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  1. Time for an update. I now know that all my weird symptoms I was having last year was prolonged withdrawal from the Zoloft I was on for 4 years. After being off of it for 1.5 years and trying to re-instate I had adverse reactions to the medicine. I was told my condition was worsening only to later find out I was experiencing akathisia along with many other adverse effects. I tried 3 different ssris with the last one resulting in a serotonin syndrome reaction. I am now riding out this withdrawal and have taken no medicine in 4 months. Things are slowly improving. If you would like to know more or follow my progress you can find me at survivingantidepressants.org. I am not writing this to scare anyone (what happened to me isn't common, but it does happen). I am writing this in case this happens to anyone else, so they know they are not alone. I wish someone would have told me that antidepressants can have withdrawal and adverse effects that are long lasting.
  2. Time for an update. I now know that all my weird symptoms I was having last year was prolonged withdrawal from the Zoloft I was on for 4 years. After being off of it for 1.5 years and trying to re-instate I had adverse reactions to the medicine. I was told my condition was worsening only to later find out I was experiencing akathisia along with many other adverse effects. I tried 3 different ssris with the last one resulting in a serotonin syndrome reaction. I am now riding out this withdrawal and have taken no medicine in 4 months. Things are slowly improving. If you would like to know more or follow my progress you can find me at survivingantidepressants.org. I am not writing this to scare anyone (what happened to me isn't common, but it does happen). I am writing this in case this happens to anyone else, so they know they are not alone. I wish someone would have told me that antidepressants can have a withdrawal and adverse effects that are long lasting.
  3. Hey everyone & sorry this is going to be long, I am just so utterly confused as to what is going on with my brain. Long story short, I developed panic disorder/depression around 6 years ago. I was put on Zoloft and was pretty well for 4 years and thought it was time to get off it because I was feeling better. My panic attacks were few and far between and that dark depression was a thing of the past. Well that might have been a big mistake. After being off zoloft for about a year I started feeling that derealization/ foggy feeling. Like something was just missing, and I couldn't quite put my finger on what. Tried many different diets, got bloodwork done, was very active, did physical therapy for headaches, yadda yadda yadda nothing helped. This feeling over the course of the next 6 months eventually lead to my anxiety getting pretty bad again as the foggy feeling seemed to make me feel off balanced and like my vision was all out of wack. (went to the eye dr. & eyes are fine) and I really started to fear that something was going on. So, then I went back to the Dr. and he told me it was stress and I was okay with starting up the zoloft again. Except this time it didn't agree with me. This is where I really get confused. I took one zoloft thinking it wasn't going to do anything (don't recall side effects in the past) and within a few hours I was overcome with terror. Like lightning bolt to the nervous system terror and horrible intrusive thoughts that I've never had before. I also couldn't sleep a wink and there was no way I was going to take a 2nd pill I was too terrified. Weeks go by and I go back to my Dr. and he prescribes Paxil. I managed to stay on that for about 25 days but the increased anxiety was just too much to bear along with many other side effects and this is where the depression came back in. It was literally the worst month ever and actually had to quit my job I became so ill. So then, I get referred to a Psych Dr. who puts me on yet another SSRI at a very low dose. This time I only last 14 days. The first 7 I was dopey and tired then the next 7 just out of my mind anxiety, with very scary intrusive thoughts and said screw this. I can NOT tolerate these things! What is wrong with me? The worst part is now that I am seeing a Psych, I have to wait a full month or more to be seen again & all I can do in the mean time is fall even deeper into this awful depression because my constant anxiety has stolen the joy out of everything and I really don't want to go out at all feeling this way. While I sit here and think about my situation, I just cannot for the life of me understand what the heck happened this time. So my questions are: *Why would I not tolerate SSRIs the 2nd time around after they helped me so much in the past? *Could I be Bipolar and this is why my anxiety (physical & mental) goes through the roof on SSRIs now? *Are there other classes antidepressants that do not INCREASE anxiety or scary thoughts in the beginning? Also, i know i wasn't on any of these meds for long enough for them to help me, but believe me I gave it everything in me to get passed the side effects but every minute of the day was agonizing and I just seemed to be getting worse. It has been 4 months since I had to quit my job and I am feeling very hopeless. Does anybody have some insight or know anyone that this has happened to before? I just want to feel normal again, or even somewhat better. I really really really wish I could handle these meds and go on with my life.
