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Jalen

Senior Member
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  1. Sad
    Jalen got a reaction from idkusername465 for a status update, hi, im doing okay, im hurting really bad and im really messed up on a lot of substanc   
    hi, im doing okay, im hurting really bad and im really messed up on a lot of substances, so im sorry. ill be fine,
    i really do love every one of you
     
  2. Like
    Jalen got a reaction from Kellyb79 for a status update, Feeling a lot of things right now, but mostly lonely. It's just a perpetual feeling,   
    Feeling a lot of things right now, but mostly lonely. It's just a perpetual feeling, never seems to go away.
    Sometimes I question if anything is real at all.
    -Jalen
  3. Like
    Jalen got a reaction from Azealia for a status update, Hey, just want to let you all know I'm okay...life's been looking up for me. I've bee   
    Hey, just want to let you all know I'm okay...life's been looking up for me. I've been happier more recently, and my meds seem to be helping.
    Love you all,
    -Jalen
  4. Like
    Jalen got a reaction from Asta for a status update, Hey, just want to let you all know I'm okay...life's been looking up for me. I've bee   
    Hey, just want to let you all know I'm okay...life's been looking up for me. I've been happier more recently, and my meds seem to be helping.
    Love you all,
    -Jalen
  5. Like
    Jalen reacted to quentin360 for a status update, Hello to everyone, that is hello to the two people that are on mine right now and to   
    Hello to everyone, that is hello to the two people that are on mine right now and to those that will get on later. I'm sorry I've not been around much as I have had one physical illness after another. I cannot sleep tonight it's 3:41 AM here and like this guy posted about, I too am not only lost, but also I feel like a completely broken man. I got a new puppy about a month ago and that brought some joy into my life. But being so sick, I guess I have lost it with her a couple times. The other day she once again on my floor and I threw her out and I cursed God, like I do too often and told him to please quit playing games with me, that he sent this dog into my already screwed up world only to on me and I could not care less if she came back or not. Well guess what, she did not come back all day long and I do she was dead somewhere. I absolutely fell apart like never before that I know of and cried so hard I thought my head would explode. I told God how sorry I was and to please let Keegan come back as she was going to be my one and only loving companion after losing my other dog. I told God that I give up and I give it all to you, that I surrender and I just want to die or if it's your will I want to live but nowhere near like I have been living for the past 20 ****ing years. I was so sick with my stomach the pain was worse than ever and I was vomiting all night long, I was and still am as broken as I think I ever have been. At 2:00 AM that night I went into the kitchen for no particular reason and Keegan my puppy was scratching at the back door. She came in shaking with stuff all over her like she'd been stuck somewhere and probably did not know what to think of me as I was crying my eyes out for joy or something. It occurred to me that God had brought her back or at least that's what I thought that night. I guess he did because also when I surrendered all the that's been going on with me I did feel somewhat of a weight lifted. I have been at bottom many times and I am there now and I am just hoping things will get better and I can start climbing back up again somehow. Because if I can't then I have it all planned out, I will end it because it's been long enough and it's been way too hard for me here for the past year. And no I most likely will not do it as I am too much of a coward but at least I have a plan. Sorry to get on here and be so negative I guess but that's what I am tonight and this is where I'm able to let it all out. Thank you I will try to come back on more often... Your friend always Quentin..PS: sorry Lindsay for the image I know I'm not allowed but give me a break please, I'm trying to be more positive even when it doesn't work

  6. Like
    Jalen reacted to RiverLight for a status update,   
  7. Like
    Jalen got a reaction from hocico for a status update, Hey, just want to let all of you know I'm okay but I probably won't be able to get ba   
    Hey, just want to let all of you know I'm okay but I probably won't be able to get back on these forums for a very long time.
    Love you all,
    -Jalen
  8. Like
    Jalen got a reaction from carter_burn1 for a status update, Hey, just want to let all of you know I'm okay but I probably won't be able to get ba   
    Hey, just want to let all of you know I'm okay but I probably won't be able to get back on these forums for a very long time.
    Love you all,
    -Jalen
  9. Like
    Jalen got a reaction from idkusername465 for a status update, Hey, just want to let all of you know I'm okay but I probably won't be able to get ba   
    Hey, just want to let all of you know I'm okay but I probably won't be able to get back on these forums for a very long time.
    Love you all,
    -Jalen
  10. Like
    Jalen got a reaction from mulberrypie for a status update, Here's a s***ty poem I wrote... I look around, Things so hazy, I feel nothing, Think   
    Here's a s***ty poem I wrote...
    I look around,
    Things so hazy,
    I feel nothing,
    Think I'm going crazy,
    I tell myself it'll all be okay,
    All this will go away someday,
    But for how long can I lie,
    How long can I hold back the urge to die,
    I want to give up every day,
    I see no other way,
    But I keep pushing forward,
    In hopes the future will hold a reward,
    I silently cry,
    As I sit down and wonder why,
    Why does this world crush me down,
    A world where it's normal to be pushed around,
    You put up with others bulls***,
    Their words like a bullet,
    The loneliness eats you alive,
    Making it so hard to survive,
    A knife, a bottle, your only friends,
    Everything else a fiend,
    Demons haunt you day and night,
    How easy it would be to end the fight,
    Give up, surrender, let them win,
    Why not just give in?
     
