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MarkintheDark last won the day on July 11

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About MarkintheDark

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  1. Welcome to DF David. Clinical depression, as is more typically discussed here, is more than just "a case of the blues." For those of us with it, it's consuming and often overwhelming. Any clinical diagnosis would be made by a professional such as a therapist or psychiatrist. Generally speaking, I prefer to see it as situational, biochemical/physiological, or a combination of both. As I've observed my own depression, it's a bit of a catch-22. Situationally, as someone pointed out, it could have to do with something like finances or a job or a personal loss (divorce, death, etc.). I don't think any of us are qualified or wise enough to give anything more than suggestions on those issues, certainly not specific advice. More often we'll just share our own experiences. Biochemically/physiologically, some of us are predisposed to it and that description is best left to a Google search on the subject. It can get incredibly complicated. Of course I don't know your friend's situation. As someone suggested, you might mention your concern to her and willingness to listen. Pressuring her, however, may incline her to withdraw further. If you think it's appropriate, heck, you might even mention DF. You might notice if she's let her appearance go, doesn't eat, isolates, has difficulty maintaining her home, doesn't respond to calls/texts. Taken alone, none is a red flag. We've a lot of experience among us and plenty of folks will chime in. Red flags would be things like cutting, new or worsening alcohol and/or drug use, or indications she wanted to harm herself. Please keep posting.
  2. MarkintheDark

    Love, Simon

    Most importantly, I think your niece's sexuality is her business. IF/when she chooses to come out to her aunt that's entirely her decision. At that time, certainly you can be supportive of her decision IF she chooses to share it with you. I'd be careful you don't confuse your own issues, morality, etc., with hers, e.g., "that's nice but does she really want to be with women in that way?" To my old, experienced gay ears which have heard that phrase so many times that clearly indicates discomfort, possibly repulsion, on your part ("When I see women in thongs I want to throw up"). Your niece doesn't need to hear that and particularly not from a family member. It's the kind of phrase that's been used for decades to shame LGBT folk, similar to, "the sex that dare not speak its name." That's to say, keep it simple. Let her take the lead on discussions...IF any. IF the discussion comes up - it may not - the best you can do is listen...and without judgment, sexual, religious, moral or otherwise. Perhaps Google "coming out guide for parents." And, if there's a chapter in your area, you and/or Mom might considered a meeting of PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). You'll get the story from both sides. Despite their apparent sophistication, sexuality can still be a loaded topic for teens. Whatever their sexuality, most are still figuring it out. They'll recognize any adult's discomfort or phoniness immediately. That applies to both extremes. Trying to be too helpful will just embarrass both of you. It's a tall order, but if your support can't be unconditional then, imo, it's best you stay out.
  3. MarkintheDark

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    Glad I put the brakes on yesterday afternoon, shut down, and refused to do any tasks (or return any damn calls) until this morning. Oh, I still have lots on my plate, but I feel like I might be able to deal with a few of them today.
  4. MarkintheDark

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    fwiw, that's a good description of many of my days the past month, though it's gotten better. "Breakdown" was exactly the term on my mind when I was experiencing those feelings. I was so overwhelmed it felt like parts of me, including my brain, were starting to shut down. I was acutely aware my cognitive functioning wasn't functioning. When I did accomplish things, it was zombie-like. More than once, too, I contemplated your car solution. Get in the car, go, somewhere, anywhere and to hell with it all. idk if this would help, but I consciously cut back on whatever tasks I could. I said "no" a lot. If it didn't involve my elderly mom's well-being in her medical recovery, I just became a jackass and refused to cooperate. I didn't even make much effort to be "nice" about it. Some people eventually got the message and backed off. I'm still using that approach as necessary. Lucky I read your post. Today was a heavy day - it could easily blossom towards "breakdown" territory if I didn't put the brakes on - but I'm home now and refusing to return anyone's calls today. I need to rest and recover until tomorrow. I hope you can find some relief.
  5. MarkintheDark

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    Accomplished but tired. Therapist and then 90 mins. with dentist. To reward myself, a carwash and Subway sandwich on the way home. All this is waaaay more than I usually do in a day and now I NEED TO STOP. I'm gonna crash. I refuse to return any calls until tomorrow.
  6. MarkintheDark

    Do you structure your "off time"

    Structuring my off time is a skill that still escapes me. That said, appointments force me out of the house. I know my limitations from experience, so I avoid jamming them up into, say, one day. For me, off time is just that. Quite often it's my time to recharge. Mowing the lawn, for example, is highly dependent on heat/humidity, rain, and my own energy level.
  7. MarkintheDark

