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About itsnotme

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  1. Not looking to make friends online but I just typed this after having a bad day. I shouldn't have resorted to the internet for help and I realize it was a bad idea.
  2. I know I am just a random guy on the internet but I don't have anyone I can talk to so whatever. I have crippling social anxiety and am obsessed with if I am doing the right thing or the wrong thing in social situations. I am deaf and have a speech impediment. People automatically assume I'm ******** and disregard me as someone who can contribute to society due to this. I always assume people are talking about me and I feel like people are very judgmental and critical of me. I spent a lot of time in isolation and avoiding people. I used to be terrified of any social situation because I would worry about what would happen and if people would mock/belittle me. I am now in university and there is a small deaf community here but it is a very small community so thus not a lot of options of who I can befriend. Women of course lose all interest when they find out I'm deaf, due it being too hard to communicate with me, and people will go out of their way to avoid me or act very irritated with me because I didn't hear something. I live my life trying to be as invisible as possible. I have been getting out recently and trying to meet people but it seems like everyone is two faced and don't give a about anything or only pretend to like me. The communication barrier exists forever for me. The world is made for people who can hear. I've been coping with my depression with Xanax, I've almost drank myself to death on several occasions due to not giving a **** if I die. I know my post here is worthless but I just needed to type something out to someone. It's endless: the anxiety, self hatred, and the yearning to be normal.
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