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SailingSoul

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About SailingSoul

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  1. SailingSoul

    I Hate Myself

    No!!!! Stds exist.. don't go that route. To the OP i honestly feel I could have wrote that myselfexcept I'm a woman.
  2. SailingSoul

    I messed up my own health

    Right. You're right. Lesson is lesrned.
  3. SailingSoul

    I messed up my own health

    Agreed. I did tell him though. But yeah this infection and cyst isn't cute at all and you're right. If they don't respect my wishes they aren't worthy of me.
  4. SailingSoul

    I messed up my own health

    Turns out I have a bladder infection and a cyst on an ovary. I thought it would be a prolapsed bladder or uterus .... But still. And thank you all for the kindness.
  5. SailingSoul

    I messed up my own health

    Thank you for your kindness... because I really been hard on myself. I feel incredibly stupid. I feel like a whore... I just feel I'll never find that genuine connection and now I'm just gonna be more closed off then ever...
  6. SailingSoul

    I messed up my own health

    I feel so stupid. I really thought he was like me but he turned out to be just like every other man.( Most not all sorry) He just wanted ass that's it. But I do have to be accountable. I saw some signs he wasn't shxt but I wanted to give him the benefit of a doubt.. with my dumb whxre ass. I'm at the Dr. Getting seen. I'll tell the results when I'm done being seen.
  7. SailingSoul

    I messed up my own health

    I met a guy, we moved too fast. Had sex..he was rough and (tmi) ..... Since our encounter ... I've been bleeding whenever I urinate and there's chunks of tissue coming out. ( I'm already headed to a Dr.) But I'm sure it's a prolapsed uterus or bladder... I still have lower back pain. Legs hurt a bit and so do my arms. I know this isn't a health forum...but this is the only place I can really vent. I feel like an idiot. Which is an understatement...I feel too stupid to function bc I opened myself up to uterine cancer as well as STDs. I'm definitely not having sex again ... And the guy rarely texts me now.. This is all my fault. I'm just venting/having verbal vomit because I'm so scared.
  8. Well it was an online thing( my 1st relationship..which I don't count but to save confusion I use proper terms. Ex) I mean I don't act weird, I don't plan wedding s and crap when were talking... I just have a lot of deep seated loneliness and some depression but I don't think I'm needy as I'm always alone doing my own thing. But I do agree I need a therapist ..but I can't afford one though. My self esteem is low and with the whole not wanting to live thing...it wasn't just 1 thing... It was like after that bad event it just touched a raw nerve. Feelings of being unwanted that I've struggled with for a long time.
  9. SailingSoul

    Fear of having **** making me frantic

    Did it cause brown discoloration on your back.
  10. I thought I had a little something starting with a guy but it got confusing when he ignored me a s flirted with someone else. Idk I'm taking it hard because I feel so unwanted. I felt like this with my ex, I feel like this because lack of friends and I just feel ignored and just invisible. It's incredibly painful to feel I'll never be lived... Guys only want me for sex ...no one has wanted to get to know me. Take me on a date... It just makes me feel like I'm not good enough to love. I know I won't be loved or find love. In my late 20s almost 30 never had a boyfriend or someone who truly cares for me. And I don't 4hink I ever will. Hell friends are hard to come by I feel something is wrong with me... And I strongly feel that connections are so vital to life ...they make it worth living.. to the point I just wish I were dead bc I can see my my life just being a lonely nothingness. It's just destiny for me...to be utterly alone..
  11. SailingSoul

    Fear of having **** making me frantic

    I also have a brown discoloration on the middle of my back... I need to see a dermatologist but that'll cost money.
  12. SailingSoul

    Fear of having **** making me frantic

    There's so many different strands of hpv... Plus that was one test I didn't do.
  13. SailingSoul

    Intrusive Thoughts

    But I definitely recommend seeing a Dr.
  14. SailingSoul

    Intrusive Thoughts

    Wow I'm so sorry. I have intrusive thoughts but without the rituals... Intrusive thoughts are horrible.
  15. Back again. I'm into a new person at work... But I'm scared I may have hpv... I know this is tmi but I have brown moles...not in "that" area but some on my stomach and arms...b I feel distraught bc this means I'll never find love or be loved. If I can't life isn't worth living ....
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