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About SailingSoul

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  1. I cheated. I cheated on my bf...we had a very Rocky start and middle....but now it's gotten better. It seems the worst is over.. But I still feel he deserves better than me. He forgave me...even called me a good person but I don't feel like I am. I wish I never did that because the pain you cause is horrendous...and I never wanted to hurt him but I did... We've moved past that... To the point he wants me to move in and sees himsf marrying me ( alot of time has past... A years worth) but I still feel unworthy. Please don't go easy on me because I'm female and don't take my side.... Just need advice. . It literally gives me anxiety.
  2. What ways have you been dealing with it?
  3. I may be in that situation and I can't do it. Bc I don't have friends as it is and it'll messe up. I already feel lonely.
  4. I haven't seen your other threads but your dad doesn't seem bad. Please don't be mean to him..he just seems like a caring father.
  5. SailingSoul

    Does this seem fair?

    Sorry that it's in a box. I posted elsewhere to get advice from a friend but I guess she's not up yet and hasn't responded so just looking for advice here.
  6. Today started off good with my bf but I was busy with work and I stood up till 6 or 7a ....and while we were spending time together ...I doz3d off...like I didint even realize I fell asleep until I woke up. He was made because I fell asleep, I called him back aftet an hour...he said he was going to sleep then hung up on me. I love him so much but I feel I walk on eggshells so much sometimes...I get really anxious if hes mad,upset or unsatisfied.,, I want him to be happy and be happy with me. I feel like I keep messing up... I didnt mean to fall asleep...and I just hope he doesnt want to let me go. I get scared he wants to let me go. Ive never been inlove before in my,life..hes very special to me and I'm so afraid of losing him... Even now I want to cry I just want us to be good togethet. I keep imagining a future with us together ....I just want to talk to him it sucks waiting for him to wake up. If this relationship goes south ...I'm never getting into another one again.
  7. SailingSoul

    Holidays make me depressed

    It just makes me aware of how alone I am..its like an in your face reminder that I have no friends, no one to love me...and probably never will. Ill never have a family.. Ill just be alone... Why do I have to carry this cross? Why me? B3ing alone is on3 of the worst things in the world.. Why live if youre just gomna be alone in every facet of your life? Ive tried reaching out and making friends....and it just do3snt 2ork...its driving me to just say F it ans end it all... Rather have quality of life or quantity...in other words...its the life in your years not the years in your life that matters. And that's very true. I'm so alone.
  8. It was their choice to take their life , you shouldnt have to lower your dignity or accept abuse to help someone...if it gets to that point they need help beyond what you are capable of providing. Hope all will be well.
  9. I know how you feel...I'm 26 and I feel no matter what I do I'm fated to be alone. I'm a sweet person but people I do end up with are only in my life a short time before they move on...they don't stay long. My only friend has a bf and is getting married and has lots of friends.... I'm only going to get older and everyone already has their group of friends...and people I am friends with it doesn't last long....they only stick with me during a depressive period in their life and suddenly things get better.... Its so weird.. I feel like a good luck charm for everyone else except myself...and once I've given the emotional support needed...they move on. I think I'm gonna make a thread about this.
  10. Some friends have awesome boyfriends and are getting married soon. They have nice friends and good jobs.... I have no friends, these are online, my bf is insensitive and people don't seem to like me enough to be there friend... It seems the only purpose I serve is to make others feel better about themselves... I'm always behind and will continue since my mom needs so much financial help that I can't save .... I feel like cutting everyone off. It sucks to having being a loser rubbed in your face because everyone and there mother is doing better than you.. God why won't I just **** over? Hopefully getting a third job will spend up the process.
  11. SailingSoul

    I feel stuck in life

    Now...I won't be able to go to work Monday; Tuesday bc my s***ty dad who quit his first job now has orientation..... Why should what I do have to be stopped for him? He goes on saying how he'll make more money than me and can help more than me...and I'm just like wow....maybe he should have thought about that before quitting his first job for no good reason! I had to give up both checks to help with rent and we still might be moving....my lazy dead beat dad just sat on his ass for 6 months and now decided to get a job so....while he was relaxing I had to help my mom...now I'm afraid I may lose these 2 jobs because of my s***ty dad....I kept my 2 jobs...why should i be put on the back burner for him ? I'm so ****ing mad...and my mom still has the nerve to ask me for more money and when I turn her down...she gets an attitude ! When I gave up both my checks from both jobs to help her out.... is ridiculous... Then my hair is still falling out , so haven't saved for tuition... I have no savings and I been on one job for 7 months !!!! I swear I hate my family they're just leeches sometimes... I'm very close to using Amazon's new feature that allows someone to **** you when u sign up for it. Geez, life shouldn't be this ****ing hard. And my friends are all doing much better than me its insane...it makes me so sad... I have no friends to room eith, I can't move out bc I get paid peanuts... I'm stuck...in ****ing stuck. Death is the only alternative.
  12. SailingSoul

    I feel stuck in life

    He works as an accountant making 13 an hour....
  13. SailingSoul

    I feel stuck in life

    I just want to take the easy way out so bad.
  14. SailingSoul

    I feel stuck in life

    In back again. Even though I have 2 jobs..I get paid peanuts... I can't put insurance on my car...I gave my mom my prior 2 checks (310 combined) and were still going to be evicted... I just feel sad because I literally feel like a cog in a wheel, ghost in the machine.. I work hard but I feel I can never work enough bc i never have enough... The work I do is hard at one job...and I feel like a failure at the other. Meanwhile, my friend makes 1k a week at his job, I have 2 friends that are graduates, and my bf is taking up coding and has a knack for it and will make good money... I just don't know what my age in the hole is to escape this endless financial struggle... I don't know what to do... Its depressing thinking about it. I feel it'll never get better...nothing will change.