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  1. Oh gosh. My heart goes out to you. I can relate to so much of that through similar experiences in my life. I'm sure your mom didn't realize the impact her words had on you. Would it help to try and bring that up with her? My mom and I have talks like that every once in a while, figuring out how to communicate with each other better and apologizing for accidentally offending or hurting each other... But we're both overly sensitive people lol. Losing a family or friends group when a relationship ends sucks. I try to just be thankful for the good times that relationship brought with it and the good people too... And then try to let it all go. I'm glad to hear that his mom is being so nice to you. Most of my friendships have dried up over the years too. I've been starting to think about moving to a different state. Like my time here is over and it's time to just move on and something new. I'm sorry for all the pain in your life right now! Hugs!
  2. I've been feeling wretched constantly the past two weeks. Today I've been feeling mostly normal. Even though I didn't go outside or get certain things done that I was hoping to do, I washed dishes and feed myself and did some online chores. Hoping this uptick continues.
  3. Ugh. Yes, I can completely relate. Welcome back! Sorry you're feeling so lonely though. Such a crummy feeling.
  4. Sounds promising, I'm glad to hear that!
  5. @velvetpuddles how did it go? Sometimes those first appointments can be hit or miss, but I hope it went well!
  6. Thank you both. I really appreciate the comments.
  7. I know I'm not alone in this feeling but... "Fudge" this day in particular.
  8. First of all, good for you. That's amazing that you are aware that you are struggling and that you could benefit from some outside help and that you are taking steps to talk with someone. I'm sorry about your breakup, that stuff is terrible to go through. Terrible. Definitely try to jot down some things on paper if you can but don't stress about it too much, just write whatever comes to mind even if it's just a few bullet points with feelings or events. You won't figure everything out in one session anyways. I don't have much useful advice, just wanted to stop and say that you're doing the right thing and to keep it up.
  9. Maybe I shouldn't post here since I'm not technically a new member but I've been gone for almost a year and now I'm back. Soooo hi. Did they take away the ability to "like" people's posts? I want to show some people some love without actually having to write something, cuz words are hard and complicated. I went cold turkey off my antidepressant a couple months ago and it was dumb, cuz withdrawal was REAL, but it was for the best cuz that medication was not working for me. *Disclaimer: I definitely do not recommend going off your meds without talking with your doc about it first. I think I need to go back to therapy but would need to find a new therapist because the last one did not help much at all. Finding a new therapist sounds worst then finding a new significant other though soooo I might not do therapy again any time soon, if I'm being honest. I'm on dating sites and that whole rat race kills me. I think I'm decent, can't I just find someone who wants to do a moderate amount of fun and lazy things with me? This is turning into a random dump. I have maybe three friends but not one of them is really a great friend. I'm terrible at making new friends cuz I'm tired and depressed all the time so I have nothing interesting to talk about and I cancel on plans a lot. Things in my life could be a lot worse. I don't know why I have depression. I feel like I shouldn't have depression because nothing in my life is even that bad so that means I'm just a huge weakling for being depressed when things are essentially fine. I have a "good" job and it stresses me out. I come home and lay on the couch all night and take naps on the weekend and then feel guilty for not working extra hours during my time off. I might have cried at work this week. I might have cried in the morning the other day. That's all for now, I suppose. Time to get my lazy butt off the couch, shower, then go to bed. Sending positive vibes, love, prayers, etc. to all of you.
  10. That's interesting. I haven't thought of it like that before. We deserve to be clean, gosh darn it! I treated myself to a good waterproof Bluetooth speaker for Christmas so I've been listening to music or podcasts in the shower and that helps. Makes showers more fun and less just me left alone with my thoughts.
  11. Okay, I'll keep an eye out for your post :)
  12. Hmm yeah I should be journaling but it never lasts long when I try it, but maybe just bullet points would be better than writing everything out... is that what you mean by bullet journal?
  13. @VictorianGoth thanks for sharing, I feel pretty similar to you, kind of similar situation too. I've been off this site for a few months, basically since I ended things with the person I was dating (together for 2 years). I thought I would take a long break from dating but ended up putting myself back out there. I've been really up and down since the breakup (even though I know I made the right decision) and I think I'm starting to get pessimistic about it all, I'm not sure how well I'll be able to open up to some one new yet again. I don't even enjoy the "firsts" in a new relationship anymore cuz it's just like yeah, this is cute, but will we still be doing this in 6 months? I'm going to see how things go with this person I have had two dates with so far but if this doesn't work I'm going to not try to find someone new. I need a break... even though my family is encouraging me to not let this stuff get to me and keep trying. I appreciate their support but I just don't know if I can handle dating right now. Then again, maybe it isn't me, maybe it's just because I'm not meeting the right people. Relationships are hard. Like so many others, I really just want someone who cares about me, that I can talk to, spend time with and be intimate with even just on a simple level. It's like that TV show "Alone," at a certain point people just need other people, we need human contact and touch. Also, I don't think my new antidepressant is working very well at all... so maybe if I get on a better one then my greetings in all this will completely change. Depression is dumb.
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