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About SailingSoul

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  1. SailingSoul

    My family is holding me back

    I'm not going to turn 28 and still be at home. I have alot of drive and mental state is finally where it needs to be for me to achieve all I need to acheive. However my parents keep getting in my way ...so I think I'll just check out. If nothing changes and it's the same mediocre bullshxt. I'm just offing myself. I have drive and passions but they can't be done because of selfish shxtty parents who had their time and lived their lives but want me to mine on hold.
  2. SailingSoul

    My family is holding me back

    My mom keeps saying we have to work together as a family to get anywhere... But I feel like I'm sacrificing the most. I went from 4k to $1.00 in savings and checking... Helping my mom with rent and helping her stay in school. My car that I paid for myself...is used to shuttle everyone around since hers got repossessed. Before then my mom and dad were mad I got my own car bc the money I was putting into my car they wanted me to help pay with rent ...( However my older brother wasnt giving that much..just $50 on lights...yet he got paid more than me. But more was expected from me yet I got payed less ) I got my car bc my mom hated me having her car when she had to go to work...and my dad hated taking me to work when he was doing nothing else...he'd purposely make me late to work sometimes And recently... I got a job ( the cafe) but I had to quit because my moms work schedule and my little brother going to school. So I quit for them... Now..my middle brother is starting to work... And guess who's responsible for taking him to work?. Me. But I had to quit my job before it even started. It's not fair at all. And yes I try to tell my mom how I feel but she gets defensive saying ..family has to work together... ECT and it's better for me to be in school than work these low paying jobs. But when I told her about me going away in January she almost hated it because she needed someone to watch my younger brother. I'm so close to giving up. Because no matter what I do something always gets in the way. All my goals and dreams I'm just going to give up... Because nothing will work out.
  3. SailingSoul

    When is God at work among us?

    I'm a believer I should know better. uhg. its still hard.
  4. SailingSoul

    Idk if my bfs is worth it anymore

    I did but even before I did he'd show me pics of girls...told my friend he liked her.. name calling... And even today...I flew out for him..helped him move ...and he wants to get another girls number. I did it because I didn't feel loved...he didn't show it to me...and now I'm not so sure. I really just want to check out.
  5. SailingSoul

    Idk if my bfs is worth it anymore

    Yeah I should have sold myself high ...I shouldn't have accepted so much disrespect... Just last night he asked why I was so demanding when all I asked was for him to take me out on my birthday and get me a gift.
  6. I used to be grateful for his forgiveness but I feel like he wants me and everyone else... I feel unwanted.. I don't want to be here.
  7. I cheated. I cheated on my bf...we had a very Rocky start and middle....but now it's gotten better. It seems the worst is over.. But I still feel he deserves better than me. He forgave me...even called me a good person but I don't feel like I am. I wish I never did that because the pain you cause is horrendous...and I never wanted to hurt him but I did... We've moved past that... To the point he wants me to move in and sees himsf marrying me ( alot of time has past... A years worth) but I still feel unworthy. Please don't go easy on me because I'm female and don't take my side.... Just need advice. . It literally gives me anxiety.
  8. What ways have you been dealing with it?
  9. I may be in that situation and I can't do it. Bc I don't have friends as it is and it'll messe up. I already feel lonely.
  10. I haven't seen your other threads but your dad doesn't seem bad. Please don't be mean to him..he just seems like a caring father.
  11. SailingSoul

    Does this seem fair?

    Sorry that it's in a box. I posted elsewhere to get advice from a friend but I guess she's not up yet and hasn't responded so just looking for advice here.
  12. Today started off good with my bf but I was busy with work and I stood up till 6 or 7a ....and while we were spending time together ...I doz3d off...like I didint even realize I fell asleep until I woke up. He was made because I fell asleep, I called him back aftet an hour...he said he was going to sleep then hung up on me. I love him so much but I feel I walk on eggshells so much sometimes...I get really anxious if hes mad,upset or unsatisfied.,, I want him to be happy and be happy with me. I feel like I keep messing up... I didnt mean to fall asleep...and I just hope he doesnt want to let me go. I get scared he wants to let me go. Ive never been inlove before in my,life..hes very special to me and I'm so afraid of losing him... Even now I want to cry I just want us to be good togethet. I keep imagining a future with us together ....I just want to talk to him it sucks waiting for him to wake up. If this relationship goes south ...I'm never getting into another one again.
  13. SailingSoul

    Holidays make me depressed

    It just makes me aware of how alone I am..its like an in your face reminder that I have no friends, no one to love me...and probably never will. Ill never have a family.. Ill just be alone... Why do I have to carry this cross? Why me? B3ing alone is on3 of the worst things in the world.. Why live if youre just gomna be alone in every facet of your life? Ive tried reaching out and making friends....and it just do3snt 2ork...its driving me to just say F it ans end it all... Rather have quality of life or quantity...in other words...its the life in your years not the years in your life that matters. And that's very true. I'm so alone.
  14. It was their choice to take their life , you shouldnt have to lower your dignity or accept abuse to help someone...if it gets to that point they need help beyond what you are capable of providing. Hope all will be well.