky person who will be treated amazingly by my CO one day. I don't know how to get rid of the self-loathing voice telling me I wouldn't be good enough for my CO and he wouldn't look my way even if we lived on the same continent. And I don't know how to accept the reality of my life without needing to escape into fantasies and obsessions. I'll be listening if anyone has a word of advice or comfort...

     

    I think COVID has brought out these obsessions in a lot of people. I can't help but think that it contributed to the resurgence of my obsession with my CO after several years as well. I struggle with it a lot because I have an overwhelming urge to confide in my fiancé sometimes, but I learned from that mistake the last time around. It just adds to the feelings of isolation and confusion. As for your relationship with your SO... Has he always been so practical and seemingly unemotional (no offense to him at all... Just a lack of a better word), or has the unexpected long distance relationship caused by the pandemic worsened the problem? 

  2. @Adelaide1775 I think it's probably best if I try the avoidance approach as well. Maybe if I stay off of social media for a bit, things will calm down and I'll be more equipped to deal with it. My fianc√© is aware of what's going on with my CO and we've even kinda joked about it, but he doesn't know how attractive I still find my CO. We're both fans of a lot of his movies and TV shows and I don't wanna ruin that. That tends to complicate an already complicated situation.¬†ūüė¨¬†Does your husband know about your CO at all? I'm not sure that I made the right decision telling my fianc√© about mine when this started several years ago. He ended up hurt and upset because of it and that's why I really needed¬†to come back here when my obsession returned. I needed to tell someone what was going on and I knew that it couldn't be my fianc√©.

  3. On 2/27/2021 at 9:44 AM, Adelaide1775 said:

    I made an account just so that I could reply to this thread! I have a CO right now, and it's making me just plain sad.

    It's probably because I have an SO, who I've been with for so long. I have trouble sleeping lately because I'm thinking of this CO and how gorgeous he is, and I'm literally lovesick. Of course I can't tell my longtime SO, it feels like cheating in my mind.

    I'm hoping someone can relate, this is the only place on the Internet I've found where other women talk about feeling exactly how I do. Celebrity crushes are supposed to be fun, and I've had them in the past. I have only watched one part of the media this actor is in and I knew I couldn't watch any more. I'm so sick in love, it's ridiculous. He appeared on another media interview recently and I just about died of passion!

    Is this nuts or what? My poor husband. It's not fair to him. 

    I can absolutely relate. I'm dealing with something very similar right now. I feel so much guilt and it's all just really confusing. I know I love my fiancé, and I know that whatever I feel for my CO isn't love, so I'm able to separate those feelings pretty easily, but my mind is still a mess. 

  4. I have a lot to say, so I'll apologize in advance for the long post. I've had multiple COs throughout my life, but the past year or so has been relatively CO-free... Until recently. I decided to return to this forum because it was a tremendous help to me a few years ago and I hope it will be again. Having a group of people to relate to, share thoughts with, and feel like I'm in a judgement free zone isn't something that's an option in "real life", so this forum already means a lot to me. That being said, I'm really struggling right now. My fiancé and I moved in together for the first time about 2 months ago. I'm happy to be taking the next step in our relationship, but it feels like it happened for the wrong reasons. We moved to a new city because of his job and the job isn't something I'm happy about. The people he works with aren't good influences. They use drugs, they drive drunk, they have zero respect for their relationships, and they contact him at all hours of the day and night about things that have nothing to do with work. I'm having a very difficult time adjusting. I left my family and friends behind, and my fiancé's parents own a goat/cattle farm and I'm still very attached to those animals and seeing them once a week at the most instead of every day has been extremely difficult. Not to mention, there isn't a whole lot to do in the city that we moved to and I've been watching a lot of TV and movies to occupy my time. That's where what I thought was a former CO comes in. I've been watching his current TV show with my fiancé weekly for the past 4 seasons with no issues. Until the past couple weeks, I still found him attractive, but the obsession wasn't there. So just as I started really getting interested again and paying closer to his social media again... He went AWOL. He deleted all of his Instagram posts but not the actual account, protected his tweets, and said that he was going offline for Lent. As it turns out... A video of him pleasuring himself had been leaked online and that was the real reason for his disappearance. Obviously I have a lot of feelings about the situation... Some more complex than others. I gave in and watched the video, even though I found it disgusting that it was leaked without his consent. Either his phone was hacked and the video meant for his wife was stolen or he was cheating on his wife with someone that ended up leaking the video, and neither of those scenarios are at all okay. I feel guilty for watching the video and even more guilty for thinking it's so hot. My CO is obviously humiliated by it, and I can't even imagine what his wife must be going through. Plus I'm sure that my fiancé would be hurt if he knew that my obsession had returned and the reason for it. I've spent a lot of time online defending him, posting positive things about him, and trying to get posts removed that are saying derogatory things about him in the past few days. It's been a long time since I've felt this stressed about a CO.

