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Everything posted by nothingatall7777

  1. as much as id love to be able to fake it and act like its all gone for my fiancees sake, if I see her, I'm either gonna gush or cry depending on the circumstances. I spend my life hiding from her cuz I can never handle looking anymore. It fills me with way too much unfulfilled desire and aching and then I also get that guilt feeling because I'm hurting someone else. Endless cycle while the cause for it all just gets to remain rich, unaware, and perfect. Its hard not to feel the hate sometimes. But even the hate is because of love.
  2. @mysteryname no, a meet and greet or anything that would make her view me as just another fan and not her greatest admirer would be horrible for me. I wrote the perfect letter to her awhile back but ill never have the strength to send it and I can't do that to my girlfriend. I try to tell her all the time that I've always had feelings for Mila since I was 18 and I've always wanted this day with her but that with my girlfriend, I want and have a life with her. But she is still hurt by the whole thing which I feel terribly about. But when I'm triggered by it all, whether it be good or bad, I cant focus on anything else. But yea, I don't want her signature. I want her lips on mine. I gotta feel like shed like me. I have to believe it because I worship her. Even if I was single, I dont think id have the courage to send her anything..id be too scared of the reply or lack thereof.. I just have to believe that she can feel me out there thinking about her..and that things are the way they are cuz I did nothing to pursue her. Its just an endless catch 22 cuz the other way, I get no closure. So I dont know what the end of this story is gonna be for me but it probably wont be good. I just cant control the jealousy. Its the hardest thing. I am jealous of everything and everyone that associates with her and 99.9% of the time, I cant even look at her. I thank you for taking an interest in my story.
  3. hi, Mila. I'm thinking of your gorgeous eyes and cute smile. I heard some other people talking about you the other day and it made me so mad. It hurt me all day. I know you would like me more than those people though. I know if we were in a crowded room together wed look past all the others for each other. And I know id find you cuz you shine like nobody else can. You're so perfect baby. It wouldn't matter if you were rich or homeless, celebrity or just another girl.. I would see you and I would drool endlessly until I found the perfect words to say to you. Just to have the honor of approaching you would be a high in itself. If I dont get to tell you what's in my heart until were both 50, I will consider it worth the wait. My day with you..you can't put a price on that. The odds are always against me but I have to believe ill get my time with you so I can make it through the day. I have to believe. Please notice me.
  4. I have so much hatred and jealousy coarsing through my veins that it physically hurts. Get these loser actors out of my head! I hate them all. If America wasn't impressed by garbage you'd all be nothing! HATE celebrities.
  5. today blows. I forget to bring my iPod to work one day (typically brought to protect me from peoples conversations) and I had to hear people talking about MY person and it infuriates me. I never realized JUST how seriously I have to take protecting myself. This world is merciless. If I cant watch her no one else should get to! She's MY person. To feel better, I continually fantasize about boy band loser and the even bigger loser people constantly keep LYING and associating her with who looks like a monkey and reject getting in a head on car collision with each other. If only you could wish something so bad it actually came true. I keep telling myself that if she were to come here to my job that I'm the one she would like but were just talking about ordinary 9 to 5ers that she wouldn't look twice at anyway so I cant say it makes me feel much better. I am NEVER forgetting my iPod again. I am so full of hate I could explode. Sorry Mila, I dont feel like talking to you today. Those who get to be close to you are my greatest enemies and sources of hate and these losers keep forcing their way into my brain. Sorry but you infuriate me right now.
  6. Hi Mila. I really have been working my way up to looking at you again but a pathetic excuse for a friend put a picture of you sitting next to that pubey haired boy band loser and of course YOU had to look so perfect that it hurt like always. So, yeah, that set me back a bit. I really want to see you baby. But I'm so scared. So just know that, as always, I am thinking of you. @mysteryname I post here because I can't be discovered. Things are going good with my fiancee but she thinks I am making more progress than I actually am. You pretty much hit the nail on the head when you asked if I want my day with her so I can get back to my life here. Yes. If I had nothing tying me down, id already be over there trying for Mila. And id like to think id have her. But, I can't get her out of my system to enjoy my life here and things make me too jealous and hurt for me to even indulge in my obsession anymore so I just crave. And crave. And try to tell myself that one day shell know me so I can make it through the day.
  7. I love how no one acknowledges me in here. That's fine. Cuz Mila would. She would love me and make me feel important. If you're reading Mila, I can only imagine how amazing you probably look right now. I'm thinking of you and ache to kiss you.
  8. I want to be a maladaptive daydreamer no fair ? I want to be able to see myself with Mila and have it feel real. A romantic night under the stars, a cute snowball fight full of laughing and tackling each other, a chill night at a diner where I just listen to you talk for hours, the feeling of touching your skin and feeling your hands all over me.. When I imagine it, it doesn't feel real enough! Come to me, Mila. I'm waiting.
  9. Hi, Mila. If you're out there reading this.. Just wanted to let you know that id walk from where I am to where you are if I could know what it feels like to hold you and kiss you at the end of my journey. I've always wanted to hear you say my name! I hope with everything in me that the future holds our moment together. It was meant to happen!
  10. hi Mila. I'm writing in case you find me here. I had to change my name but it is still me, your greatest admirer. I just want to tell you that I cant tell you how many times I melted today thinking about your perfect smile. I wish I could see your new picture in the 70s dress..i cant imagine how breathtaking it is, but I cannot. I cant make myself look at you anymore no matter how hard I try. I crave you like a drug every day. I have loved you since 1998..but if you've been looking here, you already know that. I am dying for my day with you, baby. Please notice me. Every inch of you drives me insane.
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