  4. I just wanted to update, I had my appointment with a psychiatrist yesterday and she thinks I may have type 3 bipolar. She wanted to think on it for a bit (was unsure if it could be akathisia as a side effect) so I see her again in 3 weeks to start treatment. I'm scared. She thinks the antidepressants could have sent me into an agitated depression or hypomania. I don't really know much about bipolar but she thinks I was wrongly diagnosed with anxiety/panic/depression in the past. Does anyone here have bipolar ? Has anyone had restless depression from an antidepressant? i think I'm still in shock. Just wow.
  5. Personally I don't like how Xanax makes me feel either. Like yeah I'm calmer physically, but I am a complete zombie (even on a half of 0.25mg) I don't talk like it's too much energy to form words or something haha, don't do anything but stare, literally can't function as every movement seems very unnatural. So that has always been hard for me when people are like just take a Xanax you'll be fine. And it's like no, that doesn't just make me normal it makes me feel like extremely drugged and with anxiety I just want to feel like myself, ya know? Anyways, I found a good post for you to read. However, it is extremely long but I took the time to read it and I think you'll take comfort in hearing others are having troubles as yourself. The thread is on Celexa, but I think lexapro and Celexa are very similar is molecular structure. http://patient.info/forums/discuss/success-stories-of-citalopram-please--36706?page=2 & when I say long I mean 10 pages long. Haha I read it over the course of a few nights while going to bed. If you still are thinking you might not have the right diagnosis (thinking you may be bipolar) you can always have a 2nd opinion, see a specialist-a psychiatrist or psychologist, keep a mood journal, or take an online bipolar questionnaire. Also I am unsure whether you are male/female, but everything goes way way way worse for me mentally a week before my period, damn hormones. Either way, it's nothing to be ashamed of. All of these problems we have are so common- I just wish more people would talk about it so it didn't feel so lonely at the bottom. I think the prevalence for anxiety is something as much as 1 in 10 people. That's huge! You are definitely NOT alone. Good luck! Keep taking it day by day.
  6. Oh thank you so much! I'll read up on those. I'm eager to feel better but also apprehensive as I've had really rough times on other medicines for anxiety. Keep me updated on your appointment! I will as well!
  7. Hi, I've been suffering pretty badly with 24/7 anxiety symptoms for the past few months. I've tried 2 ssris that revved up my anxiety to an unbearable level. (My normal level feels unbearable, I felt like I was on speed or something on ssris-very scary). Also I don't like how weird Xanax makes me, even 1/2 of a 0.25mg knocks me out cold. I've taken a 1/4 of the 0.25mg and I can stay awake but I just don't feel like talking to anyone. Very unlike myself. So, now I have an appointment with psych in about a week and I am unsure if she will want me to try another ssri or if I should ask her about beta blockers. My ultimate question here is has anyone had success with beta blockers for anxiety? My anxiety makes me feel constantly restless and like I just can't relax and think straight. I am always overanalyzing what might make me panic next. To the point where I really don't want to go anywhere. Also feel tingling fingers, shortness of breathe, dizziness, lump in throat, feeling faint, nausea, vision changes etc. (you know all that great impossible to ignore adrenaline feeling stuff I dread). Could beta blockers work for me? Help stop this adrenaline reaction? I hate feeling so flighty and unfocused/(too focused on the wrong things) all the time. Also, if they do work, can you be on them long term & any bad side effects?