  5. Whatever this thing is with my CO (I'll probably never truly understand it) hit me pretty hard for a couple of months, but now it's kind of an on again/off again kind of thing. Has anyone else ever experienced this? I've had CO's for most of my life, and this has never happened. Sometimes I go days without even really thinking about him, and others I stay up nearly all night obsessing over him. 

  6. @sv14 I think I can relate to your predicament a little. A former CO (Yes... I have many. Don't judge. Lol) had been rumored to be cheating on his wife (whom I absolutely despised... A Playboy Playmate that had a couple of trashy TV roles and was no angel herself) and I wasted weeks defending him. Then he admitted to it... With at least 2 women. I was disgusted. That was the end of that obsession for me. To this day, I still think he's good-looking, but I couldn't get past the fact that he cheated on his pregnant wife. After years of thinking she was so cheap and slutty, then finding out that he was even worse just ruined it for me. In a way, I'm thankful that it did, though, because that CO kind of took a toll on my relationship with my boyfriend (who is now my fiance.) What you're feeling is normal. It's probably actually a good thing that you haven't completely put him on a pedestal. Unfortunately, not all CO's are winners. I'm not saying that yours isn't, but depending on how long his relationship lasts, this may become more and more of a pattern and I don't want you to be setting yourself up for disappointment. Believe it or not, you seem very rational. As long as you prepare yourself for both the good and the bad, you'll find a way to get through this. 

  7. @HopelessRomantic2011 Sorry to hear your trip isn't going as well as planned... Our CO's manage to mess with our minds no matter what, don't they? I have a feeling that it's just being around your former CO that's causing your "block." When I have setbacks with former CO's, it tends to put my current CO on hold at the time. I'm sure things will be better when you get home tomorrow. :thumbsup:

  8. @Audrey822 I hope things are going better now that you and your husband are at least on speaking terms again. Whether you overreacted or not (absolutely not saying that you did), his comment had to have come as a shock and I think every one of us here can understand that. My fiance occasionally jokes about me having the hots for my CO or things like that, so I assume that he really does know that I find him attractive, just not the extent. I think maybe that's what happened with your husband. What concerns me more is how your children reacted. Did they take it as a joke? Or did they seem uncomfortable? If they took it as a joke, I would say that your secret is still fairly safe for the most part. Either way, don't give your husband the power over you because of one comment that may or may not have been made to upset you and definitely don't let your therapist manipulate the situation. It seems like you have it handled, though (for now, anyway.) :Coopwink:

    @OpalP25 I certainly hope your dream isn't some sort of premonition as well! Lol. Try not to read too much into it at this point. Sometimes dreams are so difficult to understand because even when they do make some sort of prediction or have even the slightest basis in reality, things can get so twisted and distorted in our dream worlds that it's nearly impossible to analyze it. And I think the majority of us have had at least slight paranoia about possible events in our CO's lives, so I'm not sure there's really a solution. We just have to remind ourselves that if it's not happening now, it may not happen at all. If it does, that's a bridge to cross when you come to it.

