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About SailingSoul

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  1. Ans im sorry abr your mom and family. Im always here if u need encouragemnt.
  2. Thank you. You guys are veey kind. You guys are helping more than you know.
  3. Thank you guys everyone that replied. Im feeling worlds better ❤️
  4. Oh Mark im so sorry. I hope you find comfort. Im happy you made it to 64..im hoping and wishing for more years for you.
  5. Im actually happy to hear she's quitting. I wish the best for her and you as well.
  6. Talking to a therapist would be very beneficial.
  7. everyone has worth and value. I just wish people cared more so we'd truly realize that.
  8. I dont care how well thought out he has it. I feel you should stay anyway. My problems aren't as great as yours but I still understand that frustration having or lacking quality of life. It makes every day feel like years packed in 24 hours and makes you feel older than you are. We're all going to die anyway don't rush it. Can you stay with family?
  9. Thats horrible. I couldnt imagine being unsupported at such a young age like 12. Just ridiculous.
  10. Thanks. Im gonna try to re-read this whenever i feel down.
  11. First I want to say- i completed my program, in 3 more days Ill be an orthodontic assistant. After that I think ill either pursue Hygeine or Nursing not sure which. Either way, I should be happy. I came far...but im not. I feel i have zero support. No one came to my graduation ceremony which was more beautiful than I expected. Not only that but after everything was done-- i waited at the school's stairwell 8months pregnant for 2 whole hours because my brothers didnt wake my mom to come pick me up. ( I can drive, just have 1 car which is mine) My brothers werent concerned abt where I was .. I called and texted both of them and called the home phonr and no one answered. When i finally got home my brother didnt even say hello much less sorry nor did he ask about my day at school. Talking to my friend and seeing how incredibly supportive and caring his family is ( his mom took off work to see him in the hopital for a chest infection he had, she texts him good morning and to have a good day at work. Meanwhile i dont remember the last time my mom said she loved me. I know she does by some things she does but its still nice to hear) it just makes me depressed my family doesnt care about me in a way thats obvious and noticeable. Everyday Ive attended that school. Ive waited atleast an hour to be picked up.. For 3 months. Yup. My mom works nights so i get it. My brother is nearly 30 and drives he could do it but doesnt..yet wants me to pick him up from work or drop him off at midnight to work( ive stopped doing that) Not just that but-- my entire pregnancy Ive went to every appointment alone. I get my mom works nights but she can take a day off. She has before.. I used to understand but if its something important you can take the time off. Like this saturday shes taking time off to go take my brother to the aquarium.. But she couldn't be bothered to go to atleast 1 of my appointments, my graduation.... Nothing. But she when she was afraid of going to the dentist to get her teeth cleaned I was by herside. But i dont get the same in return... Then she wants me to stretch myself thin and go to my little brother's school events all while having a newborn( when he gets here) it just doesnt feel fair. And my dad.. Uhg. He rarely says the right things. He asked me if i was gonna give the baby up for adoption, the baby would hate the name I chose for him, talks abt me getting knocked up.. Just really insensitive as fxck. Despite this being a good moment, finally having a certificate and being able to work a decent job and pursuing higher education...i feel hollow. I feel no matter what I do or acheive Ill still feel the same...even if i got my associates Id still feel like a loser bc i have no one to share my happiness with or be happy with me, no one will be at my other graduation and ill just havr to understand and get over it. I dont think my mom is even coming to the baby shower bc she doesnt like her own family. Idk i just feel lonely. As soon as I can work im going to gwt into therapy bc im feeling like no matter what I do or acheive im just nothing. Even with my baby Im just waiting on him to turn on me..and the distance to grow between us.. I just expect it. I only feel loved by my dogs. They cuddle with me and just make me feel like I actually exist. My friends are okau but theure so spread out and they have their own issues that I dont want to dump on them. But yeah I just feel lonely and worthless right now. Sorry its a long read.
  12. I have one more class before i graduate but I feel like a failure bc I worry about finding work--I'll have to wait 3 months because of my baby. I love my baby but i have to vent. I hate i got pregnant now. i hate Ill be a single mom. I hate Ill be dealing with a crying baby by myself while being cooped in a house. I hate I will have zero support. I hate I have no friends to help me feel better. I hate I'm still at home and will be 28 soon. I hate i will deal with ppd. I hate I have no one to watch my baby for a low price and have to trust a sideways gov funded daycare. I hate I have no one to talk to about my feelings, my mom is right next to me and didnt once ask me how school was despite always always being an hour or more late to pick me up.(My family does there own thing and I suspect they may all be going through a depression of their own so I don't want to burden them) I hate no one asks me if Im ok. (Im still trying to come to terms with the fact I'll be a mom..it feels so surreal that I'll dissociate when he gets here.) I hate being in a cramped 1 bedroom with 6 people and 2 dogs, I hate I have hpv in 3 places-- I feel Im on borrowed time and I won't work fast enough to get myself out of this situation before I die. To die in this situation would be a true tragedy to not know the happiness of living alone and finally being alone would just be fked up-- Id rather wish I weren't born Sometimes, I truly hate I'm here. I Hate being alive sometimes... just hope this feeling will pass. I just feel like shxt and feel i'll be a horrible mom bc Im not ready mentally
  13. Nothing will except death and even after this Im considering being an Lpn or getting an associates in the health care field.
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