Still here, not sure why..my mom pretty much is the only reason now. In a s***ty motel room, been here 6 months. Found someone amazing then in 5 months all went to real fast, it was an affair but everything was amazing til I wanted more, to be with her, all ending up in court where she tried to get a restraining order based on lies. That got dropped, guess her lies weren't worth the $2,000 retainer for a lawyer. *sigh
Back chickening me, DSS trying to force me to work, the idiots- dr's here are stupid won't listen and it's screwing everything up for me and i'm afraid one day I won't even have a place to stay. So tired of the bulls***.
Reason I don't seek therapy, i'm not going to a state hospital for feeling the way I do, i'd rather just die honestly.
I'm still in Love with this woman and I don't know why to be perfectly honest...
Crying only lasts seconds, found a tear on my face today, something new
Been writing music about my pains etc but recently got robbed so now, I have no more laptop to create my music which really pi**es me off royally. On this pos laptop, can only goto forums and chat big woop *sigh
I hate myself for still loving her, missing her...
Getting tired of feeling both physically and mentally down/drained and in pain.
Been very angry the past few days because of everything inside.
Phobic about people now, hate going out, isolation isn't healthy but I can deal with unhealthy over getting my hopes up to fail all over again, not worth it to me really...not anymore.
*sigh well that's how I feel
Sorry for the long break from my initial post...
Wrote a song about losing Carol called Tears of Amber about a year ago
Here is the link: *youtube link removed*
I miss the woman who inspired me so much.... can't believe this sh*t