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About Pointlessname99

  • Birthday 04/02/1997

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    I have pretty typical interests for a male of my age, Video Games, Cars, Guns. Other than that I also enjoy watching tv shows, movies, YouTube (with friends, not usually alone). I also enjoy 3d modeling and creating art on the computer, I have a hell of a time wi traditional art for some reason.

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  1. I am gratful for my Computer, a window into a world larger than my own
  2. My issue is not so much that society tells me I have to be strong, its that I wish I was. I can't handle my own mind, yet I wish I could be everyones super hero and help them with anything, but I often feel like I am more akin to the super villian
  3. If I had to guess why you like the cartoons, is because it brings you back to when you were so young life just made sence. I often think about how pointless each day will be and fantasize about when I was 8 or 9 and I would just live each day, because I didn't need a reason to live, I just did, but not anymore. In other words, no you aren't insane, and are among like minded people here.
  4. Growing up I had 5 different best friends up until high school, we would do everything together, but eventually they all leave me. Once I lost one friend I would try and make a new best friends, and I went through 5 of them until one stuck, kinda. He and I rarely hang out like we used to because he moved 3000 miles away, got married, and has a kid. My whooe middle school social experience was me loathing because my friends always leave me, I blamed myself. No matter how hard I try I still can't help but blame myself, like I pushed them away, some way somehow. So in short, yes, I know how it feels, and it hurts...
  5. My mother takes pills for her deppression and she hid it from my siblings for a long time, my dad always suspected, but when she finally admitted it he convinced her to tell my siblings and me. After that she got medicated and is muc happier, she thought we would all look down on her for her condition, my dad thought it would make us look up to her more, and honestly it didn't effect my opinion of her, we just get to hang out with her more cause she isn't sleeping all day anymore. After that my sister got medicated for her mood issues and now she and I get along. She used to have a hatred for me (she has admited that) and she had no idea why, so she used to bully me a lot. My point is that maybe medication is the way to go, my family was almost unaffected by my mom getting medicated, it just made her feel better. Plus it made us all worry less about her strange behavior, for some reason Deppression seams to be impossible to spot in close ones and you always wassume something else about them. If you told your wife what is wrong she won't think your cheating on her anymore (if she even thought that in the first place)
  6. I forgot to point out that my questions is this "Am I making a mistake in studying graphic art because the evidence I provided proves that the guidance counselor was wrong or I am I lying to myself again?"
  7. So when I was a freshman, 6 years ago, I got hit with the "what do you want to be your career?" question. I got sent to a guidance counselor because I couldn't fill out my worksheets cause I had no idea. Honestly I didn't expect to live long enough to have to choose a career, aka I assumed I would be dead before I got to college (starting college this winter term, btw). Anyway I was talking with the guidance counselor and I told them that I wanted to be a mechanic like my father, they told me that was a bad idea. I the told them I liked animals, so maybe I could be a vet, they had me hold out my hand and because I couldn't keep my hand straight, they told me that would never happen. I told them I love to draw, they said I can't be an artist with shakey hands, I told them I like electronics so maybe I could make computers or work in robotics, they said not with shakey hands. I ended up getting excused from the career assignments. I am pursing a career in graphic arts, Did I just have a bad guidance counselor or am I making a mistake fore trying to be an artist with shakey hands? On computer games and console games I can draw my own emblems that are "high quality" that my frineds joke about mine looking way better than theres, I am also a good shot on games like Call of Duty and Halo. If my hands were too shakey to draw wouldn't it also throw my aim of and hinder my art skills in those games? When I to the "firing range" (a place everyone goes to shoot cans) in real life, I am a good shot. I can shoot a quarter all the way to the back of the "firing range" using the iron sights, when most people can't hit a milk jug at that distance WITH A SCOPE! If I can do all that why would I be able to draw well enough to pursue a career as a graphic artist?
  8. you can always come back to this site if you need it again :)