    @perfectcircle77 I'm happy to hear that you had such a good time with your friend (and childhood crush :inlove:!) Having someone to talk to, even when it's not about what bothers you the most, can work wonders. The fact that you even considered bringing up your CO shows what a close relationship you must have. 

    @urivgirl86 My suggestion would definitely be to talk to someone within your church to help you sort out the struggle between your religion and relationships. Maybe they can clarify things a little.

  9. @urivgirl86 I'm not sure I have anything useful to say that hasn't already been said, but I'll give it a shot. I can see how you might think that celebrities like Taylor have perfect lives, but I can pretty much guarantee that for every celeb with a "perfect" life, I can think of at least one that has struggled drastically with what the fame brought, whether it be with drugs, alcohol, an eating disorder, etc. Money truly doesn't buy happiness and I don't think that being rich or famous would've had much of an effect on any possible relationship with your CO. I absolutely agree with your later questioning of the usefulness of such a large amount of money. I think sometimes people end up with more than they know what to do with, and it has it's consequences. Either way, comparing yourself to others almost never makes you feel good. Try to focus on the positive aspects of your own life. You may be struggling in some ways with your CO and your faith, but there must be some good as well.

  10. On Sunday, October 23, 2016 at 11:55 AM, laurennj said:

    Recently I tweeted to my CO just a friendly message saying "hope all is well have a great weekend!" and he liked my tweet out of the other replies so that made me happy :)

    That's so exciting! I've managed to get quick replies or likes from a couple of my former CO's, so I know that something so small to others really is huge. It really gives you a bit of a rush, doesn't it? :Coopyahoo:

  11. I hope things are going better for @fabulousrockstar by now. I haven't personally struggled with depression in almost 9 years, but when I did, it was hell. I do sympathize, but please remember that there are good days and bad days. If you give up after a stretch of bad days, how will you know what the good days could've brought? Always keep fighting! @MysteryName, I think parts of that apply to you as well. You just have to find your motivation. Whether you want to give up your CO or not is up to you, but I think you'll find that there's an underlying problem that's causing your lack of motivation and probably making things with your CO even more challenging. Finding out what that problem is may be a start. And last but not least, I'm happy to see that your CO is catering to your wants/needs,  @HopelessRomantic2011! Lol. As for me, I'm struggling a bit with a former CO, but I'm managing. I spent last year and much of the year before obsessing over Tim Curry, and his most popular movie, The Rocky Horror Picture Show was just remade... With a cameo from him. Unfortunately, his appearance was the only highlight. It was terrible. Now my fiancé and I are going to a midnight showing of the real thing (for the 5th time) and considering the fact that it's a very sexual movie, I shouldn't be surprised that it brings backs the old thoughts/feelings moreso than his other movies, TV shows, etc. Looking back at recent posts, it's good to see that I'm not the only one that sometimes struggles with former CO's. I'm sure my current one will be back to distracting me in no time.

  12. @fabulousrockstar I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time right now. Sometimes not knowing how someone feels can drive a person a little crazy, so I can certainly sympathize. Having too much time on your hands generally isn't a good thing for those of us with CO's because that's usually when things can so easily get out of hand, so perhaps the fact that you no longer have that will work in your favor. Also wishing you a speedy recovery from your fall! :hugs:

    @posie_riot Unexpected triggers are the absolute worst. We have no way to prepare or avoid it, so we're just kinda stuck. It sounds like you've taken some big steps toward keeping it from happening again, though, so hopefully it helps.

     

  13. Ive gotten into a pretty comfortable place with the CO stuff for right now. My fiance and I watched the first episode of the new season of his show without incident, so that took a lot of pressure off for the time being. I was a little worried that it would start a whole chain reaction of new things to obsess over (that's happened to me more than once with previous CO's... It only takes one scene. Lol), but I guess I'm safe for now. I've had a lot of distractions this past week or so, so I'm hoping it won't all hit me like a ton of bricks later.

