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Throwaway

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About Throwaway

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    Male
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    Europe
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    it is a joy to be hidden and a disaster not to be found

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  1. all of what i said is based on my experiences up until now. whether you find my post clueless/lacking, it's your right/opinion. wanted to say something as well as i think people here have the idea that this is how i am in real life as well as with women..i am not, i've never treated one with the hatred/anger and bitterness that i posted on here when i talk about this subject...why i posted it here is because i needed to vent(and what i initially thought the "how do you feel right now " thread was for, but i was wrong), but that doesn't not reflect at all my way of interraction with women. Without sounding up my own as*s, but with more respect i don't think i could treat the people around me at all times, be them man or woman. If by any chance i feel like the way i posted earlier, i never show it and i just isolate myself until it passes. I fail to see how someone like me makes it harder for you to find a girl for something serious...let me remind you, if you are looking for something serious, websites/online apps dedicated to this are not the answer. "The manager stated that that is the way things are done in [country owner was from] " : well, it's his culture, as you said. As long as both men and women work the same hours, do the same amount of work AND quality work in the same position, then they should be payed the same. That is a problem within your company that needs to be fixed. " I've been sexually harassed at several jobs by guys who think it's their right to say lewd and disgusting things to women. " : just like men who are hit by women and are expected not to hit back. You've been sexually harrased because there are also a lot of psychopaths on this planet. [edit] [edit] [edit] Ofc, both genders have their benefits and lack of something, but overall, women do have it easier. [edit] The moderators gave me a punishment with warning points and mod control on my posts. [edit] [edit]
  2. i said i won't post here any longer, but i am making an exception as i want to write something as well (whether it makes you feel better or worse, i want it to be said) the majority of women do prefer taller men, because taller men get more "social advantages". You don't even need to search for articles on this, it can be seen all around you...yes, ofc shorter men can also end up with good looking women, as i do have short friends that have some hotties as girlfriends/wives, but again, the preference for a taller dude is bigger. Will this discourage you in a way? i have no doubt it will, but your height can't be changed, so it is either accept it or keep on living in pain You have the right to be bitter. [edit] It would be SO much easier if women made the first step as well, but 99.99% of the time, they do not. Let me tell you something first, i am 186cm (6'1") tall, i am considered incredibly handsome, athletic/muscle build, most say i am a 10/10. I am a 20 year old virgin with no previous relationships (my first kiss was a few months ago with a 15 year old confused girl that didn't know what she wanted and lied to me about her age, my 2nd and last kiss was with a masseuse at an erotic massage session). Considering my height, great looks, you would guess that i had many girls after at me...and i did , and i still do...when i go and walk casually in the mall, almost all the girls, even those with boyfriends near them, stop to stare at me. Some smile, some laugh. Do you know how many girls i've had come to me and make the first step in all my 20 years? Only ONE, i was 15 back then and she was a 20+ year old waitress, she probably mistook me for looking older. She took my number, then found out about my age, never heard from her. I was always shy with girls, didn't have a clue how to approach them, almost all my school/highschool girl colleagues of all ages were drooling over me. I wouldn't even be able to maintain eye contact with them, and i am still the same. Because i had social anxiety and i still do, i locked myself in my house...my teenage years are gone, i have 0 experience, my life was spent on a chair infront of the computer dreaming of another life and at the gym/doing sports(only good thing i did). This summer i woke up and realised that so many years have past, my adolescence is gone, that i am filled with regrets of not going out more. I started going to night clubs, i started dating profiles. I had 0 success. I only encountered girls that wasted my time and i ended up getting hurt (even by only messaging them). The rejection i felt was so strong it triggered my depression (had other reasons for it, but the rejection was the last drop that f*ucked everything up, and it all went to sh*it). Lost 7 kgs in 3 weeks, anxiety, crying, mental breakdowns, mood swings, i think i am also bipolar. My self esteem and self confidence are below 0. I have no clue how to talk with women. I am also a hormonal desperate man. I tried dating...i ended up having a date with awkward silence moments that made my skin peel from the stress. I am so close to hiring an escort to just get rid of my body stress. with friends i am insanely outgoing, i have great humor, great interaction...but with women whom i find attractive? i couldn't look more retar*ded and socially incompetent when i try to speak with them. There was a girl from a dating site a few months ago, felt like i could trust her, she told me i could count on her, all that sh*it...eventually ended up telling her i had depression and that i was a virgin. One day she was telling me how horny she was, i kept proposing subtle "things" to her, she told me something that just devastated me at the time, which meant this "i don't have patience for you right now, i need immediate pleasure, i don't have the time to teach you right now" [edit] [edit] The gender discrepancy is so big, women do have it easier for them in 2016, if you are at least a bit above average looking, your life can