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Bloomoutofgloom

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About Bloomoutofgloom

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  1. Hello all, This is my first day on this site. I guess I should start out with a short bio. I'm 31, I have two daughters and am in a happy relationship. I've struggled with depression most of my life. I was abused for years as a child and from that rose most of my demons, if not all. My belief is, if that hadn't have happened to me, I would have been confident enough not to allow others to effect/sway/hurt me. I often struggle to be "normal" despite having a privileged life. (We're not rich but I'm able to stay home with my girls) my boyfriend loves me, constantly praises me and tells me how blessed I've made his life. You'd think thar would be enough. Still, I find myself questioning my existence. Fantasizing about getting killed in multiple ways..any way that wouldn't be "my fault" I hate feeling this way, just want it all over..but I believe that suicide leads to hell (Wether you believe that to be true or not, I'd rather be careful than wrong. If this life is bad, hell would be worse) so I silently hope to be removed from this existence through no fault of my own...and it shows. I cry for no reason, I get overwhelming feelings of hopelessness and uselessness. My daughters try to interact with me and after the first 10 minutes I just want to be alone! :-( I feel horrible because I love my children. I don't want them to grow up with issues because mommy "couldn't get it together" before kids I used to self medicate with alcohol and drugs. Since having children, I've gained weight. Weight gain depresses me and depression makes me over eat. I smoke like a chimney because that's the only time I feel at peace. When I'm outside, playing candy crush and smoking 3 smokes back to back. I dread going back in to the house..I shouldn't feel like this..I was wondering if wellbutrin could be good for me. Will it help my symptoms without making me a robot?? I'm at my wits end and he'll sounds less and less scary. That breaks my heart. I just want to be happy. What's the pros/cons of this drug?
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