  14. Thank you for your well thought-out posts, @Audrey822. I think most of us feel the same way you do. It's not that I feel attacked or anything (maybe I should), I'm just wondering why someone would come to a thread specifically for this topic just to berate us as a group. That doesn't seem like particularly healthy behavior to me, but hey... I'm not a psychiatrist and I assume that this person isn't, either. I have more to say, but I'll be the bigger person and keep it to myself... Except for this: Why would you come to what was a safe place for people to discuss this issue and get help from peers and not only try to insult and mock us, but to actually discourage people from coming here for help by making it seem like a hostile environment? Sorry, but that sounds like a typical troll to me. :thumbsup:

  15. @Audrey822 Congrats on finally getting the closure that you've been waiting for! :party: If it was as therapeutic for you as you made it sound, I'd say it was a success.

    @urivgirl86 I haven't been here long, but I've noticed that your main problem is the struggle between your religion and your CO. I can't pretend to know about the situation you're in, but I do think that if you're truly looking for a resolution, you may not find it, but you'll eventually know the reasons why you didn't and will be able to come to some sort of acceptance. Keep looking for answers.   

  16. 7 hours ago, perfectcircle77 said:

    I'm going to repeat what you said to me the other week: "Sometimes men don't see things quite like we do (obviously, lol), so maybe your husband just didn't think anything of the photos, especially if he thinks you have a bit of a crush on someone else. But prepare for a sneak attack later, just in case. ?" 

    Of course in your case it's the sketches, but if you've done celebrity sketches in the past, what would make him think this one is any different to the others? Does he have any clue about how you feel about this CO? If not, he's probably not thinking of it at all any more, much like my husband hasn't raised it since (and he's had plenty of opportunity to, my CO's name/tour has been a subject of intense discussion here this last week). I am sure he's just showing an interest but have a :hugs:because I know exactly how you feel. 

     

    I guess I should learn to take my own advice, huh? ? I think everyone here probably knows that's easier said than done, though. It's always different when it's a personal experience, I suppose. The problem is, I don't know if he knows or suspects that I'm attracted to my CO. I hate not knowing that, but it's not exactly something I can bring up.

  17. @Audrey822 I'm sorry to hear about your sister-in-law even if you weren't close. Cancer is a horrible way to go and I hope you and your kids are doing okay with it. It's also good to hear that you stood up to your husband. My dad has mentally, verbally, and physically abused my mom my entire life, so I have no tolerance for any of it. I'm not trying to insult your husband, but what he's doing really is mental and verbal abuse. Your therapist sounds like she might be a little money hungry if she's trying to pressure you into couples therapy. Not to mention, it's a little odd that she's discouraging you from leaving your husband. I thought that confronting your problems was a fairly important part of solving them. If you feel like you're making progress, then I'd say don't let her spoil that.  

  18. I've been doing a little better concerning my CO situation for the past few days. I'm not feeling quite as guilty, so possibly as a result, I've calmed down quite a bit. As with all of the other obsessions I've had, I'm sure it'll have it's ups and downs for weeks or even months at a time, but for now I've accepted that this is just kind of how it is. I think the unpredictability of when it will suddenly flare up and be worse than usual bothers me almost as much as the obsession itself. Either way, I'm fairly comfortable with it at the moment, so I'm trying to enjoy it while it lasts. That being said, something frustrating did happen. Normally I don't mind my fiance seeing my sketchbook. I know that some of my work is good and some is far from it, so comments and criticisms are usually welcome. Unfortunately, I recently did a quick sketch of my CO. It's not even finished. But my fiance saw it last night and didn't say anything, but just kind of raised his eyebrows. I'm not sure if he thinks I have a thing for my CO now even though I've done plenty of other celebrity sketches or if he thought it was really good or really bad and I've been too afraid to ask. Maybe I'm completely overreacting and he was just trying to show an interest. I don't know...