already be set up without a problem. It pains me so much to see this because it is so unfair. But why do women almost never approach guys? whose fault is it? Men are the ones to be blamed. Desperate men that put women on a pedestal, desperate men that "worship" them. Women got spoiled, they know they almost always have so many options to choose from that they don't need to do anything for them. So many men to choose from (again, talking about girls average or above average looking my age /give or take/, from my "generalized" observations and input from older 30/40+ girls that are friends with my mother and talk to me as well)... ofc they won't even reply to you most of the time on dating sites or approach you in real life. [edit] why would she go through the ordeal of approaching a guy and face the possible rejection that so many men face, when she can just pick one/more instantly from the pack of hyenas behind her as*s and have a guaranteed success. [edit] [edit] But unfortunately, we got the short end of the stick. Not only in the dating matter, but in other aspects as well... i won't go into them because i know people will get triggered. So why did i write all of this to you, considering i am tall, handsome, [edit] It was to make you realize that all men have it hard, even if they are 8' tall with the build of a god. If you lack confidence, the ability to socialize and entertain them, having even what i have means nothing...because i look at myself, and i see nothing, i have nothing. I am full of [edit] emotional pain, [edit] The only thing we/you can do is accept that this is just the way it is and that fighting it will only bring despair/hatred and sadness for you/us. You will still have to make the first move, face endless rejection and failures, until you manage to hit something the right way. You can deny this all you want, but unless you want to go through all of this, you will get nothing and you will end up alone. I am not saying that once in a blue moon a woman might make the first step, and that woman will also be what you are looking for and all that...but what are the chances of that happening? you are better off playing the lottery. You need to get out there and face the pain, that is the only way. I have a friend that is avearge/below average looking, quite short, no pyshique to speak of as he has health issues and isn't allower to play sports...what he does have is good communication skills, good sex skills and confidence (he also knows psychology/how to read other people)...do you have any idea how many girls he dated [edit] But if i stood next to him, i'd overshadow him completely; as superficial and mean it may sound, he would look like crap compared to me. But look at how much he accomplished. What do you do/tell them if you are asked how many partners you had before/sexual encounters? you lie. that is the answer. i've found that out on my own skin. Women look for experienced guys when it comes to sex, they don't want to not feel anything when they do it..only few have the patience to go through it with an inexperienced guy. [edit] It's a guess game. And it's better to be terrible at bed and lie about it but end up having sex with one and so you will get more experience, rather than being stuck in a an endless loop like you are. [edit] Conclusion to all of this? this is just the way it is, the only solution to this is to accept it as nothing will change if you fight it, unfortunately.
  3. Share A Song You Like.

    Ballet imperial - imperia
  4. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    I will log in from time to time to check on some people, but other than that, i will not be doing anything else/posting. I will miss you too :) don't worry
  5. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    i will be leaving now
  6. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    I am sorry about what i said yesterday, i was in a very bad place last night..when i am in such a mood, i tend to lash out at everyone without caring for the repercussions. It was not meant to insult anyone here; since the day i got on this forum everyone has helped me and i took this vent thread as a place where you can say anything on your mind and others won't be offended at all (i know that i won't , at least). I know all of you have your own problems so please take what i said as a result of frustration and depression, not as something that was targeted towards all of you. I am here to help myself and if possible even help others if i have the chance, not put others into the ground while i make my way up. When i said so many times that i am a misanthropist and hate this species, i didn't get so many replies with people feeling awkward and hurt. I hope i have not "tainted" this place, but if so, i guess i will leave. @CoolCat7 i hate both women and men, i am a misanthropist. I am not going to write all the reasons why i hate women here, i will try making this the last time i talk about this subject. @Nisemono rejection is just another thing that adds up to what i said earlier. It is not the only one. I do agree with you. It is childish and very illogical. That is why i go to therapy and why i am here, i am well aware of what i need to fix. I need help and i want help. @RiverLight don't take it as an insult please, read what i said above @carter_burn1 i am sorry again, read what i said above. I am trying to correct all the flaws that i have, it's just very hard. @ColdFire it's not only about rejection, it's more to it but i won't be talking about all of this anymore. I know it is poison. It's draining the damn life out of me each time this hatred pummels inside my head. I am a nihilist, atheist and misanthropist. I know very well that in any case, whether i would have a perfect relationship or all the money in the world , i will not be happy. Everything i seek is just a temporary relief it seems. @newborn leader i am well aware of my problems and how the situation actually is. I am so sorry that a lot of people took offense here, i was not expecting this in my frenzy last night, in fact, i don't expect anything when i am like that and i usually don't care, which is horrible. I managed to stay inside my room and not talk to anyone when i was like that, who knows how many other relationships/people i would've hurt.
