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About SailingSoul

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  1. I feel we have the same mom. My dad is also an asshole. Throw a baby in the mix and its officially my life.
  2. Im happy to say they said he doesny have it.
  3. I hope so--I just feel I ****ed him over because I am a silent carrier of Alpha Thalassemia which is a type of anemia and My grandma passed from Leukemia. The blood cancer center called twice today on a sunday-- i feel it'll be what Im afraid of. I want my son to be okay bc I can't live without him.
  4. Bc hes so young. I dont want him to ofc but he's only 1.
  5. My mother makes it worse. I told her 3 times yesterday I was going to go Friday instead of Saturday-- Now today she pitches a fit bc she says, " Oh no you'll just have to wait!" Your dad's back appointment is Friday and if he keeps missing it he won't be able to settle. My dad tells me well you'll just have to drive out there. In my head Im like why do you keep asking me to do things you've never taught me how to do. My own brother had to have his aunt teach him bc my sorry ass parents wouldn't so im not comfortable driving. Im just apalled at my mom-- more and more each day she shows how much I can't trust her. She never apologizes-- she just told me to make cornbread for this thanksgiving..
  6. Idk this is a lot to deaal with. I just want to be alone
  7. (So i found out i was pregnant again on the 13th. I was using contraceptives with my ex so i guess it was one of those things. The day my nurse told me i conceived I remembered taking conteceptives so when I knew I was pregnant I got back with my ex..Anywho to the question..) my bf is a good man he works hard, loves his mother he takes care of her and pays her bills BUT-- he smokes cigars and weed and drinks occasionally. Well no let me stop. It can be alot. Before people say you have bad taste in men, I liked the man he presented to me. He hid his habits so I just saw a hardworking sweet man that doted on me. What he presented to me. Now i know abt him selling and having an ankle bracelet. Hes a sweet guy but i worry. Like i wonder if our baby will get taken bc of that? Bc of his habits. It just worries me. I also didnt feel like keeping the baby from him bc my oldest sons dad went to jail for dui and i felt he was unfit so I kept the baby a secret. I felt wrong doing it again when at the very least he's a decent guy. What should i have done. Did I do the right thing? I worry alot about the baby. I think about adoption alot but he kniws abt the baby and would fight like hell bc thats his baby and his first. i feel i need a counselor at this point bc this coupled with my home life is driving me insane idk what the right thing to do is.
  8. So yesterday was my babys bday. He turns 1... My dickhead sperm donor decides to ignore him, the baby. I dont give a shit abt myself but ignorinf a baby on his bday is ridiculous. 2. He watched me put up all his decorations, he didnt help ..he helped his fat ass to the cupcakes and cake... But he can pull them all down. All 3. He still talks shxt about me. And brags what hes gonma do with his money from the accident. For once im not depressed... Im just mad as hell. I hate my mother 4 still tolerating this idiot Whwn i help her more than him but she just says.. Oh just ignore it. Im done with my piss poor family. Only my brother is good. Just him.
  9. Im going to do this with my dad. He ignores me daily and my baby on his bday. Among other things ...hes not a good person. I feel no guilt bc he didnt feel any.
  10. My life sucks theres no way around it. Doesn't seem it'll get better. im still biter my parents sabotaged my job, my son is sick i have no friends have my own health issues my dad is an asshole and I get used by my parents. like ill pay for some things and ive yet to get that money back and my acc is dwindling i give my mom my ebt cardd for groceries BUT when they buy food for the family Im always left out... but my mom always wants me to do things like take my bro to get his hair cut bc my dad is too sorry to do it. So i just escape in my mind when I have downtime, that i have friends, Im travelling on a plane, I have my own place --im engaged and happy. it kinda helps
  11. I cant find a counselor that specializes in ocd. I domt have a job anymore( parents sabatoged me successfully). Im dealing with physical issues too ...chronic uti, heart issuds, hpv ( 16/18) went to 2 health providers that dropped the ball. I have ocd intrusive thoughts... I dont want to get too into them but i cant focus bc my mind is concentrating on not going crazy and not dying from cancer that i dont eat much. My mind isnt well. I feel like a stranger in my own mind.. ( Dad comtinues to watch ID or killer shows that makes my mental health worse) My baby is also sick so i feel i cant flake on him . Cant tell my family my mental atate bc i dont want to worry them... My baby is my responsibility so no one deserves to be watchinh him at night while im drugged up in a hospital... Idk i felt bad at the possibility my bby could grow up without me but im too mental to be a good mom. I feel bad. I also feel God hates me. I wouldnt have so much mental anguish if he didnt. Maybe hed talk to me more ....idk. Feel i wont. Make it Think id rather die from covid. Im useless uhg
  12. I wouldn't imagine anyone wanting an std and yeah I think he'd be angry or scared-- maybe both.
  13. He has his own baggage but it's nothing compared to mine. But he loves my baby and he loves me...he tells me he loves me for me and loves me more than I know. I just feel my hpv ( not as innocuous as pll think. I have cancer causing strands) will be a make or break thing. I love him so much I just don't want to lose him.
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