Hi, I need help because the man I love abruptly cut off all contact with me... let me explain
I am engaged to a man I've been with for eleven years (I am 31). We both are doing doctorates in the US. My fiancé is a very practical, stable, reliable person. I am a bit more of the wild one between the two of us. Last year I got a fellowship to go abroad for the summer. I found an apartment in the capital living with a man, a roommate. This guy is really not the type of guy I would have imagined for myself, but after a few weeks already I realized that I was really falling for him. We did everything together - I cooked dinner for us most nights, we ate breakfast, we went out together on the weekends. We essentially lived like a married couple while remaining completely platonic.
I had to go away for a week to visit a friend in another city, and that was when I realized how intense my feelings were - I sent him messages saying I thought about him all the time, I missed him and couldn't wait to come back. He told me he felt the same and was 'counting down' until I got back, because the apartment was 'sad and lonely' without me.
When I got back things became more intense. But then we started fighting - he would get mad at me, asking "what do you want with me? what do you want??" and I wouldn't answer because I didn't know... I had told him when I first arrived I didn't really believe in 'love' (my parents marriage was a disaster and I thought having a dependable steady partner was the way to go). Towards the end he told me I had 'never given love a chance.' But I also told him I wanted to break up with my fiancé and move to the city where he was "to be free." I didn't say that it was to be with him because I didn't have the nerve - he never told me he loved me, nor that he wanted to be with me. He never said anything.
In the end though when it came time for me to leave I was a complete mess, crying at the airport, we promised that we'd see each other next summer, that I'd come back. After I left I was pretty depressed for a month or so, I think he was too - he was sending me photos of places we'd been together. I told him life was terrible without him. But eventually I was able to throw myself into work. We kept in touch over skype though and I was able to get another scholarship to come back this summer.
When I arrived he was ecstatic - he had bought me flowers, made me dinner, set up the apartment for me. He said it was like I had never left! I felt the same way. He asked me though what my plans were for the future and I said I didn't have any. I still had an engagement ring though.
Two days after I arrived he flipped out over something minor, and I think used that as a pretext, because he suddenly said he didn't want to live with me anymore. He said I was "inconsiderate" and "didn't care about others" and he didn't trust me anymore. He said I needed to look for another place to live for the summer. At first I thought he changed his mind but over the course of the week he became more and more angry: wouldn't talk to me at all. I finally found a new apartment and moved out. That week was terrible, both of us acted like zombies - we didn't speak to each other. I felt numb, I didn't cry, I didn't tell him how I felt.
After I left though I started crying every day. It's been two months almost and I still cry every day, I barely leave my apartment because I'll start crying in public and have to come home. I've sent him two messages begging to reconsider and he hasn't responded - he's blocked me on skype. I have one more month here. My friend says if I keep messaging him I'll risk veering into 'stalker territory' - is that true?? It's true that he told me very emphatically he wanted 'nothing to do' with me - but I've only sent him two messages! But I still didn't tell him everything - that I do love him in fact, and I wanted to be with him but how was I supposed to drop my entire life to be with him if he never even told me he loved me? Maybe he thinks I'm a coward. Maybe he doesn't think about me at all anymore. I don't know. But I think about him all the time. I really can't move on...
Any advice?? help!!