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Anon871 last won the day on October 28 2016

Anon871 had the most liked content!


About Anon871

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    Junior Member
  • Birthday 11/05/1997

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    New York
  • Interests
    Anime, Pokémon, YouTube, eating, drawing, reading manga

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  1. Thank you love. I feel better now :)
  2. My mom has once again made m feel like chickening myself. I don't want to go into all the details, but basically my mom hurts me a lot. Guilt tripping me and blaming me and my other family for my suicidal thoughts. She believes till this day she's not abusive, and that my depression and suicidal thoughts is the fault of me. Well whopti ****ing do. Also, I read myself like a book. Whenever I clam up due to something someone pointed out about me, its hard to take. I cry, feel like I'm not good enough, and think about suicide. And then I don't talk. I don't speak. IM trapped. IM hurt. And when a person asks me how Im doing I refuse to answer. Because I'll scream and shout and say something wrong. Ill hurt someone, I'm afraid, so I say noting. I don't know, I cold tr opening up.
  3. Thank you so much CoolCat7. I have been in therapy for nearly a year. It's been helping me immensely. Along with keeping great family and friends by my side, I have improved in may areas of my life. I'm beginning to see that who I was before is just as special and worthy as the person I am today and who I will be in my future. Thank you so much for commenting and reminding me of the importance of therapy. You are a good human being. Have yourself a wonderful and bless day hun ^_^.
  4. I spend my time thinking about it as well. When you've been abused, or have witness abuse, its a topic that will be on your mind. Its a natural thought. However, be sure to give other areas of your life thought and attention as well. If you think about this too much then you'll fall into a depression or will feel miserable, hateful, or angry. And you don't deserve to feel in those ways. People abuse for many reasons, all of which aren't an excuse for the behavior but a reason for why it occurred. It could be some parents were abused, never learning or struggling to learn how to differentiate abusive behavior from respectful behavior. The may have not known how to deal with the stressors in their lives and simply took it out on their children. They may have had a lot of hatred in their hearts towards themselves and other people or situations and made their children their punching bag. Whatever the reason may be, there is no excusing such behavior. You're a wonderful human being Teddy, and I know that you will be alright. We all will, as we are worthy of goodness and being together as a community. Take care honey ^_^
  5. You have a beautiful way of dealing with the both of your parents. I can relate to you deal with your mom, but your father is more of a tougher cookie. He sounds exhausting to be around
  6. You always give wonderful advice and help honey. Thank you for responding to the poster ^_^
  7. Thank you so much sweetie. Yes I will continue to live my life and learn to love myself. You are an amazing human being as well and I am thankful for al the times you have helped me and have given me encouragement and unconditional love in my depressed and suicidal states. You are an awesome human being *hugs hugs hugs*. I you ever needs help or need to vent I adhere for you love
  8. Thank you for complimenting my deep insight and my ability to have delved into my moms and think things out about her and myself ^_^! I'm a great person ;). And the fact that you develop severe panic attacks show how much damage your parents dud to you. Our parents were so ****ed that they ****ed up the other people around them. Thankfully, were not ****ed. Because if we were we wouldn't be here standing, living, and breathing. Its a tricky subject but one that I feel that we can all relate to an understand. It pains me when my neighbors and other family members all say that my mom was wonderful, when they don't see the manipulation and deviousness that goes on inside. She has done so much wrong, even thought I can see and thank her for what she did right :). My mom did a lot well, simply by getting me piano lessons giving me hugs and kisses and I love you, giving me clothing, all the video games I could ask for, food, friends, family, my dad, my brother always cooing up beautiful foods and going out her way to make things looks beautiful for the seasonal occasinoans. She did all that she knew how, being the broken human she is. And that is fantastic. It makes me love her despite all that she has done to me. For even when I feel like I hate her for all that she's done, she's a flawed human just like me. I know I have never been perfect in my life. And thats brilliantly ok Just like my mom hasn't been perfect because that little baby girl inside her has been broken down and unloved so much. And I imagine hugging her young her self and reminded her that she is perfect and that the abuse she's been through isn't her fault. Deep down, I would like for me and my mom to have a relationship. However, she would have to take time to love herself build herself up and from there, we can move on together.
