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  1. Today started off good with my bf but I was busy with work and I stood up till 6 or 7a ....and while we were spending time together ...I doz3d I didint even realize I fell asleep until I woke up. He was made because I fell asleep, I called him back aftet an hour...he said he was going to sleep then hung up on me. I love him so much but I feel I walk on eggshells so much sometimes...I get really anxious if hes mad,upset or unsatisfied.,, I want him to be happy and be happy with me. I feel like I keep messing up... I didnt mean to fall asleep...and I just hope he doesnt want to let me go. I get scared he wants to let me go. Ive never been inlove before in my,life..hes very special to me and I'm so afraid of losing him... Even now I want to cry I just want us to be good togethet. I keep imagining a future with us together ....I just want to talk to him it sucks waiting for him to wake up. If this relationship goes south ...I'm never getting into another one again.
  2. Holidays make me depressed

    It just makes me aware of how alone I am..its like an in your face reminder that I have no friends, no one to love me...and probably never will. Ill never have a family.. Ill just be alone... Why do I have to carry this cross? Why me? B3ing alone is on3 of the worst things in the world.. Why live if youre just gomna be alone in every facet of your life? Ive tried reaching out and making friends....and it just do3snt 2ork...its driving me to just say F it ans end it all... Rather have quality of life or other words...its the life in your years not the years in your life that matters. And that's very true. I'm so alone.
  3. It was their choice to take their life , you shouldnt have to lower your dignity or accept abuse to help someone...if it gets to that point they need help beyond what you are capable of providing. Hope all will be well.
  4. I know how you feel...I'm 26 and I feel no matter what I do I'm fated to be alone. I'm a sweet person but people I do end up with are only in my life a short time before they move on...they don't stay long. My only friend has a bf and is getting married and has lots of friends.... I'm only going to get older and everyone already has their group of friends...and people I am friends with it doesn't last long....they only stick with me during a depressive period in their life and suddenly things get better.... Its so weird.. I feel like a good luck charm for everyone else except myself...and once I've given the emotional support needed...they move on. I think I'm gonna make a thread about this.
  5. Some friends have awesome boyfriends and are getting married soon. They have nice friends and good jobs.... I have no friends, these are online, my bf is insensitive and people don't seem to like me enough to be there friend... It seems the only purpose I serve is to make others feel better about themselves... I'm always behind and will continue since my mom needs so much financial help that I can't save .... I feel like cutting everyone off. It sucks to having being a loser rubbed in your face because everyone and there mother is doing better than you.. God why won't I just **** over? Hopefully getting a third job will spend up the process.
  6. I feel stuck in life

    Now...I won't be able to go to work Monday; Tuesday bc my s***ty dad who quit his first job now has orientation..... Why should what I do have to be stopped for him? He goes on saying how he'll make more money than me and can help more than me...and I'm just like wow....maybe he should have thought about that before quitting his first job for no good reason! I had to give up both checks to help with rent and we still might be lazy dead beat dad just sat on his ass for 6 months and now decided to get a job so....while he was relaxing I had to help my I'm afraid I may lose these 2 jobs because of my s***ty dad....I kept my 2 jobs...why should i be put on the back burner for him ? I'm so ****ing mad...and my mom still has the nerve to ask me for more money and when I turn her down...she gets an attitude ! When I gave up both my checks from both jobs to help her out.... is ridiculous... Then my hair is still falling out , so haven't saved for tuition... I have no savings and I been on one job for 7 months !!!! I swear I hate my family they're just leeches sometimes... I'm very close to using Amazon's new feature that allows someone to **** you when u sign up for it. Geez, life shouldn't be this ****ing hard. And my friends are all doing much better than me its makes me so sad... I have no friends to room eith, I can't move out bc I get paid peanuts... I'm ****ing stuck. Death is the only alternative.
  7. I feel stuck in life