  19. @Audrey822 I'm sorry to hear about what happened with your husband. It sounds like this was far from the first time if you're thinking so seriously about ending the marriage. I think that maybe the reason your husband didn't notice (or care, whatever the case may be) that you weren't talking to him is because he's comfortable and assumes that if you've stayed this long, you won't leave now. I don't want to sound harsh, but if it's anything like my parents' marriage, the kids are the only reason either of you have stayed for some time now. Obviously there are benefits to leaving and benefits to staying, which I'm sure you've thought about at length. It's not exactly conventional, but have you considered separating but still living together? Maybe without the expectations of affection, consideration, and things like that, it could relieve the tension while being a "safe" place for your family to still be a family and actually make you and him more civil toward each other. I'm sure it would also take some pressure off of you if you were free to enjoy your obsession without the guilt. I think it's safe to say that if this is making you this unhappy, something has to change. Obviously it's up to you what that change is, but I think you have plenty of support on this forum no matter what route you take.  

  20. 31 minutes ago, Audrey822 said:

    Want to hear something weird about the song I just spoke about (in the hidden contents above)?  

    Remember about a week or so ago I said I'm a very superstitious person?

    You know I was an 11-year old kid in 1967 when that song came out.  By the end of that summer, all those years ago, before I ever had a clue about this, I began to feel that song was bad luck for me....and I started to avoid it.  It didn't matter; my CO didn't sing lead on it...his songs were really the only ones that mattered to me all along anyway (and I love them.)  I like most of the other songs the band sang, but I would have forgotten all about this band a long time ago if not for him.  Of all the songs my CO's band sang, that one has never been a favorite (even though it was very popular with everyone else and reached #1 on the Billboard chart.)  

     

    I know it's not really the same thing, but even though my CO is an actor, he has an amazing voice. He did a particularly great version of Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Simple Man," and I swear that's part of the reason my obsession started. I've always liked the song, but not enough to really think about. Since my obsession started, I swear it's on the radio more often, in TV shows more often... Everything. 

  21. @posie_riot That's something I didn't think to mention, but it's true for me as well. I don't particularly like my CO's wife and I do think she's kinda leeching off of his success, but it isn't her fault that she married an attractive man that has tons of crazy fans. When I see some of the things they comment on pictures she posts of them together, I actually even feel a little sympathetic. And @Audrey822, I hope you didn't feel like I was insulting you or anything when I was discussing keeping things private and respectful. You know what's going on... You're not some crazy, dangerous person and you're not disrupting your CO's life. I don't really think your CO/alter ego situation is any more unhealthy than anyone else's story on this forum. That's why we're here, right? I've learned to understand a lot just in the few days I've been here.

  22. 6 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

    @dazedandconfused1 Some of the fans of my CO make me cringe too! If men of their age acted that way about a woman of my CO's age, they would definitely be seen as very creepy (which is a bit of an unfair double standard). But seriously, they have no filter. Many of them use their real names and post pictures of themselves on their accounts, and yet they don't feel embarrassed about posting their sexual thoughts for everyone to read (it's never graphic or anything, but still, most people would think twice before writing that sort of thing)... I mean, the most I'm willing to do is post here, without revealing either my own name or my CO's!

    I know... I find it so odd that anyone can be okay with just putting it all out there like that. I think part of the reason I struggle with my obsession so much is because when I see on Facebook/Twitter/whatever that so many people (both men and women) are okay with basically drooling over celebrities for everyone to see... Including their real-life partners. As silly as it probably sounds coming from someone on this forum,  I think it's a bit disrespectful of real-life relationships. Obviously everyone can post whatever they want and that's not for me to judge, but I feel that for me personally, some things are better left private.

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