    Making the best of a bad situation

    I am beyond impressed! I know the effort it can take. (I'm still amazed at what mowing the lawn can do for my mood and energy)
  8. MarkintheDark

    Opening Up With The Therapist

    Good timing for the post @TheSandman. We're in similar situations, my fourth session with my new T tomorrow. My mantra usually has been share-check-share. That is, like @BeyondWeary said, share something and notice the response before continuing. "Dancing around issues" sounds similar. This is the first T in many years I feel may actually have his sh#t together. That said, we're still getting to know each other. And I'm only one of scores of patients he has. He doesn't have instant recall. Since you asked for suggestions, I'll keep it simple. What if you told your T exactly what you just told us? It's very useful feedback. From his POV, you'd be giving him a way to approach your sessions.
  9. MarkintheDark

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    I still struggle with this sometimes if it's a so-called favor. More frequently I've been exercising the habit of just saying that, no, I have too much on my plate right now. And I don't bother with or hint at explanations. For one, it's the absolute truth. My depression can affect everything and I need whatever time I need to deal with it as I see fit. That includes shutting down, if necessary. For another, I've decided some of my personal stuff is none of their business. I don't owe anyone an explanation or apology for my mental health issues. Take care of YOURSELF.
  10. MarkintheDark

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    Frustrated. Arrived at 8:15 for an 8:30 dental appointment. Waited until 9:00...and nothing. I walked out. Wasted two hours of my morning. Oh, NOW they're leaving messages for me. I'm ignoring them until I cool off.
  11. MarkintheDark

    Silencing My Inner Critic

    This may sound rather basic, but do you know where that voice comes from? I've known for years the voice is the echo of a narcissistic adopted mother who verbally tortured me for years. Trouble is, at that age, it screws up the wiring permanently as the youngster's brain develops.
  12. MarkintheDark

    Career Change? Anyone?

    On matters practical, I'm afraid I have more questions than answers. You might look at a couple things. Financially, can you afford to do it? What is your safety net? For that matter, is this something you can comfortably discuss with your current employer? I gave up a TV station job years ago to "move up," as is common in that business. I was valued there and was told if the new one didn't work out, I was welcome back any time. In fact, the new job was hell and I did go back to the old one. The other consideration is to get a feel for your new career. Having had a home healthcare aide attending to Mom the past month, I can tell you that dealing with matters such as elderly personal hygiene are not glamorous. Point is, have you spoken to those who've spent time in the field to get a realistic assessment?
  13. It's been years since I've been on Prozac. I was approved for the script based on my past positive experience and that Paxil and Zoloft hadn't done squat for me. However, I need some feedback on the startup since it's been a while. Only 10mg right now that I started five days ago. Realistically, I didn't expect any effects for a couple weeks. I've been experiencing intermittent anxiety attacks during those five days. My take, however, is that it's situational. I've been under considerable stress the past month. I finally managed a break from the drama this weekend and I crashed. I'm finding it difficult to get back into the ring, so to speak. Oh, I'm doing it, but the anxiety is pronounced. Thoughts?
  14. MarkintheDark

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    Kinda all over the place...relief, anxiety, "guilt" Made three calls. One to get an extension of a couple weeks for Mom's physical therapy at home. It appears it will get her cardiologist's approval. The other two were for my dental...cleanings and an extraction consultation. Not anxious about the procedures, but that I pushed my envelope a bit by scheduling early appointments (I'm lousy in the morning and they may wipe me out for the rest of the day). But I just want to get this sh#t done and off my mind. The relief is that I actually was able to make the calls. The "guilt" is that I feel I should also mow my yard this week and idk that I have the stamina. I feel like I may be treading in dangerous territory.
  15. MarkintheDark

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    Could "lost and forgotten" also be called a feeling of abandonment? And, no, it's not dumb. Depression can magnify those kinds of emotions for me. Quite frankly, I come here to dump a lot of it just to "take out the trash," so to speak. Clears my head a bit...and can even give me a perspective that actually FEELS a little bit better. I wonder if a short email or text telling her you miss her AND wishing her well on her vacay would be helpful. Reason I mention that is isolation is something a lot of us do in depression. Yeah, for me it's sometimes forced, but reaching out like that - a huge step for me sometimes - is my attempt to break the isolation. While I'm at it, you have any social outlets? PM if you prefer.