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  1. Popping out of not posting for months to say that I'm really happy to read this, Opal. I hope this new relationship works out.
  2. I find fanfic fascinating and horrific in equal measure. When it's done well, it's good but there are a lot of bad ones. As a pedant, if it's riddled with spelling mistakes and wRiTteN LikE ThIs, I am instantly turned off (but that is my inner editor coming out and judging). There are a lot of stories written that cover various combinations of my CO and his 3 (male friends), either in pairs or all together. I really don't mind the gay fanfic at all - most of it is more focussed on extending the clearly strong friendship between them into a romantic one rather than being hardcore porn in any way. I write fanfic about my CO - I have a selection of super short stories and then a longer chapter story which is a slightly alternate version to the one that involves me and him that I live in in my head. Part of it was just about writing something, anything and part of it was accepting that I was going to be writing about him even if I changed the names and pretended it wasn't. Both are posted online and enjoyed by other fans of my CO and the show. @Audrey822 - congrats to your son and your new daughter in law @OpalP25 - So sorry the job didn't work out for you. I hope your next visit to the country is more successful.
  3. So I've not been around for a while. I'm OK. It's been just over a year since this all started for me and it's been, really, an amazing year in a lot of ways which is not something I expected to ever say when I found this forum. My CO has been good for me. I've started running, writing, trying to understand myself a lot better. I think on the whole my mental health has improved. There have been bad days, of course there have, but I have been eternally grateful that I have this place to come to, that I have people who really understand how I feel. So thank you to all of you. I have decreased the contact I have with other fans to a minimum - only following/speaking to people who are fans of the show as a whole or don't spend every second trying to be noticed by him. This largely helps but does give me a fear of missing out on something as well. I'm still writing - I have my own 'alternate reality' that I write but I also write fan fiction online. It's really sparked the writer in me again so who knows, maybe I'll one day write that book I've been turning over in my head for 20 years. Ultimately what I've managed is the illusion of sanity. No-one in my day to day life has any clue what is inside my head and I work hard to keep that up. But in my head, I still talk to him all the time, imagine what my day would be like if I was with him, things like that. Most days, I just miss him in a never-had-a-life-together-but-I-wish-we-did way. Some days, that's overwhelming.
  4. @Orangep - welcome to the thread and I'm sorry to hear your CO is causing such distress. I can't offer more than the advice already given, everyone deals with it in a different way. But this app you mentioned, I hadn't heard of this before, and can see that it would definitely be a good thing to try and break the cycle. Good luck.
  5. Welcome to the forum, @I wanna be me I'm in the UK too and a similar age to you, also married with kids. In the early days of my CO, it did affect my life - I just wanted to spend all my time either looking at pics of him, watching his TV programme (not a problem as my kids are big fans of the programme too so would happily watch it with me) and spending time with the fantasy life in my head. It's lessened over the months as I've learned to incorporate it into my life in a manageable way. Good luck with getting a counsellor - I don't think you'd have to explain anything to the GP for the referral but it might be a wait for an appointment.
  6. I had a lot of different COs (and some not at all celebrities) before finding this one so I don't think there's anything wrong with having different ones. Sometimes I wonder if that was healthier for me than the near constant anxiety I feel about my CO now and the fear of seeing the wrong bit of news/gossip/picture, etc. It's what works for you, and as long as it does work for you, it's fine, imo.
  7. Could not agree more with this about fandoms. It's the other fans I need to stay away from more than anything. I am a member of a couple of fan groups on Facebook but the mods there are v strict on no talking about their personal life so it's mainly just discussing going to shows and sharing pictures of the 4 of them. I tend to not get too involved in them and should they worsen, I know I can cut them out without problem. I haven't been on for a while because things are just fine with me. I'm just going along in love with my CO and getting on with my life - no drama regarding him right now so it's all good. I hope everyone else is too and that those of you in pain can find some help or relief from it. This morning they released tickets for their shows over here later this year and I am very happy to say we got tickets again. Definitely won't be meeting him again, sadly they are no longer doing that, but I will be there, seeing him in the flesh and that will do for now.
  8. Hi Najaa - there is a thread where a group of us talk about this: https://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/40244-unhealthy-obsession-with-a-celebrity-please-help/?page=384 and can offer ideas to help you. Come and say hi, we're a friendly bunch here to support you with this.
  9. @museumgirl - what an amazing experience for you. Right place, right time in terms of seeing that Instagram post. Look forward to the concert update when you are feeling better.
  10. @NCC - sorry for the loss of your mother and am glad you are finding some comfort in Reina.
  11. You're exactly right. What you've said is what I'd say to other people, always easier to be logical when you're not there in the moment, right? I love that you have kept the pen attached to you since that night.
  12. Little update on me. So I spent the weekend busy and trying to forget about what I saw in those comments and it mostly worked. It still popped into my head from time to time but I'm doing ok in pushing it away. The whole thing still upsets me if I think about too long, not necessarily that he is with someone now, more that he ever would be. I agree with what some of you said about fans wanting them to be happy and settled and I know some of those fans would be a lot less calm if it was their favourite so I think there's definitely some projecting. Me? I kind of want him to be happy but single, tbh. That's all I can deal with right now. In other not-at-all-traumatic-but-upsetting-to-me-in-a-silly-way news: the wristband I got when I met my CO, which has been on my wrist for 9 and a bit weeks has come off. I have been mocked by just about everyone I know for keeping it on as if I'm some teenager at her first festival. But it became my reminder of that amazing night, an odd comfort when I felt upset or lonely. There's probably something symbolic in the timing but in reality, it's been 9 weeks of wearing a paper wristband, it's more miraculous that it didn't fall off already.
  13. So remember when I posted just hours ago about how fine I was with everything? Yeah, not so much now. Funny how it turns on the flip of a coin or the click of a button. I was flicking through my Instagram feed. In amongst my friends, & crafty people I also follow a small number of fan accounts related to my CO and his show. They are just photos and mostly seem to be run by teens and slightly older so are safe. One always posts a question a day and so I clicked on today's just to see what it was - it was about who would be next to have a kid between my CO and two others on the show. Of the 9 comments, 6 different people mentioned my CO and how he is getting serious with the woman he's dating. What?! How do they know this? If it was just one, I'd dismiss it but it's not. And I am fighting the urge to google for more info although as he has said nothing I don't have any clue where these people get their info? I want to ask how they know but really, I don't want to know where they find this stuff out because it'll be like an itch I need to scratch. I feel sick, like crying. And also a bit ridiculous because it's not like I'm single. Here was I, planning to get another meet and greet ticket for their next tour here later this and then this. I know what I need to do - not search for anything, not let it into my carefully constructed alternate reality. But really, I just feel sick and a little heartbroken.
  14. I'm in a much better place than when I joined here last summer. Then I was just spiraling between so many different feelings and struggling every day. Nowadays, I've learnt to cope with my CO a lot better, have just about managed to keep the compulsive need to know everything under control and just enjoy him. People here have helped me work through feelings and deal with things that have lead me to being in a good place. I'm sorry you're struggling at the moment. We are a friendly bunch and if you want to talk here, we are here to listen and try and help you.
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