    He works as an accountant making 13 an hour....
  8. I feel stuck in life

    I just want to take the easy way out so bad.
  9. I feel stuck in life

    In back again. Even though I have 2 jobs..I get paid peanuts... I can't put insurance on my car...I gave my mom my prior 2 checks (310 combined) and were still going to be evicted... I just feel sad because I literally feel like a cog in a wheel, ghost in the machine.. I work hard but I feel I can never work enough bc i never have enough... The work I do is hard at one job...and I feel like a failure at the other. Meanwhile, my friend makes 1k a week at his job, I have 2 friends that are graduates, and my bf is taking up coding and has a knack for it and will make good money... I just don't know what my age in the hole is to escape this endless financial struggle... I don't know what to do... Its depressing thinking about it. I feel it'll never get better...nothing will change.
  10. Right now I'm about to have 2 jobs... But... Since I'm out of school because I'm paying,for my tuition I just feel like a hamster on a feel better if I had money saved. But I'm always constantly helping my mom and stuff ... So all the time I been working I don't have nothing. Today is my birthday and I just feel so friends to celebrate with...I just hate I'm completely and utter trying not to give up on life.. If I had my own car and had more freedom to go places it wouldn't be so bad... Idk I just feel the loneliness will continue until I die.. I'm literally afraid of that :/. Please help.
  11. She really is...and it makes me look at my life and everything I'm lacking...I really wish I could be her ...she has many many many friends ( and yes I know the whole life isn't what it seems bit...but I know her and she's living well and is happy) She's just an amazing life is so barren and empty compared to hers. I have no friends, I have an online bf...but idk just typing this I feel like my life is just lesser than hers. I don't know how to be happy...she has the life I've dreamt of...full of friends,a lover, a degree,traveling... If my life were to flash before my eyes... It would be a very sad and lonely flash... Uhhhhg.. I want to cry now. I've always tried hard to get friends and maintain friends but it doesn't work...I don't think I'm a bad person...I just don't know if I'm meant to have friends... :( Idk what to do or make of my life...I just want to hide under my covers forever. :((((
  12. My mom is throwing me out :/

    I'm not 16...I'm much older...I should be living on my own but I'm not ....I'm I feel like a failure...I might lose my current job bc I'm too stupid to keep up f****
  13. My mom is throwing me out :/

    Its so crazy. I got paid Thursday and got 323 dollars and out of all of that I saw 23 bucks...that's it. I paid on the furniture bill, put 30 dollars in the gas tank,..and even now my mom needs 60 for damn food....but she wants to throw me out ... The financial burden is caused by my dad not keeping a steady job...he's been out 2 months...and my brother gets paid more than me and gives all his money away... Now my mom is making him pay a bill finally..but before he wouldn't help her at all. It just ticks me off because when I talked to her...she got made that I said I had an issue with my money going to fast -_-... I never said I wouldn't help her... But I've always given he's half of my refund checks...always!! And she feels I'm being ungrateful because she does so much. This just sucks.... And now I have to give her more money... And I don't know if I can get to work... I swear being dead would be so much easier... I'mn not in school... Its just a god damn mess... When I move out I don't think ill talk to my mom ever again. I hate my parents they did not prepare me for life. I hate them.
  14. Anxiety/ Depression and odd ass dreams

    It makes me feel like he deserves better because he's been through a lot and deserves someone more grounded ... :(
  15. I experience more anxiety than anything ....but I have frequent night terrors...and if they aren't night terrors .... They're weird surreal dreams. Like today I woke up afraid from a night terror ...went back to sleep, had a dream about an old lady...I felt like it was me... And she was about to die...and she didn't want to say good bye to her hubby...which I felt was my bf(weird) ....anyway....there was a voice saying its okay to go over and over.....and she finally left. The old man was left on cliff that was surrounded by was very scenic...anyway...he saw white shimmery orbs pass through the sky....and then the a rainbow pillar of light appeared on the same ledge the old man stood...he wanted. To say some last words....but instead the light just wrapped around him and then left. Well needless to say I woke up crying. No one in my family or anyone close to me has died...but I just can't handle death... I can't... Like if something happened to my mom is be through..I would be in a psyche ward. Now the issue is... In tired of either being woken up afraid or crying... I don't know where these nightmares come from but I try to be as relaxed as possible when I sleep... This worries me bc ...I want to move in with my by but.. Idk with me waking up afraid or crying...I don't want to be like a patient for him to care for. Is there help for these nightmares and vivid dreams?