    Hope you all have been okay.
    I'm doing pretty sh!tty.
  11. Like
    Jalen reacted to LoneSquirrel for a status update, Bye, Guys!! Thanks for making a squirrel feel special. I'll miss you.   
    Bye, Guys!!  Thanks for making a squirrel feel special.  I'll miss you.  
     
  12. Like
    Jalen got a reaction from Natasha1 for a status update, Sorry I haven't been on much, got a lot of sh!t going on right now. Not dead yet, gue   
    Sorry I haven't been on much, got a lot of sh!t going on right now.
    Not dead yet, guess that's good.
    Hope you all are doing okay.
  13. Like
    Jalen got a reaction from Azealia for a status update, Sorry I haven't been on much, got a lot of sh!t going on right now. Not dead yet, gue   
    Sorry I haven't been on much, got a lot of sh!t going on right now.
    Not dead yet, guess that's good.
    Hope you all are doing okay.
  14. Like
    Jalen got a reaction from idkusername465 for a status update, Sorry I haven't been on much, got a lot of sh!t going on right now. Not dead yet, gue   
    Sorry I haven't been on much, got a lot of sh!t going on right now.
    Not dead yet, guess that's good.
    Hope you all are doing okay.
  15. Like
    Jalen reacted to RiverLight for a status update, I haven't posted in a long time. Here's my inspirational quote for the day!   
    I haven't posted in a long time. Here's my inspirational quote for the day!


     
  16. Like
    Jalen reacted to quentin360 for a status update, Hello all my good friends, it has been a while. I do hope and pray that everyone is d   
    Hello all my good friends, it has been a while. I do hope and pray that everyone is doing well, or the best you can. As most of you know, I have been dealing with extreme health issues that just, for some reason, keeps getting worse. I had another esophagogastroduodenoscopy, damn that was a mouth full, it is just a scope down my throat to my stomach. The ulcer is somewhat better, but they still may have to do surgery.But what has got me really p***** off is a whole different issue I have encountered. I got these very large lumps under my armpits on both sides. It turns out that they are Sebaseous Cysts filled with Staph, if I spelled that right. As if I was not already high enough maintenance with eating right and stuff, but now I have to keep the cysts clean throughout the day, take more antibiotics, take "bleach" baths, put on antibiotic creme and keep the areas gauzed, ain't that some .
    Well that's me, yall know how I hate to complain about my own problems, though I have done a lot for a couple months, and yes THANKS for the prayers. How is everybody else doing today? I plan to get on here more often, if possible, if just to let yall know I'm still alive...lol...I have to go get some things but i will get back on later and read my messages and stuff...
             ...Be Good to Yourselves...Quentin...

  17. Like
    Jalen reacted to Kellyb79 for a status update, Hi everyone. I just wanna say that for anyone that has wondered about me in the past   
    Hi everyone. I just wanna say that for anyone that has wondered about me in the past month or so, I didn't mean to disappear or worry any of you. I've had a lot going on, and a lot on my mind. Which you'd think would click in my head that I need to get on here at those times even more. But for some reason I didn't. I've still been feeling super anxious with panic attacks day and middle of the night, though not every single day/night. So I guess that's a plus. And my head is always still going in what feels like 5000 directions and 5000 mph every day, so it's hard to put actual focus on anything if that makes sense. On the bright side, my boyfriend has helped me with this stuff a lot.I stay with him now, so he's with me day to day in my moments. He may not understand them, but he does his best to try. That in itself helps some. Idk. I just feel really overwhelmed still. No motivation most days, not in a sad mood or anything.. just not feeling like doing anything. And that's not me. I'm still on my lexipro, trying to give that more of a chance, and I joined an anxiety/depression group at my church once a week. So I am still trying to get a grip on this stuff the best I can. Anyway, I'm gonna try to be on here more, as it's helped me since day one to talk to all of you. I just want you to know that if I don't get on for awhile, it don't respond right away, that I'm not ignoring you. I hope all of you are doing OK. Ive thought about everyone on here even when I wasnt on myself. 
  18. Like
    Jalen got a reaction from LoneSquirrel for a status update, I feel so good, who knows why, who cares why. I love every one of you guys. You've al   
    I feel so good, who knows why, who cares why. 
    I love every one of you guys. You've all helped me so much, and I don't have words to show you how grateful I am, thank you so much.
  19. Like
    Jalen got a reaction from Natasha1 for a status update, I feel so good, who knows why, who cares why. I love every one of you guys. You've al   
    I feel so good, who knows why, who cares why. 
    I love every one of you guys. You've all helped me so much, and I don't have words to show you how grateful I am, thank you so much.
  20. Like
    Jalen got a reaction from idkusername465 for a status update, Just want to let you know I'm okay.   
    Just want to let you know I'm okay.
  21. Like
    Jalen got a reaction from Natasha1 for a status update, Just want to let you know I'm okay.   
    Just want to let you know I'm okay.
  22. Like
    Jalen got a reaction from Tux for a status update, Just want to let you know I'm okay.   
    Just want to let you know I'm okay.
  23. Like
    Jalen got a reaction from LoneSquirrel for a status update, Just want to let you know I'm okay.   
    Just want to let you know I'm okay.
  24. Like
    Jalen reacted to LoneSquirrel for a status update, Where are you, Nopawn?? I'm worried about you.   
    Where are you, Nopawn??  I'm worried about you.
  25. Like
    Jalen got a reaction from mulberrypie for a status update, Thank you for all you've done on the forums, and being an amazing friend.   
    Thank you for all you've done on the forums, and being an amazing friend.
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