  7. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    i ****in hate women with all of my heart and will. i hate even my mother who goes beyond her limits to offer me everything i need. i ****in hate all of you, no matter how much i still crave for female affection i can't stop this flow of toxic thoughts and emotions. i don't know how to get rid of them. can't ****in contain them anymore, it's making my stomach, chest and throat explode. can't ****in sit still. can't wear this mask anymore where i always suppress everything i feel and always respond nice and act maturely , or at the very least, act neutral. I WANT TO ****IN BURST ALREADY AND GET OVER WITH IT can't stop crying because of this anger right now
  8. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    i was recommended some stresclin which is a bio waste of ****. Did not help me one bit, even though i was told by my therapist that they won't work like anti depressants and i should give them time. I really want to take anti depressants and at the same time i don't want to, i know that if i don't progress on my own then it will be for nothing. I do want the temporary relief that these can provide though. My therapist is a psychologist, so she can't prescribe anti depressants...she told me that i would need them to help me on the moment so that during our sessions i can build up something that starts from 0, not from -9000 where i was at the time. She recommended a friend of hers which was a psychiatrist, but that dude only gave me this stresclin when i went to him. p***** me off at the time as i was down 24/7 i can't find my usual moments of comfort that i used to have. I get horrible depressive moods in the morning 2 seconds after i wake up with blank mind, without any kind of triggering thought. And when i manage to relax and feel good, there is always something that happens to **** it up (take as an example the cigar smoke i was talking about)
  9. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Last night i kept waking up in anger, it is following me in my sleep, i never have good dreams, i am tired; the only reason that i manage to face these horrible sleep problems is because i am young. I am constantly angry, i need to talk with my therapist about my hatred towards smoking, women, and my sleep problems. I hope i will have the time, but as always, i never manage to finish what i want to talk about
  10. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    not to be rude, but isn't that "ask me to marry him" too soon ? i am glad that you found someone and that you are happy :) , hope it all goes well
  11. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    i did, but what would be the point ? it takes me one second to smell the smoke from wherever it comes and that part of my day is already ruined; and i still need to open the balcony door from time to time, even if i would have that purifier. The only reason i'd buy one is for the general air quality in my room at least. I want my therapy session to come sooner, i need to talk about this and how i can avoid the endless anger that builds up in me when i hear/smell cigar smoke
  12. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Public smoking is not banned here, only recently they banned indoor smoking, now everyone goes outside to smoke. I don't think you understand, the smell/visual image/idea of smoking(especially the smell!) makes my mood shift in the blink of an eye. I don't know if it is borderline personality disorder, but when i said it makes my heart rate go up, it actually does, no exaggeration. I can feel the anger in my chest and the urge to rip everything apart. The effect it has on me is absolutely horrible. I wish i could be someone with a lot of power that could ban smoking and destroy all cigars for 3 months, then allow it for a few days, then ban it again, and so on; i'd LOVE to see their pain and withdrawal and see them suffer. That is how much i hate this. My mom smokes, my father smokes. My father had nasty stomach problems because of coffee/smoking and had to be hospitalized to get back on his feet. He was told not to smoke anymore by the doc. He didn't give a s h i t. Almost 2 years ago, he nearly had a heart attack and went to the doc; doc told him that one of his arteries was almost fully obstructed and he said that if he had gotten to the emergency room 1 day later, a heart attack would've been imminent...he was also shocked that he didn't have one up until then. He was told "no more smoking, period". What did he do after he got out of the hospital ? he smokes a few packs per day i think...not sure how many, but more than 1 surely. His teeth are destroyed, the front teeth are broken and black. Each time my mom goes to smoke in the kitchen and i can sense the smell from my room, it makes me go frenzy. When there is good weather outside, my neighbours down below go and smoke on the balcony nonstop, which is below my balcony which holds the door to my room, which i need to open if i want oxygen. Can you ****in believe it that all the ****in smoke goes directly to my door and into my room each ****in time i want to breathe some air ? and i need to shut the ****in door and just wait until they get bored of smoking. I can open any other balcony door which is 2-3m away from mine, that lead into other rooms, but THERE IS NO SMOKE . ONLY COMES TO MY ****IN DOOR. When i've known someone for a while and i didn't know they smoked and i find out, my perspective about them is completely altered. I start hating them too, even if i try to ignore it. I hate it so much it just ruins my mood each time i think about it/smell it. Take today's example, it took me nearly 3 hours to calm down. I felt the need to crush the walls in my apartment so that i could chill. I can barely contain it.
  13. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    been nearly 3 hours and i can't calm myself down. can't sit still.
  14. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    VERY angry right now. i want to punch someone's teeth in. trying to do something to calm myself down, but nothing works. i need this to pass faster it started from me thinking about people who smoke. I have pure hatred for anyone who smokes, including even the ones that are family and friends. So much hatred that physically my heart rate goes up from thinking about it/smelling it(each time). If there wasn't an anti violence law and the "morality issues" , I'd probably have red fists and broken fingers each day from how many people i'd pummel into the ****in ground. Seeing them on the street right next to me in the bus stop lighting up a cigar and the ****IN smoke making it's way to me wherever i move myself out of the way. I can always feel my veins boiling with rage...this ****ing mass of retards, there will be a day when i'll just be so full of it that i won't be able to contain myself anymore. good luck to the one who will feel a full force knee to the ****in chest . i hope i stop their breath just like they stop mine with that ****in addiction this is something else that i need to talk about with my therapist.
  15. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    had a horrid sleep last night, as usual. disgusted and full of hatred i guess, but it's a beautiful sunshine outside and that helps a little