  8. Hi s44, I'm sorry you are having such a rough time figuring out what works for you. Trial and error is just awful. You seem very intelligent and aware of how you're feeling and where you want to be. As long as you have that you will get to where you want to be mentally, because I don't think you'd settle for any less. That's a good thing. Don't give up, keep letting us know how you are doing.
  9. I was on a different ssri Zoloft from 2011-2014 and I totally lost my sex drive on it. It's been 3 years off of it now and it hasn't came back at all. This is probably not what you want to hear, but just my story. I hope it comes back for you eventually. And myself as well!
  10. Wow! I'm sorry you've been through so much trial and error. I don't think anyone could know for sure if it is going to work to make you 100% without giving it time to see. I think that's the same with all a/ds. Try try try. It's great that you really know your body and the state of mind you'd like to reach so my advice would be keep going unless you feel yourself getting much worse over a long period of time. Sorry I can't be much help as I don't have any concrete answers for you! However, I can tell you when I went on Zoloft for panic disorder back in 2010 it was an absolute lifesaver and I was well at 99% for a few years. I didn't even think about my anxiety. Period. I made the stupid mistake as well to get off of it and did rather well for a year and a half, but now I'm here and the anxiety is back. So what did my doctor do? Put me back on Zoloft only this time I only lasted 1 day because it sent me into sheer panic, intrusive thoughts, pacing around like someone on speed. It terrified me. It felt as though I had a redbull IV. Not a welcomed feeling to someone like me. Anyways, that was 2 months ago and my doctor wants me to try again (since I've recently tried Paxil and that is a whole other terrifying story but didn't work the way it should). basically I'm saying that it can work different at any given time because we aren't in the same place we were that last time, either emotionally or chemically. All I know is that when I find an something that works for me I will not stop taking it this time. Lesson 100% learned! I sincerely hope you find It ! God bless.
  11. Oh thank you for your support! You are too kind :) ! It means a lot. It feels good just to write it all down and get it off my chest! Haha
  12. would you benefit from telling your doctor about your recent rough patch? I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Hang in there friend.
  13. Hi everyone, I'm so glad I have found this wonderful place full of nice non-judgemental people. Bless you all. I have been going through 'something' for about 8 months now that myself and doctors can't quite figure out and I'm very interested to see if anyone can identity with my symptoms. I'm a female in my early 20's. Okay, this all started 8 months ago. One night I started to feel 'off' while doing my homework. Really dizzy / head pressure/ nauseous / vision changes. (Like big black puzzle peices missing from vision, vision dimming, maybe somewhat tunnel vision). This feeling continued for a couple weeks and I finally couldn't take it and went to the ER. They told me I had vertigo & that whatever was causing it would correct itself over the course of a few weeks. Well, I waited about 6 weeks and didn't feel any better and decided to get my blood checked because I felt it could possibly be a vitamin deficiency or something. My CBC came back great. Months went by and this dizzy/brain fog/ head pressure/ car sick/weird vision feeling was constant, I mean constant, and now it was accompanied by terrible everyday headaches. I went to the eye dr who told me I have a slight prescription in my left eye but nothing bad enough to do anything about. Also tried the Chiro who told me it sounds like Lyme's disease. So I made another DR apt and he diagnosed me with migraines and started me on a two month course with physical therapy. He also discussed the possibility of sleep apnea or stress. (I had panic disorder and some depression that came with it about 6 years ago, took Zoloft for 3 years, got off it 2-3 years ago and was cured. Like completely) back to my timeline, the physical therapy helped the really painful migraines, but there's always been the head pressure in the top of my head. Constantly. Along with all of my other awful symptoms. Now we're going on 6 months with these symptoms my Dr told me it is my anxiety back again and wanted me to go back on Zoloft. I was very cautious because i was feeling all physical symptoms but no mental anxiety and this is not how my anxiety manifested itself in the past but