  9. Hello! I felt like doing an update for y'all. So I've been doing much better. Everything is imperfectly perfect. I'm currently back in school pulling out great grades. I've made many new wonderful friendships and strengthened many of my current friendships. I'm much closer and open to my family and has been making wonderful and continuous progress on my weight. I still have doubt she of depression and suicidal thoughts. However, my conscious is healthier and I am an imperfectly better person today than I was before. And the old me was just as beautiful as I am today ^_^
  10. My mother is an abusive and controlling person. She believes that she is in love with my father, but all she dose is break him and hurt him because she cannot love herself. It is painful whenever I see her smile and "be nice" to herself because there is never a hint of genuine realness to it. If my father were to leave she'd try to **** him because her source of happiness comes from him. The same with my Aunt who is settling with a man who hurts her, uses her for his green card, and cheats on her. And then there's me. I wonder if I can love. I dated for a month before, and while it obviosuly was not a relationship and more of infatuation that made me feel in love, I saw the controlling qualities my mother had in myself. I didn't manipulate or hurt him, but I would feel upset when my expectations of how I wanted a date to go would not go my way. I would also act clingy struggle to voice how I really felt to him, to a point where after we officially stopped dating he told me that it gets tiring to help me and that I need to stand on my own feet. As much as that hurt, it was true. Nowadays we talk occasionally (we decided to be friends) although not for an extended amount of time. I had even apologized for how I acted to him in regards to how controlling and manipulative I was, to which he responded "its ok, but I don't recall it being that bad. What you feel guilty about didn't hurt me at all". I delete his number and our conversation after we chat as a way for me not to too attached or controlling and it helps me personally. Am I incapable of loving someone?
  11. This is something that's been bugging me. I've spoken to a good friend of mine who woke me up to the dangers I'm getting myself into in regards to finding "friends with benefits". Something I realized that I can't emotionally sustain, which is ok. I've hooked up before and dated recently, but miscommunication put everything in a huge rut for us. Like we know it can't work but I still have feelings, yada yada. It's something I'm gonna speak to my therapist about tomorrow. I am able to focus on my life and talk to friends/family, and go to school, spend time by myself, draw, etc. On top of that I've disabled and deleted my dating apps (and for good this time). Does it sound like I'm an addict?
  12. My mother is an abuser. She has hurt me multiple times and has pushed me to suicide more times than I can count. She blames everyone for her problems, refuses to take responsibility, takes everything personally, etc. And that stems from her inability to love herself. She doesn't know how to love herself and consumes hatred due to her upbringing. She's afraid to see the little abused girl inside her that never felt loved, and didn't want to face the damaged person she became. It's too scary for her to see all the abuse she caused to me, my brother, father, family members, etc. And because she can't accept herself for what she's done, she continues to live in guilt. Her only savior is to re write history to make herself happy. It doesn't make the situation better, especially for the victims of her abusive ways. TBH, I don't see her as a bad person. She did a lot of ****ed up and she hurt me in so many ways, but I can't hate her. I deal with her by understanding her and keeping my distance. Knowing that everything that came out of her mouth is based on her seeing herself in me. And she hates herself. It's not my problem but hers. I don't know if I love her. I pity her so I have a pitying love and care for her. But create strict boundaries. So what do you guys do with your abusive parents? How do you guys deal with them?
  13. @lonelyforeigner i apologize for what I said to you in my latest post. I wasn't thinking right, and I was in a state of anger. You were only trying to help me and for that, I do appreciate your efforts I do need to change the style in how I vent, and that if I don't do it properly it will make someone worry a lot. aldo reason I'm doing this publicly and not in private is because the persons message system isn't working and I do want to apologize to this person for what I did
  14. My depression made me hard to deal with. I was down, in darkness, would lash out, get sarcastic, feel miserable, etc. And then they'd get angry back at me and yell and scream. It's all my fault. I was the one that ****ed up everything. So why
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