  9. I happene to plan on making my living on the "stupid computer" by making those "stupid games" so if drawing is something you enjoy maybe you could consider pursuing a career in graphic arts, thats what I am doing. I was discouraged because I can't seem to draw anything decent, but on the computer I learned how to use the mouse draw and even got picked up by a mod developer to make models for thier mod (a long time ago). So my life revolves around my computer aswell, thats the age we live in. If you told your parents you want to be a graphic artist then if they are good parents they will support you and "fix the router".
  10. the chat is where I ran to whenI first joined this site, met some nice people, I would recomend it.
  11. I deal with thoughts like that a lot (its the reason I joined this site) and I am not sure on a perminent solution, but the temporary solution I use is humming/whistling. I avoid music cause it makes me emotional so I memorized 1 song that didn't make me emotional and now I distract myself by whistling it, humming it, or singing it it my head. At the very least I am not thinking anymore and am just repeating a tune, hopefully that will help you too. Also the being worried about acting on it while drunk is the very reason I don't drink, you might want to consider not getting drunk untill you find a perminent solution, and if you do please share.
  12. fetish (not being vulgar, just honest)
  13. i am not sure how politcal you are, but if I could give any advice it would be to ignore politics. I am not sure which country you are reffering to the "election" but if it is America then I can tell you this, The president doesn't really do much, its mostly just for show. The checks and balances system will kepp the president from doing anything radical, ie. all the talk about Clinton "taking our guns away". The government learned its lesson from the prohibition, you can take away something "scary" by making it illegal, thats how orginized crime thrives. Trump or Clinton, either way they won't have much power and won't effect much, but that might just be the case for me because I live in a small town.
  14. I dont think I have anxiety. I am not an anxious person, maybe because I am usually thinking about multiple things and just about what is happening. Although I don't know what "anxiety" means exactly so maybe I am wrong. I am a shy person so maybe I have social anxiety, I don't know thought, like I said I dont know what all that entails. As for self esteem issues, I am not sure. Other people can not bother me with thier words, but there opinions do bother me. Sometimes because they have a poor opinion of something I like or they have a positive opinion of something I despise. However I do have a rather large issue with myself because I have hidden away who I really am from everyone around me because if growing up taught me anything is that once people get to know the real me, they will make any excuse to get away from me. So a long time ago I "locked up" my real self and hide it in the back of my mind and proceeded to act like someone else, someone better, someone that can only mkae friends and not enemies. It worked, sort of. I have a huge amount of people that think/thought I was an ok guy and they considered me a "friend" but I had a small circle of real friends. Whom I slowly drove away by letting the real me leak out from time to time. Now I am clutching to the last friend I have left, and he got married, has a kid, and is 1000 miles away (a little more actually). My dad noticed my extra thought that I put into my interactions with others in an effort to be the kind of person they would like, now he thinks I have "social brilliance" (in his words) and that I am a confident collected guy and is super proud about it. To bad its not true and he assumed wrong, but I am such a coward and am aftaid of lossing the positive opinion of the few people ledt in my life (my 3 family members) I can summon up the courage to tell him the truth. Hell I havent told anyone that I am actually a big wuss that keeps crying himself to sleep at night because he messed up his life because he faked who he was and slowly drove people away with the sucky person he is on the inside slipping out every now and again. So I hate that I am faking who I am and hate who I really am. I guess you can call that self esteem issues.
  15. I am usually numb, bored, or disinterested before I start day dreaming which usually leads to that thought. However ripping my skin off isnt the only thing I day dream about, sometimes I am getting my arm broken and spun up into a ball or shoving nails through my arm, other times I am burning alive. All of which I imagine someone doing those things to me but I feel like I am both getting hurt and the one hurting me. Afterwards I am usually freaked out at the fact I was imagining that and was kinda relaxed, like I was drifting off in my thoughts about something terrible. I have insomnia problems, I feel like my future is hopeless either because I don't see my life working out in anyway good or I feel like I ruined my life with past mistakes. I am a romantic guy that believes that everyone has a soul mate they are supposed to hunt for and I feel like I already missed my chance to meet her or I will screw it up at some point and end up alone...again.
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