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MtnDreams

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About MtnDreams

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  1. MtnDreams

    Isolation

    I have to be alone because putting on the mask and puttzing up the facade just doesn’t work anymore.
  2. MtnDreams

    How Do You Feel Right Now? #7

    I’m feeling lost, hopeless, barely alive. Spent the first 20 mins of my drive into work in total silence (I usually listen to the radio). At work but barely functional. Maybe I should leave sick and go sit in a quiet place all day.
  3. MtnDreams

    Alone in a crowded room

    I feel that way ALL the time. Was at the beach yesterday. It was a beautiful summer day in sunny SoCal. My kids and wife were playing in the water. Other people were laughing, talking, playing frisbee, football, making sand castles, you name it. What a wonderful, happy, pleasant place to spend a day. But I sat there in my chair, behind my sunglasses, and just watched everyone as if I was invisible. Why couldn’t I enjoy it? Why couldn’t I be happy like everyone else? No matter how many questions I asked myself I could not find a logical reason for feeling the way I did. So yes, been alone in crowded rooms many times. It sucks. Totally sucks. Especially when it’s a social setting and you’re supposed to not be alone. Then what do you do? I have to admit I have disappeared from parties and a few wedding receptions a number of times.
  4. MtnDreams

    Effexor xr

    Are you sure that is the Effexor making you feel that way and not just the depression? I ask that because everything you described is how I feel most of the time but I felt exactly that way even before taking meds. I’ve had depression for 20+ years with the past 5 being absolutely brutal. I finally saw a doctor about it because I realized that not being able to concentrate on anything, remember anything, not able to communicate with people, and most importantly, not wanting to communicate with people was going to eventually cost me my job. Now, I’ve been in Effexor for 2 years and it has helped some. It took about 2-3 months before I saw any difference but it sure helped me then. I didn’t feel great or anything but I certainly no longer felt bad, which was great in itself. But by maybe 6-9 months after that I was back to feeling pathetic, hopeless, and everything else. I did up the doses around but that didn’t help. I’m actually trying to get off it now. But long story short, I felt exactly as how you described but I felt that way from the depression and not from the Effexor.
  5. I am also tapering off Effexor. My highest does was 225/day of XR. I started tapering off that back in Mar/Apr but brought the dose back up because I fell into a major funk. I’ve always had a couple days of depression here or these while on Effexor (I’ve been on it for 2 years) but while tapering that funk lasted over 7 days. I was once again doing major ideation, looking at maps for a place to disappear to, and all that kind of stuff. So I just resumed it. i decided in June to try again and so far it’s been going ok. Went from 225 to 150 and stayed there for 2 weeks then dropped that to 75. After 2 more weeks at 75 I dropped to 56.25. Those were now regular 37.5 tablets which I was cutting in half. They also were not XR. I dropped to 37.5 a week ago and will stay there for another 1-2 weeks. I’m planning to drop to 18.75, stay there for 1-2 weeks, then stop altogether. So far so good. I’m in some pretty deep and dark depressions but other than that I’m not having any ill effects.
  6. MtnDreams

