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  1. I know, I know, I really do. BUT from my side I came back this year because I wasn't entirely sure what I wanted - mostly because this guy never told me he liked me! It was all "oh I think about you all the time" but never "I want to be with you" nothing like that. So I wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me or whether he just liked me as a friend. I just felt like I couldn't break up with my fiancé for someone who hadn't even told me he liked me! He never made any move on me whatsoever so I just didn't know how he felt about me. So this summer I wanted to come back and I had decided I was going to tell him I loved him and ask him how he felt but things blew up so quickly I never had the chance... and now I've written to him, pleading with him to see me and he won't respond... I just regret what happened. Maybe I was a selfish a******, but he never made anything clear to me!!!
  2. Yes I know that in general one must accept that people will tell you the truth - but I just find it very hard to believe, considering that we were planning my return for an entire year, spoke about it on practically a weekly basis, and he (my roommate) even found a roommate that would only stay until June specifically so that I could come back and live with him this summer (and told me it was "all he thought about"). His original idea was for us to share a room! I said I thought it best to have two separate rooms... And then two days after I come back he flips out and says I need to find somewhere else because he "can't" be around me ("it's too difficult")?? It was all rather hard to accept - and hard to believe! Considering how ecstatic he was about me coming back, and then two days later had completely flipped out. It just seemed like an emotional reaction to the fact that I hadn't broken up with my boyfriend and instead of talking to me about it or asking me about it he thought it was easier to just reject me completely. He himself has Borderline personality disorder (I think - pretty sure) and he was so attached I think he couldn't handle the idea that maybe everything wasn't going to be exactly as he imagined. His thinking is often very black and white.
  3. but he's not the one I'm trying to move on from...
  4. Hi, I need help because the man I love abruptly cut off all contact with me... let me explain I am engaged to a man I've been with for eleven years (I am 31). We both are doing doctorates in the US. My fiancé is a very practical, stable, reliable person. I am a bit more of the wild one between the two of us. Last year I got a fellowship to go abroad for the summer. I found an apartment in the capital living with a man, a roommate. This guy is really not the type of guy I would have imagined for myself, but after a few weeks already I realized that I was really falling for him. We did everything together - I cooked dinner for us most nights, we ate breakfast, we went out together on the weekends. We essentially lived like a married couple while remaining completely platonic. I had to go away for a week to visit a friend in another city, and that was when I realized how intense my feelings were - I sent him messages saying I thought about him all the time, I missed him and couldn't wait to come back. He told me he felt the same and was 'counting down' until I got back, because the apartment was 'sad and lonely' without me. When I got back things became more intense. But then we started fighting - he would get mad at me, asking "what do you want with me? what do you want??" and I wouldn't answer because I didn't know... I had told him when I first arrived I didn't really believe in 'love' (my parents marriage was a disaster and I thought having a dependable steady partner was the way to go). Towards the end he told me I had 'never given love a chance.' But I also told him I wanted to break up with my fiancé and move to the city where he was "to be free." I didn't say that it was to be with him because I didn't have the nerve - he never told me he loved me, nor that he wanted to be with me. He never said anything. In the end though when it came time for me to leave I was a complete mess, crying at the airport, we promised that we'd see each other next summer, that I'd come back. After I left I was pretty depressed for a month or so, I think he was too - he was sending me photos of places we'd been together. I told him life was terrible without him. But eventually I was able to throw myself into work. We kept in touch over skype though and I was able to get another scholarship to come back this summer. When I arrived he was ecstatic - he had bought me flowers, made me dinner, set up the apartment for me. He said it was like I had never left! I felt the same way. He asked me though what my plans were for the future and I said I didn't have any. I still had an engagement ring though. Two days after I arrived he flipped out over something minor, and I think used that as a pretext, because he suddenly said he didn't want to live with me anymore. He said I was "inconsiderate" and "didn't care about others" and he didn't trust me anymore. He said I needed to look for another place to live for the summer. At first I thought he changed his mind but over the course of the week he became more and more angry: wouldn't talk to me at all. I finally found a new apartment and moved out. That week was terrible, both of us acted like zombies - we didn't speak to each other. I felt numb, I didn't cry, I didn't tell him how I felt. After I left though I started crying every day. It's been two months almost and I still cry every day, I barely leave my apartment because I'll start crying in public and have to come home. I've sent him two messages begging to reconsider and he hasn't responded - he's blocked me on skype. I have one more month here. My friend says if I keep messaging him I'll risk veering into 'stalker territory' - is that true?? It's true that he told me very emphatically he wanted 'nothing to do' with me - but I've only sent him two messages! But I still didn't tell him everything - that I do love him in fact, and I wanted to be with him but how was I supposed to drop my entire life to be with him if he never even told me he loved me? Maybe he thinks I'm a coward. Maybe he doesn't think about me at all anymore. I don't know. But I think about him all the time. I really can't move on... Any advice?? help!!
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