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About Shadowmantle

  • Birthday 11/11/1982

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    Hiking, archery, reading, video games, my cat, meditation, mindfulness, yoga, tai chi, anime, manga, movies, music

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    Hey! Been a little bit since I've been to this site. How are things?



  2. This post hasn't been touched in a long time but eh why not, I'm listening to Bob Marley - could you be loved.
  3. @Weesue. So proud of you for deciding to help yourself and that your happiness and wellbeing is more important. Thank you as well for sharing your story, it's hard and it takes strength to admit these things. I'm of the opinion these faiths are used to control people with fear and it's so unhealthy. We should be taught to love and respect ourselves and others, and to nurture intelligence, not close-mindedness and not that this life doesn't matter and that suffering is a good thing. Again, glad you're taking back your life. I wish you all the best.
  4. This song is a reminder for me of one reason I need to stay alive, for my husband. Everyone needs someone to be there for them. anyone else finding songs to help them cope? There For You Flyleaf Lyrics Sometimes I'm a selfish fake You're always a true friend And I don't deserve you 'Cause I'm not there for you Please forgive me again I wanna be there for you Someone you can come to Runs deeper than my bones I wanna be there for you I wanna be there for you Swirling shades of blue Slow dancing in your eyes Sun kisses the earth And I hush my urge to cry, cry I wanna be there for you Someone you can come to Runs deeper than my bones I wanna be there for you I wanna be there for you 'Cause I hear the whispered words In your masterpiece beautiful You speak the unspeakable through I love you too I wanna be there for you Someone you can come to I wanna be there for you And be someone you can come to The love runs deeper than my bones And I wanna be there for you
  5. I can unfortunately relate, grew up being told the devil was gonna come right up through the ground and drag me to hell. Never taught anything other than to fear god and that I was bad. I got kicked out at the age of 13 for refusing to go to church. Abused sexually, physically, mentally and verbally since early childhood. Every relative and family member turned their back on me. Some of the worst, most judgemental people I know are catholics. Ugh I'm getting mad just thinking about it. It's a sickness.
  6. Sitting by a fire, by a river, in the forest, in the mountains, breathing that refreshing, renewing air. Something about being in the mountain forest that makes me feel alive.
  7. I have a ring tattooed on my finger to symbolize my love for my husband. Hoping to get another soon, something to symbolize that there is beauty and strength within the ugliness of suffering. Like a warrior rising out of the mud or something. Know what I mean?
  8. I may not know any of you, but I'm sure I would enjoy your friendship and I appreciate the time you took to read and share your thoughts and turmoil.
  9. Sorry to hear that stand up. I know what you mean. I don't think I will be admitting past substance use to a new dr. Sounds like you need a new one too.
  10. Also, I'm sorry that things are this way for you. I hope it gets better for you.
  11. Yes, I feel the exact same way about the progress and for me now birthdays are just another day. It brings up painful memories.
  12. I feel the same way, I'm treated like junkie and I don't use anymore.
  13. Thank you Krissy Michelle for the information. I'm going to request my records. I've been thinking about filing a complaint against my last dr. Every time I've seen her she tries to prescribe me Celexa which I've had bad results with, even when I've told her on multiple occasions that I won't take it again. Last time I saw her she handed me a form to give to the blood work clinic without telling me that I needed blood work done and with that same prescription for Celexa again. So I ended up at the blood clinic and the nurse says ok there's also a form for getting blood work done today, didnt your doctor tell you? Nope but would have been nice to know, thanks Dr douche. Then I was so bummed when this last dr had me come in for a meet and greet and then asked me questions about my last dr because apparently he hadn't heard of her, I even filled out an intake form, and then get told he has to call her to see if he can take me on as a patient. I'm glad to know that is not supposed to happen. I'm just feeling defeated when it comes to finding a good doctor. As for counseling the first time I contacted the mental health center in my town they directed me to a counseling place in town and said there was nothing they could do for me. Since contacting the other counseling place, I had to reschedule an appointment and they never got back to me. Real professional. I've had bad luck here.
  14. I have done my best to be kind, compassionate, honest and even posite toars others. It's like I'm defective, no matter how hard I try to just be myself and make friends or get help, people just have something against me. What the hell am I doing wrong?
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