figured what the h***. I can't get any worse right? Well friends, I only lasted 1 measly day. It was like a bolt of lightening to my nervous system. I felt like someone gave me a 2 liter IV full of red bull, also couldn't sleep and just wanted to pace around all day & night and smoke about a million cigarettes. I didn't take another one because it was a pretty terrifying experience. So a couple weeks later I go back to my dr and he wants me to try Paxil because it is supposed more sedating. This time I made it 25 days BUT went from 147 pounds to 124 pounds in that time/ diarrhea / no appetite / feeling like I was on speed or meth or something/ teeth grinding / couldn't sleep more than an hour at a time / horrible depression / suicidal intrusive thoughts / anxiety so bad I didn't want to leave home/ I quit my job & started CBT & STILL had all my previous symptoms ! It was was the month of my life and I am still surprised at how I lived through it. Yikes! At 25 days when I went to my doctor and told him how this med was affecting me he wanted me to be hospitalized at a psychiatric unit and I tried to tell him it was the meds and I wasn't like this before. Well I p***** him off and he didn't believe me. He told me to stop the Paxil and gave me Xanax and told me to come back in 2 weeks. (I'm not going back to him). Now is the 2 weeks later. Since getting off the Paxil I gained 8 pounds back already, happier, anxiety MUCH lower, intrusive thoughts went away, that scary deep dark black hole of depression is gone, sleeping good, eating good, seeing friends and family again,still jobless though, but I STILL have these symptoms that I've had for 8 months now: vertigo/off balance feeling (I will fall if I try to walk a straight line without looking directly at my feet), Nausea (like being car-sick), head pressure in the same spot, vision problems kind of like dark peices missing or tunnel vision, my memory & concentration has gone out the window, constant ear ringing etc... Are you still with me?.... Sooo have an apt with a NEW doctor next week for a 2nd opinion and if she thinks it is anxiety she will refer me to a psychiatrist (Where I will have to endure more antidepressant torture testing). So friends, anyone ever felt this way? Can stress really do this to a person? Part of my thinks it may be derealization/anxiety/depression. Sometimes I feel like I can't really connect with my surrounding because I don't feel like I can fully SEE them with these vision problems, also kind of feel on auto-pilot, unfocused, Feeling 'off' or massive brain fog. I feel as though I'm surving or enduring each day, not really living it if you know what I mean. But my original symptoms came months before any type of anxiety showed back up. I think the anxiety came because I was like 'what the I'm still feeling sick after 6 months this must be bad' or is get anxiety in the car driving long distances because of the vision thing. The really intense anxiety/depression only showed up after trying those SSRIs. Another part of me is wondering if I should ask her for a CT to rule out anything serious. Idk I am out of ideas and dumped my job and Doctor. Help! Has anyone experienced derealization, does it sound anything like what I am feeling and for how long, does it go away? I feel so sick and 'out of it' every day it's debilitating. Also, why the heck did Zoloft do that to me when I was on it before and it worked wonders. Same with Paxil? Why would it make me feel 24/7 panic/crying/intrusive thoughts? I feel like whatever is going on with me is taking over and I'll never feel well again. If you are still reading this, bless you, I know it is WAY long. Didn't know how to tell my story without telling all of it. One last note, I haven't found anything that helps it, but I do know that being on my laptop or phone or driving makes these feeling much much worse. I'm a full time college student so I don't really have a choice and am on my laptop doing homework for many hours a day. But even over summer break when I wasn't on screens the feeling was still bad enough to be always noticeable. But now that school has started again I feel like I could vomit after looking at the screens.
  14. My goodness how do you put up with feeling like a loon for 5 weeks? There has to be an easier way :,(.
  15. It is also funny you say that increased anxiety is a usual side effect because my dr. And my behavioral heath therapist both deny that the drug could do that saying that I was making myself worse by worrying about it. They said the drug makes people sleepy and I was NOT sleepy. I just want to be back to my pre-Paxil self and go from there.
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