ForegoneConclusion

I struggle with this to from time to time but it's important to realize that there is no official time line for success. Even if you succeed in something years after someone, it's still a succession. Look at JK Rowling for example, she was on welfare, had a failed marriage and tragic miscarriage before she went on to be the famous author she is today. I agree, you're young! But even if you were 72, there would still be time to succeed. Just because it takes someone longer doesn't make it any less of a win. I know it is a hard concept to accept, like I said earlier I struggle with this too! I honestly think everyone does. I read somewhere once these three steps: 1. Have a vision 2.Accept setbacks 3. Be persistent Those 3 steps have really helped me to try and stay focused. My advice would be to set little goals that you know are achievable then work your way up to big goals. For example, today clean your room/house. The more small tasks you complete the more confidence you will gain for your ultimate goal. I know this is all easier said than done but I believe in you!

Thanks Tungsten, I think you're right about not really geling with my therapist. She is nice and all but I just have this feeling she doesnt like me. I'll search around for a different one in my area. Maybe a dude this time.Also, I'll definitely look into that book! Thanks dog! All of that was very helpful. Especially treating therapy like work. Maybe if I get in that mindset it will be easier to talk about stuff. I think that writing down talking points is a great idea and I'll try that next week

You're right, I suppose I was being too judgemental last night.

I know it works for a lot of people but maybe it's just not for me. Writing my feelings down is just so different from actually talking about them. Heck, people on this forum know more about me than my therapist. We have never talked about feelings in my family and when my friends start their feelings talks I always segway into something else or I just listen. I can not physically open up to someone so completely and tell them everything on my mind with my mouth. I want to but I've tried and I just can't. Half the time my therapist and I literally just stare at each other. In a voicemail she left me about scheduling today she called me Michelle...Michelle is not my name. She has a couple letters correct but I mean come on! Iv been her patient for close to a month now shouldn't she at least know my name? What with the awkward staring contests and nervous giggles during every session. At this point I'm at a lost. I know I can't quit therapy but it just seems so pointless. I can't talk for an hour about my feelings I just can't, maybe about books, traveling, latest media fire storm, current events, movies, music, ANYTHING but feelings. It honestly feels like torture. In the past when people have asked me "how I felt about them" "what I'm feeling at the moment" "Do I feel more for them besides friendship" "how do I feel" "how do I feel" oh and "how do I feel" it is like a flip of a switch and I peace out. Every time. I can't, with the deep stuff. And I only write down my true feelings in times of crises. How do I get myself to open up to a therapist when I cant and haven't opened up to any friend any family member or any boyfriend. My relationships fail because of me and I completely own up to it, but can not change it. I like detachment. I don't like being in contact all the time. I'm not a cuddler. I am a very closed book as far as emotional attachment. I'm a good buddy, a pal, a partner in crime. But I am not a good girlfriend. Ahhh maybe I should just find a different therapist to "try" to talk to, one that actually knows my name. Or maybe I should just print out my posts on this forum and let her have at it and analyze me then lol

Hiking, alcohol, and putting on toasty underwear right out of the dryer.

Did I really need to buy 3 pairs of sunglasses (seriously, who needs 3 pairs?!), 2 lip glosses, 1 dress, and a pair of boots today? Yes, yes I did.

Got starbucks, twice. (Hello, pumpkin spice lattes) Went to an 80s cover band concert Talked a bartender into giving my friends free drinks for the night. I volunteered to be the designated driver, so no drinks for me, but still had an awesome time. I love happy drunk people lol! It was a very good day

Thank you, Barrier Maiden!

We Need Some You're so lucky!

I Want Chocolate

ENFJ "Protagonists are natural-born leaders, full of passion and charisma. Forming around two percent of the population, they are oftentimes our politicians, our coaches and our teachers, reaching out and inspiring others to achieve and to do good in the world. With a natural confidence that begets influence, Protagonists take a great deal of pride and joy in guiding others to work together to improve themselves and their community. People with the Protagonist personality type are passionate altruists, sometimes even to a fault, and they are unlikely to be afraid to take the slings and arrows while standing up for the people and ideas they believe in. It is no wonder that many famous Protagonists are cultural or political icons – this personality type wants to lead the way to a brighter future, whether it’s by leading a nation to prosperity, or leading their little league softball team to a hard-fought victory." I definitely wouldn't say I'm a "natural born leader." I will and do lead sometimes but I do it while internally freaking out haha. I do really love helping people though!

I know this is a day late but HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!! I've always been a little sad on my birthdays but a simple "happy birthday greeting" always seemed to help cheer me up some!

The office is the best, isn't it? I've seen the series over so many times I've lost count! "I have cause, it is beCAUSE i hate him." Michael Scott "Hi I'm Date Michael, nice to meet me." Michael Scott "Are you trying to hurt my feelings? Because if so, you are succeeding. Fortunately, my feelings regenerate at the twice the speed of a normal man. " Dwight Shrute

Thank you everyone, your kind words mean a lot to me. I don't know how to directly reply to any of your posts, still trying to figure how to get around this site, but I appreciate and am taking in all that you have said. I can't thank you and everyone else in this forum that have reached out to me enough. Whenever I'm feeling particularly alone or like I'm losing the light at the end of the tunnel this site always helps to put things in perspective. I still struggle with these thoughts everyday but having somewhere to go makes things a little more bearable. So thank you guys so much, for not judging, for understanding, and for taking time out of your days to help me, a stranger. You are all wonderful people.

Michael Scott Dwight shrute Winston bishop Nick miller And Dr. Allen Grant, because Jurassic park is my absolute favorite movie of all time.