    melancholic

    Well, I think these forums are a place where you can talk openly about what’s weighing you down without having to worry about people thinking you’re weak or are complaining. That is why these are here. So just start talking about your thoughts and how they affect you. People here will listen and will definitely know where you are coming from.
  7. Just posting to this old thread in case the closure helps anyone. I did end up dropping my dose to 75mg. I was there for a couple days when I then got very depressed. VERY depressed. And that depression did not go away in a couple days like in recent months but instead persisted for more than a week. Maybe it was even two. I missed a couple days of work and was pretty much useless at work when I was there. I found myself doing major ideation, fantasizing about a plan, where to go to disappear, and all that kind of crazy stuff. So I quickly realized, ok, I guess this tapering off just isn’t going to work. So I upped the dose to 150mg and I’ve been there since. My mood now is better - not great - but at least I’m stable. I have ups and downs but the downs aren’t that bad or that long but the ups are nothing to write home about either. I am still pretty much hopeless with life and feel like I’m in a prison cell for the rest of my life but at least I’m not in that dark horrible place where I’m actively looking for an exit.
  8. I don’t get redness around my neck but hot flashes I guess I do get. Sweating is definitely a major side effect for me and is why I tried to get off Effexor a couple months ago. (I decided to stay on Effexor because depression came back with a vengeance.). For me, I might be sitting at my desk or maybe I’m sitting in a meeting when I start to get hot. It’s like the AC broke or even the heater in the room got turned on. And then I’ll just start sweating, which sucks because people wonder ‘is this guy ok?’ Then 5-10 mins later I’ll be comfortable again.
  9. You will hear many people say that a normal dosage is 150mg to 225mg or even 300. I’m my experience (I’ve been on Effexor for 2 years), I initially got to 75mg, felt good for 4-8 weeks, then felt bad, hoped to 150, felt great for 4-12 weeks, then felt bad again, upped to 225, felt great for 8 or so weeks, then felt so-so after that. I left it at 225 for some time and just dealt with the ups and downs. I never had any great ups but the downs weren’t too bad or they might have been bad but they only lasted a couple days (as opposed to being in a horrible place for many, many days). About 2-3 months ago I decided to get off Effexor because I wanted to see what sober was like so I started slowly weening myself off. I got down to 75mg and was there for 2 weeks when I fell into a horrible dark place and I stayed there for more than a week. So I decided, we’ll, I guess I need to up the dose. So I went up to 150mg and I’ve been at that dose for 4-6 weeks now. I guess I’ll stay there because things have stabilized. I still have ups and downs but their frequency and duration are similar to when I was at 225. Honestly, I don’t have a plan. Instead, I’m just treading water and going day by day. Not sure if that answers any of your questions but in general I would think you would need to be at a higher dose than 112.5. But obviously wait for your doctor to make that call.
  10. Hi there. I cannot day from experience because I’ve never withdrawn from Effexor. I am, however, in the process of withdrawing. I have read a ton though. The symptoms you describe sound consistent with Effexor withdrawals but I would have expected those to kick in much earlier. The withdrawal process and its effect on the brain is complicated enough but factoring in all the hormonal changes that occur during pregnancy make it even harder to understand. Since you are caring for two humans you obviously need to work extremely close with doctors.
  11. I am lost. I have no idea what to do with anything. That sounds dumb because it’s so cliche but it’s the best way I can describe it. I have no desire to do anything. No desire to get out of bed. No desire to get to work. No desire to do anything at work once I’m there. No desire to go home at the end of the day. No desire to do anything once I am at home. On the weekends I have no desire to do anything. I just wait around to find out what my family is doing or needs to do that day. My part in all that is to drive my family around, make sure they are safe, make sure they have money to do what they want, and then make sure they get home fine. I am lost, disillusioned, rudderless, hopeless, driveless, purposeless, useless. It’s as if I’m sitting in a room in my house with the whole house engulfed in a raging fire but I’m just calmly sitting in a chair and am watching the fire burn closer and closer and I’m not concerned or am doing anything about it. I’m perfectly aware of the danger and the consequences and the affects on others if I don’t move but I don’t have an ounce of caring or concern or thought to even think about possibly thinking of how I could think of a way to get out of the house. It’s as if the observational portion of my brain is alive and well but the rest of my brain has been turned off.
  12. MtnDreams

    Therapy without Insurance

    I’m very curious about this. I desperately need to see a therapist, psych doc, whatever, because I’m spiraling deeper and deeper every week. I actually have health insurance but even with that I cannot afford to see someone. Online therapy has intrigued me because of its price but it’s hard for me t see past the cons.
  13. Thanks for the info and your experience. I paused my taper plan due to above posts and reading other info (survivingantidepressants.org). I’ve been at 150mg/day for just about 3 weeks now. I’m feeling fine and have no withdrawal effects. Still sweating though. My mood is ok. Not great but that is nothing new. I am planning to cut to 112.75 this weekend and hold at that for 3 more weeks. So far all is well.
  14. Way too fast? I was thinking that since I wasn’t experiencing any real issues for several days after cutting the dose then I could continue on cutting. Venlafaxine’s half life is 4 hours so I was thinking that after 3 or so days at the lower dose my body should be feeling withdrawal symptoms. I’ve studied the ‘stopping Effexor’ thread religiously and thought I was doing ok. Maybe the withdrawals get worse the lower and lower your dose gets? I will slow down the pace just because you’ve freaked me out a little. Thank you! That’s probably a good thing. To be honest, as sick as this sounds, I have been looking forward to some of the withdrawal symptoms because I welcome the emotional onslaught. Uncontrollable crying? Fear? Anger? That all sounds wonderful because I haven’t felt anything in years. I would relish the chance to feel some emotions. I will keep posting as days go by because I could use the support. Thank you!
  15. I’ve been taking Effexor for about 1.5 years now. I started small with 37.5 mg then upped the dosage every couple of months. Went to 75mg, then 150mg, then 225mg. I’ve been on a dose of 225mg of XR for almost a year now. I guess it has helped me some because I guess I have some slight resiliency to depression but not too much. I’ve spiraled into deep, dark places and stayed there for several weeks on a handful of occasions over the past year. So the Effexor isn’t really helping. I’ve had a major side affect of sweating the whole time, and it sucks. If I casually walk a block I’ll sweat as if I just ran 2 miles. I won’t miss that. So all in all, I’m now withdrawing from it. And I probably should have done so months ago. I started 6 days ago when I dropped the dose to 187.5mg. 2 days after that I dropped to 150mg. I will drop that to 112.5mg tomorrow and will hopefully be at 75mg a few days after that. And then maybe about a week after that I’ll be at 0mg. So far the only difficulty I’ve had is a slight tinge of a headache at different times of the day. Sort of like, uh oh, a headache is coming on. But then it goes away without getting worse. The other thing that’s been happening is my equilibrium. Occasionally when I lie down and close my eyes the whole room starts spinning. That’s a bizarre feeling but it goes away. My mood is ok. I’ve been pretty darn depressed even before starting this withdrawal and I’m still in that place now. Is the withdrawal making things worse? I’m not sure. We’ll see.
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